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We had a year from hell in 1999 Not only was I diagnosed with bone mets after 10 years "clear" after my original diagnosis. I thought I had "beaten" it.
My mother in law died suddenly in the January, my father in law died in the May when we were over in Italy on holiday and we had to drive back cancelling the rest of our holiday and all that time I was undergoing tests to find out what was causing me all the pain in my back etc. Then my husband's aunt died in the August! We are just a small family. I have no siblings and 3 of my husband's close relatives died within 8 months.
So I know what a h*llish year feels like. Putting down here in words how you feel and not upsetting anyone is a great thing. Sometimes family just do not know just what we are going through and sometimes they are not coping themselves but are scared to talk to us. here we all know just how BC affects us. Keep posting. It does us all good. Love V
Thank you so much for your kind words ladies, just can't wait to get this year over and done with its been so terrible this year, from finding out I had breast cancer then secondaries on my lungs 2 weeks later, doing chemo/surgery losing my breast and January 2012 starting rads, feeling like I want it all too end its just been so tough, and xmas is just another blip on an already terrible year, feel like I'm in limbo also feel alienated by a close family member that just does not get it at all!! Only received my money this week so it was all a mad dash xmas shopping and I hated every minute of it, does'nt help that I just did not know what too get my family every suggestion I made was squashed so ended up running around like a headless chicken feeling fraught and totally stressed out. Maybe I will relax on my own with my lovely cats around me and watch the box all day. Thanks again ladies you really are a life line.
Love to you all
Dear Cromercrab/Sarah, I am pleased you have had a good chat with your friend. I think we can often be hard on ourselves when we should really be giving ourselves a break! This is the first Christmas ever that I have not been running around like a headless chicken shopping and cleaning the house. My OH has been keeping all of it up to date for me. We are having a quiet Christmas with my elderly Dad and my younger daughter. I remember all those Xmas's we used to have with about 14 round our table and kids running around chasing each other. Will look in tomorrow to see if any post from you too. Love and a hug for you too Sarah, love Val
Sorry to hear about your non Christmas Sarahlouise. I will watch out for your posts too. Wish I could sort it out for you.
I went to my little gathering tonight and feel tons better than I did. My friend gave me a loving stern talking to about how I was expecting too much of myself, and I would feel down as I was recovering from major surgery and probably missing being even chested. Also, I spent a long time getting to a point where surgery was possible that it's a bit anti climactic afterwards. She is a very dear friend who really understands.
Love to all and have as nice a day tomorrow as possible.
Oh Sarahlousie, I am so sorry that you are not having the Christmas you thought you were going to have. If I was nearby I would run you there myself. But I don't suppose you live in the cold north! Do you have any friends where you live who could have you over with them. I am sure most people would squeeze a friend in if they were going to be on there own. You will be glad to see the back of 2011. A lot of us are feeling the same as you are tonight. Please log on tomorrow if you are feeling low and I will look out for your posts. Sleep well and here's hoping 2012 will be a happier one for you. Love and a hug, Val
Its official christmas (for me) is over, I know it has'nt started yet I was supposed to be going to my parents for xmas but my brother has got a cold and is too ill to drive anywhere, (my family live 2 hours away and I dont drive was getting a lift there but he was going to drive us back got hospital appt. herceptin on Tuesday) so I get too stay at home on my own, its a perfect way to finish off the worst year of my life and so far the worst xmas, I really feel deflated, upset, disappointed, abandoned but as they (my family) pointed out "it can't be helped", this could be my last xmas ever but stop the world from turning cause my brother has a cold!, feeling low is an understatement, might just crack open that box of anti-depressants gonna need it to get me through tomorrow. x
Unfortunately our visit has been postponed. We thought the journey (4 hrs) might tire me too much pre rads. Just feel sorry for myself 8-(. But going to an afternoon soiree tomorrow 8-)
Think it goes with the territory Sarah....meaning at this time of year there is so much going on in our heads...not just cancer but all the shopping planning etc....even if we are not doing much. I feel less tired now that I have the food in and the main presents bought. But I am sure the sea air at Cromer will sort you out Sarah (cromercrab).....I know you know who YOU are Sarah but I always found it confusing when real names were used until I got to "know" people on the threads. Hope you enjoy the change of scene and your tiredness will lessen before too long. Love Val
Night sweats have stopped. But seem to get tired very easily. Don't need to do much then I am exhausted. This has taken me by surprise. Any tips?
