My fiancé noticed a lump some weeks ago, went to gyn, who referred her for regular mammogram. The tech said need to digital. That was done last Friday along with ultrasound which showed one large mass and two small ones. Doc said he was concerned, it could be cancer and we need to do biopsy. She says she feels finec& is in good spirits. i am a mess, though not front of her: she is 51 but does not look a day over 35. We are getting married August 23 and supposed to leave for Europe 2 weeks later. I’m so freaked out. She is if Caribbean descent which I read exposes to more aggressive stuff. I can’t take the waiting. My stomach has been in knots. She asked me yesterday if I still wanted to marry her. I told her nothing changes. It made me sad but I’m trying to stay positive and not google anymore stuff.
thanks for listening, I am trying to hold it together.
Hi Art, you will find a lot of support on here. Your fiance is lucky to have someone as supportive as you to hold her hand. You cannot plan too far ahead until she gets the results of the initial biopsy . The waiting and uncertainty is thw worse part and the imagination can run riot. You need to be strong, because even if your fiance isn’t showing it she is probably just as worried as you. It is normal to be scared ." If " your fiance is diagnosed she will be given a treatment plan and both of you will feel much calmer. Going with her to appointments will show her that you care and it will help her if you can take notes of what is being said at appointments with the breast nurse or consultant. Not all lumps are BC and those that are can be treated. The hospital will give her a pack with leaflets to explain about the different cancers and benign conditions. I know it sounds like a cliche, but just take each day as it comes, Until you have the facts all you will do is worry about the what ifs. In the meantime , try to give yourselves little treats each day , go for walks it helps release some of that pent up worry . Good Luck Kathy
Hi Art, what a wonderful man you are! Your fiancé is certainly one lucky girl. My husband of 40 years has been my rock throughout this roller coaster of a journey and I’m sure you will be the same. As Kathy says you cannot plan too far in advance until you know the results of the biopsy. It’s only natural for you to feel scared, it’s fear of the unknown. I’ m so glad you’ve stopped googling, there’s a lot of out of date and plain inaccurate information out there which will scare you witless. Please stay on this site or Macmillan. Katy’s right when she says not all lumps are BC, in fact the majority are not, but if it does turn out to be BC the treatments on offer today are amazing and they work. Do keep us informed as to how you are both doing, wishing you all the luck in the world, Pat
Hi Art,
What a difficult situation. I’m sure you must both be hoping for the best but fearing the worst. Good luck with the results. Talk to each other as much as you can, you are clearly a strong coule and together will get past whatever is thrown at you. Even if it is cancer, depending upon grades, stages etc, you may still get your wedding and honeymoon in before surgery / treatment. Some surgery is minimal, others more invasive with a longer recovery time. Like wise lots of people manage medical treatmens very well too. Good luck and thinking of you both.
Deborah
What a lovely man you are…there are stories on here of less nice men…I found that I just wanted my OH to listen to me before and after dx…I was 52 btw…just be there for her…I can’t say about your honeymoon as we had to cancel our trip to Egypt because of my treatment but…that was just me…as the other ladies say…you can’t plan too far ahead until you know what you are dealing with…just take it one step at a time and plan around it…some ladies have minimal surgery…I had Mx but that was my choice as well…good luck with the results…and wishing you both a long and happy married life…
Art, I can already tell that your partner has struck gold in you and that she will be well supported if the worst outcome occurs. If she does need treatment, it is always worth asking the team if you can delay until after something as important as a wedding and honeymoon. Often, these tumours have been growing for years, and they are happy to wait an extra couple of weeks for treatment to begin. I delayed my surgery for 2 weeks so we could do a long planned 40th birthday celebration in New York - and it was a great decision. I hope things work out for you in the best way- in that she gets the all clear, but if not, there is good prognosis for most women and lots of support and guidance for her, and for you. You’ll get through this, stronger and knowing each other even better than you do now. Good luck x
Just got bad news. Small tissue sample showed malignant cells. Don’t know much else. Waiting to get appointment with surgeon. Surgery will be needed than pathology testing. I’m trying to be a rock but my fiancée is upset. We just got marriage license this morning.
