Feeling like I'm in limbo. I'm 26...

[happygolucky280]

Hi Keeva
How's things with you?
I found out last week on the 22nd that I have grade 3 IDC with lymph node involvement. J have had staging scans this past few days and hopefully get my results on Tuesday. I am feeling pretty scared.
X

[Keeva]

Hi

I hope you all are ok.x

[happygolucky280]

Cazlol
I hope you are doing ok?
X

[happygolucky280]

Hey Cazlol
Sorry you still don't have any definite answers. Hope your resting up and taking it easy to recover from your biopsies.
I went to a private clinic yesterday and had an examination, mammograms and an ultrasound. It was confirmed as breast cancer. I have a 2.5cm tumour behind my nipple and I have one suspicious lymph node.
I was advised to get the biopsies done through the nhs due to the cost if I had got them both done yesterday.
Consultant told me yesterday that it's early and totally treatable.
So now I am waiting on my biopsy app then the results and a treatment plan. If I don't get it before this will take place on the 30 th at my original appointment.
I feel ok I feel positive. And ready to take this on.
I have been very rational and practical and have been comforting friends who didn't take the news as well as me. Am sure my emotionally rough moments are still to come.
I am going to go to the family drop in at my local Maggie centre on Friday and make full use of the courses and facilities they offer over the coming months.
I am not googling into different breast cancers. I will face whatever is coming my way.
Sending you my love and it's great to hear from you.
Talk soon x

[Cazlol]

Morning Happy! Hope you're holding up okay!

I went to my appointment on Monday (now on Wednesday) and was told it was the triple assessment clinic so I'd get all tests done there & then. Saw the Dr and she felt around and marked on me where she could feel the lumps & thickening. We then went over to the sonography suite but unfortunately, they couldn't fit me in for my scan. So I had to book to come back another day. I left extremely stressed. Thinking that it would all be over after that appointment, but it wasn't.
Anyway, I re booked my scan for yesterday. Went to the hospital for 9am. Had my scan.
It seems as my Dr was thinking from the feel of it that my lump was going to be a cyst, as she wrote on my notes that they would aspirate it after my scan. The scan showed it's not fluid filled, it's a solid mass. So I ended up having 3 core biopsies of it and now I have a 7-10 day wait for the results.
More waiting. More anxiety. I thought it would all be over now, but unfortunately not. Still don't know what to think as I don't have a clue what these results will say when they come back.
Biopsy is aching slightly now but that's about it. My lump is quite deep so when they did the ultrasound guided biopsy, she did say I may have quite a bit of aching compared to biopsies taken of lumps near the surface. Which does make sense as they've had to go through more tissue.


I did have someone with me for my Monday appointment (my sister) but then because I had to go back yesterday, nobody could come. So unfortunately I went on my own. To be honest though, the nurses I had and the ladies doing my sonogram & biopsies were absolutely fantastic and made me feel completely at ease. I even thanked the lady who did my biopsy as she was leaving. I said I don't normally thank people who stick thick needles into my body and steal tissue, but you guys have made it so simple. Which I was very greatful for, with going on my own.


At least I've had the tests now though and we're just awaiting results. The final waiting hurdle, so to speak.
Have you managed to sort anything sooner for your appointment?

Xx

[happygolucky280]

Hey Cazlol, So glad you have your appointment soon. The change in your breast size must be worrying you. Least you will get answers soon.
I hope you manage to have a great day tomorrow.
I am glad you don't have the pain all the time. Like you I feel the pain radiates from my lump.
I didn't mention the sudden indentation as it was the receptionist at the central referral line so it wouldn't have made much difference. The GP who referred me is on annual leave till the beginning of next week, but I might see if she can chase it up a bit. I am on medication for anxiety and have been for a while and I don't know how I may be emotionally over the weeks till my appointment. I have filled out an enquiry form at a private hospital near me. I am not sure if I will proceed as I can only afford the initial tests like I would get at a breast clinic. If I needed any follow up treatment i would be back on the waiting lists.
I was referred under the urgent route.
When my appointment does come around I have my mammogram around eleven and I am due in the breast clinic at half two. I thought I would have a physical exam before the mammogram. Who knows?
I am glad you have a 10 am appointment. Do you have far to travel to the hospital? I hope you have someone going with you for company. You will be very much in my thoughts on Monday and I will be with you every step of the way.
Xx

[Cazlol]

Oh wow Happy, the 30th august is a long time away! Did you mention the sudden indent to them?
I noticed 2 days ago that the breast with the lump & lump where lymph nodes are (right breast. Upper outer) is also visibly bigger and hanging differently.
I only noticed because my bra (not so much a bra as like a bralet as I only have diddy boobs lol) was digging in on the right side and was quite uncomfortable, which I've never had. So I went and looked in the mirror with my top off and saw it straight off. My breasts have always been the same size pretty much, give or take. So I know this is definitely new.