Hi Sarah, sorry to hear that you are feeling so uncomfortable. I also suffer from night sweats and they make sleeping very difficult. For this reason, my doctor subscribed me Temazepam - they don't stop the sweats but do allow me to occasionally sleep thought the night and, failing that, enable me to back to sleep after an episode. I have tried a drug called Amitriptyline, which is a mild anti depressant and can sometimes help with hot flushes. They didn't agree with me but are certainly worth a try. I have also used a Chillow Pillow which can be quite effective to cool you down quickly. Avoiding caffeine and alcohol can also help. In the summer I used an electric fan in my bedroom...I'll try anything! I hope some of these suggestions will be helpful.
Thanks Val. I use cotton sheets and pjs. Have gone caffeine free today to see if that makes a difference.
There are tablets that you can get from your doctor for this cromercrab. Also try to avoid man-made bedlinen and bed-clothes. Sorry I haven't any other useful hints to give you but someone who has had an op recently may come up with something better. Hugs. Val
Is this just me, but I have been suffering horrible night sweats. My bedclothes and pjs are wringing wet when I wake up I had the odd one before my mx but now have had lots. It's annoying as it disrupts sleep .. Is there anyone who can give me advice?
Hi everyone, haven't posted on this thread for the longest time but I read SarahLouise's post and wanted to comment. Firstly, re. anti depressants: your doctor WILL give you some he just probably has to check with your onc. for any contra-indications. I'm not on any myself (as in regular dosage) but do have temazepam on hand to help me sleep/calm me down, as and when I wish to take them. At first my GP banged on about addiction etc., then I had a word with my onc. and she said (quote) "If it's addiction vs cancer, cancer wins!" Got my little tablets and now I just pop 'em now and again, but at least I know they are there. Peace of mind, and it means I actually get to sleep through the night now and again - hot flushes being my main burden.
Secondly, and I hope that this reads as concern rather than criticism, I don't think you should be restricting your diet to just juices. If you have an appetite, then you should probably feed it. If you want to avoid animal products, then you could make some warming vegetable soups and stir fries, eat some good seeded bread, fresh fruit, homemade hummus etc. I understand that it's not easy to work out what makes us stable and that's because no one really knows, and we are all different. Of all the times in our lives, this is probably the time to to try and be kind to ourselves - physically and emotionally. I veer the other way with diet and am over indulgent nowadays (funnily enough, only with naughty things!) and I've been stable for two years. Somewhere in between lies a happy medium but there appears to be no logic when it comes to secondaries and how our bodies respond to treatment.
I hope I don't come across as bossy or critical, I just want you to know that even though most of us are strangers, we are also friends.
Best wishes to everyone.
I am on mirtazapine which helps with appetite and sleep. Struggling a bit with random panic attacks. Try not to drive yourself mad with diet. Just eat a balanced diet, avoid too much red meat and sugary foods. There is really no pointing denying yourself stuff and making yourself unhappy. I tried a vegan diet but couldn't cope with it.
