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Feels like a tidal wave!

9 REPLIES 9
Tor
Member

Re: Feels like a tidal wave!

Just resurfacing after first chemo session on Monday.  A few tears as the canula went in - suddenly became very real, but I sat happily with the cold cap on looking fabulous (not) for 3 hours, reading, snacking, snoozing until it was all over.  I felt ok when I got home so made a big mistake and ate dinner.  I never knew how much my stomach could hold until I saw it all again!  Lesson One learnt.  Snacks only! Tuesday and Wednesday is a fuggy blur of sleep and my mum feeding me chopped up grapes and weak ginger tea because that was all I could manage.  But yesterday afternoon I got a call from my BC Nurse who gave me the brilliant news that my CT scan was clear - tears of happiness and relief all round.  Now I can focus on the blighter that lurks in my right breast only, and fight on.

I am going to ask for stronger anti-sickness tablets for next time, because I'm a bit feeble when it comes to nausea, but otherwise I'm feeling positive now, knowing that 3 days are a write-off but not completely unbearable.

Now the waiting is over, it is definitely easier, so to everyone out there - stay strong lovely ladies ❤️

Sallyann43
Member

Re: Feels like a tidal wave!

Didn't finish .. awaiting op date. I thought I was coping quite well but today I'm in a horrible dark place ... I think we all believe that other people are coping better than us and we are somehow very weak ... anyway, I just wanted to let you know that there are a lot of us going through the same tidal wave of emotions ... xxxx
Sallyann43
Member

Re: Feels like a tidal wave!

Hi Tor, just wanted to let you know that you are not on your own ... today, I want to run away, bury my head in the sand and I feel so low. I was diagnosed on Oct 28th and am awaiting the date for m
Andreaj
Member

Re: Feels like a tidal wave!

So much of what you said sounded like me, I too have grown up kids that Im worried about one of my daughters in particular but she seems to be doing ok 

I have just dug out all my craft things and hope that I will be able to find the energy to get absorbed in those when the chemo is working on the cancer.

I dont have a start date for chemo yet but it is hopefully soon..I am looking on chemo as my friend and ally it is going in there to kick this cancers butt!! I am imagining it like pacman or alien and on my side.  Yes it will make me feel ill but it is going to save my life

 

I am having chemo to shrink the tumour and kill cells in my lymphs so much like you perhaps.

 

I have been buying scarves and hats like crazy too and looking online at how to tie them etc.

 

I feel like you need to learn an entire extra load of stuff once you get this diagnosis its exhausting and yes I struggle with sleep too, I get up as soon as I wake so my mind doesnt scare me and the house is very very clean 😄

Cs66
Member

Re: Feels like a tidal wave!

Hi Tor, I've just read your post and it resonated so much with me. A year ago I was in your position, I'd had one mastectomy but was facing another followed by chemo and rads. I felt totally out of control and lost. One of my sons was about to do a levels and the other had accountancy exams coming up. I couldn't bear to burden my mum who had been through bc herself and lost my dad to prostate cancer. However, one year on and I'm living life again. It was not easy and Christmas last year was incredibly difficult but once chemo starts you just grit your teeth and get through it. I felt as though I was drowning with it all but you do swim with the tide and get out the other side. 

I just wanted to let you know that there is life after bc and hopefully I'm through it now. I crossed off everyday on my calendar so I could see myself getting to the end! 

Lots of love 

Claire xx

ann-m
Community Champion

Re: Feels like a tidal wave!

yes Tor, mri scanners are somewhat a surreal experience, but it all helps to get the treatment plan sorted so the little sod is dealt with.
As you say, many, many years yet, onwards & upwards!
ann x
Tor
Member

Re: Feels like a tidal wave!

So reassuring to see responses so quickly! Welcome to the Wide Awake Club.....
The breast MRI today really shook me up - very uncomfortable and deafening, but I tried really hard to think happy thoughts and not wriggle about because of my 'dead' arms and aching chest. I am babysitting my 3 year old granddaughter tonight, and can highly recommend cuddles with a little 'un to make you feel loved and happy - and determined that this will continue for many many years!
ann-m
Community Champion

Re: Feels like a tidal wave!

hi tor,
So sorry to hear you are going through this, but there is loads of support here & others going through a similar treatment plan, so you are not alone.
It does feel better once treatment starts & get those travel plans going to celebrate finishing treatment, it was one if the first things my OH & did & we felt better for it.
Managing kids & elderly parents can be tough, but they can also be a great source of support, once the shock of diagnosis has subsided.
hugs
ann x
Happyboobs2
Member

Re: Feels like a tidal wave!

Hi Tor

your post touched me...so many things you mention I experienced the same. My daughter was in a state over my diagnosis, she was devastated.My Mum (87) felt helpless, she lives 300 miles away.

I cried every night and sleep was difficult.

You have already been through the mill but as you say you have been happy with the professional care you have had.

Try not to be frightened about your chemo , yes you may feel unwell but you will cope as you already have coped brilliantly during the last month.

There are lots of ladies on here to give support and friendship.

loads of hugs

xx

Tor
Member

Feels like a tidal wave!

Hi everyone - I was diagnosed a month ago, Her2 positive and in axillary nodes, and am still in a state of shock.  I was firstly told I would have a mastectomy then chemo and radiotherapy, but once the biopsy results came through, this changed to chemo first.  In the past month I've had appointments with consultants, my oncologist, 4 biopsies, a bone scan, a CT scan, heart echo, and today a breast MRI.  Chemo starts on Monday, and I am terrified, it feels like I am about to be pushed into a deep dark hole.  My friends and family have been wonderfully supportive but I am also feeling very overprotective of my kids (all grown up but my daughter is feeling very vulnerable).  I've had my hair cut shorter, bought loads of scarves and woolly hats, bought ginger tea, all the mouth products that help with ulcers etc, books, jigsaw puzzles, constructed a huge playlist, signed up to Headspace for meditation, and feel as ready as I'll ever be.   Daytime is spent keeping as busy as possible, cleaning and filling my freezer with meals so my husband can wack something in the microwave for when I can't manage. 

But I cry myself to sleep, or can't sleep at all, and wander the house untl the small hours, in the depths of despair.  Wondering if it has spread, how will I cope during treatment, will my mum (85) cope, will I ever be able to travel the world and fulfill my dreams....

This forum has been really helpful, just reading through people's experiences, so I just wanted to add mine, and wish everyone the best outcome possible (I don't think luck comes into it, this is down to the wonderful professional care of the NHS).  Love and positive vibes ❤️