The pain is a strange one to describe. It's totally sporadic and doesn't happen much but when it does, its standby/achy/tingly all at the same time. Seems to originate where the lump is. Although there's an area of thickening (feels a bit like chewed toffee, if that's an apt description lol) in front of the lump that I know definitely wasn't there when I initially found the lump either!
Still have a lump where my lymph nodes are that feels like that too.
I too feel like you though in respect to the 'red flags'. Don't beat yourself up over not going in April; these things happen and don't ever ever feel guilty about it.

My appointment on Monday is at 10am. Thankfully. So I'm not having to wait all day because I know I'm going to be a nervous anxious wreck tomorrow night as it is. So thankfully I can get up Monday morning, get ready & go.
Just tomorrow to get through and we're going out so the day will fly by.

Were you supposed to have a 2 week urgent referral? Mine was and when I'm seen on Monday, it will be exactly 2 weeks to the day that I went to the GP about it. I was very surprised it was within that time frame as I've not had much look with timeframes and the hospital between myself & my children's appts in the past!
I'm going to cross my fingers and toes (and eyes) for you that you get a cancellation or they're able to see you sooner.

50 hours to go and feeling more nervous by the minute.

I hope you're doing okay. Xx

[happygolucky280]

My appointment is not until the 30th of August as the clinics are really struggling just now with annual leave etc.
I have asked to be put on the cancellation list so hopefully I may get seen sooner.
I had an early screening mammogram in Nov which was clear. I just have to trust that even though my GP referred me through the urgent route the consultant has decided I am not urgent or maybe they really just don't have space in their clinic to meet the demands of all urgent referrals.

Anybody went private? I am considering looking into it as I don't know if I can endure the anxiety for the next four weeks.

[happygolucky280]

Morning Ann, thank you for your kind words.
I am swinging between hoping for the best and preparing for the worst whilst trying to juggle the day to day demands of life and make the most of the school holidays with my kids.
The waiting is definitely so very difficult it feels like time is being wasted and I guess that I just feel so very out of control.
I try and tell myself I have done all I can now and to try and keep myself in the moment. Some days I am very successful at this.
Will let you guys know if I get my appointment date later today.
Take care and I hope you have a good day xx

[ann-m]

Hi Happygolucky,
Waiting is horrible & the mind does go into overdrive, but the statistics are well in your side & mostly there are benign reasons for the symptoms you describe.
The vast majority of women who post here turn out Not to have bc.
Please dont feel guilty about not seeing your gp in April, it would not have made any difference, you have dealt with it.
Do come & chat whenever you want to, that's what the forum is for.
ann x

[happygolucky280]

Hiya
The first symptom of pain was like I had accidentally dropped a needle into my bra cup and it was jagging my breast. It developed into an ache, sometimes feeling jaggy, burny and sometimes itchy. I didn't breast feed so am not sure what you are describing but it did have that similar ache to when the milk first comes in and your breasts feel hard and heavy.
It's sometimes like having a toothache in the breast a nagging pain. It's been sore every day since that first stabbing pain. That's the day I first noticed my nipple had inverted. I didn't really find or acknowledge the lump until last Wednesday. I now have a dent that comes and goes at the side of my areola.
I phoned for my appointment but the consultant hasn't reviewed my referral yet, I have to phone back tomorrow afternoon, the secretary mentioned there could be a 3 week wait.
Today I felt like in denial or some sort of make believe land like a kid who makes a wish blowing out their candles at their birthday that of course everything was going to be ok and I even felt like I had no reason/right to be on the forums.
Then as I undressed for the shower tonight and caught sight of that dent which I have only seen once before on saturday I was like how many more signs/symptoms/red flags do i need. And I am so scared. I wonder how many others have had all the symptoms I have and it's been the result of something benign. I really need to know my appointment is soon. I regret not going to my gp in April. Know your body they say, it's like my body is screaming out for me to take notice. I think it's okay to not feel okay.
I am counting down till Monday with you, what time is your appointment?
Xx

[Cazlol]

If I'm being totally honest, I don't think I'm doing too well? Outside I probably look absolutely a-okay but inside? That's a different matter entirely. How are you feeling?

It's strange actually because I'm feeling exactly the same regarding the 'gut feeling'/instinct. I also feel like my lump has got bigger (I'm keeping an incredibly close eye on it). That's how I know the area surrounding it also feels a lot different to when I found the lump and now I have a lump where my lymph nodes are.

You mention pain; can I ask what sort of pain?
I sporadically get a very strange, almost burning sensation, where the breast lump is. I know this is going to sound strange but there's also a feeling like the 'let down' of milk after having a baby. Almost tingly? I'm hoping you know what I mean and I don't sound strange lol

Did you hear yet about your appointment?
Mine is pretty much 3 days away now (it's on Monday). The time seems to be dragging & speeding by, both at the same time.

Xx

[happygolucky280]

Hey, how are you doing? I want to know.
I get what your saying. I am busy fleeting from pretending that I have no symptoms and that everything is rosy in my garden to silently fearing the worst. I don't want to worry anyone necessarily but am scared right down to the soles of my feet and I feel deep inside that I have bc. Obviously I hope with all my heart that my gut instinct is wrong.
I have had a busy few days at work so I have been very pre occupied. Today though my breast is very sore and the pain and itch inside my nipple is actually keeping me awake.

