Yeh, typical - I felt all of what you're saying, to begin with. You probably won't believe me, when I add that "to begin with". The devastation, the tears, the anger, the unfairness, the betrayal of trust in my body, etc., etc. - felt all the "typical" - same as you. Do please have a read of "How do you all Cope" - It's taken me years to arrive at where I am. I hope it takes YOU much less time to, but don't beat yourself up/compare yourself to others either. Did I read right on another post, you're in Lancashire somewhere? I used to be in the Middleton/Rochdale area a good few years, prior to Macclesfield. Sadly have never been a "Smiths" fan - bit before my time to truely appreciate perhaps (nearly 59!).
Have a great evening tonight, and a very Happy, Healthy New Year 2019
Thanks Delly I can't imagine a time where it doesn't dominate my mind I've been absolutely devastated by this. I'm trying all I can but a year later still tears nearly every day don't know if this is normal. My children are older but very needy and were so close I still can't believe this has happened and get so angry still. I have to confess I'm a massive Morrissey fan were all big on Indie music in our house TypicalMe are song lyrics but it is typical me to stress so much ! Xx
"Bless you" for that, TypicalMe - I'm not religious, but do believe there's possibly a combined force of our departed loved ones souls (nearly put soles! but know you'd have understood) up there, or a combined mass of us living uns mind / thoughts.
Put it down in "How do you all cope", but briefly 1st boob 2006 - Grade 3 1cm ER +ve > mastectomy + full ANC. 2nd boob 2007 Grade?, simply can't remember, as was so smashed at another tumour 9 months later to take much notice, to be honest. But it was due to a very conscientious Surgeon that the 2nd small tumour was found, as oppo to going off the ultrasound medics diag of a group of harmless cysts. < Another Mastectomy and full ANC. ANC was standard procedure at that time, typicalMe. I'd been offered lumpectomies for both, but being small breasted, wouldn't have been left with much after required 3cm boundary clearance and after pinching in a sphere of 7cm breast tissue loss, felt quite rightly advised to go for a mastectomy with my first. Plus, it meant no Rads. 2nd boob decision was an easy one after that - just get rid. Considered myself very lucky to not require chemo with both, as all removed nodes were clear, but have to always be ultra careful to avoid or immediately treat any possible infection from cuts, grazes, bites, sunburn etc.arm/hand wise with not having any lymph node protection.
You DO reach a point, where it no longer worries you, is no longer at the forefront of your mind, niggling away and giving you constant doubts, but just a small seed at the back (that will always be with you, but doesn't rule your life). I've never used the MacMillan site, but am glad you've found thius one as well.
I don't have kids, but can so understand how having them must give a massive extra dimension to the whole horrible experience, but at the same time - they must give you an extra STRENGTH/DESIRE to want to beat and carry on beating this gawd awful (am being polite!!) disease??
Really, TypicalMe, we shouldn't be talking my experience (but DO take hope from it). We should be celebrating your 1st Mammo being CLEAR - Wheyhey gal. I'm gonna drink to that tonight.
Keep kicking at it, in the delicately soft male proverbials (balls!! That's very sexist of me - Poor men!!! but we women don't have such immediate delicate bits, do we) and I hope you keep using this Forum. It truely is an invaluable support, even if you just dip in, as and when required. Certainly has been to me, and that's been aside from BC.
So explain your name to me?!! Why Typical?
Much love to you and everyone else. Hope you all have a very special evening, but not just tonight.
Hi Delly you've done so well can I ask what your original diagnosis was I find this site a bit hard to navigate as there doesn't seem to be a profile anywhere. You're responses are always so positive and inspiring x
I'll try and keep this to a shortish post, as opposed to one of my often mammoth wordy ones.
I'm sooo bloomin touched to be personally named in your message. Thank You for it, flower. Yeh - I so get your "wanting to feel normal and dipping in brings back all the feelings". But this wonderful Forum, and the wonderful women on it, will always be here for the "wobbly" times, to dip in to, as, if or when. No one on here, whatever or wherever they're up to in and/or following their BC experience, would ever think it "silly" or "boring", because they know from direct experience and can totally relate to you feeling that way. Those that do say or think such things can't have been through it, and hence the whole beauty of being able to share with thousands of others.
Being 11 yrs on, I get and feel so upset for other women having to go through it, and is one reason why I still post - to give something back.
TypicalMe - I hope you had a good result from your 1st check up last week? - a special Xmas pressie for you?!
Kazglass - As your onco so rightly says, my attitude is "Be aware and vigilant, but not paranoid". Get any worries checked out Asap, just to make sure, otherwise you spend your life worrying instead of living it. If you have a decent, caring doctor, they won't ever think you "silly" either, they too will be vigilant and quick to react, where they think it necessary or just in case.
Wishing all of you and anyone else popping on, a very Happy and Healthy New Year 2018 and the strength to keep kicking this bleep disease where it hurts!!!
Hi I was diagnosed in June 2015 grade three ductile cancer, I had bilateral masctomy chemo and rads. I m ok as far as I know at present but do worry about recurrence but put my oncologist advice to best use. Be aware of symptoms put them to the back of your mind and carry on with life. Hope this helps
Hi I don't usually come on this forum usually on Macmillan but glad I saw your post. I've just had my first mammogram all clear bit scary as I got recalled due to technical issue. I have good and bad days I've had some telephone counselling which has helped just to say all my worst fears and sadness to someone has helped. The counsellor told me off when I said I wasn't coping she said I shouldn't say that and that I was overwhelmed by emotion I didn't know what to do with. I have my first year oncologist check this week but I'm doing ok. I think Grade 3 diagnosis I'd difficult but I'm trying to deal with the now more instead of worrying about in five years etc. It's hard as I can't bear the thought of leaving my children youngest is 15. Anyway I hope you're ok take care and stay strong x
Hi to Feisty flora, Delly,Roadrunner,Airyfairy,Charsim and Typicalme
This is Future2 here wishing you all a Merry Christmas! I want to take this opportunity to say an enormous thank you to you all for understanding how important it is even a year down the line to be able to say I AM SCARED ! and not to be dismissed as "boring for still going on about it" or "silly for still going on about it".
I try to only dip in from time to time as I want to feel normal and dipping in brings back all the feelings. But I would like to be able to maybe keep a gentle contact with you all to see how you are coming along and to continue to draw strength from you.
There will be others who will see this 'Grade 3' message and may like to join. I would love to hear other truly inspriring stories such as roadrunners which has the effect of giving us all hope.
Thanks again all of you.