Hi, I was dx with bc 4 yrs ago and underdone surgery (mx, failed recon, prophylactic mx, oophrectomy, etc. etc…!!!) . Well, since then, I seem to have completely lost my confidence, especially at work. When I returned to work after long periods off, I have been almost made to feel guilty for taking time off. I have had no help at all from management to help me return with training, courses etc. whilst my other collegues have. In fact, after my last spell of absence, (I was off for 4mths after I underwent failed bilat recon which then developed into blood clot on lung, infection ) I asked for phased return to be told by this member of staff that when she was off sick with stress after splitting up from husband, she didn’t have phased return so then neither should I! I feel I have no confidence in anything I do and this makes me feel quite stressed. I feel that I don’t seem to think as clearly as I used to, and then become flustered. I am treated by my work collegues , I feel, as "a bit of a nuisence. " I’m not as quick as they are, I get anxoius about this . I am off sick from work (again!) at the mo having just had bilateral implant expanders removed (failed!) and left, and am already stressing about returning to work- each time I feel my confidence has slipped further. Has anyone else experienced this and if so, any advice for getting it back? I would dearly love to be as I was!
anne x
Hi Anne
Yes, I have experienced the lack of confidence - big time. I am very lucky that my work have been superb to me and I have never felt a nuisance or pressurised etc but I know I am not the same person that I was. I now question myself over things that I would have no problem with dealing with before. I am not sure if it is because I have been off sick or whether in my heart, I have come to realise that I don’t particularly like my job anymore - to be honest, I probably was getting sick of it before BC but this has just reinforced it. I am seriously considering a major change to my career - something much less stressful.
In your case It must be horrible to be with a bunch of people who are so shallow. The colleague you mention about being off sick with stress - is she your manager or just a fellow worker? If just a fellow worker, Iwho the hell is she to judge what people need in terms of phased retur and if she is your manager, then she is being totally unprofessional.
I think you need to ask yourself whether it is your colleagues who are the problem because they are not very understanding or is the real problem the fact that you no longer feel confident in the job - did you feel confident before you went off sick, or were you just coping? It may be time to have a good look at your job and wonder if it may be time for a change. Doing something you like and find easier would give you confidence straight away.
Good luck in whatever you do
Cathy