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Feeling lonely and scared

11 REPLIES 11
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Re: Feeling lonely and scared

Hi Flora,

My work deals with lots of customers chasing up deadlines, which is very stressful. I voiced my view that I'd like to carry on working through my chemo because I don't want to focus on my health and get depressed about it, but had a break down when I was told I've got bone metz. So my boss took pity on me and gave me a whole year off with full pay (I was told I am lucky because that's very generous of him)! He also promised me to keep my position at work. I thought it was a fair deal at the time, but now finding myself really miss those stressful working days.

I don't feel discriminated against, just need to focus on something productive in life. At least not long to go now because I am due to return to work in July. I am however, planning to make an early phase return if my boss agree.

Re: Feeling lonely and scared

So sorry to hear you are feeling down and emotional, but I think it is completely understandable. The drugs make you feel a bit up and down mood-wise, I think, let alone your bloke choosing his timing so well, and dealing with the fact you have cancer.

To those signed off work, I am assuming you weren't forced to take long term sick leave against your will? Or is your work of a kind that it would be hard for you to do during treatment?

I know a lot of people do take months off, but I am continuing to work and only take appointment days off, plus one or two post-chemo if I am feeling rough. I really do find it helps me to focus on something other than myself and continue to feel like a fully functioning human being. It isn't the right thing for everyone and I respect their right to need lots of time off as we all cope differently, but it does help me.

We come under the Disability Discrimination Act so your employer has to make reasonable adjustments to your work tasks, hours and workplace to enable you to continue (and come back).

Re: Feeling lonely and scared

Hi all

If anyone would like to talk things through please do give the BCC helpline a call and talk with one of our trained members of staff. Here you can share your feelings with someone who is either a breast care nurse or has experience of breast cancer and will be able to offer you a listening ear as well as support and information. The number to call is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm and Saturday 9am to 2pm.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes
Sam (BCC Facilitator)

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Re: Feeling lonely and scared

Hi kayh,

So right! Being off work seems to be the worst thing happened to me.

When I was dx, I was still working (of course with the app day taken off as sick leave), I found the days fly by. Just before I started chemo, I was given sick leave for a whole year. I found myself constantly looking at my diary, counting down the days and looking at my watch, counting down the hours, minutes, seconds... to my next app.

I was a very busy person, very involved in my life and job. Now it seems my life has become so "empty", which in a way contributes to the "loneliness". I've just been encouraged by my onc to enjoy life a bit more when I'm off chemo. That's easier said than done! Especially when I have so much less to do now and all those "free" time is making my imagination go wild (in a negative way).

I guess the terrible weather doesn't help us to get out of the "4 walls", either. Really hope we can get a bit more sunshine and get out in the fresh air a bit more.

Re: Feeling lonely and scared

thanks for replies.

Having FEC and had second session on Monday. Not sure why it has hit me so hard this time but hoping to buck up soon.

Do get fed up being off work and although I try to get out as much as possible the 4 walls still seem to be driving me mad !!

Re: Feeling lonely and scared

Hi

I don't know what chemo you are having, but I found with all three rounds of FEC that day 4 and 5 were awful - very tearful and depressed. It did seem to be the drugs as usually perked up after that and felt reasonably ok until the next reound. I hope this is the case with you and it will soon pass.

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Re: Feeling lonely and scared

Hi everyone

I was supposed to have my second chemo treatment yesterday but as my liver function hadnt returned to normal i was told I couldn't have my treatment and to come back next week when hopefuly I would be able to get it. This has made me very frightened as i am afraid this will happen every time. I am also losing lots of hair each day and am conerned about my eyebrows. Not so much for myself but for my kids. I don't want them any more annoyed than they are now

Good Luck to everyone

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Re: Feeling lonely and scared

Hi,

I can relate to those 2 feelings so much!

I live on my own, so feeling lonely is a bit obvious. I don't have many friends understand how I feel either. Practical help, I get lots, emtional support, I don't get many. I usually put on a brave face and pretend everything is going to be fine, but having secondaries means there is always the possiblity that I won't be.

I have to constantly battle the emotional turmoil inside me, sometimes I really find it hard to deal with and have fallen apart on more than one occation. I find myself couldn't talk to friends and families about my health problems without ending up in tears. I'm still getting my head around the fact that secondaries means this is chronic and terminal, rather than just something temporary.

The more I think about my health problems, the more I get depressed. So I try to focus on things I can do, things I enjoy doing. I choose only to talk about it with close friends who understand me so that I can unload when emtions get a bit too much for me. Unfortunately, nothing stays confidential for very long. I don't mind it being "public", just find it so angery when people who don't understand me have very wierd ideas about me.

I'm trying to get back on my feet again and return to a "normal" life again after chemo, but just got reminded by a "friend" that I'm not going to be "all-clear" and that it will "come back". Thanks! I'm trying to block that fact out of my mind!

Take care

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Re: Feeling lonely and scared

We are here for you, our timings are similar except I haven't had chemo, and they are going to zap my lymph nodes with rads starting next week.....don't ever feel alone, there is always someone to lend an ear/eye.....sending hugs..

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Re: Feeling lonely and scared

Hi there

Please don't feel alone, we are on here to help if we can, you are going through such a sh***y time at the moment (don't know how much we are allowed to swear on here hence the stars) it's no surprise that you fell apart.
I did the same thing back in December, didn't get out of bed for 2 days and wouldn't see anyone apart from OH
Don't know about you but whenever people told me how strong I was being and how well I was coping I just wanted to scream at them as what they were seeing on the outside wasn't what was going on inside.
Inside I was falling apart big time. But it does get easier either than or you just come to terms with it, not sure which really. But we're here if you want to chat.
Take care

x

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Re: Feeling lonely and scared

Oh Hun, don´t feel alone, we are all here for you. You was dx same time as me also partial mx and full lymph node removal, I started my first chemo last week.

I really, really do understand how you feel and my god it is scary, that´s putting it bluntly,Plus you was ill after chemo, but hey it is all doable.

As for falling apart, i´d be more concerned if you didn´t, it´s normal for the shit life is dishing out at you but you have to think yes the chemo´s horrid but it´s the whole healing process and I beleive at the end of this we all come through alot stronger and wiser. It´s a means to an end, You have the cancer, the cancer doesn´t have you!

Sorry to hear you seperated with your fella, if you want to PM me please feel free I have a very wide shoulder and constant supply of tissues, Men´s timing is always crap, I think it´s an inbuilt mechanism with them! If only we could control them by a remote control!

Take care, try and treat yourself however small, even a quiet coffee and creamcake, this nomally works for me,

Keep in touch, love Teresa xxx

Feeling lonely and scared

Was diagnosed with breast cancer in Nov and had lumpectomy and then node clearance as it had spread.

Had my 1st chemo late Jan and seemed OK but then ended up in hospital with almost no white cells. Pretty poorly !!

Had 2nd chemo this week and can't believe how scared I am feeling now. got the normal hot and cold symptoms but this is more emotional than physical.

Thought I was coping really well and everyone says how positive I am but totally feel apart yesterday.

I know loads of you are going through worse than me but has anyone else ended up feeling this way and how do you cope ??

Hasn't been made any better by the man in my life walking out just after 1st op. We are trying to start over but I am so emotional it makes it difficult to see a way forward