Feeling low

[JulieD]

Lanii,
So sorry to hear about your lovely dog, it really is a bereavement as they do become part of the family and I can understand how extra hard it must be as she has always been with you through your cancer journey. Dogs don't lve forever though and 13 isn't bad going so try not to see it as anything significant to your health, I do know that irrational thoughts come quite easily to us when we're facing our daily battle.
I hope you don't have problems posting again its good to keep in touch - hope we get a bit of bright weather to make us feel a bit better soon x

[Jo_BCC]

Hi Lanii

I'm sorry you're having problems posting, I have reported this to our technical team to check and see if your account is set up correctly.

Take care,

Jo, Facilitator

[Guest user]

Hi I really hate this site. this is the third time I have tried to type this post and then it vanishes. Sorry if yousome of you are feeling down I think the time of year is so depressing too which doean't help, I used to teach primary school children to swim and as much as I loved my job I found this term a real killer. To top everything my lovely golden labrador Kim had to be put to sleep as there was nothing the vets could do for her. We got her nearly 13 years ago when I was first dx and she has been with me through every trauma always greeting me with her very waggy tail. It feeels a bit of an omen as I always thought we would go together, Very silly I know. Never mind soon be February and lighter nights and possibly warmer days, Take care everyone x

[JulieD]

Buffy, I live in Brighton but am treated at St Mary's and at Charing Cross (I lived in London when first dx and have kept my treatment there). Are you going to any of the secondary days in Southwark?

[Buffy3]

Julie are you treated at the Royal Marsden? I guess your in the South London area. I live in Sutton 5 mins away from RM Sutton.

[JulieD]

Buffy, I often see parakeets as we drive through Richmond Park,there are lots there, it must be nice to have them visit your garden even if they are noisy.
Val I do hope that the tablets are controlling the pain now and that the rads are sorted soon and hopefuly will mean you can cut back on the pain killers. Have you found any more energy or are you still battling that.
We had loads of rain here which has now washed most of the snow away so we should now be able to get out and about again, it was nice the first few days but you go a bit stir crazy when you you can't get out for days!
Hope you all have a good weekend and the week ahead is kibd to us all xx

[Buffy3]

Val, I know that fed up feeling. The lack of energy, wanting to do things but finding it hard. I to love looking at the foxes, I think we have a family of 4 installed somewhere in the garden. We put out the remainder of the chicken for them when the snow was at its worst. It was gone in the morning. We also have the little green parakeets which live in the trees. They make a terrible racket, many people see them as a pest around here as they have escaped captivity and now live in most of the South London parks! I must admit I like them. I think its the little things that keep you going with chemoabd its se. Hope your se effects ease soon.
Love Mel x

[JulieD]

Welcome willadog! Wish you hadn't had to join us but glad you've found us. It is very early days for you so I imagine you are reeling and feeling very mixed emotions at the moment. We have been where you are now so please don't be afraid to ask questions,share worries or just offload.
I've been on Letrazole and zometa since dx and they've been working well for me for over 2 years now.You are right letrozole is a bit like tamoxifen but is uesed in post-meno women.
I wasn't able to get to my Onc appt so still waiting for results, however, I did manage to get an appt for next week so at least I won't be waiting too much longer. Just battling now with completing DLA renewal forms, oh the joy!
SL saw your update about your pain and scan results,what a bugger! That won't do your energy levels any good either so hope you get pain under control very soon, a special hug winging its way to you.
I had a phone call from Marychris's husband tonight, that was a lovely surprise and it was nice to talk about and remember Mary,she may be gone but she'll not be forgotten.
Bit later than I thought so better get myself off to bed - night ladies,keep as\warm and comfy as possible xx

[Guest user]

Dear Mary

I can only add my own comments to everybody else's. I was diagnosed only last week with bone mets, ie secondary breast cancer and like you have started on Zomeeta (indefinitely I believe until the Pet scan reveals more detail. However, I have been put on Letrazol and am wondering why you haven't - as I understand it, Letrazole is a type of super higher strength Tamoxifen.

My thought are with you .. having just joined the site, I cannot say how much it means to have other ladies out there with whom to share and "chat".

