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Feels surreal

10 REPLIES 10
soi
Member

Re: Feels surreal

Morning all

Hope you all had as nice a Mother's Day as you could. Glad you feeling a bit more positive Jules.once you have told the girls it will take another weight off your mind. My biggest worry was my son is getting married in 8 weeks and it was really putting a dampener on it.
I got my results on Friday and it was just the lump no spread to the organs which I had convinced myself there would be. The relief it was just a local recurrence was immense. I bubbled like,a baby. When I cam out to the waiting room the rest of the people must have thought I was mad crying and laughing at the same time. So I am off tomorrow to get the pesky thing cut off my scar tissue. Keep your chins up. Xxx

jules_66
Member

Re: Feels surreal

Thank you all for your lovely comments and support. I'm doing ok, just the odd wave of panic. My girls were so thoughtful yday for Mothers Day and I kept thinking how much pain and upset I am going to cause them this week when I break the news to them but hoping if they can see me strong and positive this will help them accept it all. I just want to get on with the treatment but at the moment the op on 1st April still feels a long way off so I've decided the best way to deal with the waiting is to keep busy so I'm starting by redecorating our bedroom! Take care and love to you all xxx

Fuffs123
Member

Re: Feels surreal

Hi Jules\_66

Sorry to hear you've joined our rather unwelcome club but one that is full of lovely ladies. You can also join the Snivel' club! It's for us ladies who need a good snivel now and then, not to mention a good meltdown at the most inappropriate times (my specialism!) members must like cocktails and cake and choccies, ti be eaten in quantity when feeling low! Seriusly, all the emotions you have felt and will feel over the next few weeks we've all felt I think. Disbelief, feels like it's happening to someone else, fear, sadness, sometimes anger , why me, I was diagnosed at the end of Jan and it was surreal. Just couldn't believe it was happening really. It's a big shock after all and everyone reacts differently. My husband was very upset and my 30 yr old daughter also. It was awful telling her over the phone but as she lives a way from us I couldn't do it face to face. It will very hard telling your girls and of course they will be upset and very scared but I think you'll be surprised how strong rhey will be for you. It's the waiting that's the worst rhing and when you have BC every week seems like two. Some days I have 'booby brain' as I call it! Can't make a decision about the simplest thing, could cry for England or just can't get it out of my mind. Normally I'm a sensible business woman. But other days I just get on with things and carry on as before. It's all very strange really. Waking up in the estly hours with it all going round in your head is to be expected I'm afraid. No wonder so nany ladies post on here early in the morning or sometimes in the small hours! I see my oncologist on Wednesady to agree a treatment plan. i have grade 3 DCIS and invasive but fortunately it hasn't spread to the nodes. Have had a lumpectomy already and will definitely need radiiotherapy but will know more next week. Waiting again! Anyway, you'll find heaps of support and really useful tips from the lovely ladies on here. It's so good to talk to other people who are going thro the same as you, as they understand how you feel. Sending you virtual hugs. Xx
Jobey68
Member

Re: Feels surreal

Morning Jules, you sound like you are coping much better than me, I'm a total wreck and just cannot get my head around it,my two sons have been amazing and took the news better than I expected thankfully, I'm just feeling so sorry for myself and I know I need to snap out of it as it's no good for any of us, don't you just feel like you've had a bomb dropped in the middle of your life!? I've got hospital on Monday to get all the facts as I was given my results over the phone, I am lucky to be able to be treated privately so will be seeing a another consultant on Friday once I've been switched across from NHS, Ive somehow got to find the strength to go to work a few days next week and let my poor hubby get some jobs done, money still has to come in but it's seems so trivial at the minute, I admire your strength and hope I can find some soon, take care Xx
jules_66
Member

Re: Feels surreal

Morning all. Thank you for your lovely messages, its so good to be able to talk to people to know exactly what you are going through. Am trying to keep positive and busy, but admit get waves of panic at times. My girls are 21,19 and 17 and I know will help me through this but how I wish I didn't have to put them through it. Telling them this week, want to wait until the elder two are home from Uni so at least they aren't getting the news on their own away from home. The family and friends I have told are bring amazing, poor Mum and Dad took it hard and hubby I think can't quite take it in. BC nurse phoned me yday to check I was OK and answer some if my questions, what lovely people they are. Really want to know the full extent and what the long term plan is but will have to wait 2-3 weeks after op for all results to be known so looks like mid to end of April before I know for sure. Pre op assessment next Friday and haircut, dentist and GP also so lots to do to keep me occupied. Off today to buy a post surgery bra, which might make it feel a bit less surreal. Love and hugs to you all xx

soi
Member

Re: Feels surreal

Hi Jules

Sorry you having to go through this. I,m going back today for my results. I have had a recurrence and they need to check for spread. The waiting has been horrendous. Now you know your treatment plan things will get a bit easier for you. It will be a roller coaster ride but you will get through it. Once you have told your girlsit will be easier as well. I found was the hardest part telling my sons but it amazing they way they cope once they get over the shock. Mine were older you don't say what age yours are but I,m sure they will help you get through it..Keep posting try to keep calm and remember we are always here.xxx

Lucy_BCC
Member

Re: Feels surreal

Hi Jules and Kim

I am sorry to read of your diagnoses, I am sure the support here will be a big help in coping during this difficult time for you and your families. Please also feel free to call our helpliners for further practical and emotional support on 0808 800 6000, lines are open 9-5 weekdays and 10-2 Saturdays

Here's a link to further information and support ideas from BCC which I hope you will find helpful:

https://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/treatment

Take care
Lucy BCC

Jobey68
Member

Re: Feels surreal

Hi jules, I too found out yesterday that I have BC, mine is very early stages and the outlook is good but I am still shell shocked, Like you I feel so awful at having to put my family through this, my sons are grown ups and I haven't told them yet but I'm dreading IT as they will be distraught, I'm in a how the hell can this be happening to me moment right now but know this is something I have to do so will find away to deal with it somehow, talking helps and knowing Im not going through it alone, you do feel like it's just you,hopefully we can help each other
jules_66
Member

Re: Feels surreal

Hi Tra16
Thank you so much for your lovely comments. I know I will get so much support and guidance through the forums which is so good to know. Good luck with your journey too, we will come through this and can supportveach other Take care Jules xx
Tra16
Member

Re: Feels surreal

Hi Jules

Sorry that you have had to join this group, but you will certainly find great support on here. I was diagnised on 4 march and this week having lots of different scans, then looking at an op and chemo. From what ive seen on here, waiting to know results of the extent of it is the worst part. I'm too worried about chemo, but the ladies on here are quite reassuring on that - some even running between sessions. We are all here for each other as we go through our journeys x
jules_66
Member

Feels surreal

Hello lovely ladies

So today I found out I've joined your club too.  I met with surgeon who told me the results of my repeated biopsy on the lump is malignant and so is the calcification. I have to have a mastectomy on 1st April with deferred reconstruction as until they know extent of cancer they can't say if chemo and /or radiotherapy is needed. Was kind of expecting it to be BC but not quite the extent. Was (and have continued to be) calm about it all which threw Consultant somewhat. Telling my parents was so hard and I know telling my 3 girls will be equally tough, feel terrible having to put them all through this distress and worry. The thought it of needing chemo is what is freaking me out most but guess I will deal with it if it comes to it. 

Anyway, enough of my ramblings, just wanted to say Hi and thank you in advance as I'm sure these forums will continue to help me keep my sanity. Jules xx