Hair falling out - had to start the horrible process

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Seems I spoke to soon when I said I seemed pretty SE free. Today I wet my hair in the shower to pat it down a bit (get horrendous bedhead) and ran my fingers through it, big clumps coming out, then when I got out of the shower and looked in the plughole, it was full of hair. Oh sh*t, looks like the cold cap isn’t going to work for me. This is after 1 lot of chemo.
And my hair was in *fantastic* condition.

So I had a bit of a cry and a snot all over my OH this evening, thought I’d be OK about it all but turns out I feel fairly traumatised by it, just sick of being “brave” (whatever that is)
and I’m bored of being at home alone all day.

So I was a big sissy girl and had a snot laden self indulgent snot fest.

Can’t sleep cos scalp hurts like hell and itching all over as I’m also getting dry skin.

Took mirror downstairs, pair of scissors and “did a Britney Spears” and hacked all the length off, it looks dreadful. Will shave it properly tomorrow, just felt I had to *do* something tonight.

Urgh, I feel very violated at having to do that. Glad I’ve took matters into my own hands but really angry at the cancer for making me have to make that decision, like I don’t feel fat and ugly enough as it is at the moment! Now I’m going to be bald as well as infertile, fat and miserable.

As you can see, I’m having a tad bit of a depressed evening.

Well, sometimesw you just have to get it out there and you lot all understand.

LOoks like Alexis the wig is going to be making an early entrance…

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awww hunny so sorry to hear the cold cap hasnt worked for you.

i know many people find it very distressing to lose your hair… the cold cap works sometimes but not for everybody who uses it… but some people find it just thins the hair but doesnt go completely, although some people like yourself just decide that they have given in their best shot and decide not to persevere with it as it is quite an unpleasant thing to put up with anyway.

your allowed to feel sorry for yourself and feel angry as nobody deserves this.

my head was also really painful when my hair came out and for a wee while afterwards too and needed pain killers… hopefully it will settle down soon so you can get a decent rest… like you i also took the scissors to my hair before my sis shaved it off properly.

sending much love and hope you are feeling a bit better now you have taken a bit of control back.

Lulu xx

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hi sorry to hear about your hair, I too felt sad when mine came out, I didnt use the cold cap though, after 48 hours of it falling out in clumps my friend came round with the clippers and took it all off, actually I felt a bit better then. that was on new years eve and to be honest I havent even thought about it since then. Im used to it now but obviously look forward to it growing back. It will get better x Its ok to feel fed up and angry, its rubbish we have to go through this. Sending you a hug, Ness xxxx

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So sorry to hear your hair is falling out. I lost mine too and still miss it. I see all these people with beautiful hair and look at mine and feel sad.
I am not comfortable wearing a wig although people say it suits me. I prefer to wear nothing on my head at home and my family say they will find it hard when my hair grows.
You can always rely on your family and close friends to say the right things.
It will grow back I wear bandanas when I go out I find them more comfortable. Now is the time to experiment, you can find some beautiful hats online and in the shops so get looking. The money saved on shampoo and haircuts can be spent on hats.
It is only for a time and you can look forward to your new hair soon, in the meantime be strong and remember the chemo as nasty as it is will be killing the cancer.
Anne

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Oh I know JUST how you feel! I am in the same position at the moment. My hair is blowing all over the garden at present, due to the fact that I keep brushing it out, otherwise it just keeps falling all around the house. I am uming and arhing about getting it razored. It is very thin now and my head is shining through! My scalp hurts like Hell and it is really getting me down. To top it all, I was supposed to be going for my 2nd treatment on Monday but my bloods have come back with a low WBC, so they are delaying it until next Monday. Plus, I have to have injections into my tummy for five days from the following Friday. This BC is a real bu**er isn’t it. I have a wig but it feels like a dead cat on my head. I will probably wear it to go out in today. I wish I had the courage to shave the rest of my hair off but haven’t at the moment.

All the best! Sue. xx

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I am so with you - my hair fell out for the first time last year and I was devastated - buying lots of new hats did help me a bit (retail therapy on line) and I found Suburban Turbans were very good and stylish. Pain too along with itchiness and dryness - I used to lather my head with Baby Oil with Aloe Vera to help soothe the scalp and night (and then had to keep washing the pillow case!).

I had to get the courage to cut my hair by asking work colleagues to sponsor me so I had to commit to the act - somehow helping a charity made it feel a bit better. And it was such a relief to get rid of the mess of the falling hair everywhere and constant hoovering needed.

I did not look at myself for ages in the mirror and son made me wear a hat all the time as he did not like baldness - but amazingly with new chemo I’m not so agonized and it’s actually fun seeing your hair regrow (which it will) as it’s often very different from the original.

We have every reason to feel upset - going into a theatre loo and seeing everyone brushing their hair was a real blub moment for me… but I have grown to love my hats and scarves… (have only worn my wig a couple of times but was glad to have one on those formal occasions)

thinking of you - do keep in touch
Fran

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hugs, xxx not nice time. i shaved mine before it fell out. one because i wanted to choose when it went and also to stop the pain.

then i felt sort of empowered. . but on and off i used to get really upset, especially if i wanted to wear a dress, beenie hats only look cool with jeans!! lol

didnt get on with wig, so i used it a few times then made up styles with scarves. .

tick it off as one of those nasty cruel parts of this journey and think its one less thing to worry about. .

i was more shocked when my lady garden disappeared over night lol
xxxxxxxxxxx

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Sue a bit off topic here but why don’t they recheck your blocs on Monday? Every time I had mine done the day before Chemo and they were always rubbish and got rechecked on the day. Not once did I miss Chemo even hough I need AB cover a few times. Mine went from 0.02 on the last time to 1.00. Bloods are amazing at recovering.

Lulu x

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I really do feel for you, your post took me right back to the day this happened to me, I had had my hair cut short beforehand but it still really hurt and I cried in the shower crouched in amongst all my hair that was floating in the bottom like seaweed. I have a wonderful hairdresser who came round the next day and shaved it all off for me. I am so impressed that you have been able to cut it off yourself and the pain will go very quickly once the hair is gone.

You do get used to your new look after a while and it does take much less time to get ready in the mornings, I am lucky I have a lovely wig which actually looks better than my original hair (not sure if that says more about my hair than the wig, but hey!).

Lots of love and hugs

DaisyGirl xx

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Mine came out in handfuls last week, and it’s difficult isn’t it? I was weeding yesterday gently and saw a handful I’d left for the birds to nest with, and it made me sad they hadn’t used it for a soft nest yet!!! My hairdresser came round and cut it to half an inch, but not shaved. I do look a bit silly 3/4 bald, btu am going comando round the house, using buffs, bandanas, hats, scarves and sometimes the wig (which is good, but not for too long). I’m getting used to it, but somehow for me it represented so much about who I am, my femininity, my identity, and it was like “coming out” - you go out in a turban/scarf (however nice) and folk KNOW you’re a cancer patient - and I resented that… having to be that public… Hang on in there… we’ll do it!! To Hell with the cancer! Jane

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Shame the cold cap didn’t work for you, but it was worth trying.

I found the worst thing about being bald was the bit of my head that used to have hair was so WHITE! And I also had a five o’clock shadow too.

So I made a point of exposing my scalp to the sunshine without suncream on, little and often, to get rid of the snow white look. I can now report that I even have freckles on my scalp!

You’ll work out what works for you regarding head covering. Nowadays I tend to go commando all the time, but I have a hat or a Buff with me just in case it gets cold. Get hold of a couple of cotton sleep caps too, the worst thing is getting all toasty in bed but your head’s cold!

For anyone who hasn’t yet lost their hair but is going to, if you have hair that is longer than 10 inches, you can donate it to Little Princesses, littleprincesses.org.uk, who use it to make wigs for kids. I did that and that helped, as I felt like I was able to stick up a middle finger to cancer.

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I too had all the hair issues this week, I was going to pick up the wig thursday ,it was a lovely day and the car windows were open and the wind blowing my hair was so painful!! when I got to the unit and it was painful trying wig on OH said why dont you just get Donna( the wig lady who is also a hairdresser) to shave it for you and she did give me a no. 1…better but still sore and itchy, OH said when I’m ready will do the bic thing suggested by choccie I think, its npending coz all the bits Ive got are coming out too!! anyone managed to keep their eyelashes??? xxxxxxxx J

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FEC3 done, FEC4 next week, and I still have most of my eyelashes and a reasonable number of my eyelashes. I was actually at my eyebrows with the tweezers this morning, tidying up the strays that always get plucked as some of them are poking their little heads above the follicles and growing (cheeky things!) Let’s see what happens after FEC4…

