Oooooomph, I do feel for you all.
Marie, that's such excellent, helpful advice from Sue ref any support groups in your area. This forum is a fantastic place for support, but you still can't beat face to face, in person contact with alike fellow BC women and hopefully an opportunity to befriend, when you feel more up to it.
Wishing you all strength. Sending love and big hugs
Oh Marie, I'm so sorry that you feel like that. I find this forum very comforting as you can chat to people going through the same treatment. Where abouts are you in the country? Are there any support groups near you? I'm sure your bc nurses will be able to put you in touch with others nearby.
Sending a hug xx
I know just how u feel I've been doing it on my own since I was diagnosed it's been so hard, I've got a partner not that it feels or seems like it, if I ask for his help I get cut off I live alone with my dog there's days I'm in so much pain so tired, I'm literally struggling the nurse's tell me I'm strong but no one with cancer should have to face it alone I cry myself to sleep feel so alone haven't got any mates my sister's live Mile's away, feel like I'm cracking up I just want bit of help and support
I agree H. Very difficult to go on fb and post, when you haven't really faced the diagnosis yourself. Have told friends and family when they ask. Looking forward to posting a positive outcome at the end of all the treatment.
Take it easy everyone
Thank you so much for your kind words. It sounds to me that you are an amazingly strong woman who has coped fantastically. I hope I can cope with the chemo as well as you have!!!
Thank you all for your amazing comments. After an incredibly bumpy weekend and his best friend telling him exactly what he thought of him I think he has realised that this actually isnt about him and his job is to help me but also make sure the kids are ok. We will see what the future holds and i am prepared incase we have another wobble. I do have amazing friends who have all offered help, I think I am just too worried to ask for it which I know is daft. I dont want to be a burden on anyone!! Anyway - Vacuum Biopsy this Friday and then treatment plan next week so I should be a little more clued up after that.
I do have one question though......... what do you do when people constantly message you saying "I've just heard your news". Have any of you just put your diagnosis on social media and asked people to give you time to adjust? Did it work?
My partner of 20yrs also decided 2 weeks after my diagnosis that he was unhappy and wanted to be on his own!! It's amazing how selfish people can be!
However, I have an amazing daughter and wonderful mum who help me every step of the way. Just about to start 2nd round of chemo and despite the fatigue, have not been too bad.
Good luck to everyone
Please can I just say -
YOU LOT ARE ONE LOAD OF TOUGH COOKIES - I applaud you and wish you ALL continued STRENGTH to carry on kicking this gawd awful disease in its behind regions !!!! (as well as a few lacking partners, it would seem. Shame they can't see you in the same way i'm sorry).
Love and biiig long hugs to you
Hi Hels, good luck.
Don't you have friends who you can ask for help? I'm on my own and my friends have been invaluable!
And they actually appreciate being asked, as they feel a bit weird without knowing what to do or say otherwise.
I'm driving myself now, but if you have surgery you won't be able to for around 2 months, so help in that area is very much appreciated. I also get lifts on actual chemo treatment days, as I never know how I'll be feeling afterwards.
Also help with the shopping is useful, as you won't be able to carry weights for a while.
I don't have children, so can't advise you there, but my general thought is "it can be done on your own, but don't be afraid to ask for very specific help".
(for example, one day that a friend came to visit me and asked what she could do, I put her to work folding and putting away my laundry, I was just feeling so incredibly tired that day, and she didn't mind at all)
Hi, I was diagnosed with Grade 3 breast cancer last Thursday. I have had a breast MRI and now waiting for vacuum biopsy next week. I am married with 2 children (23 and 12) but my husband is not coping (doesnt really cope with anything, and goes out drinking) so I guess I am facing this on my own with the kids. I am HER2 receptive but havent been told my treatment plan yet - this is all happening this week I believe. The thought of the surgery doesnt scare me too much (had 2 c-sections and may other ops) but the chemo is a walk into the unknown for me - and I am petrified. I am hoping to be able to drive myself to the treatments as my parents died over the last two years and my sibings live far away. I have aske my husband to leave and let me concentrate on getting better which is why I am on this thread. I have found such good advise on here and feel a little more able to cope so thank you and I know where to come if I have questions in over the next few months.
You're situation moved me, I am 43 and have recently had mastectomy & chemo for stage 3c breast cancer.
Although difficult at times I've been lucky enough to have my 6 year old little girl to give me strength and a reason to fight.
I absolutely agree with you that friends & family much as they try to understand and boost us can never truly empathise with how we're feeling, especially as our emotions and resolve can change from one minute to the next.
A word of reassurance - I've just my had 6th and last chemo, you'll be surprised how quickly you get through your treatment and how strong you become.
I wish you strength and hope your treatment goes well without side effects. Love and very best wishes,
Hi Treeze - I also live alone and find night times and late afternoons the bleakest times. My friends have been great but it is hard for them to understand without going through it themselves. I do think there are a few positives to being alone - after chemo when I 'm feeling particularly rubbish it's good not to have to think about anyone else's needs. You can do as much or as little as you are able without worrying about having to cook someone else's dinner, do their washing or make sure they get to school or work on time. If you want to you can spend all day in bed or watching box sets. You can have a good old wallow in it without anyone watching!
If you can, try and look to your friends for support and tell them how you are feeling. They may be desperate to help but unsure of what they can do or how you are feeling. I think we often put a brave face on it for the benefit of others, but sometimes it's better to reach out, though I do find that very difficult.
