I had some very good news yesterday. My lymph nodes are clear! I will be having 3 weeks of radiotherapy and hormone treatment for 5 years (anastrozole possibly).
It is fantastic news I know so why do I feel so numb about it? Is this normal? It is as if suddenly I am all alone again because I won’t see my daughters as much because there is no reason for them to come to see me because appointments will stop and I will go back to work. Life will return to ‘normal’ and yet a part of me is sad about that. Am I just in a funny place emotionally after the last 2 months (since being diagnosed)? I know my life has changed and will never be ‘normal’ again, and yet I am about to go back to the activities I did before diagnosis which at the moment just doesn’t feel right.
Would welcome any comments and thoughts. Has anyone else felt like this? I am sitting here feeling so guilty that I am not jumping for joy when I think really I should be. Is it just exhaustion after running on adrenaline for weeks?
Thank you all.
BW
Alison
Some of us live in the past, always talking about back then. Some of us live in the future, always planning what we are going to do. And, then there are those, who neither look behind or ahead, but just enjoy the moment of right now
All totally normal!! I agree with everything you said!
I’m not sure we can ever go back to the way we were. This is a new normal for us.
One of the things I sort of enjoyed( not sure that is the right word) was going to radiotherapy every day, because firstly I liked that a friend or family member took me every day and also because I was doing something positive about the BC. Now, 8 months on, I don’t see those people as much as I would like and am back to the old routine.
I think for you, it is the exhaustion setting in. Give it a while for it all to sink in. Tomorrow you will feel so much more positive.
oh thank you so much ladies. I was feeling so dreadful and thought I must be mad. Once again this forum helps by showing me I am not alone with any of this.
Rosietd I hope all goes well for you next Tuesday.
BW
Alison
Some of us live in the past, always talking about back then. Some of us live in the future, always planning what we are going to do. And, then there are those, who neither look behind or ahead, but just enjoy the moment of right now
I should be jumping for joy…my Consultant said that he is almost sure the mammogram shows a benign Pappiloma, and nothing sinister. But of course, he will have to remove it and have it biopsied. I trust him fully.
But there’s this little doubt…also, I am petrified of general anaesthesia, because I have lung problems. So now I’m scared of that…there’s no pleasing me.
yes, I feel numb, I feel depressed, I feel anxious, I feel everything except “happy”. To make matters worse, I had severe stomach cramps today.
I just wanted to add to other comments on here that I understand where you are coming from. I was also diagnosed two months ago (I get my results next Tuesday) and it’s all been a bit of a roller coaster since. I was ill for the two weeks prior to my op last week and I think that was partly due to dealing with work and trying to be normal, but also coping with the shock of being diagnosed with bc.
I don’t know what my treatment after the op is going to be yet, but I’m not sure how easy it will be to feel normal afterwards. This is something I don’t think some of my friends understand, I’m not just physically recovering from an op, it’s the psychological side of it all too xx