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Hate my softee, help?

10 REPLIES 10
Pink74
Member

Re: Hate my softee, help?

Omg thank u, I'm feeling exactly the same!!!! I had my prosthetic fitting today and came home and cried. I was so excited to feel normal with looking even but I was uncomfortable, restricted, strange, heavy....hate it!!! I had a mastectomy 6 weeks ago, and I'm a 34DD, I don't even know what silly bra to buy. Big hugs to u, yr never alone xxx

Charlie31
Member

Re: Hate my softee, help?

Don't apologise Chaze, you winge away! It's perfectly valid, I think once the cancer's done nothing else matters in the eyes of the NHS. I don't think they understand how much it turns your world upside down. Best of luck Chaze and thank you, I'm glad to know it's not just me who resents feeling lopsided...
Chaze
Member

Re: Hate my softee, help?

Fully understand the two different sized boobs. I hate mine. I have had mx on left breast plus reconstruction with expander and after months of stretching the skin I had a saline implant. New boob is ok but remaining boob is bigger and droops. True what they say one boob is like a 20 year olds and the other looks like. 53 year old. I am getting an uplift on my good boob which I hope will fix the misery of finding bras, bikinis etc that fit two mismatched breasts. Unfortunately I have now waited nearly two years for this to happen and still no appointment then who knows how long before I get a new nipple. Can't believe how long it is taking. I can't plan anything, knowing my luck I'll book a holiday and get an appointment for the same time. I'm only 53 and would like to enjoy myself before I sink into old age not care if my boobs don't match. Basically really fed up being at the  mercy of NHS waiting lists. Feel like I have been forgotten about but as far  as I'm concerened the "job" is not finished yet. Winge, winge listen to me, sorry. 🤕😷

Charlie31
Member

Re: Hate my softee, help?

Oh Alison, I'm so sorry to hear that but unfortunately I'm not at all surprised. I'm early days and won't be able to have things evened up for about a year but the bcn team and surgeon refuse to discuss reconstruction or 2nd mx with me at all. I know that I have to research every single thing because I can't trust them to do what's right or to give me the full story. If I hadn't fought for ivf I wouldn't have had it.

My surgeon told me we'll reconstruct later, don't worry about it now. I asked if it would be the same size as the other, he said no. I asked about the implant and he said it's not possible because if the extent if the mx. He said he'd do a reduction on the other so they match. I asked if he'd do them at the same time and he said they don't do that! I wouldn't know any of this unless I asked very specific questions and I'd be merrily going about my days thinking I'd get everything back to normal in a year.

As it happens, I actually would prefer a 2nd mx but they refuse to discuss it. Apparently it's a knee jerk reaction and I'll feel differently in a year!

Best of luck to you Allison xx
Horden1966
Member

Re: Hate my softee, help?

Hi,

I have an implant and a shell (softer than a prothethis ) . I hate the whole bloody thing , what a disappointment. . I had a mastectomy then tissue expander, then the permanent implant . I couldn't believe everything I had gone through with the tissue expander stretching my skin that I have a tiny boob then my normal boob. I voiced my issue to my surgeon and my breast care nurse that I wasn't happy with the size and I wasn't offered any thing else until 3 weeks ago . My BC nurse said well would you like to try a shell to even your breasts out. "What , the hospital had these shells and I wasn't told about them ," I couldn't believe that I wasn't given the information or the option to try them before now . Anyway I did get to try on some shells to fill out my bra . I am seriously considering having the implant taken out and just having a prothethis as I am just so lopsided. I haven't got the right size shell as the woman who fits them is off til after xmas . My confidence is nil.  The whole point of having a tissue expander and implant was so that I didn't have to wear a prothethis , what a bloody let down . My emotions are all over the place , they go round and round and round , feel like I am going mad . I am going to have to try and get used to all of this but it is hard. I understand about hating your softie it's bloody awful. 😡 allison 

tat4tit
Member

Re: Hate my softee, help?

Really pleased to hear you've found something that works for you, C31.  This whole business is the scariest rollercoaster I've ever been on and I can also experience every emotion possible in 10 minutes and then start all over again!