Thank you all in advance

Sue in Essex

[JulieD]

Secondary Live chat is about to start so thought I'd bump this up incase anyone wants to join us tonight

[JulieD]

Val,what a lovely story about your fox,I could visualise it as I was reading.
I know from the bone thread that you've been having a rough time and I'm really sorry. It is frustrating not to be able to do things and horrid to be so tired. Maybe when your body adjusts to the new chemo the bloods will settle and you'll feel a little bit more like yourself. It is so hard not to try to rush things or to get so frustrated that you ignore your body,but as I'm sure you know after all these years,it doesn't work and sometimes we have to try to be patient.
You have given so much support and encouragement over the years Val so please do get things of your chest and let us try to support you for a change. If you are still awake live-chat is on tonight between 8.30 and 9.30 come and have a moan and a laugh.
To anyone feeling low,fed-up or out of sorts here is a big bear hug xx

[scottishlass]

We have a lovely female fox visitor most nights. She comes right up to the door then steps back a bit and sits and waits for me to supply a sachet of cat food! I take the food outdside shutting the door behind me to stop the cats from stealing anohter supper, and talk to her as she munches her way through the dish of food. Sometimes if she is very hungry she will take the sitting position again on the grass and look at me until I produce another sachet! She struggles with the hard biscuits though! She is in loively condition as in the past we have had very straggly coated foxes. With the weather so cold I just cannot say no to her!
As for feeling fed up, I am in that position now. I don't get bored because there are still things I enjoy doing but it is the things I woud like to do and cannot that make me fed up. I will just have to be patient. I had a bone scan yesterday and I will be having chemo again on Thurdsay and last week I needed 2 units of blood. (Thank you anyone who has been a blood donor in the past!) And yet I still feel exhausted and flat and wonder if I will ever be back to a fairly decent position where I can do normal things. My OH is taking my daughter to do my Dad's housework. I cannot do much more than load the washing machine. I had a lovely long soak in the bath today which helped with the aches and pains BUT I felt exhausted again afterwards and it just seems like a vicious circle. I don't feel particularly "down" moodwise I just am SO fed up with not feeling normal and wonder if I will ever feel normal again. I feel stuck in a rut and it is not a nice place to be. I feel I am wasting my life yet I cannot do anything else but take it easy. Thanks for listeneing. Love Val

[nicky08]

Hi Julie
Yes, we've been tracking the bunnies and spotting their break in places to our garden - all the better to stop them once the weather gets better 🙂 Glad you're feeling a bit brighter and hope you get to see your onc asap and that the results are good.
Nicky x

[JulieD]

Thanks Nicky,
Yes the posts disappear quickly and get lost on the 'new' site. Glad you noticed it though and thanks for the hug .

Don't know what was wrong with me yesterday, felt as if I'd burst into tears if anyone said boo. Much stronger today though. Maybe it's because I'm snowed in and am meant to have an Onc appointment tomorrow to get CT and MRI results and am pretty sure I won't get to it - I live in Brighton but am treated in London. There are other issues I need to talk to Onc about too so am keen not to have to wait too long for an appointment if I can't make tomorrows .....

On the bright side it has been interesting identifying different footprints in the garden snow and I can now see the route the fox takes!

Hope everyone is keeping warm, stay inside unless you have to go out. Lots of good wishes to you all xx

[nicky08]

Hi Julie
Just spotted your post, unfortunately due to the new style forum it was way down the pages. So, I'm sending you a cyber hug to hopefully cheer you up and agree, that we've all lost far too many ladies that we 'know' from the secondaries forum 😞
Hopefully this will also bump this up to a page where others can join in if they are feeling low.
Hugs to all secondary ladies
Nicky x

[JulieD]

Hello all,
Have been thinking about Marychris who started this thread and who is saddly no longer with us,and also about the other losses we've had in the Secondaries section - far,far too many. This has of course made me feel low and so I thought I'd ressurrect the thread as it was always such a supportive place.
I hope there are lots of you out there doing well and feeling positive. To those who are freeling low I'd like to say you are not alone and it does get better!
We've got loads of snow here in Sussex and have been trapped indoors for a couple of days, the snow looks lovely in the garden and it's quite nice and peaceful but I'm glad we've got central heating!
Wishing you all a good peaceful weekend.
Julie xx

