Hi
I posted in the section ‘have I got breast cancer’ after finding a lump in my right breast last week.
Today was D day and I had a cyst drained of yucky green stuff. My sister and I cried with relief as Mum was with dx with BC aged 46 in 1987 ( had mastectomy and is alive and kicking!)
So I should feel on top of the world!
So why don’t I?
Well, for a start the radiologist told me I have other cysts, but whilst they cause no problems I should leave them alone ( that bothers me, but I didn’t want to stay in that room a minute longer!) and I feel so guilty that I am ok when my poor brother (aged 44) was so badly let down by the same hospital, was misdiagnosed and subsequently died in Feb this year.
My poor parents - they are still grieving for my brother yet totally relieved for me.
If someone can talk some sense into me I will be so grateful!
Maxing out the credit card this afternoon helped - slightly!! Xx
Hi Honeypot,
There is a long thread on here which emerged out of people feeling guilty about not having as ‘bad’ a diagnosis as others. On that thread we visualise ourselves tossing our guilt into a big lake which has two signs by it - no fishing and no swimming.
You have experienced real fear, real anxiety and been in a really horrible place with which we can, to a degree, empathise. Honestly, we are all thrilled you don’t have to join us, we would not wish this on anyone.
You don’t have to feel euphoric either, having prepared for the worst it will take time for you to recover. Please don’t feel guilty, it won’t achieve anything but it will spoil your enjoyment of life.
Your whole family has been through so much already this year, and grieving takes a long time - goodness you’ve barely had time to turn round since your brother’s tragic death.
Be gentle with yourself, take one day at a time, and you will get there. If retail therapy works for you, that’s fine.
Big hug.
Now then… the guilt lake is over there …> go and throw yours in.
Honeypot the trauma of a scare is often underestimated. We are all delighted for you.
The relief you feel is justified so you should take it and accept it. You deserve it. While your family has had a horrid time you can still feel glad that at least you don’t have to go through cancer treatment . a bit of muted celebration for you, I think. will maybe not celebration perhaps just massive relief.
CM
x
Thanks for your responses - Sorry, didn’t realise I had posted this twice!
I am glad my feelings are normal. Everyone kept saying ‘Forget about it now’
‘Go and enjoy your life’ etc etc but instead, I went and splashed out on some new clothes, drank more wine than I should have done and cried myself to sleep.
Woke in the early hours, browsed this website and found some stories of women fighting BC, and started crying again!
I haven’t really cried since the funeral in March, so I guess it was time to let it all out.
I am back to work tonight and think I need it after such an emotionally charged week.
Thanks for understanding. God bless all you ladies on here. I am off to find the lake…
Hi Honeypot
If you’re still checking the Forum, you should feel happy that you’ve made so many other people happy by getting a good result. I get so much pleasure from happy endings and enjoy seeing posts from the ladies who’ve found out it’s not cancer after being so worried.
I guess you just need time to get over all the recent stress. Sleeplessness makes it difficult to cope with things as well. I’m sure your brother would have been delighted if he’d known that you had a good diagnosis.
So please don’t feel guilty. Cut yourself a bit of slack while you adjust to things. And I wish you all the best for the future.