Hi All
I was diagnosed with bc on 16th July and then 7 days later after CT and MRI scan results were in, was told it had spread to my liver. I was going to have a double masectomy but now am starting chemotherapy on Wednesday 8th August. I am only 39 years old.
I am absolutely devastated and terrified for my future. I have two gorgeous children, a 3½ year old daughter and an 8 month old son. I am on an emotional rollercoaster right now, from anger, tears, snappy and plain miserable and then somedays feeling quite strong and positive.
I have read many of the posts here and know that I am not on my own, although I sometimes feel it. My husband and friends and family have all been brilliant and they are taking my daughter out and about as much as they can, but I just feel so sad and confused and wondering if I will come through smiling after all the treatment. Trying to keep positive and need to get started on my treatment to feel that we are doing something positive and beat this thing. The waiting around has been awful.
Thanks for listening to my ranting.
Love
Dawn
Hi Dawn,
I am sorry that you are here but hey they are a good bunch!
I can relate to the rollercoaster ride and the fear. I look at my kids and hope that I will be around for a long time! I to start chemo this week - which if im honest I am scared pantless!
I think many will agree the wiating is the worst bit & the not knowing!
It seems ages ago when I first found out my life was normal on the 17th july but the 18th july it changed…
I put on this jolly jokey front for others around me but I am screaming inside!
You will get through this I know it is hard at the moment with the waiting!
I just want to start the chemo - bring it on!
Sending cyber hugs & giggles
TC
Mel
xXx
Hi Dawn
Sorry you have to join us here, but welcome.
It is an up and down journey and I hope yours turns out well. It will not all be doom and gloom and you will meet some wonderful people on your journey. You will be able to cry with them as well as have a laugh.
Good luck
Marilyn x
lean on me when you are low
you have friend who will help you along
guide you when your not strong
give you stregth to carry on
i,m so sry for you, i,m in the waiting mode but i can offer support to you and send out all my love
its so unfair to have this desease,
but it has no age barriers
sending lots of love
cee
Hi
I am so sorry you find yourself here, but you will get loads of support and you just rant & rave away.
sending you big hugs
galen xxxxxxx
Hi Dawn,
I am so sorry you have had to join us but ‘welcome’, you are in very good company here and I’m sure you will find this site invaluable. I was diagnosed in March, age 34. I walked into the ‘one-stop shop clinic’ at 09.30 without cancer and walked out a couple of hours later with it!! I can think of nicer things to be walking out of hospital with!! Anyway, I knew v.little about bc prior to diagnosis and it has been a v.steep learning curve for me and those closest to me. I have found the support from this site and other forum users to be invaluable. I’ve prob ordered just about every booklet and leaflet this site has to offer at one time or another!!!
I had a right mastectomy and total axillary clearance on Mar 29th and am currently mid-way through chemo (E-CMF). After chemo, which is due to finish in Oct I will be having rads, then hormones and Herceptin. Phew!! Do you know what chemo you will be having yet? I have my next CMF on weds 8th so I will certainly be thinking of you. I was terrified when I went for my first one, I guess most people are. The centre and staff there were lovely though and it was nowhere near as scary as I had imagined it to be. I really hope all goes well for you on weds and your first session is as hassle free as mine was.
You’re absolutely right when you say how awful the waiting around is! When you start treatment I think you will feel much more positive about things as you will be getting rid of the little blighters!!! I’m still on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster to be honest, I think we prob all are! Mostly I am ‘up’ these days but I certainly get my share of ‘down’ days too. There have been plenty of tears, believe me, and I’m sure there will be plenty more to come!!
I have no doubt that you will come through the treatment smiling!!! I’m not saying its going to be easy as it certainly is not, and its often hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there are a load of people on here who have finished treatment and reassure us all the time that there IS light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes its just a little difficult to see, but its there.
I wish you well as you start this journey. You know where we are, anytime you want to just rant or cry or ask advice then we’re here,and remember we are all going through it too so will totally be able to relate to how you will be feeling.