I should find out tomorrow when my appointment is. I was convinced my lump was bigger too. I managed to go almost all day without prodding at it. I don't know if it's my imagination or not.

I bet your children keep you busy, do you have anything nice planned for the weekend? Am hoping Monday comes round quickly for you and that you get some answers x

[Cazlol]

Happy, I hope you're doing okay. Or as okay as can be, at least.
I've been keeping an eye on the lump and I'm not sure whether it's all in my head but I'm fairly certain it seems to be getting bigger. I'm not sure what that could signify though? My armpit is still incredibly thick and there's also a patch of thickness next to my lump. Like you, I go through periods of being sure I'm okay and then times when I'm absolutely petrified.
Not a single person I know has asked how I'm doing. Am I wrong in wanting people to ask if I'm okay? I'm not sure whether my need for people to ask me is warranted or not. I think it's because I'm all over the place at the minute. I think everyone is thinking I have nothing to be scared about because I don't have an answer yet - but that's the bit I'm finding scary.
T-minus 5 days until my appt at the breast clinic. I get more anxious as each day passes (not good for someone who already has anxiety lol).
Xx

[happygolucky280]

Hi Cazlol
I am experiencing the same as you, I am waiting on my appointment for the breast clinic. I have to phone up for it on Thursday. I noticed pain and a change in my nipple in April, I waited to see if it was menstrual. I was at the dr on Friday for some regular medication and I showed her my breast. I also have a golf ball sized lump in the sore breast.
There is breast cancer in my family and I turned 40 last year and I had my first annual screening mammogram which came back clear in November.

I am scared. My mood varies from thinking the worst to convincing myself it will be totally harmless. I am trying to keep busy and I think I will feel a little better once I know when my appointment is. It's school holidays and I work part time and I just want to know when the appointment is so I can sort work and/ or childcare.
I too feel in limbo right now.
Sending you a hug
X

[Cazlol]

Thank you ladies for both replying. I really do appreciate it.

I'm trying my best not to touch the area any more. I guess I just wanted to keep an eye on whether or not the lump got any bigger, but then I noticed this new patch of thick tissue under my armpit. I'm trying to stay away from that bit though and not obsess over it.

I have two young children (3 & 6) who keep me very busy so I'm hoping the days to my appt will whizz past but I have a feeling that at the same time, they'll drag.

I was put on an urgent referral thankfully so it will be 2 weeks to the day from when I first went to the GP, to my appt at the breast clinic. I'd never realised how slowly 2 weeks can drag though!

I'm just trying to stay as positive as is humanly possible right now. Sometimes I'm okay; other times not so much.

I've been reading through a lot of posts here this evening and I'll definitely keep updating on the outcome, whatever that may be.

Once again, thank you for replying xx

[Feather1944]

Hi Cazlol

The Wait is the worst part......I have just finished almost 4 weeks of waiting for appointment, waiting for results, etc.  Luckily, it's turned out ok for me, although I am still scrduled to have an op and biopsy, although things are looking good.

Hoping you will have the same outcome 

Love xxx

[ladybowler]

Cazlol

Hello and welcome to this forum full of lovely ladies who will give you all the support and help you need.

Any lump needs to be checked out no matter what your age and just because you are younger your fears should not be invalidated by anyone.  Yes it is unusual for ladies of your age to be diagnosed but as you say it does happen and you mention your family history so well done for going and getting it checked out.

The trouble is that whilst we are waiting for our appointments it is human nature to prod the area concerned to see if there is anything else and our imaginations can run riot with us.  I would try not to prod as you will only make the area sore.

You are not rambling, come on here whenever you want to and there will always be someone here to support you

Helena xx

[Cazlol]

So last Saturday (8 days ago now) I found a very distinct lump on the side (towards my armpit) of my right breast.
It's very firm. Almost seems in the shape of a bean but not entirely sure of exact size. Doesn't hurt at all. Seems very 'deep', if that makes sense. Doesn't seem to move about.
I decided the best thing to do would be go and see the GP on Monday morning. So I did just that.
She felt and said due to our family history and 'how the lump felt' that she was going to make a referral to the breast clinic. She also agreed with me that I don't have 'lumpy' boobs.
On Thursday I got the letter for my appt. It's next Monday. A week tomorrow.
I've been keeping a close eye on the lump, so that I know if it shrinks/grows or changes in any way. On Friday, I felt something under my armpit, on the same side as the lump.
This is under my armpit though and not so much on my breast, like the other lump. It's also not so much a 'lump'. It feels very thick almost? And it is bumpy. I'm fairly certain that wasn't there when I initially found the lump on my breast. There is nothing that feels like this on my left breast.

I just don't know what to think right now. All I hear off everyone is "you're young. Don't worry" and it almost feels like my fears are invalidated due to my age. But statistics for my age group exist, so it's not an invalid concern. And there's nothing to say I won't become a statistic. I'm not exempt in any way, shape or form.
I just feel like I'm in limbo and I'm not sure how to feel right now. This next week is going to drag and be a constant up & down of emotion, I just know it is.

Sorry for rambling; i hope it makes sense. I wasn't sure where else to post.
And to anyone that reads, thank you.