Can I join in as I'm feeling crap today, I try really hard to keep up beat and positive then something insignificant happens and upsets me, went to the supermarket and nearly had a nervous breakdown walking around the ilses looking at all these people buying whatever they want, ok I am on a self imposed diet of green juicing ala Kris Carr but it depresses me and I'm feeling half starved most of the time, but I'm affraid to stop it infact I'm afraid of everything never thought that a loaf of white bread would send me into such a confused and upset mood, thing is I dont know what is keeping me stable and now I've started it I dont feel I can stop any of changes I've made cause I just dont know what is working and something is working as my lung mets are now stable. Anyway suppose this is how its gonna be, tamoxifen sending me crazy with hot flushes and sweating and now dire chills that really hurt, tried going to my GP to get some of those Anti-d's to help with the SE and my GP was all "I'll have to check with your onc first" and then "how about trying fig leaf tea" he told me they sell it at H&B but they don't and I've scoured the net trying to find the dam tea and no one sells it, so asked around in my village if anyone has a fig tree and can't seem to find one, so going back to GP to get some anti-d's and I'm not taking no as an answer, I dont understand lots of ladies are on the low dose anti-d's for these SE. And on another note if I hear that bl**dy depressing song on the John Lewis advert one more time arghhhhhh. Sorry for the negativity, sending all you lovely ladies lots of cyber hugs
love and light
I am not so keen on christmas either. Feeling flat also. I suppose it's because the majority of people are ho ho hoing and I feel out of step. I acquired a lurgy a few days ago and it's taking a while to shift. Feeling a lot better now though. Moan moan moan gripe gripe.
Glad your tm are so low m1yu. How are you getting on with the great winter toy hunt?
Scottishlass hope you feel a bit better soon. I am now on my second Sarah Lund sweater lol
To Scottishlass and M1yu
My thoughts and wishes are with you. I feel as if I know you Scottishlass through your hugely encouraging posts. You have been such an inspiration to me when I have felt so bewildered by what is happening to me. Its our turn to support you through your understandable low ebb after what you have been through. If there is anyway of giving Christmas a focus of celebration for being here... go for it !
M1yu, you have shown me an amazing strength at such a young age. I really hope that your incredibly low tumour markers mean that the CAP is working for you. ( you do specialize in below the range of normal when it comes to tumour markers )I so hope that these aches and pains are now being dealt with by the CAP. As for the side effects ... I know exactly what you are talking about !!
Not exactly feeling low but more like feeling flat. Had been cooped up for days. Yesterday had a afternoon that was from h*ll. Terrible driving on the roads, Mum who had completely lost the plot and was so confused etc. Today had a lovely day. Out for meal with friends and then visit to new refurbished Portrait gallery where there were great photographs and paintings. Plus a film taken in the 50s/60s with streets I know, children playing singing games, AND I remembered all the words! Hope I can shake the flat feeling off. But do not like Christmas any more. Bah Humbug. Val
Nice to see this thread.
Really missing Mary, too.
Thinking about Louisef, too.
JulieD, hoping it's just a glitch. I had some awful pains and aches a few weeks ago and have convinced myself Xeloda isn't working any more. Stressed out for 2 weeks, then tumour marker came back as 10!! I can't tell you enough for relieved I was. Couldn't quite believe it.
Having a bit of winter low at the moment. This gloomy weather is making me feeling a bit down. A bit fed up with not being to go out very much:-(.
Take care all. Going to try and keep warm. xxx
i too often follow this thread & think of you all, it was only the other day that i too was thinking of Louise.
Sarah (cromercrab) i hope you are doing ok, nice to catch up with you again.
Love & hugs to you all
Thinking of you all - I follow your thread and hope that's ok. I wish you all the best for a peaceful and happy Christmas.
Sorry you're feeling rather fragile Julie.
Hope it improves with time.....
Must be such a worry for you though.....
It's difficult not to think the worst isn't it?
Maybe speak to someone here or in reality before Christmas timetables prohibit it??
Wishing you positive hugs.
Thinking of Mary here.
Not easy for any of you posting.
Take good care now,
Welsh girl xx
Good timing Sarah! Would have been Marys birthday tomorrow so good to see this thread still active.
I have been thinking a lot about Louise too, no-one seems to have heard anything recently.
