I'm sorry to read you're experiencing such a difficult time at the moment. Whilst you are waiting for the other users to reply with their knowledge and support you might find it helpful to talk things through with a member of staff on the BCC helpline. Here you can share your thoughts and concerns with someone who will offer you a listening ear as well as emotional support and practical information. Th number to call is 0808 800 6000 and lines are open weekdays 9 to 5pm and Saturday 10 to 2pm.
Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator