Hi All
As you can see I am still up, I was diagnosed and had my surgery 24th I have been for my results today good news the bc has gone wooppee how did I know there was a BUT, right so this is how it goes bc gone and the surgeon done an excellent job another but its gone but there were bad cells surrounding so now have to have a mx and reconstrution totally lost got lots of family an friends around me so why do I feel so alone, my yougest daughter is 9 this cant happen to her mommy yes my tears are flowing as I write this and how dare I, I have almost been given the all clear and I know there are lots out there not as lucky as me but the tears are still flowing I keep trying to hold it altogether but now I’ve totally lost the plot please girls give me some words that will help me feel better, I try and keep it from family and friends because they think its amazing how I have coped with it all if only they knew the truth. Di xx
Hi Dizzy
I was in exactly the same position last year. I cant hug you right now but i would if i could. I can only say that it will get better. I think its almost like survivors guilt - you feel like you should just feel lucky, but when all is said and done it is still a big deal and a lot to cope with. And no one would want you to supress how you feel, you have every right to be upset, angry, pee’d off or whatever. My dad said - ‘if you had gangrene and had your leg amputated, would it matter that you didnt have gangrene quite as bad as the next person? Youve still had your leg amputated.’ Smart man, my dad.
Can you talk to your family or friends? Im sure they wouldn’t want you to face this alone. If you want any more info or if i can help please let me know. Its hard to say the right things over the internet, but big hugs and lots of love
C
Xxx
Thank you caroline, I think I can talk to my friends and family but I am being the protective one and don’t want them feeling how I feel so I am doing all I can to protect everybody. I was hoping that the dream I have been in for the last 6 weeks was going to have an end tday well an end of some sort now it just feels like it did back then today is the first time I have had tears but gosh they are coming out in buckets and why do we feel so lone;y at this time of night, I need to find my strong side again I know its in there somewhere (I have got 2 ex husbands behind me) they say they only send things we can deal with but I’m not dealing so good at mo but thank you so much for your reply yes I had some more tears but think this is the release valve I need
Di xx
I remember the tears on the day i got the all clear but…chat myself - proper buckets of them in the hospital car park. Snot and everything, REALLY attractive. First time i let it show i think.
You sound like a strong woman and a great mum, you can definitely get through this xxx
Thanks Caroline tears have just dried up now think I should be making my way to bed school run in the morning as its #friday and I don’t work on a #friday, thank you so much for your support just what Di needed. Di xxx
Hi DizzyD
It’s perfectly normal to feel emotional as I’m sure others will tell you.
I understand that you don’t want to upset your family and friends, but do talk to them if you can.
However, if you need to talk to someone outside of family, please call the Helpline, they’re great listeners and can offer support and direct you to other sources of help if appropriate.
The number is 0808 800 6000. They’re open 9-5 Monday to Friday and 9-2 Saturday.
Kind regards.
Louise
Facilitator
Hi Diz
My BC tumour was only .9 cm but was surrounded by cluster of smaller tumours which were unknown - decided to have full mx and reconstruction. Got small boobs anyway, so went for tear shape implant to match other droopy one. Sorry you have to have another surgery but the implant, although a bit sore and swollen does not hurt nearly as much as where they removed the lymph nodes. They were able to preserve all the skin and the nipple (which they biopsied during surgery). I am pretty sure that in a month or so when it all settles down, it will look quite reasonable. At 59 I was past the topless bathing stage anyway, however, in a bikini it will definitely pass muster.
You will feel better once it has been done and you realise how normal you will be able to look.
Good luck with it all - having a good cry is a wonderful release.
Wendy xx