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Going through Cancer whilst living alone

52 REPLIES 52
Sue H-S
Community Champion

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hi loulou50

Here is a link, which tells you how Private Messaging works

https://forum.breastcancercare.org.uk/t5/Struggling-to-get-started/Private-groups-and-private-messag...

Hope it helps.

Hugs

Sue xx

loulou50
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hey,

Just wanted you to know im thinking of you- no need to worry about being here or replying, just that you read and know.   Bloomin colds- they are everywhere at the moment arn't they.  Lets hope once it goes thats out the way and you can get on with what treatment is ahead.

 

I hope you find it ok and manageable.  Have you got some friends helping out?  Its so important.  Get as much as you can.

 

Im ok- Its tough getting your head around things isn't it-but I am not facing the same difficulties as yourself, so I have little to complain about.  I have to just get on with it ( the doc told me that today too lol) and basically do as Im told by the proffessionals- so I will- as will you I know.

 

I havent started radiotherapy yet- but will in a couple of weeks.  Maybe that co incides with your chemo and we can be of support. 

 

You could PM me if I knew how.....but I have no idea how that works.

 

I really just want you to know, Im here, and will help however I can- so anytime and if its useful, just talk.

 

Remember that being alone can be tough, but actually, we are all alone arn't we.  We all have to face our own journey in life, but people can be beside us as we do it- thats where I am.

 

Keep warm, and find something that makes you laugh every day, even if for a minute.

 

Big gentle hugs xxx

Spoiler
 
Brodiesmum
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

hi Lou lou sorry for not being around on here. The antibiotics helped but have still got  a chesty cough and sound coldy thanks to all the catarrh, yuck!

 

I do hope you are ok?

How are things going for you?

xxxx

Brodiesmum
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hi Sue,

 

Thank you for all the helpful links, I shall have a look soon xxx

loulou50
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Just wanted you to know you are often in my thoughts- no need to reply- but do hope your cold is getting better and that you are ok. 

 

Wishing you lots of support and love all around you xx

Sue H-S
Community Champion

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hi Brodiesmum,

So, so sad to read the news about your diagnosis. HUGE HUGS of support coming your way.

I am not surprised you are strugglng - it is so much to come to terms with - and I am glad you made the decision to go through the chemo. Should you start in November have a look at the monthly chemo threads - the thread for November 2016 starters should be up very soon https://forum.breastcancercare.org.uk/t5/Chemotherapy-monthly-hreads/bd-/Chemotherapy_monthy_threads

You may also wish to explore the Living with secondary breastcancer board - as this is the area where ladies, who are in a similar situation to yourself, share their thoughts, experiences and support each other.

https://forum.breastcancercare.org.uk/t5/Living-with-secondary-breast/ct-p/secondary_breast_cancer

Many of us think that area is for when cancer comes back - but secondary breastcancer is either the cancer coming back elswhere (not a new primary diagnosis) or it has spread to other areas.

My thoughts and hopes are with you.

Huge hug

Sue xxx

 

loulou50
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Brodiesmum,

 

Buggar!  Whatever next- keep warm, keep calm, it will pass.  Im thinking of you and willing you better. 

 

I hope you have gathered some help .  Every day, think of one little thing that was good , every single day xxxx

Brodiesmum
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

lou lou

 

quick reply, gone down with a chest infection and stinking cold so not feeling too great.

Will reply more in next few days

 

Big hugs to you hun, thinking of you xxxx

loulou50
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Broadiesmum,

 

Oh bless you, I am sure the anxiety is very hard to deal with and in some ways the hardest thing to deal with.  Ride the fear wave until it dies down a bit for you to regain focus and be able to think about what you want and need to think about in the coming months. 

 

Good that you will have the chemo- it is often surprising what it can do and will give you time for perspective and also to meet others who will give you love and strength to cope.

 

I don't know if this is helpful to say or not Broadiesmum, but when taking my Mum to chemo a few weeks ago, there was a lady there who started up a convo with us, and she said something about it being what most are there for, to hold back the cancer and get a bit more time.  She said you do it because you dont want to leave your family.  I was struck by her honesty and it was like a slap around the face, as I know she is so right.  I remember thinking that if I were in that position , it will still be helpful to be with others who really understood, and there were many there.  Its hard to explain, but I am willing you to find comfort and help to take away the overwhelming fear. 

 

Always here to listen and walk beside you. Big big hugs ❤️ xx

Brodiesmum
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

I am overwhelmed with all your lovely replies, I really am.

Struggling a lot right now and last night was awful, anxiety, panic felt sick

I felt as though my world ended when they gave me the news but didn't break down until I got in the car to come home.

I will have the chemo because its not an option to do nothing.

 

The oncologist said I was a perfect candidate for a new drug trial but am sorry, if half the patients on the trial get the drug and the half don't, it could possibly give me less time and knowing my luck I'd be given the placebo

 

Thinking of you all and sending big hugs back from me and Brodie xxx

EileenH
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Totally agree loulou, whatever we can do to help you just ask xxx

Treeze
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Couldn't say it any better than that loulou
loulou50
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hello Brodiesmum,

 

I just popped on to see how you are and saw the news. I know that you may not be looking on here at the mo, and that you are trying to take in the news.  I know that there will be little I can say that will be of comfort to you right now too. 

