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Grief for my lost breasts

12 REPLIES 12
dee49
Member

Re: Grief for my lost breasts

Hi Ninianne

I had mx two months ago. Just hate it and that's a word I don't use very often; don't get me wrong I'm so glad the nasty b*gger that was inside has gone with it too but I just hate the way I look and the fact that I can't wear what I want as have no cleavage; and having to 'balance' yourself up to go out - I'm large so it's obvious when I'm without it; whereas before I didn't have to wear a bra if I didn’t want to.

As I said don't get me wrong and I'm so grateful for what all the docs have done to help me survive, so there's a sense of guilt there too if that makes sense; as we all know, it could be far worse and then what would we be wishing for! But it doesn’t make it any easier does it.

I’ve thought about counselling but don’t see the point (for me that is, not others); I’ve lost a breast and need to move on, crying and talking won’t bring it back and as we all know time is a good healer - and this site is brill too for talking and sharing.
I can’t remember the last time I cried over it - the loss that is; I’ve had tears of frustration when getting ready to go out only to realise my top was too low and then you have to start all over again – Arghh…… Now that does annoy me lol. Great excuse to buy news clothes though – if you like shopping (and I don’t!!!).

Yet despite “accepting and getting on with it” I'm def going for recon and for me the sooner the better as I miss my cleavage more than anything, and I don’t want to go through life one breasted, no matter how good I look on the outside.

Does that make sense? Or am I being hypocritical?

How did I accept it? I got my bc friends to help me ‘name’ it - we had a good laugh along the way too....

Rant over, Dee x

Arnol007
Member

Re: Grief for my lost breasts

Hi Reneau

I presume you have had physio? Do you have an exercise leaflet? Do you massage chest and underarms and upper arms daily?I still have some "tightness" but do have full range of movement, if i feel sore I do a little massage and a few exercises which help a lot. I still see the hospital physio at the lymphodema clinic every 3 months. If you are worried can you make an appointment to see your hospital physio?, for reassurance if nothing else or maybe some more exercises that might help.I also find swimming is great, a bit sore at first but after about 5 mins no probs

hatty
Member

Re: Grief for my lost breasts

im just having lymph node removal, im angry and grieving about it i dont want to lose my lymphs....

reneau
Member

Re: Grief for my lost breasts

I had both of my breasts removed last April. 16 lymphnodes taken out from under my right arm....anybody having trouble with their arm after lymphnode removal. My arm hurts daily! I am very happy with my removable boobs.

Jeniffer
Member

Re: Grief for my lost breasts

Like a lot of people I didn't think much about what I was losing till after the surgery as I had so much to cope with when I was enduring all the subsequent horrors - chemotherapy, radiotherapy and a year of Herceptin.

Only when I began to feel better and started doing normal things did I begin to really feel the loss of a part of my body.

I'm hopimg that soon I will be getting a stick-on breast form instead of the one I have had so far, so at least some of the time I will be able to forget that I'm different.

Ninianne
Member

Re: Grief for my lost breasts

Thanks so much everyone for sharing your feelings about this. It helps to know that others feel the same, well, feel the same sense of loss, tho in diferent ways.
I relate to the tree planting and letter writing, and also to the loss of my nipples. I had no idea, before my diagnosis that Mx meant loosing them, despite my Mum having had an Mx too! (It was 25yrs ago, and she wasn't the sharing type).
Thank you again lovely people.
Ninianne x 🙂

dawnflower
Member

Re: Grief for my lost breasts

Hi ladies

I had a bilateral mx nearly three years ago and I felt a strong sense of grief. I was fortunate enough to be referred to a psychologist who worked closely with the breast unit which really helped me. One of the things she asked me was whether I had said goodbye to my boobs and if not, then write a letter to them. I ended up writing a longish poem about my experience and it was really helpful.

Please remember that whatever it is you feel, it is valid and entirely ok for you to feel it; don't think that anything you feel is wrong because it isn't.

I am willing to share my poem if it would help, pm me with your email address.

Hang in there, you will get through it.

Love

Dawnflower

moorcow
Member

Re: Grief for my lost breasts

Hello there, I had a single MX so different grief I guess but some similarities. I had terrible cleavage envy as I've posted about before , but you know what, exactly a year since my DX this week and I feel a little like I'm getting used to my new body. I guess do whatever you need to to grieve - I had a goodbye party to my breast and planted a tree! My friends all thought I was wierd but its what I needed to do...whatever you need, best Nicola

RhodaBee
Member

Re: Grief for my lost breasts

I had a single mx in August 2009. I did grieve terribly, but as with all bereavements it does geteasire, it just takes time. One day I realsied that I had been holding my arm on the affected side away from my body as it wouldhave been when my breast was there. When I realised that I let my arm rest against my body, it is no way the whole answer it was just a starting point.

Lots of hugs to you all.

Clare

norberte_1
Member

Re: Grief for my lost breasts

post deleted

oscarbailey
Member

Re: Grief for my lost breasts

I had my surgery one year ago today... feels like yesterday. I miss mine too, even although they were too big, too droopy... I think its because its a physical reminder, 24 hours a day, every day.

yamslass
Member

Re: Grief for my lost breasts

I miss mine too. We are bound to. They were part of us for so long and visual reminders of femininity. However I tell myself that life is more important and that in any case the person who is me is unchanged.

Ninianne
Member

Grief for my lost breasts

I.m three weeks post op bi~lat delayed regcon. i.d find it helpful to know how others
mourned their loss, as i feel full of grief.