Finding it impossible to accept diagnosis

Hello there, 

 

a couple of months ago I squeezed a spot very hard on my upper chest area. It was a bit severe what I did. I used two fingers from each hand and pushed against my rib cage and squeezed so hard together that it hurt. I forgot about this and then a month later found a longish but small lump barely into my upper breast tissue…and went to get it checked. All the way along I expected it would show as fatty necrosis, I never imagine I would get a result that indicated a breast cancer, which I have got. I can’t get out of my head that I KNOw what I did and some fatty necrosis can mimic carcinomas. I think that the biopsy results must have been mixed up or contaminated, as mistakes are made and I am finding it impossible to accept the result based on what I know I did. I was stupid and even started googling how often pathology mix us happen.   It was over the busy Easter period, so they were flat out in pathology, I think I have someone elses results and can’t get this thought out of my head. 

 

I dont know know what to do. I am beside myself with fear and turmoil and I don’t know how to react or feel. Has anyone else been like this, felt like this? The area also hurts when I flex my muscles, forgot to add that. 

 

  Charys

Dear Charys,

 

What you are feeling has been echoed by all women who have ever been diagnosed with breast cancer, infact just spelling those two words just there still make my heart skip a beat. I was diagnosed just before Christmas last year and I also was in a bit of denial as I felt so well! These first few weeks of biopsies and tests and waiting truly are THE WORST and it is almost impossible to take comfort in anything. If you are stuggling to sleep and eat see your GP to get something to help you. Once you have had the details of your treatment plan you will feel a bit more settled as you have a path to follow. Keep talking to us here and your breast care team and you can call the support people of this website who will all be here to support you.

 

Lots of Hugs,

 

Ali xx

I think we all struggle to accept it in the beginning especially as you know what you did with your spot. What have they actually said to you? Yes very occasionally mistakes do happen but often the consultants/radiologists question unexpected results and would call you back. For peace of mind ring your BCN xx

I’m feeling a bit hard done by regarding information, the surgeon literally told me cancer and headed within a minute into what she was going to do…and I couldn’t take it in. It felt harsh. I could barely listen, I didn’t listen, I couldn’t focus on anything… the only reason I know the details is that my husband asked for the biopsy report. I felt I just wanted some time out of the room, or to see the nurse, but I was just handed a slip of paper saying to ring the nurse the next day. I rang this website the next day as I thought my head was going to explode and there was nobody , no contact. I tried ringing the nurses but only got answering machines the first day. I am sounding really ‘woe is me’ , I’m aware of that but it felt like without this website and this forum I would have lost the plot totally. You people here are amazing. 

Hi Charys, 

I am really sorry to hear you are going through this difficult time and you could not get through to our helplinebut I am so glad that you have found support with some of our users.

Our helpline does get quite busy but please do call again if you would like to talk. They will be able to offer a friendly ear and talk through any questions you may have. You can reach them on 0808 800 6000.

I have put the opening hours below.

Monday-Friday, 9am-5pm
Late opening Monday and Wednesday 5pm-7pm,
Saturday, 9am-1pm

Best wishes, 

Lizzy 

Usually they give you a large folder of information from Breast Cancer Care.Saying that you are in no fit state to take in the information you are given when you are first diagnosed and I hid the folder in the car cosI couldn’t bear to have it in the house !!!Have you another appointment with surgeon?Thats when I had most of my questions answered.

No follow up appointment offered. Just ‘ring my secretary to book in your surgery’.

Hi Charys. I really feel for you. It was hard enough being given the results with the Breast Care Nurse there. I couldn’t have done with out them. I don’t think the way you have been treated over this is acceptable. Hang in there and use us all for support until you get to speak to your nurse. Your pathology result for the biopsy does sound very positive in the grand scheme of things. Did the surgeon discuss options with you? Xx

That’s a shocking way to be given results then left to book in your own operation!! A BCN should certainly have been there at the time you were given results as she’s your first point of call during all of your treatment, seems to be a real lack of communication at your hospital, hopefully things will improve once you have been back on Monday xx 

It’s only natural you are scared but I don’t think it works like that. The amount of time I really really squeezed my lump trying to feel if it had grown etc (it was directly behind my nipple) I’m sure it would have splattered inside me. I did wonder earlier if you had gone private as the initial care doesn’t seem quite so good even if it quicker xx

Thanks so much ladies for all your replies today. You have ‘got me through the day’. You are priceless. 

Hard to believe in the beginning, but you do get used to having cancer and find a way to live with it .When are you having your op Charys?

That’s good it’s horrible sat waiting to go down to sugery ,best get it over with early ,you will be home within hours and hopefully cancer free !!!Take pillow for return journey as seatbelt comes over affected area.I felt very relieved once I had had my op,felt a lot calmer .

Seatbelt will go across most of your chest ,you don’t realise til you have blooming stiches in that area !!!I swore alot on the way home despite pillow !!That was mainly due to husbands bad driving though !!

All the best for Tuesday Charys, its really not a bad op and as with a lot to do with being diagnosed the mental side is often harder than the physical one, its amazing how you learn to live with whats happening to you isnt it! Xx

Good luck tomorrow Charys!!!This time tomorrow hopefully you will be home and all cancer gone!!!

I talked major **** to the anaesthetist to try and keep myself calm,he must have thought I was bonkers !!!

I guess they must be used to it???

As they were putting me to sleep the nurse was telling me to imagine I was on holiday in a caravan in Cornwall and I remember saying I go in Aeroplanes not caravans! Then woke up trying to take my glasses off that I didn’t have on! ?:airplane:

I have not been able to post! I saw consultant last wednesday.I have stage 1 very hormone receptive!I am having mastetomey 27th then tablets for 5_10years!Also sentile node biopsy.I am unable to cry. I had mastemomey dec 2012 widespread dcis…I dont feel supported,last time b/care nurse was explaining,there for me,this time nothing seems to have been explained,maybe because been through surgery before.I didnt ask questions so maybe my own fault! Phoned bbcare for help as didnt realise its invasive cancer this time.Am just lost…Anne