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got a question about hats???.. If you’re wearing a stupid looking hat and theres no one to see it is it still stupid looking??? xxxx

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j, u made me laugh!! no def not stupid looking!! ps why would u wear a hat if no one else is in??? love alex xxxx

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you might wear a hat on your own to keep the sun off your head!!! A friend of mine looked through scarf/bandana sites with me (so much better than getting miz on your own) and she asked me to order a sunhat from Annabandana when I ordered bandanas… so I did. It fits me perfectly (without hair) but ofcourse just perched on top of her head like a pretty frisby, so I’ve acquired a hat I would never have ordered, and it’s fabulous! Comfy, soft inside, pretty, and looks sort of “normal” -much to my surprise! Jane

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I’m with francesw… check out Suburban Turban - 2 of their little pull-ons helped me retain a sense of femininity.
Cold-cap didn’t work for me… 2 weeks after the first chemo dose it was coming out in handfulls and although I had the whole tears-and-snot-fest, I so glad I took control.
My last chemo was Feb 4th and I now have my eyebrows and lashes almost totally restored and a thick crop of hair.

It’s a very poignant moment, that of chosing to hack of our hair. I will never forget the tenderness of my brother as he used his clippers. I felt so vulnerable. My only regret is that I wish now I’d had the forsight of others and done a sponsored shave.

I hope the rest of your treatment is less traumatic.
best wishes x

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HI All - thanks for your lovely comments.

I asked my OH to shave it all off, he took the clippers to it this morning and then shaved it with razors twice. Actually, after I had my big fat cry fest last night and lack of sleep, I was funnily enough OK about it this morning.

I read up a lot in the early hours, when your scalp starts hurting like hell (kind of like having really bad sunburn) and can’t sleep etc because of it, it’s time to let the hair go. It was coming out all over and I found it really traumatic finding hair everywhere, on the pillow, the couch, the sink.

Yes, it was liberating taking control but also very upsetting cutting it off - I did that in private whilst my OH was asleeo so that was a surprise for him this morning - ha ha.

Scalp still sore as hell but not half as bad as it was and it wont catch on my pillow when I’m sleeping now.

It was worth doing it and as for the cold cap, well at least I dont have to sit there for 5 hours again with that heavy thing on my head.

I’ve once again surprised myself with my strength and quick recovery over being traumatised. I thought I had it in me, but it’s nice to be confirmed, I suppose this is the “bravery” thing everyone keeps harping on about :wink: Where I’ve had the choices to make, I’ve made the “braver” choice, as for the rest of it, well, I dunno.

Anyone who’s hair is coming out, its totally a personal choice thing but if its causing you pain, upsetting you greatly then if you can find it within yourself, get rid of it, you will actually find you feel better for sticking your fingers up at your body in that sense.

Alexis the wig is way to scratchy for my sore scalp at the mo, but I will use her on occasion.

Scarfs it is, commando indoors whilst my head is so hot and sore.

I did go out baldy to hang out the washing - a few neighbours saw me across the street and looked stunned (LMFAO) - thats the evil in me is that - like to shock sometimes :smiley: Ha ha.

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hi el katrano,

well done girl, reading some of your posts i knew you were getting near to reaching for the clippers,

i was the same, my head is as shiny as a snooker ball at the moment, with a few little hairs trying to poke through, remember elma fud, with the wabbit bugs bunny,

i live on a walk the kitchen being on the front of the house, many a time i have been stood in the window when someone has walked passed and looked in, and done a double take, i must have a wicked sense of humour i find it quite amusing and have had a titter to myself more than once,

you know after having gone through surgery, chemo and everything else the hair thing seems almost like well why was i so upset?

anyway all the very best to you, look after yourself and keep smiling lots of love coming your way liz xxxx

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Mine fell out all over the place after day 15 of FEC 1, so my hairdresser gave me a grade 1 and I started wearing my Rene Amore wig. It’s actually been fantastic. I use a wig cap under it so it doesn’t slip or itch, and because it’s ventilated and adjustable I can make sure a hurricane can’t budge it. I have so many compliments from people about the great new hairstyle, too. For me, it’s been a real confidence-booster in a time when I’ve really needed it. But others definitely find wigs more of a challenge/less useful.

Ann x