 

However, I always think that saying nothing is worse. Being alone with this is beyond difficult, but I am sure that whoever can help, will help, whether friend or proffessional. 

 

When you feel like talking again, we are all here for you too.  I have no idea how 'PM' works unfortunately but if you feel I can help at all, do let me know.  I wish we could take this away from you but you know we can't.  We can listen if you need an ear, and we can for the most part, be beside you in how you feel.

 

"Strong"? "Positive" ?  Be whatever you feel lovely lady, and reach out when you are ready .

 

xxxx

Brodiesmum
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

thank you everyone

 

Treeze, I have just emailed the moderator to enable my private messaging facility xxx

Treeze
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Tried to pm you Brodiesmum but won't send on your settings.Sending you love xx
Sarah04
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

So very sorry to hear your news Brodiesmum.
Thinking of you and sending lots of love
Sarah x
EileenH
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

So sorry to hear your news. I'm here if you need to talk. Sending you lots of love and hugs xxx

 

Treeze
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

So very sorry.thinking of you xx
ann-m
Community Champion

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

so sorry to hear your news, Brodiesmum.
wishing you all the very best for your treatment
love & hugs
ann x
Shep72
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Words cannot express how sorry I am for your shattering news.

Sending you much much love and hugs. We are here for you when you are ready to talk xxxxx
Brodiesmum
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Well, today has hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

The cancer has spread to my lung and is in all lymph nodes. Without chemo I have under 6 months. 'If' the chemo helps I will have 1 - 2 years. I am devasted, can't say anymore right now

Big hugs to you all xxx

Treeze
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Yes if it turns into a cold think I will
EileenH
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Sorry, I'm not sure what would happen, could you ring the helpline for advice or contact your breast cancer nurse xx

 

Treeze
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Good result Brodiesmum..you're getting there! X
EileenH
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hi Brodiesmum, I was the same couldn't take the information in, I rang both the breast care helpline and the Macmillan helpline as well as my breast care nurse as soon as any question popped in my head.

Thinking of you xx

 

Treeze
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Thank you.my big fear of getting a cold with this will come about soon I think, given the amount of people who have them now winters coming.most of my family have them so it's only a matter of time.I'm scared stuff of getting colds as I'm also prone to chest infections.what happens if I get one? I imagine it's temperature I have to watch but is there anything else? Has anyone had one while having cancer? X
EileenH
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hi Treeze, will be thinking about you tomorrow, sending you lots of hugs xx

loulou50
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hi Brodiesmum,

 

How are you today?  Im a bit internittent as cannot work out how I follow a thread so I trawl through looking lol!  I hope you are ok.  I have just got my results.  Cancer a bit larger than thought and a grade 2 not a grade1 but otherwise all taken out with clear margin area and no spread to lymph nodes as far as they can tell anyway which is as good as it can be really , so feeling sort of relieved.  It will now be tamoxifen and radiotherapy eek!

 

I am exhuasted! It was an hour and a half wait in the hospital as 3 nurses were off.  That was really difficult but pleased to get good news.

 

What have you been up to today?  I hope your ok.  The not so sunny weather does not help much does it!

Big hugs xxx

Treeze
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Thank you.I'm feeling pretty ok with everything today for some reason..of course we all know how we change from day to day! 🙂 just had a friend round and she's offered to take me back and forth for treatment..amazing.anyway one step at a time.hope we're all having a good day x
Shep72
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hi Treeze

I'm sorry to hear you have been dealt a double whammy ... what a terrible blow ... I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling right now.

When you are ready ask about hospital transport, it is provided for those you can't get to an from hospital and I remember from past experiences having quite a giggle with fellow transport patients as I journeyed to and from hospital.

Sending you big hugs xxxx
Brodiesmum
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hi Treeze,

 

Both you and Eileen have been in my thoughts today

 

Sending huge hugs to you. Am so glad you had your daughter with you. There is always so much information to process but if like me you only really hear the words cancer and where it is and then you shut things out. When I was given my initial diagnoses I remember saying to the breast nurse that I wasn't taking any more in so she stopped.

Let me know how your appt goes with the urologist, thinking of you xxx

 

 

Brodiesmum
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hi Eileen,

 

Good to hear you are back home and ok. Waiting is definitely the worse part for sure because it gives you time to think. Am sure they could get results quicker at times.

I hope you have a good nights sleep tonight xxx

Treeze
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hi everyone.saw my consultant today..lucky I had my daughter with me to take everything in as I'm brain dead..and she confirmed kidney cancer.I have an appt this Friday with urology consultant who will tell me more about it and next week have appt with breast consultant and an ultrascan for kidney.theyre looking at op week of Oct 31st hopefully and then depending on whether they find any remnants left in breast will do more chemo or not..of course I hope not! Then three weeks of radiotherapy Mon-Fri (!) we might see about staying in a b and not something as it's hour and a half away and I don't have anyone who can take me there for that long.anyway that's not yet.so...at the moment I'm ok with everything.we'll see what tomorrow brings.x
EileenH
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hi Brodiesmum thank you. I'm back home. I think the operation went ok, just got to wait for the appt for the results in two weeks. I think the waiting is the worst part. Will be thinking about you tomorrow for your meeting with your oncologist.