 

We went to the cinema tonight to see the new Star Wars movie and I was dreading wearing a bra for 4 hours.  This time though, I put my trusty silk scarf between my skin and the bra and it is the most comfortable I have been so far.  Onwards and upwards!  x

Charlie31
Member

Re: Hate my softee, help?

Hi All,

 

Thank you for your help and advice.  When I wrote this post I was an absolute mess, I just couldn't bring myself to wear the softie (I know now it's just too large - it sticks out at the side a lot because I have quite a small back as well) and just a short amount of time later, I'm OK again.  It's amazing what a little time can do sometimes.  A little time and a ball of wool technically - don't laugh but I looked in my wool box and found a skein of wool which is fairly boob shaped and it works perfectly.  On that basis, I've ordered a knitted knocker!

 

I don't always wear my temporary wool boob out, sometimes I go out with just the one breast if it's just nipping to the shops or something but knowing I have something makes the absolute world of difference!

 

Thank you all, it's not easy this breast cancer nonsense but with support on sites like this I think I'll make it through!

 

xx

tat4tit
Member

Re: Hate my softee, help?

I'm not a fan of my softie either, the seams rub and it rides up in my bra, so I've only worn it for a couple of hours at a time when I absolutely have to.  My BCN removed a lot (about half?) of the stuffing as she said they are always overstuffed.  I've since 'trimmed' it further so it looks as close to symmetrical as poss in my bra., but it still doesn't help with the seams...

 

I walk the dog without a prosthesis and wear a soft vest with built in bra shelf to keep the remaining DD boob from getting caught in my waist band 😉  I've been to the supermarket with one boob too - a padded coat helps and a scarf covers the rest. I wouldn't go 'out' out with one boob, but for short errands I really don't care - if someone is bothered by it it's their problem; I have real things to worry about.

 

I got fed up waiting for a prosthesis fitting and ordered a Been-a-Boob.  It's much better than the softie, but I'm going to exchange it for a size down, as I have a small back and it sticks out to the side a little.  I also want to wear it in a sports bra and think a smaller one will be a better match for my remaining boob when it's restrained!

 

This whole business is hard - being disfigured by unwanted surgery, further treatment and the disruption to my life, worries about the future, etc... I resent not having two healthy boobs more than the prosthesis/softie, but I have to make the best of the life I have now and will continue to experiment until I find a something that works for me.  I hope you do too, C31.  Hugs, Tat x

Lynne1955
Member

Re: Hate my softee, help?

Hi 

had my mx in October no reconstruction.  Have just been fitted for my prothesis though.  I prefer wearing my softie to the heavy prothesis so wear this most of the time.  I had a breast reduction at the same time so am only a d cup.  You will find the prothesis does not move as much as the softie so might suit you better.  I have also found the bras from amoena are the best they do stop the softie from riding.  Perservere order bras from different sites they can all be returned free as I found I did not like roys riyce bras yet some swear by them.  

 

Good luck xx

riversidedawn
Member

Re: Hate my softee, help?

Hi Charlie, sounds like you need another shape or size or need to try it in a different bra? I'm only a small b cup and was fortunate to have an immediate recon with a implant. But that got infected and was removed last Christmas so I resorted to the softie throughout my chemo until may this year.

I hated it too. Always worried it would fall out! I also ordered one from knitted knockers on line. Found it best with a padded crop top style bra, though that might not give you enough support.

Keep trying different shapes and bras, I'm sure you'll come up with a better solution for you. X
Charlie31
Member

Hate my softee, help?

Hi all,

There's so much good advice on this site but it feels like everyone feels better and safer when they've got their softie or prosthesis in and feel awful without it.

I hate my softie, I mean I really can't abide it. It sticks out at the side and I feel like I'm wearing a comedy fancy dress boob. When my arm brushes it I get so angry, I just can't wear it.

I know of course that (having tried it a few times) I can't venture out into the real world with just one large breast so I have ordered a smaller one to try and will have to force myself to like it but did anyone feel this way?

I begged them to let me have both breasts removed, but they wouldn't let me - apparently we can talk about it after chemo and radiotherapy. Being a lopsided 32G is not working well for me.

Knowing anyone felt or feels even remotely the same way would be a huge help

XX