Gulp - big reality check

[Guest user]

I will def. talk to my consultant about mammoplasty, and see what is said - though for me, I think mx may still be the best option - part of it is the knowledge that I am absolutely borderline for a wle, and I'll have to go back for mx anyhow if margins aren't wide enough.. I would really hate that. I can psyche myself up for one..

My other thoughts come from others I have spoken to/met who have had wle, then rads, and have been left with lumpy bumpy breasts, which they are unable to self-examine confidently, and I know it causes them anxiety and stress - the two I know personally would now opt for mx instead if they had their time again - so I know that's a big factor in my thinking.

I'll have a good old talk with my bcn and consultant.. and I know I don't have to make my mind up until the op day.. which I now have a date for.. I have my pre-op on 10th Nov, then the op is scheduled for Friday 12th.. so not long now. I'll keep you posted!!

Sophie xx

[Guest user]

......oh and I forgit to say my surgeon said even with a mx cells can be left so its just as safe.....lots of love and best wishes going your way x

[Guest user]

Hey Sophie, go with the mammoplasty....like I said before I have had one and so have lots of folks....its fab! There is no difference in safety of recurrance between the mammoplasty and the mx but my boob is now 6 weeks on (it was done twice due to insufficient margins) looks amazing....better than the original and I was very happy with that! As soon as all treatment is finished my surgeon is going to do the good boob to match! People pay £5000 for this so to get it free is one of the positives of breast cancer....and hell there are not many of them!

I know the initial reaction is take em both off and be done with it when diagnosed but for your sake and your partners (lol!) you may feel better about it all if you are suitable for conserving surgery. The oncoplastic surgeons are amazing...I am only 6 weeks post op and now on the chemo but really feel good about myself body wise....better than before and the way they can move tissue around to fill gaps (I was a 36c, he removed a large satsuma size bit of tissue and now its a 36b)is quite incredible!

[CheshireCheese]

Hi triphazard
I also had a 3cm tumour, high up on my breast above my nipple, but had it removed as a lumpectomy in July 2010. They used some of my remaining tissue to fill in the hole where the tumour had been and retain a reasonable shape by moving things around, so no implants or grafts needed. Overall the operation was classed as a therapeutic mammoplasty, i.e. a breast lift and reduction for medical reasons. I'm delighted with the results - where I previously had a sagging (I'm 51) 40DD boob I now have a quite pert 40B. This was only possible because I had reasonably large boobs. I have more recently (last week) had a reduction & lift on the non-BC side so I will have a matching pair.
I'm just letting you know that there may be an alternative to a MX, if you want it. Some people prefer the certainty of removing the entire breast, but I couldn't face that.
Sarah x

[Guest user]

Maggy - thank you, I'll check that out.

Mouseybrown -thank you too. On the subject of the left breast being more commonly affected, there's a thread on here that is counting up how many of us are left or right, and whether there's a corrolation between breast affected and right/left handedness. Think it's just called 'left bust', and it'll come fairly high up on 'latest posts'. It def. looks as though the left breast is much more common.

[Guest user]

I had a wle with node examination on 27th September and thought I'd got away with it but the results showed more cancer further back in the left breast so I had a full mastectomy 3 days ago. I was very weepy before the mx and grieved for the loss of my breast beforehand.
They brought the op forward by 4 days. I have mixed feelings, glad that maybe the cancer has been removed, but sad to have lost my cleavage. I have had no drains, no stitches, no dressings. I have a long horizontal wound that has been closed by glue and is open to the elements! I was allowed to shower the day after. It feels very tight but I am still feeling quite a lot of discomfort from under the arm where they did the node sampling 5 weeks ago.
I was given a softy but my problem is that when I put on my bra the softy side goes upwards as there's nothing to anchor it to, so I have one droopy breast and one riding up to my shoulder! I won't get the prosthesis for a few weeks so has anyone got any ideas as to how to keep the softy side from going north? Safety pins don't stop it riding up and I've been racking my brains trying to think of something to put into the cup to weigh it down.
The only thing I can think to add is that I felt more weepy and miserable before I had the mx than I do now it's been done. Hope that helps a bit.
It seems strange that most women on the posts say that it's the left breast that's affected.

[meggy]

Hi
I found http://www.breastfree.org very useful when i was preparing for & recovering from double mastectomy (no recon) last Feb - but nothing quite prepares you for what 'you' look like afterwards (or feel). 8 months on I'm mostly fine with things but i do miss having nipple sensations, and I find the numbness across my chest abit wierd. I'm sure its just a matter of a bit more time until I adjust to this too. But then I'm very thankful that my risk of recurrence has been vastly reduced (not removed I know) and this has gone a long way in helping my anxieties. Hope you find the information you need & good luck with it all.
cheers
Maggyx

[Guest user]

So reassuring to hear all these different viewpoints, but all the acceptance and even contentment after..

I think it's the enormity of the scar and the flatness that walloped me last night, more than any worry of how I'd appear dressed with only one boob (that still really really doesn't bother me, and if it's a choice between juggling a softie that doesn't want to co-operate, or going one breasted into the world, hey, no question for me!!).

It's the sense of loss I feel this morning - I even feel like I've started to say goodbye to my breast, I don't want to look at it in the mirror, or even really have my OH touch it (sorry if tmi), not sure if it's because a part of me feel like it's betrayed me, or just because if it's not going to be a part of my life soon, then we'd all better get used to the fact!