So sorry to hear about your friend. Sending you a big hug xxx
Hi starlight, alli here. I've just signed up. I've been completely alone since being diagnosed with breast cancer stage 3/4 in jan 2013. It's now in my spine too. I've now got access to family members but have found myself in a rut mentally. I spend day after day alone, by choice, yet feel frustrated. I don't know how to cope. Do you have any tips? Do you want to chat? I'm lost. Your Cancer is further than min and I'm so sorry and petrified as I know I'm due the same soon. Do you think we could share ? I send you all my love and support , alli. Xxxx
Hi, I just want to add to what Charys has said. So sorry you are going through all this. I do understand as my auntie has gone through cancer treatment twice since her husband died. She asked a few friends to help but it was still very lonely and she was admitted to hospital a few times when the team was concerned because she had no one to look after her at home.
Big hugs xxx
PS If it is something you think would be useful, you can request an assessment of your care and support needs from the local authority. There is some more information on this website http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/pages/assessment-care-needs.aspx
Im not currently having chemo but I just wanted to say how terribly sorry I am to hear of your situation. To actually have your husband pass away on the day of your own operation is staggeringly 'unfair', but as we know nothing about this diagnosis is 'fair'. Is there anyway you could have some sort of 'hotline' to your friendly and supportive neighbours, a mobile that you carry with you and call them or something like that. That phone could also have saved a whole set of useful numbers...GP number, NHS 111 and assorted other things like local hosp. team. What about a friend who could come and stay with you during certain parts of treatment? I know this seems maybe like a daft suggestion (.maybe others will come along shortly who live alone and could help with better advice......but is there any funding availiable for cases like this for a carer to attend someone, or could people pay privately?
I feel so sad for you, as clearly you are feeling very alone tonight, so I didn't want to pass by your post without saying something. I am thinking of you and there are always people around here to share your thoughts with. X
Hello I am in the situation,as well sadly I lost my darling husband the day after I had my op.and now have to start my chemotherapy,I am very nervous about it as my family live far and wide,I have fabulous friends and neighbors who run me here there and everywhere,but it is going to be the nights when I will feel alone,and worrying if I am going to be ill,it just seams so surreal I watched my husband go through it and now me, sorry, just feeling sorry for myself,it's the Unknown that's the scary bit,open for a chat if any body is out there.
Hiya. I'm new here and live alone. I went to stay with my parents for one night only after my first chemo, more for their benefit than mine as they're very elderly and wouldn't have been able to help much apart from phone calls in the night if I took unwell. Only minor infections so far which I've been able to cope with.
About to have my second FEC-T treatment next Friday.
Hi Jo (and any other 'solo' chemo people),
I too live alone and am about to start chemo this week. I have relatives who are supporting me and one in particular who has come to a lot of the appointments with me, but they are all at least an hour's drive away, all of them on the far side of the hospital from where I live. I also have brilliant neighbours who have already been helping lots - living in a rural area, you need to get on, everyone needs help sometime!
Readng this thread has helped - some things I had thought of, others I hadn't.
I had a mastectomy in December and started chemo in January, followed by radiotherapy in May and June.
My husband works in the Carribbean and my son was at boarding school so I was on my own most of the time.
I had a lift to and from my first chemo but drove to all the other sessions after that. I even drove myself in on a Friday evening for an urgent CT scan for breathlessness - I was only breathless walking so driving was fine.
I made sure I had plenty of food in the house before each cycle including things that I might fancy like chocolate. I did my supermarket shopping on line which helped.
Not everyone feels dreadful. I managed to work a lot of the time and actually only stopped when I was diagnosed with a bone met and that was partly because I wasn't ready to tell everyone and partly because work thought I should be off! I actually went to the gym regularly until the taxotere made me breathless after cycle 3.
I am on long term herceptin and tamoxifen now. I do have joint pains at the moment but I think it is probably because of the forced menopause the chemo gave me.
I flew out to the West Indies to see my husband 3 days after finishing my radiotherapy and even went scuba diving although didn't go too deep.
I found that I did get lonely and allowed myself to cry if I felt I needed to. I also made myself do something everyday even if it was only a hospital appointment. There were days when I felt like staying in my pyjamas everyday but forced myself to do a little something such as a walk down the lane or a little bit of weeding. My garden has never looked so good!
I hope it goes as smoothly as possible for you.
Welcome to the BCC Forum where I'm sure you'll find lots of support from fellow members. Hopefully someone will notice your post and reply to your query about living alone.
You might find it helpful to join one of the Chemo monthly threads. These are started by members who began their chemo in the same month. I've attached a link to the September group:
Very best wishes
Hi Gussie and everyone
Thank you for this thread, I'm about to start chemo in a few weeks time and will be living on my own. I'm moving cities to be close to family (I'd given up my flat anyway to go traveling!) so will have plenty of people on hand but it's helped me to read about others experiences.
I wondered how you got on in the end, whether you found the whole thing manageable living alone?
I hope you are now well and enjoying life
Here's the link to the 'Around the UK' forum where users contact others local to themselves. Hope this helps.
Bumping this up for you Gus, please also feel free to call our helpline on 0808 800 6000 to talk things through as they can provide practical and emotional support, open weekdays 9-5 and Sat 10-2