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Feeling very lonely and anxious today

7 REPLIES 7
Guest user
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Re: Feeling very lonely and anxious today

Hi JCJ

 

This link is very helpful thank you.

 

I am HOD at a secondary school and have whole school responsibilities too. I just hate letting the kids down and the guilt that comes with letting my own kids down because I can't go to their xmas this or xmas that is always unbearable every year. 

 

We do try to cover each other but it is very difficult because of our timetables. 

 

I have so much other stuff going on including another health investigation involving MRIs along with the break up of my marriage, that I am going to the docs today to see if he can give me something. 

 

It comes in threes so they say so hopefully this is my lot for a while. 

 

I have a few teacher friends who have endured this dreaded cancer recently. One died last year after a very long faught out battle. She was amazing and the kids admired her for all her strength. She used to come into school inbetween treatments etc. Amazing.

 

I feel alot of pressure right now because I have no diagnosis but can't cope with the worry. She came in in the throws of it all and the other collleagues came in until the day they found out. This is stressing me out even more. There could just be nothing wrong what so ever and I am a wreck. You would think knowing these amazing women, I would feel more confident that if it was bad news, I have inspiration all around me. 

 

Anyway, I am going to phone the nurse today and see if she can suggest ways for me to stop being such a ninny. 

 

Thank you again JCJ for your help. 

JCJ
Member

Re: Feeling very lonely and anxious today

Hoohaa - (spelt it right this time!) I wouldn't read too much into the fact that you saw a plastic surgeon instead of the previous consultant. These people tend to work in teams and you see whoever is covering that day's appointments.

 

Do ring your BCN (Breast care nurse - the Macmillan nurse you were introduced to?!) as she will be able to answer your questions. Also you can ring the number on this website or the Macmillan one.

 

I know exactly how stressful this time of year can be in school, I am an HLTA in a small primary school. If you can just get through this next week - can you swap PPA with someone, to let you go to your appointment? - at least that will show that you are not taking the **** and are TRYING to work in spite of everything. Two weeks off soon!!

 

My dx was in Feb 2012, 'just' had WLE/SNB, rads and double hormone therapies, so I'm more or less back to normal now, but, like many others, I try to offer some support to newcomers like yourself, in appreciation for the support that got me through!

 

There is a thread on here for people who work in schools. Let me see if I can find the link:

https://forum.breastcancercare.org.uk/t5/Work-finance-and-travel/Any-other-teachers-or-teaching-assi...

 

Nobody's posted on it for a while, but it maybe of interest to you.  

 

I hope you get your answers soon and they can start treating whatever it is. It's good they are being thorough and not fobbing you off! Hang in there, it WILL get better! x

Guest user
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Re: Feeling very lonely and anxious today

Forgot to add that instead of seeing the guy who did the aspirations etc last week, I saw a Breast Surgeon who specialises in prosthetics. Is this normal?

 

I need to gen up on the people involved in this stuff don't I? so that I dont get into a frenzy for nothing. 

Guest user
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Re: Feeling very lonely and anxious today

Hi JCJ

 

Thank you for asking. Really kind of you.

 

Honestly, I don't feel like I am any further along. 

 

Good news is that the lumps are benign which I kind of already knew from the letter that was sent and that they got fluid out of them.

 

The problem is the microcalcifications again something that I already knew.

 

I was expecting them to do another mammo or higher magnified something or other and possibly a biopsy on those yesterday but all I did was met with the Consultant and he kind of told me all I already knew and that I will be recieving a letter next week to go in and have the repeat magnified mammogram etc.

 

I am sure he could have just phoned me to say that. He then said I should talk to my doctor about the questions I have. I thought that was what I was going there for also. He gave me a contact for a Macmillan nurse (didn't say what for) and told me to wait for the letter.

 

I asked if it would all be done by Christmas and he assured me of this so I am grateful for that. 

 

I now have to take more time off work and its my daughters Xmas concert on Monday. I have had so much time off that I cannot ask for time off for that and that has really got me down. I am a teacher you see. They have announced redundancies for the new year and I also can't be seen to be one of those who takes loads of time off. 

 

I have half a mind to sign off sick until after the holidays. I am very stressed out. 

 

I think I will call the Macmillan nurse on Monday and see if she can answer some of my questions. I wanted to ask if the micros were clusters and if he knew the shape etc because I read on Mm website about this. I dont know if they will know that without the additional mammogram.

 

At this stage, I don't mind at all having the big C so long as it is small new and treatable. I just want to know. I am certian these things will be nothing but all the same, waiting is the hardest part when you have so much other stuff going on, particularly in the run up to xmas.

 

Now I really am venting and rambling. So sorry.

 

You will notice I am jumping from one thing to another. That is how my mind is working at the moment. This may or may not be linked to the neurological things I am being tested for also. Probably just stress again though. Juggling too many plates. Something will give soon enough I know it. 

 

ANyway, will keep you posted and thank you so much for remaining interested. It is very kind of you particularly when you are going through so much yourself. I really hope you are doing well. 

 

Lots of virtual hugs.

xx

JCJ
Member

Re: Feeling very lonely and anxious today

Any news hoohah? I hope they are taking good care of you? 

 

I agree with you that venting on here is very theraputic! 🙂

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Feeling very lonely and anxious today

Thank you for your kind words. It does make me feel better coming on here. Even if you don't get a reply, its nice to know that you can vent without judgement. Even better if someone like yourself says the right thing.

Thank you

 

JCJ
Member

Re: Feeling very lonely and anxious today

Hi hoohah. I saw you wrote that you were feeling lonely, and that no-one has replied yet. Here's a virtual hand to hold at this very scary time.

Be comforted by the fact that a team of experts are considering the best treatment for you. Waiting for results and a diagnosis is the scariest part of the whole process. Once you know what you are dealing with and can start treatment, if necessary, it does get easier, I promise!

Stay in touch through this forum. We know what you're going through and can understand and support you. Try to do something you enjoy to distract yourself and stop you 'over thinking'. Good luck tomorrow. Xx
Guest user
Not applicable

Feeling very lonely and anxious today

Tonight I face a night alone in my bed, waiting for tomorrow's meeting with the consultant. Not knowing whether I will get results, just have a biopsy or face more waiting.

 

My ex has offered to come to the appointment with me but I don't want him there. He had nothing I needed when we were together and I was starting to develop symptoms so how can he give me that now?

 

I have plenty of friends and family offering to help out with all the normal stuff so I would prefer to be alone I think but I am very scared. 

 

Having said that, from all your wonderful posts, which I have read today as I had to leave work (I couldn't cope with work), I have the comfort of knowing that whatever the outcome, anything is better than being in limbo land.

 

Will let you know how I get on and thank you for all your support. 

H