Take care, I will be thinking of you on weds and looking out for your first ‘post chemo’ post,
Kelly
-x-
Thanks to all of you who have responded to my “rant”. Makes this more bearable knowing that I can actually talk to other people going through the same as me, because although all my family and friends have been fabulous, they don’t really know/understand exactly what I am feeling and going through.
I am going to be on FEC100 and taxotere apparently and then have been told I am sensitive to Herceptin and will be put on that after my 15 weeks of chemo. Not quite sure how it all works and what all these mean, but think that it is all explained to me at my first session with all the other pros and cons etc.
I have also been told by friends and family of others that they know that have been through cancer and chemotherapy and come out the other end smiling and living long and happy lives. So keeping fingers crossed that I am like them and that all of you are too.
Love
Dawn
HI dawn
Hope you are bearing up…what a shock. Sorry you have to join us, but you are in the right place honey.
I am 34 with a 5yr old daughter and a 1yr old son. It is very tough no matter what age and regardless of whether you have children or not…personally I thank god I have them to help me through this and I don’t have the worry of possible infertility that alot of the ladies on here face.
I had my first chemo 2 weeks ago and I promise you it was not as bad as you expect…I was sleepy and nauseous for 3 days,but after that back to normal (whatever that is!!). When I have had 3 xFEC they will check to see if the tumour has shrunk, then i will have either 3x or 6x taxotere…we hope for shrinkage!!!
Anyway just wanted to say good luck and hang in there - you will be OK and better when you start your treatment (psychologically).
LOL
Ali
x
Hi Dawn
So sorry that you’ve had the double whammy. May I recommend Dr Susan Love’s “The Breast Book” - it deals with all aspects of BC and I have found it incredibly useful. You can buy it on Amazon. It goes into a lot of technical detail without scaremongering and in understandable English!!! I felt much more positive after reading it and felt I could get on with my life instead of worrying about what might or could happen. You can dip in and out depending what you want. In fact I still use it now and I’m just coming to the end of my chemo.
Good luck - remember you’re not alone.
Sharon
Dear Dawn
Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care forums, I’m pleased you are finding the forums supportive.
Please feel free to contact our confidential helpline for further support and a ‘listening ear’ if you feel this would help at the moment. Our trained helpliners and specialist nurses are able to talk to you about our other support services which you may also find helpful, such as ‘Peer Support’, whereby you can be put in touch with someone, by telephone, of a similar age and diagnosis to you.
Our helpline number is 0808 800 6000 and it is open Monday to Friday 9am-5pm and Saturday 9am-2pm.
Best wishes
Lucy
Moderator
Breast Cancer Care
Thanks Ali and Sharon for your wishes and messages.
Yeah know it is hard for everyone, with or without children, but on my bad days I do get terrified of not seeing my little ones growing up if you know what I mean. Starting chemo on Wednesday and am absolutely terrified about it, how I will react to it, whether it will work and how ill I may or may not be. Ah well, gotta keep positive and just remember that if I am ill, its the drugs making me ill to make me better.
I will have a look at the book you recommended Sharon, thanks for that.
Any advice on wigs and stuff, and how to try to stay as well as one can during chemo - do you know of any vitamins etc that help?
Reading your messages, showing how strong everyone is, is actually helping me to focus on this in a better way, and am sure once I start the treatment then I can actually focus more on it, and not dwell on the other stuff.
Thanks for everyones support.
Love
Dawn
x
Hi Dawn
I have a freebie wig ready and another one ‘on stand by’ in case the hair goes…trying the cold cap to try and minimise the hair loss. I have made a new national sport of buying scarves…been experimnting with colours and tying them etc. My 5yr old said I looked cool and loked like a pirate!!! That’ll do for me!!!
I tried to eat as healthy as poss the week before chemo. Totally out of character for me but ate loads of berries, drank green tea to boost the immune system, loads of water and no alcohol, and then was very careful what I ate after chemo (nothing fatty, no dairy, dry toast, ginger biscuits, bananas etc).