Saw your other post Sarah, think it probably is all the travelling, hope the aches ease up over the next few days but you'll have to do your bit and give them a chance by resting a bit!
Thanks for the webpage greymalkin
Have had a bit of upset tummy which has made me a bit low and have had pain in my side and ribs which I'm hoping is just a glitch but you know what it's like ....
Love to all xx
I have found CBT helpful. I also listen to relaxation tapes. I have just had mx and I have listened to my tapes so much that I was able to 'listen' to it in hospital. It was very calming.
Hello everyone - I have had the proverbial black dog following me around for most of my life but it's not around much since finding a free online CBT site moodgym.anu.edu.au. I had thought of asking my GP for referral to online CBT in the UK but preferred the arm's length approach that this offers. I found it very easy to use and it really helped me put things in perspective in a very subtle way after a few sessions. Some stuff didn't apply to me at all but the general gist makes you think about what other people could be thinking and feeling. As long as you are honest with yourself I think it could be helpful for general low mood and anxiety states. It worked very quickly for me - I was really surprised as I've never used any sort of life coaching or therapy before. I was diagnosed 4.1/2 years ago - been on Arimidex for 4 years and found that tough mentally - mood swings, stiff joints etc which rendered simple tasks like making a meal very frustrating - I'd get confused and irritated very quickly if things didn't go according to plan - that's improved immensely and I now have more confidence in my abilities. I still have some unresolved (sister) problems but feel I will be able to handle this much better now.
I hope this is of use to any fellow travellers who find the black dog trotting at their heels. I'd be interested in other people's experience of CBT.
I was also wondering about Louise. I was thinking about mary too.
Hi there Nikky.
Well done Sarah,
I definitely think we should keep this going! in honour of the lovely Mary!
Also has anybody heard from our lovely snow angel - Louisef? I am getting very worried we haven't heard from her for ages!
This thread has gone a bit quiet so I thought I would bump it up..
Glad to see this thread active again. A lovely day in the Midlands. The awful accident on the M5 gives us all puase for thought.
Hope everyone is as well as possible
Not sure if I've posted in this thread before so hope you don't mind if I gatecrash.
Julie and Sue, really glad you've got stable scan results, brilliant news.
Nicky, hope the blood transfusion does the trick and you can get back on your Xeloda
Val, glad to hear things have quietened down for you on the appointments thread. I finished reading "The Help" a couple of weeks ago - read it when I was in hospital with neutropenia - brilliant book, I couldn't put it down either! There's a film of it out now too, haven't got around to seeing it yet but apparently it's very faithful to the book.
I'm two cycles into my Taxotere for liver mets, had a scan last Weds and will have the results on Tuesday to see if it's working so keeping everything crossed.
It's a beautiful day here today, what I'd call a proper autumn day. Our local community is in a bit of shock at the moment though as the M5 crash was literally half a mile from where I live, it's just awful, so many lives lost and so many injured 😞
Thanks for getting this thread going again Julie. I am pleased to hear about your good result. Hi everyone else.
Yes sun shining here too Sue but it is a bit nippy when I went out to the garden earlier.
I am leading a quiet life now that my many numerous hospital appointments are out of the way.
Have any of you read the book called "The Help". I cannot put it down and want to head up to bed to read it in the peace and quiet of my bedroom. It is in the supermarkets at a good price if anyone fancies a good read. I live getting out of my own head and into a story.
My Ortho Doctor is very pleased with my progress and tell me I need to take it easy as I do have a broken femur. I keep wanting to run before I can walk.
Hugs to you all and especially those feeling low. Love Val
Yes, a beautiful day here, blue sky and gorgeous Autumnal colours.
Great news Julie and I am happy to say that my scan results show a stable position for my mets so the Xeloda is still working it's magic for me, long may it continue!
I too have been thinking about Louise and hoping that she is keeping comfortable.
Enjoy the weather girls.