I wonder if asking my bcn if I can see more pics post mx would help desensitize my head to this a bit? I'm a strong believer that ignorance is what breeds fear.. but a trawl online might not bring up the info I'm looking for! Unless has anyone actually knows a site they'd recommend?

Cheers girls!

Sophie

[soi]

Hi Sophie

I had aa mx 5 days ago. I didnt want to look when the doc took the coverings off the first time, but I did and honestly it was not as horrific as I thought it was going to be. Actually was pleasantly surprised what had been left.gave me a big boost. Ive went about for 2 days in blouses and you could hardly notice the difference as still bandanged. Obviously as the days go on the swelling will come down but by that time you should be able to get into a nice bra with softee in it maybe.
Just think positive. You will get there.

[Guest user]

Sophie

Everyone is different. I am only 36, had a MX in April (after two wle that were not 'wide' enough!).

It is kind of odd at first, but now I like my body and think it highly unlikely that I will ever have recon - not because I don't want two boobs, but because cancer has shown me that every minute of my life is precious and all that recovery time is just way too much.

You sound like you will be fine, but it is a bit curious and odd when you wake up from the op. Look in the mirror lots and get used to it.

[Guest user]

Hi,

I wasn't given the choice of mastectomy or not when I was dx and everything happened so quickly and didn't really have a clue what was going on. Luckily, like you I wasn't very boob orientated and didn't concern myself with a cleavage much so my focus was for getting rid if the cancer and I would think about being one boob down afterwards.

I knew from the start that I didn't want reconstruction either...if anything, take the remaining one away. Honestly, that's how I feel and still do.

In the four years since my mx I have got thru about 4 new boobies because they get worn out.....probably because my sons chuck it around and the dog will nick it.....I always give my boob a name. This one is Betty Boo and me and her manage fine!

Sheana

[Guest user]

Thank you all - oh, I just needed to state how stunned I suddenly found myself feeling!

My lump is right at the top of my left breast, and it's 3cm, so to remove it and a decent margin would make a big crater, in an area where there's not a lot of boob since all started heading south.. so cosmetically I think mx and recon down the line would ultimately be a better finish.

Emotionally - I just want it out. Also, I know that if I opted for wle and the surrounding tissue was found to contain cancer cells, I'd be back in a fortnight later for mx, and that would be so hard.. My consultant said I was absolutely borderline for wle - so I think, just got with the mx and be done with it. I think i would find it harder to look at a 'mutilated' breast than to be with no breast at all.. but I do know that everyone feels completely differently about it - that's just my feeling.

Even so - the 'reality' of what a recent mx looks like is a big wake up.. think I'd had some vague image of a plastic barbie doll minus boobs..if I'd really thought at all!!

I'm sure the big weep will be somewhere lurking, and when it does, I'll not be holding back - but fortunately at the mo, other than sleeplessness and occasional queasiness, I'm doing ok. One step at a time..just keep swimming!

Sophie xx

[mizzy]

Hi Sophie, i remember being given the weekend to make my decision WLE/MX after having a lumpectomy to remove an enlarged lymph gland which turned out to be cancer and looking on the internet and seeing a mastectomy pic and being totally terrified by it and decided it was not for me so had WLE/Node Clearance Sept 07 followed by chemo, rads and herceptin. In June 10 i had a reduction/uplift on my "good side and i am really happy with the results.I sometimes wonder if with the knowledge of BC that i have now (alot of which i have learned from this site)would i have made a different decision "who knows" but for me i just went with my gut instinct and 3 yrs later all is well. What ever you decide i wish you the very best of luck. Love Mizzy xx

[xxchrisx]

Hi Sophie
I'm so sorry at your distress, I was in the same place you are at , at the beginning of the year. I have lived without my left boob since april. It is hard to deal with at first but you do learn to adjust.
My confidence was at rock bottom but I have recently started swimming again and this has helped to rebuild it.
You will fid your own way to deal with what is happening to you in time and things will get easier.
Good luck
Chris x

[Guest user]

Sophie,
You are not an idiot, you are dealing with your situation in your own way. I found it much better to work my way through things a bit at a time. Dont be too hard on yourself, face things in small bites when you feel you are ready.
Let the tears come when they neeed to but remember to laugh as well.

Sending hugs,

Jane x

[Guest user]

Ok, so call me an idiot, but I have just read another interesting thread re cording, and followed the link to the pics to see what it looked like, and the enormity of just losing one breast has suddenly upped and slapped me in the face.

I still have the option of lumpectomy or mx, and I am still certain that mx makes more sense for me, on many levels.. but having made that decision in my head.. I've kind of avoided really facing it. Easier to research mx bras than think about what I was actually look like for awhile..

I'm not vain, I'm really not, and as I've said before, I've never been greatly impressed with the boobs the good lord gave me (different sized and these days, def. southbound, but at least they fed my kids properly!) - so my wardrobe doesn't revolve around my cleavage, and my self esteem certainly hasn't hinged on having a good boob day.. but oh my word.. I soon won't have a left boob.

Feeling a little shellshocked, and queasy, still not tearful though..but for the first time in the last couple of weeks, the enormity is starting to sink in. I know no one has any answers to this, but I just needed to express how I felt. Wow.

Sophie xx