I have no idea whether it made any difference, but felt OK 2 days after chemo. Some people will say they just ate normally and had a drink the night before to steady their nerves and were still reasonably OK. I have started taking a multivitamin with iron and eating loads more fruit (esp oranges) as was worried about catching a cold. It’s just about what get you through and makes you feel better.
Wishing you all the best for Wednesday, let us know how you get on Dawn.
LOL
Ali
x
Dawn,
just a quickie(ooeeerrrrr!!). Be sure to eat something light before you go for your chemo on weds. I know you may not feel like it but its not a good idea to go on an empty stomach. Even just a slice of toast will be fine,
Kelly
-x-
Thanks for the advice Kelly. Got Grandad here to help look after me and the children and been having bacon toastie every morning - hopefully still feel like one on Wednesday - need to keep my strength up, as not that much of me as it is!!! But if not hungry will try either toast or rice crispies with my 3 year old!!!
Dawn.x
Hi Dawn
Have posted you a message elsewhere wishing you luck with your appointment but wanted to reassure you re. your chemo. I was diagnosed on 4th April, and last Friday had my sixth chemo. Like you, I was really scared (I guess we all are), but it’s really nothing to be scared about. Yes, I felt rough for the first few days afterwards, but the hospital will make sure you have plenty of medication to eradicate(or at least try to) any side effects. Tiredness is the main one I have to say, but everyone is different.
I had an MRI scan after my fourth chemo, and my tumour had already shrunk to less than half its original size, which was brilliant news. Two more chemo’s to go, then I will have a mastectomy, rads and Herceptin for a year, but I’m already feeling much more positive than I was at the beginning, and I never thought I’d say that !
Anyway, good luck for Wednesday, will be thinking of you, and be sure to let us know how you get on.
much love
Julie xx
Thanks for all the messages and support. Have had my hair cut this evening to an acentuated bob (if that sounds right) and just about ear length - had about 3 inches off. Feels a bit weird, but looks great. My little girl said “mummy your hair looks beautiful” … ah bless her. One more day to go then we get started - so heres to fighting and killing off all the cancer and living to a ripe old age …
Let you know how we get on on Wednesday … sure will be OK.
Love
Dawn
x
Dawn i haven’t had to have chemo, but have had bc, all i can say is take care, and we are all thinking about you
lots of love and hugs
Alison xxx
ps, bet you look brilliant xxxxxxxxxx
Hi Dawn, I have just had my first chemo this afternoon and I was really worried before I went, but the nurses and staff really put you at your ease and it was over with before I knew it. I feel Ok at the moment they told me I I will get some side effects but just glad that I have had the first one, as I am sure you will be on Wednesday. My boyfriend made me a lovely tea which I demolished, been drinking alot of water and cranberry juice as I heard this helps. I too had my long hair cut into a very short bob yesterday, keep looking in the mirror and not recognising myself but getting used to it, my straightners were on their way out so the bob is far less maintenance!! Your little girl sounds lovely, and Im sure she is right about your hair looking great.I Hope this has helped, I wish you luck for Wednesday and I will be thinking of you, let us know how you get on…
Lots Of Love
Jillianxxx
Hi Dawn,
What an incredibly wonderful thing for your little girl to say, she sounds like a real sweetheart. I am having my third FEC on Wednesday so will be thinking of you as I am being injected !! The first one is a wee bit frightening, but the time will go quickly, I promise.
Fuschia
xxxx
Hi Dawn,
I just wanted to wish you well for tomorrow. I remember how scared I was when I went for my session, but as I’ve no doubt said previously, I really needn’t have worried. I was fine (even though I was a bit of a weeping willow!!) and I am sure you will be too.
Your daughter sounds ace, what an absolutely lovely thing to say. Aah!! Good on 'ya for getting your hair cut, I’ll bet it does look lovely.
Take care of yourself. Try to get a good nights sleep and be sure to have that bacon toastie in the morning!! I am also having chemo tomorrow, there’s a few of us no doubt, so I’ll certainly be thinking of you,
Kelly
-x-