[scottishlass]

We had a year from hell in 1999 Not only was I diagnosed with bone mets after 10 years "clear" after my original diagnosis. I thought I had "beaten" it.
My mother in law died suddenly in the January, my father in law died in the May when we were over in Italy on holiday and we had to drive back cancelling the rest of our holiday and all that time I was undergoing tests to find out what was causing me all the pain in my back etc. Then my husband's aunt died in the August! We are just a small family. I have no siblings and 3 of my husband's close relatives died within 8 months.
So I know what a h*llish year feels like. Putting down here in words how you feel and not upsetting anyone is a great thing. Sometimes family just do not know just what we are going through and sometimes they are not coping themselves but are scared to talk to us. here we all know just how BC affects us. Keep posting. It does us all good. Love V

[sarahlousie]

Thank you so much for your kind words ladies, just can't wait to get this year over and done with its been so terrible this year, from finding out I had breast cancer then secondaries on my lungs 2 weeks later, doing chemo/surgery losing my breast and January 2012 starting rads, feeling like I want it all too end its just been so tough, and xmas is just another blip on an already terrible year, feel like I'm in limbo also feel alienated by a close family member that just does not get it at all!! Only received my money this week so it was all a mad dash xmas shopping and I hated every minute of it, does'nt help that I just did not know what too get my family every suggestion I made was squashed so ended up running around like a headless chicken feeling fraught and totally stressed out. Maybe I will relax on my own with my lovely cats around me and watch the box all day. Thanks again ladies you really are a life line.
Love to you all
sarahlousie xx

[scottishlass]

Dear Cromercrab/Sarah, I am pleased you have had a good chat with your friend. I think we can often be hard on ourselves when we should really be giving ourselves a break! This is the first Christmas ever that I have not been running around like a headless chicken shopping and cleaning the house. My OH has been keeping all of it up to date for me. We are having a quiet Christmas with my elderly Dad and my younger daughter. I remember all those Xmas's we used to have with about 14 round our table and kids running around chasing each other. Will look in tomorrow to see if any post from you too. Love and a hug for you too Sarah, love Val

[Guest user]

Sorry to hear about your non Christmas Sarahlouise. I will watch out for your posts too. Wish I could sort it out for you.

I went to my little gathering tonight and feel tons better than I did. My friend gave me a loving stern talking to about how I was expecting too much of myself, and I would feel down as I was recovering from major surgery and probably missing being even chested. Also, I spent a long time getting to a point where surgery was possible that it's a bit anti climactic afterwards. She is a very dear friend who really understands.

Love to all and have as nice a day tomorrow as possible.

[scottishlass]

Oh Sarahlousie, I am so sorry that you are not having the Christmas you thought you were going to have. If I was nearby I would run you there myself. But I don't suppose you live in the cold north! Do you have any friends where you live who could have you over with them. I am sure most people would squeeze a friend in if they were going to be on there own. You will be glad to see the back of 2011. A lot of us are feeling the same as you are tonight. Please log on tomorrow if you are feeling low and I will look out for your posts. Sleep well and here's hoping 2012 will be a happier one for you. Love and a hug, Val

[sarahlousie]

Its official christmas (for me) is over, I know it has'nt started yet I was supposed to be going to my parents for xmas but my brother has got a cold and is too ill to drive anywhere, (my family live 2 hours away and I dont drive was getting a lift there but he was going to drive us back got hospital appt. herceptin on Tuesday) so I get too stay at home on my own, its a perfect way to finish off the worst year of my life and so far the worst xmas, I really feel deflated, upset, disappointed, abandoned but as they (my family) pointed out "it can't be helped", this could be my last xmas ever but stop the world from turning cause my brother has a cold!, feeling low is an understatement, might just crack open that box of anti-depressants gonna need it to get me through tomorrow. x

[Guest user]

Unfortunately our visit has been postponed. We thought the journey (4 hrs) might tire me too much pre rads. Just feel sorry for myself 8-(. But going to an afternoon soiree tomorrow 8-)

[scottishlass]

Think it goes with the territory Sarah....meaning at this time of year there is so much going on in our heads...not just cancer but all the shopping planning etc....even if we are not doing much. I feel less tired now that I have the food in and the main presents bought. But I am sure the sea air at Cromer will sort you out Sarah (cromercrab).....I know you know who YOU are Sarah but I always found it confusing when real names were used until I got to "know" people on the threads. Hope you enjoy the change of scene and your tiredness will lessen before too long. Love Val

[Guest user]

Night sweats have stopped. But seem to get tired very easily. Don't need to do much then I am exhausted. This has taken me by surprise. Any tips?