Hi Art, Sorry to hear your news, it is life changing, when you get the news, but hang on in there . In the past 20 years they have made such progress with breast cancer. it’s treatable. I am not sure but it sounds like your fiance had a core biopsy already ? Is she now waiting for a surgery date to have the lump taken out? Big hugs Kathy x
We meet with surgeon to discuss results On Friday. I imagine will get a surgery date. Still don’t have a lot if details.
Hi Art, so sorry you didn’t get the news you were hoping for. The breast cancer journey is like a roller coaster with it’s ups and downs but it is made much easier if you can ride it together. Your fiancée is bound to be upset, we all were when we got our diagnosis, but once she’s has surgery, the path results and a treatment plan she’ll feel much calmer as she’ll have some measure of control. Please keep posting, you’ll both get lots of help and support from this forum. Take care and look after each other (I’m sure you will). Pat x
We meet with surgeon Friday to find out more details.
Dear Art,
Thinking of you both. The waiting and the tests can be exhausting. I found it helpful to try and break it down into stages and not think about the what if’s. Breast cancer is so many different things and prognosis can be excellent! Your fiance will benefit from your unfailing support, but don’t forget that you will need it too. I worry that my husband doesn’t talk to his freinds about things. I know he tries to hide his worries from me but that makes me worry about him! What a pickle!
take care both of you. Let us know how you get on.
Deborah
Thanks for your thoughts. One of the things natalie said to me was who is going to take care of you?
Meet with surgeon Friday. I’ve already spoken to a close friend but my brother is on vacation until Saturday.
Id like to thank everyone for their kind thoughts & prayers.
You will both be in my thoughts and prayers for tomorrow. Take a small pad and pen and write down what the consultant says. Mine was only there for 5 minutes and I was in a daze, like it wasn’t really happening to me . I had to ask my breast care nurse to go over it. Your fiance will be assigned a breast care nurse, given lots of information (pamplets and booklets to read) . Try to keep busy today and go for a walk together. Kathy
We found out yesterday that she has invasive ductal carcinonoma. Pathology said cells were moderately differential which means not very aggressive. MRI & lymph node biopsy next week. They said the area is large so will do chemo first to reDuce it before surgery. Getting 2nd opinion in 8/12. Have to cancel the honeymoon. I’m trying to keep it together.
Hi Art, good to hear that the tumour is only Grade 2 (mod differentiated), hope the MRI and SNB go well. I think the MRI will give them a much more accurate sizing of the tumour so that they can determine how much the chemo has affected it when they look again later. Lots of ladies on this forum have chemo first with some spectacular results. Sorry you’ve had to cancel the honeymoon, but remember, you will have that to look forward to when all the treatment is finally over - what a lovely goal to aim for. Hope you’re still having the wedding, I think your team should be able to work around 1 very special day! Best wishes to you both and carry on looking after each other, Pat x
Hope so. Still going with wedding. They said tumor is large because it is cluster of small ones. I guess right now would have to do mastectomy so want to get it small to do lumpectomy.
Hi Art mine was 5cm aggresive grade 3 had chemo first 4 x docetaxol. When I had surgery tumour was gone only scar tissue left. O fingers crossed for your partner.
Reviewed the pathology report again with a much clearer head and have sone questions. I appreciate all your help & support so far. My fiancée has been so string and we had a great day together today. It says somethIng about apocrine features and a modified scarf score 6. Ultrasound notes Size of mass is 1.7 x 1.3 cm. not sure what this means.
Hi Art123
Our booklet “Understanding your pathology report” may be of some help. Here’s the link:
www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/sites/default/files/understanding_your_pathology_report.pdf
You could also give our helpline a call to talk things over. They can offer practical information and emotional support. Opening times are 9-5 on weekdays and 10-2 on Saturdays. The number is 0808 800 6000.
Very best wishes
Janet
BCC Moderator