Treeze hope they're not making you wait longer for your results.

Sending you both hugs xxx
Treeze
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Thank you x don't know what to expect, maybe they don't even have results yet! We'll soon see x
Brodiesmum
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hi Shep,

 

Hugs back to you too. Like you I am so pleased to have found this forum and to be able to share things that we are all going through xxx

Brodiesmum
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Eileen and Treeze,

 

thinking of you both today and sending you big hugs xxx

Shep72
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hi Brodiesmum

I just wanted to say 'Hi', I'm sorry that you, all of us find ourselves on this forum but I'm so pleased I found it as everyone is so lovely and supportive, and awake in the night!! It must be really hard living alone and dealing with this blow.

Sending you hugs and wishing you a good evening and some restful sleep 🌸😊

Treeze
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Thinking of you xx
EileenH
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hi Brodiesmum and Treeze glad you both managed to get some sleep last night.

 

i've got my operation tomorrow so,don't think I'll be sleeping tonight, but I will be thinking about you both and here if you ever need a chat.

 

Eileen

xx

 

 

Treeze
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Thank you.glad you slept..you'll feel so much more able to cope.I had a good night too..went early and only woke once at 2.30..my usual sweaty mess :)and then slept till 7.30
Brodiesmum
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hi Treeze, Eileen and Loulou,

 

I actually slept last night, got about 5 hours, rather surprised!

 

thank you for wishes.

 

Good Luck Treeze for tomorrow xxx

loulou50
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hey good luck tomorrow and Thursday.  Fingers crossed all goes well .xxx

EileenH
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hi Brodiesmum, good luck for tomorrow and Thursday meeting the oncologist, will be thinking you.

Treeze good luck on Wednesday with your biopsy results.

What I find frustrating I'm tired at night but when I get in bed I'm wide awake but i try to get up and get dressed every day even if I end up going back to bed again. If you ever fancy a chat anytime I'm here xx
Treeze
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Sorry..pressed send!...I'd suggest getting up rather than just laying thinking.my sleeping is all over the place but since I stopped work I try not to stress if I can't sleep..I make a cup of tea, look at my phone...nothing upsetting or worrying! something cheerful or relaxing , listen to the radio and sleep later if and when you can.your moods change all the time..minute to minute it seems sometimes but the worse ones WILL pass.keep in touch.happy to give you my number should you ever feel like texting if you're feeling low x
Treeze
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hi good luck for tomorrow.Wednesday is the day I'm expecting to get my kidney biopsy results to confirm cancer there.I was told its unusual to get two unconnected cancers so they were going to see if something else is going on whatever that means.have things planned for the next day in case I need to keep myself busy.if you can't sleep i'd sugg
Brodiesmum
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hi Treeze,

 

How are you?

How are things going?

I've got my PET scan tomorrow then finally seeing the Oncologist Thurs

 

Trying my best to stick to my normal routine i.e taking the dog out, going to bed at a certain time etc, not that am doing much sleeping xx

Treeze
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Been thinking about you today Brodiesmum.We're all here to help each other.don't hesitate to get in touch..I for one am invariably awake at some time during the night xx
Brodiesmum
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Thank you, Eileen, Treeze and loulou, your replies mean alot to me.

 

It is nice to know I am not alone. I've had some panicky moments wondering how I will be when the Chemo starts etc.

 

It makes sense though with what you say that sometimes you will want to be on your own if not feeling great and not having to look after anyone else but yourself.

 

I hope I can be there for you all too. I know it may sound daft but it really is a relief to be able to talk to others that are going through what I am and will be going through. xxx

loulou50
Member

Re: Going through Cancer whilst living alone

Hi Brodiesmum,

 

Yes I live alone.  I separated from my husband a year and a half ago, and literally was in the middle of moving when I found out I had breast cancer.  I also was in the middle of chemo with my Mum who was half way through treatment for bowel cancer, so it has been a very difficult time.  I have just had a lumpectomy and had help in place, but they all came down with various illnesses and so I have been completely alone!

 

It has mostly been ok, but I did go through a stage as you say, where you wish you had someone 'special' in your life to care for you and well, just be there really.  However, I went online and goggled something about it, and it came up with all these people going through rough times with illnesses and their partners were not acting the loving partners they hoped they would be!  It made me think as the other reply you had ( sorry cannot remember the name) that at least I do not have to do anything for anyone else or worry about their feelings etc and can eat drink and sleep whenever I want.  It was sad reading but it sort of put things back into perspective as we tend to look through rose tinted glasses imagining our special person will act how we want them too, where as in reality they may not ( even if they really do love us!)

 

I have found these boards really helpful and less alone by using them.  I hope you will too.  Reach out to your friends around you when you can too as it is easy to isolate yourself if feeling a bit down and afraid.   Take each day at a time and gradually you will see light at the end of the tunnel.  Big hugs to you. xxx