Well, you can certainly vent here.
Honestly, there are many women here who have been through this & there’s no reason why your mum won’t recover well, so do focus on what the oncologist said. They are dealing with this day in & out.
Just breathe...& take it a stage at a time & try not to overthink the ‘what ifs,’ or try to read things or second guess into what’s been said. the team will be straight with your mum. Your mum now has a treatment plan to get it dealt with.
There are many women here who’ve been through similar & I’m sure the ladies will be along soon to help you with this.
I have a lovely daughter too so I can tell you that it isn't wrong to act normal, in fact I bet that is exactly what your mum wants you to do. Carry on with your own life but just be there when she needs you, give her lots of hugs, tell her you love her and listen if she wants to talk. It is a huge shock not only for the patient but for all the rest of the family when someone is diagnosed with cancer. I would like to confirm what Helena has said that life can be good again. I am about four years post diagnosis and my lump was bigger than your mum's. I had an operation, half my lymph nodes removed, chemo, radiotherapy and I lost all my hair as well (yes it did grow back). I can say with absolute honesty that nowadays I can do everything I did before I was diagnosed. I even do aerobics and I nearly broke into a run last week (these teenagers, so annoying, they shuffle along at a snail's pace and clog up the pavements when energetic people like me are trying to overtake) but I resisted the urge because people might think it was undignified at my advanced age.
it is absolutely not wrong for you all to be happy and looking forward to Christmas, sounds like you all had a lovely weekend together and that is the way it should be.
When I was diagnosed my consultant told me it was grade 1, tubular, oestrogen positive, it didnt look like the lymph nodes were involved, I would have radiotherapy and hormone tablets and that she did not expect that to change but obviously they do not know until they operate and get the results. My diagnosis never change, my lump was 17mm, clear margins and clear lymph nodes. That was over 12 months ago now, I have always, like your mum, remained positive I even gave mine tumour a name, Mr Blobby and as far as I was concerned Mr Blobby was getting out of my body with the radiotherapy making sure that he didnt leave any of his spots behind. I finished active treatment in January this year and am on tamoxifen for 10 years, small price to pay taking a little tablet every day.
I was back playing bowls again this summer, which was something I was worried I would not be able to do, and life is back to normal.
Good luck with your treatment Jencat. I did not have chemo so my recovery time has been quicker than others. I hope you and all the other ladies just starting their treatment get through it ok - and come out stronger the other side! xx
How long ago did you have bc Michelle? I was like you regarding aches and pains when I had to have scans and then having to remind myself that they were already there before I was diognosed!
Well done btw for learning to play the piano xx
Yes, the fear does stop. I gained confidence from the treatment team who were very positive about my outcome that I eventually allowed myself to believe that I was going to survive this and I have. My first annual check was fine. I do get aches and pains and for a moment I wonder if it's come back, but then I remind myself that long before diagnosis I had aches and pains - just part of getting older I guess! I am sure that you will all feel better once your mum has her treatment plan in place, the early days of waiting for results is the hardest. There will be light at the end of the tunnel before long - you just can't see it yet. Try to stay positive. Michelle xx
The best advice I was given, at a very early stage, was to take each step at a time - far easier said than done, but it does help you to get through it. Sending hugs.
As we all say here, it looks like your mum has an early diagnosis, so there's every reason to think her case will be straightforward & highly treatable.
We're no braver than anyone else, it's just that we're further down the line & I now realise, having gone through it, that for many of us, bc is not really the big scary bear we all imagine.
Try not to worry about spread, it is something we all worry about, but in reality bc is usually slow growing & nothing changes dramatically once diagnosed.
It will be fine.
We all know that "why me" we have all done that at the time, but then you think why not, I can do this, and as you have seen there are so many ladies who have and are many years past diagnosis.
I was watching something last night, cant remember the name but it was a series about 5 celebraties living in Italy for a couple of weeks. One of them was the Green Goddess Diane Moran, she said on there about her having been diagnosed with bc when she was 47, that was 31 years ago!!!
You and your mum will support each other through this journey and out the other side of it.xxxx
Just wanted to add my support to you all.
This is the worst time because your mum has been diagnosed with bc and it is the waiting for the results but once she has her treatment plan, honestly it is better because she will know exactly what she is dealing with and will have a plan of what is going to happen and when. She will be able to share that with you and that will give you the reassurance that she is being cared for.
I can honestly say hand on heart I could not have had any better treatment during my journey than with the NHS. In these early days it does take time for the results to come together, main meeting that the nurse is talking about is called a Multi Disciplinary team meeting (MDT) which is where the team meet to discuss each patient and put together a specific treatment plan for each of them.
As ann said bc tends to be picked up at an early stage today and treatment is very good. As the other ladies have said keep awy from Dr Google as there is a lot of out of date and misinformation on there. You will get all the information you need from your breast care team. There is a lot of very useful leaflets on here that will help you all and there is a particular one that is for understanding your pathology report which has sections for your mum and you to write down questions that you might want to ask, which is good because at least you will not forget to ask something, always the problem when you are in an anxious state.
I was diagnosed 13 months ago, had my op, radiotherapy which finished in January this year and am on Tamoxifen for 10 years (little price to pay) life has gone back to normal now, twelve months ago I could never imagine that I would be where I am today, but because of the treatment I received from our wonderful NHS I am now carrying on with my life, thank god for routine mammograms.
Sending you all hugs
Hi Confuseddaughter, I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. I think hearing the 'C' word immediately instils fear into you, I know it did when I was diagnosed in Feb last year aged 49. I initially fell apart as I was so frightened and thought that this was the beginning of the end! But I hope I can reassure you a little. I also had invasive ductal carcinoma, no lymph node involvement, 2cm, hormone receptive. I had a lumpectomy, radiotherapy and I take Tamoxifen. And 20 months after being diagnosed I feel great. In fact I've felt great for the last few months and all that happened last year is just a memory. So please don't despair. Breast cancer is one of the most treatable cancers with very high success rates and I am sure that your mum will also be one of the success stories. One piece of advice - don't google as a lot of the information you'll find will be out of date. Perhaps you could go to the appointments with your mum, she may not remember some of whats said (there's lots of information going to be given) and her care team may be able to reassure you both. One thing someone said to me was that having cancer can be very lonely and that was so true as nobody really understands how you are feeling unless they are going through the same thing at the same time. I hope you your mum gets her treatment plan in place soon as once treatment starts you'll be surprised at how much more in control you will all feel. I hope all goes well. Michelle xx
It is always a shock getting a bc diagnosis, so what you're feeling is quite normal.
However, it does sound very positive that it is small & there's no evidence of node involvement. There are many of us here with similar diagnoses who are through treatment & back to life as normal & there's no reason why this should not be the case with your mum.
Please be reassured that treatment is excellent now, with the best outcomes out there, fortunately, bc does tend to get picked up earlier & most of us go onto make a full recovery.
The next few weeks will be a stressful, simply because there maybe further investigations to finalise the diagnosis & treatment plan & as ever, it is the uncertainty of waiting for results that's the worst bit, as inevitably the mind does go into overdrive.
You sound like you're a fab daughter & take a deep breath, you will all get through it.
Do come & chat whenever you need & do use the main bcc site here for information, as general googling only tends to make any anxiety worse for no good reason.
It is best to Step Away From Google, as it's too general, not specific to your mum & in the early days of diagnosis, we generally don't know enough to sift through it productively.
It will be fine 🙂