[Tawny]

Hi Sarah, sorry to hear that you are feeling so uncomfortable. I also suffer from night sweats and they make sleeping very difficult. For this reason, my doctor subscribed me Temazepam - they don't stop the sweats but do allow me to occasionally sleep thought the night and, failing that, enable me to back to sleep after an episode. I have tried a drug called Amitriptyline, which is a mild anti depressant and can sometimes help with hot flushes. They didn't agree with me but are certainly worth a try. I have also used a Chillow Pillow which can be quite effective to cool you down quickly. Avoiding caffeine and alcohol can also help. In the summer I used an electric fan in my bedroom...I'll try anything! I hope some of these suggestions will be helpful.

Alison

[Guest user]

Thanks Val. I use cotton sheets and pjs. Have gone caffeine free today to see if that makes a difference.
X Sarah

[scottishlass]

There are tablets that you can get from your doctor for this cromercrab. Also try to avoid man-made bedlinen and bed-clothes. Sorry I haven't any other useful hints to give you but someone who has had an op recently may come up with something better. Hugs. Val

[Guest user]

Bump

[Guest user]

Is this just me, but I have been suffering horrible night sweats. My bedclothes and pjs are wringing wet when I wake up I had the odd one before my mx but now have had lots. It's annoying as it disrupts sleep .. Is there anyone who can give me advice?
X Sarah

[Tawny]

Hi everyone, haven't posted on this thread for the longest time but I read SarahLouise's post and wanted to comment. Firstly, re. anti depressants: your doctor WILL give you some he just probably has to check with your onc. for any contra-indications. I'm not on any myself (as in regular dosage) but do have temazepam on hand to help me sleep/calm me down, as and when I wish to take them. At first my GP banged on about addiction etc., then I had a word with my onc. and she said (quote) "If it's addiction vs cancer, cancer wins!" Got my little tablets and now I just pop 'em now and again, but at least I know they are there. Peace of mind, and it means I actually get to sleep through the night now and again - hot flushes being my main burden.

Secondly, and I hope that this reads as concern rather than criticism, I don't think you should be restricting your diet to just juices. If you have an appetite, then you should probably feed it. If you want to avoid animal products, then you could make some warming vegetable soups and stir fries, eat some good seeded bread, fresh fruit, homemade hummus etc. I understand that it's not easy to work out what makes us stable and that's because no one really knows, and we are all different. Of all the times in our lives, this is probably the time to to try and be kind to ourselves - physically and emotionally. I veer the other way with diet and am over indulgent nowadays (funnily enough, only with naughty things!) and I've been stable for two years. Somewhere in between lies a happy medium but there appears to be no logic when it comes to secondaries and how our bodies respond to treatment.

I hope I don't come across as bossy or critical, I just want you to know that even though most of us are strangers, we are also friends.

Best wishes to everyone.
Alison
http://www.drbaba.wordpress.com

[Guest user]

I am on mirtazapine which helps with appetite and sleep. Struggling a bit with random panic attacks. Try not to drive yourself mad with diet. Just eat a balanced diet, avoid too much red meat and sugary foods. There is really no pointing denying yourself stuff and making yourself unhappy. I tried a vegan diet but couldn't cope with it.
X sarah

[sarahlousie]

