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Feeling sad and annoyed

14 REPLIES 14
Goldie112
Member

Re: Feeling sad and annoyed

Ooh lovely. I wear lot of black and a black sleeve would be fab. The one I have only comes in beige but I used to have a black one before my arm got worse 😄😍

Kim555pink
Member

Re: Feeling sad and annoyed

Got another new compression sleeve today - made of softer material and a nicer shade of brown (more sandy). It's supposed to be tighter but feels nice and comfortable and the therapist said she can order me it in black if I still like it in a couple of days 😊
Xxx
Goldie112
Member

Re: Feeling sad and annoyed

Cardigans rule! I'm sure you will look gorgeous xxx

Kim555pink
Member

Re: Feeling sad and annoyed

Couldn't find a jacket so went for a cardigan from Phase Eight in the end which should be stretchy enough to go over my arm bit smart enough and look jacket like. Hasn't arrived yet mind. Think I need to find a matching umbrella now!!
Xxx
Goldie112
Member

Re: Feeling sad and annoyed

Hi everyone, sorry it's taken me a few days to reply. (IT meltdown which I won't bore you with!) I really really really appreciate your messages and understanding.
I really wish it wasn't the case but I think it's one of those things where you really have to have gone through it to understand.

Thanks for the suggestion re counselling Caroline. I have had some, but if I'm not really coping it might be time for some more. I have been having accupunture and tend to chat to her which has been helping but I wonder whether I need a bit more.
Gill I'm the same when people ask. I just get embarrassed especially as I don't want to go into the whole story. I really just tend to wear a lot of cardigans and sweat through it (attractive!)
Jillybee I drank a load of prosecco at the weekend which actually made me feel better (before the guilt that I shouldn't be having alcohol lol).
How are you doing now Buster? I'm so sorry it's been so horrid for you.
Kim did you find anything? I can't do jackets. They don't stretch enough. It's cardigans all the way for me.
Sending tons of hugs to you all thanks you have really helped xxxxxxxxxx

Kim555pink
Member

Re: Feeling sad and annoyed

Yep - know exactly how you feel too Goldie! I'm shopping for a jacket to wear for my sins graduation and struggling to find one to go over my fat arm and compression sleeve. Still new to all this - completely sucks!
Xxx
buster1
Member

Re: Feeling sad and annoyed

Thanks, I have mentioned my heart a few times but each time I'm told they will monitor me if need be. The doctors have said its rare side effect. I'm reassured until they leave then i start mithering again. Then I read about lots of others who have suffered with heart failure after. Xx
jillybee
Member

Re: Feeling sad and annoyed

Hope you are feeling better...I was going along with the idea f ZiV anti biotics at home at one point.Hugs to you
gmc
Member

Re: Feeling sad and annoyed

That's tough Buster. I had a couple of stays in isolation during my chemo days for infections. Hope you have plenty of things to occupy yourself with plus a good internet connection ! A life saver when it works. Also at least you are in the right place to mention your heart problem and get them to check it out so you can hopefully set your mind at reast - one less thing to worry about.

Thinking of you and wishing you a speedy end to the infection,

Best wishes, Gill x

buster1
Member

Re: Feeling sad and annoyed

I came back in to hospital again this morning with an infection needing iv antibiotics. Not sure where it's coming from yet. So stuck in for at Least a few days. Trying to keep my chin up xxx

jillybee
Member

Re: Feeling sad and annoyed

We should be so grateful we are cancer free etc.etc.BUT still feel C**p.....this is so hard for us all.I have a swollen abdomen following my DIEP,after failed implants from double Mx.I struggle,look at myself,and people say,oh,I have a tummy,but mine is uncomfortable,and really wanted a flat tummy after all my surgery.

We need to be kind to our selves.Yes,haven't got cancer,or hope we haven't now,but,been through a horrible time,and lymphoedema etc is a reminder ......so yes,maybe we are cancer free,but have a wallow,have a wobbly,cry,eat chocolate and have a glass of wine or 3 .💓

buster1
Member

Re: Feeling sad and annoyed

Hi Goldie, I'm new to all this so it may not seem fair that I'm comparing us. But I totally understand how you must feel. I already see someone else when I look in the mirror. I don't always think of how I look then I see my reflection of my weird shaped reconstructed breast of 9 weeks without a nipple. I then see the very short hair. My face and chest after starting chemo are bright red! My armpit is like orange peel. I so took my not so perfect pre surgery body for granted.  And I know what you mean when you cope. We do cope but have been forced to. We don't have a choice and its that that makes me scared. I'm scared now that I've let a complete stranger pump poison into me (first round was Friday) and am now reading of the risks of permanent damage to my heart that no one mentioned and I already have a problem with it that no one has checked on. I'm digressing I know but none of this is our fault and feeling 'hard done by' now and again is allowed and I'm only sorry I can't soothe your hurt but knowing others understand hopefully helps a little. Big hugs, you've come along way. Wish me luck in doing as well as you lovely ladies. Buster1 xxxx

gmc
Member

Re: Feeling sad and annoyed

Hi Goldie

Your post could have been written by me! I completely understand how you feel as I too have a fat arm, thin hair, weight gain- not to mention the aching joints ! I've had to wear a sleeve for two years now and it always feels worse in the summer when I can't hide it. To make matters worse if I ever do leave it off my arm is lily-white compared to the other one ! I think it is a constant reminder that we've had cancer and I can never think of the right thing to say when asked "what have you done to your arm ?". I know what I'd like to say !!

I'd love to say something to make you feel better but quite honestly I think the best thing to do is to have a rant on this site as we are probably the only people who can truly understand our complex feelings.

Big but gentle hug, Gill x 

Caroluna
Member

Re: Feeling sad and annoyed

Well I think you do right to be pee-ed off, people do want to say kind things , but that doesn't stop you feeling sad and cross and how unfair this is. Sooooo, maybe time for a bit of counselling, maybe? if for no other reason you can have a bit of a  meltdown in private with someone who won't try to say come on buck up or its not so bad?

It might be that you can go via you BCN, or if you can afford it treat yourself to a few sessions? Or phone the helpliners on this site, or, maybe keep having a good post here because we do care about eachother.

Hope you are ok,  with love, Caroline

 

 

 

 

 

Goldie112
Member

Feeling sad and annoyed

Hi everyone
Just wanted to write how I was feeling somewhere where people would understand.
I went shopping with a friend for her wedding dress this weekend, we did really well and got something beautiful for her quickly. As we had extra time we decided to look at bridesmaids dresses for me. So suddenly I'm trying dresses on in front of two people I don't know in addition to my friend. And I'm face to face with my fat arm and horrible sleeve which I usually keep covered up. And I just got really emotional. It's so ridiculous but it's made me realise that essentially even though I think I'm ok with my stupid fat arm, I'm not really. I hate it and I hate having to dress it and not be able to wear what I want and feel nice. And then I hated myself for getting upset when really none of this is about me it's about my friend who's getting married and I was just being ridiculous.
I think that it's just made me realise that I'm not really coping or happy I just put it out of my mind and them when something out of the ordinary happens I do not deal with it very well. The people I was with were lovely and said all the usual things like 'its not that noticeable' but that's not the point.
Didn't help that I've put weight on and my hair is thinning with zoladex! I know that I can't lock myself away and never go anywhere but that's what I want to do!! I also know that I'm being ridiculous as I'm lucky to be alive and it's only an arm but I have this uncontrollable emotional reaction even after having it for a few years!
Sorry for going on, just needed to express it somewhere. I tried to talk to a couple of my friends but they just say that everyone hates things about their bodies etc
Thanks for listening xx