Hello everyone,

Can I join in as I'm feeling crap today, I try really hard to keep up beat and positive then something insignificant happens and upsets me, went to the supermarket and nearly had a nervous breakdown walking around the ilses looking at all these people buying whatever they want, ok I am on a self imposed diet of green juicing ala Kris Carr but it depresses me and I'm feeling half starved most of the time, but I'm affraid to stop it infact I'm afraid of everything never thought that a loaf of white bread would send me into such a confused and upset mood, thing is I dont know what is keeping me stable and now I've started it I dont feel I can stop any of changes I've made cause I just dont know what is working and something is working as my lung mets are now stable. Anyway suppose this is how its gonna be, tamoxifen sending me crazy with hot flushes and sweating and now dire chills that really hurt, tried going to my GP to get some of those Anti-d's to help with the SE and my GP was all "I'll have to check with your onc first" and then "how about trying fig leaf tea" he told me they sell it at H&B but they don't and I've scoured the net trying to find the dam tea and no one sells it, so asked around in my village if anyone has a fig tree and can't seem to find one, so going back to GP to get some anti-d's and I'm not taking no as an answer, I dont understand lots of ladies are on the low dose anti-d's for these SE. And on another note if I hear that bl**dy depressing song on the John Lewis advert one more time arghhhhhh. Sorry for the negativity, sending all you lovely ladies lots of cyber hugs
love and light
sarahlousie xxx

[Guest user]

Hi all
I am not so keen on christmas either. Feeling flat also. I suppose it's because the majority of people are ho ho hoing and I feel out of step. I acquired a lurgy a few days ago and it's taking a while to shift. Feeling a lot better now though. Moan moan moan gripe gripe.
Glad your tm are so low m1yu. How are you getting on with the great winter toy hunt?
Scottishlass hope you feel a bit better soon. I am now on my second Sarah Lund sweater lol

[Esha_Ness]

To Scottishlass and M1yu
My thoughts and wishes are with you. I feel as if I know you Scottishlass through your hugely encouraging posts. You have been such an inspiration to me when I have felt so bewildered by what is happening to me. Its our turn to support you through your understandable low ebb after what you have been through. If there is anyway of giving Christmas a focus of celebration for being here... go for it !
M1yu, you have shown me an amazing strength at such a young age. I really hope that your incredibly low tumour markers mean that the CAP is working for you. ( you do specialize in below the range of normal when it comes to tumour markers )I so hope that these aches and pains are now being dealt with by the CAP. As for the side effects ... I know exactly what you are talking about !!

[scottishlass]

Not exactly feeling low but more like feeling flat. Had been cooped up for days. Yesterday had a afternoon that was from h*ll. Terrible driving on the roads, Mum who had completely lost the plot and was so confused etc. Today had a lovely day. Out for meal with friends and then visit to new refurbished Portrait gallery where there were great photographs and paintings. Plus a film taken in the 50s/60s with streets I know, children playing singing games, AND I remembered all the words! Hope I can shake the flat feeling off. But do not like Christmas any more. Bah Humbug. Val

[Guest user]

Nice to see this thread.
Really missing Mary, too.
Thinking about Louisef, too.

JulieD, hoping it's just a glitch. I had some awful pains and aches a few weeks ago and have convinced myself Xeloda isn't working any more. Stressed out for 2 weeks, then tumour marker came back as 10!! I can't tell you enough for relieved I was. Couldn't quite believe it.

Having a bit of winter low at the moment. This gloomy weather is making me feeling a bit down. A bit fed up with not being to go out very much:-(.

Take care all. Going to try and keep warm. xxx

[21210]

Hi ladies,

i too often follow this thread & think of you all, it was only the other day that i too was thinking of Louise.

Sarah (cromercrab) i hope you are doing ok, nice to catch up with you again.

Love & hugs to you all

Sarah.xxxx

[alexamay09]

Thinking of you all - I follow your thread and hope that's ok. I wish you all the best for a peaceful and happy Christmas.
xxxx

[Guest user]

Sorry you're feeling rather fragile Julie.
Hope it improves with time.....
Must be such a worry for you though.....
It's difficult not to think the worst isn't it?
Maybe speak to someone here or in reality before Christmas timetables prohibit it??
Wishing you positive hugs.

Sarah too.

Thinking of Mary here.
Not easy for any of you posting.

Take good care now,
Welsh girl xx

[JulieD]

Good timing Sarah! Would have been Marys birthday tomorrow so good to see this thread still active.

I have been thinking a lot about Louise too, no-one seems to have heard anything recently.

Saw your other post Sarah, think it probably is all the travelling, hope the aches ease up over the next few days but you'll have to do your bit and give them a chance by resting a bit!

Thanks for the webpage greymalkin

Have had a bit of upset tummy which has made me a bit low and have had pain in my side and ribs which I'm hoping is just a glitch but you know what it's like ....

Love to all xx

[Guest user]

I have found CBT helpful. I also listen to relaxation tapes. I have just had mx and I have listened to my tapes so much that I was able to 'listen' to it in hospital. It was very calming.
X Sarah

[Guest user]

Hello everyone - I have had the proverbial black dog following me around for most of my life but it's not around much since finding a free online CBT site moodgym.anu.edu.au. I had thought of asking my GP for referral to online CBT in the UK but preferred the arm's length approach that this offers. I found it very easy to use and it really helped me put things in perspective in a very subtle way after a few sessions. Some stuff didn't apply to me at all but the general gist makes you think about what other people could be thinking and feeling. As long as you are honest with yourself I think it could be helpful for general low mood and anxiety states. It worked very quickly for me - I was really surprised as I've never used any sort of life coaching or therapy before. I was diagnosed 4.1/2 years ago - been on Arimidex for 4 years and found that tough mentally - mood swings, stiff joints etc which rendered simple tasks like making a meal very frustrating - I'd get confused and irritated very quickly if things didn't go according to plan - that's improved immensely and I now have more confidence in my abilities. I still have some unresolved (sister) problems but feel I will be able to handle this much better now.

I hope this is of use to any fellow travellers who find the black dog trotting at their heels. I'd be interested in other people's experience of CBT.

vicky

[Guest user]

I was also wondering about Louise. I was thinking about mary too.
Hi there Nikky.

[Guest user]

Well done Sarah,
I definitely think we should keep this going! in honour of the lovely Mary!

Also has anybody heard from our lovely snow angel - Louisef? I am getting very worried we haven't heard from her for ages!

[Guest user]

This thread has gone a bit quiet so I thought I would bump it up..

[Guest user]

Glad to see this thread active again. A lovely day in the Midlands. The awful accident on the M5 gives us all puase for thought.
Hope everyone is as well as possible
x sarah

[Guest user]

Hi everyone

Not sure if I've posted in this thread before so hope you don't mind if I gatecrash.

Julie and Sue, really glad you've got stable scan results, brilliant news.

Nicky, hope the blood transfusion does the trick and you can get back on your Xeloda

Val, glad to hear things have quietened down for you on the appointments thread. I finished reading "The Help" a couple of weeks ago - read it when I was in hospital with neutropenia - brilliant book, I couldn't put it down either! There's a film of it out now too, haven't got around to seeing it yet but apparently it's very faithful to the book.

I'm two cycles into my Taxotere for liver mets, had a scan last Weds and will have the results on Tuesday to see if it's working so keeping everything crossed.

It's a beautiful day here today, what I'd call a proper autumn day. Our local community is in a bit of shock at the moment though as the M5 crash was literally half a mile from where I live, it's just awful, so many lives lost and so many injured 😞

Lesley

[scottishlass]

Thanks for getting this thread going again Julie. I am pleased to hear about your good result. Hi everyone else.
Yes sun shining here too Sue but it is a bit nippy when I went out to the garden earlier.
I am leading a quiet life now that my many numerous hospital appointments are out of the way.
Have any of you read the book called "The Help". I cannot put it down and want to head up to bed to read it in the peace and quiet of my bedroom. It is in the supermarkets at a good price if anyone fancies a good read. I live getting out of my own head and into a story.
My Ortho Doctor is very pleased with my progress and tell me I need to take it easy as I do have a broken femur. I keep wanting to run before I can walk.
Hugs to you all and especially those feeling low. Love Val

[Guest user]

Yes, a beautiful day here, blue sky and gorgeous Autumnal colours.

Great news Julie and I am happy to say that my scan results show a stable position for my mets so the Xeloda is still working it's magic for me, long may it continue!

I too have been thinking about Louise and hoping that she is keeping comfortable.

Enjoy the weather girls.

Sue x