Here again, new lump

[Charys]

Oh my goodness....brilliant !!!! Absolutely great news. Thanks for coming back to update Michelle, some don't and that is always frustrating as we don't get 'closure'.

[Ali49]

That is great news Michelle! Delighted for you xx

[Michelle2014]

Evening all.. I did post on the other forum but thought I should leave a message here.. I’ve had my clinic appointment and it was all good fatty lump !! All that anxiety this literally has felt like the longest 3 months of my life all i wish is that everyone on this group had this outcome I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the support you’ve shown me over this last couple of weeks I wish you all well
Michelle xx

[Michelle2014]

Thank you Ali... I can’t sleep, wide awake in fact but at least i’ll Have some idea of what’s going on this time tomorrow x

[Ali49]

Wishing you good luck for tomorrow Michelle. I will be think9ng of you xx

[Michelle2014]

Thanks Jo, x

[Michelle2014]

Thank you for your comment Ali,
I’ve been super busy this last couple of days at work and even went to Bingo last night but have come down with a cold half the time I feel on fire the other freezing my wottsits off 😉
Its so lovely the outpouring of support from this forum and I to am sorry you have to be here to Ali but it’s encouraging is that the right word ? To hear that your doing ok I hope your session went ok today and your home safe and sound with your children I can’t imagine the thought of having to tell my children that I’m poorly and I have moments of pure dread then others of how stupid am I of course your alright I then read some other posts and it’s bad news after bad news it’s true what they say you drive yourself crazy! I nearly phoned the clinic today to ask if any cancellations but chickenend out and went on my way to work in the rain full of cold.. my Duagter turns 7 on the 3rd of feb my appointment is the 30th jan could of timed this better surly..
my message sounds like a load of waffle I know but I am very grateful your all here watching over me..
Michelle x

[Jobey68]

That's good news Michelle, a date to focus on now and one less thing to speculate about! Just keep busy keep going and don't think about a day beyond the 30th, let us know how you get on Xx Jo 

[Ali49]

Hi Michelle, sorry tbat you find yourself here but glad Charys and Jobey are here supporting you.

I was diagnosed in August and the waiting is absolutely the worst part. I have 3 childrenbandci can honestly say thatbin those first few weeks my life was about crying in the shower as that was the only place i could let it aĺl out. I would then put a brave face on for the kids and l8fe continued as normal.

Tomorrow i have my 6th chemo, with one more to go and i am doing ok!

Once you know what you are dealing with - which will hopefully be nothing - you will feel more in control!

You could always give tbe breast clinic a ring, tell them how you are feeling and ask if they have any cancellations of the possibility of being seen sooner.

Sending you a hug xx

[Michelle2014]

Thanks Charys,

[Charys]

OK, a week......its gonna be a tough week Michelle...but just like everyone else here you will get through it x

[Michelle2014]

Appointment next Tuesday 30th at Breast clinic

[Charys]

I wish I could make it go for you Michelle, the swinging of emotions, but I know I can't and unfortunately neither will you are the moment. I think you just need to accept that this IS hard, this is psychologically draining

[Michelle2014]

Thank you I’d hoped you’d both be around this evening 🙂 my head is kind of saying of course you don’t have cancer but with the circumstances the little devil on my shoulder is saying you tempted fate and like I said I keep feeling it because I obviously know what a tumour feels like 🙄 and then say that’s not anything sinister and your not the type of person to have cancer.. maybe today is just a bad day thanks for listening again x

[Jobey68]

Michelle everŷthing you are experiencing now is normal, you may feel like you are losing your mind but I can assure you that's you aren't! Your body is in fight or flight mode it just can't make up its mind which can one to chose right now! 

I poked and prodded mine so much I had a big bruise! And we all worry about money, my husband is self employed and I thought crap how the hell will we pay the bills as I knew he would want to have time off to support me, I can't have cancer!!!! But I did and we coped, we told those who needed to be told including our grown up boys , hard but necessary  , they were amazing and brave and did me so proud ❤️

Hubby scaled back his work commitments , I didn't give two hoots about money and we pulled together and got through, if you have to do it you will 😊Xx Jo 

[Charys]

You can rest assured that the thoughts you are having will have occurred to people here, even if you can't find reference to a sofa lol Those types of things about work, repayments, financial concerns and generally the impact it will have on your life, friends and family will have gone through every person's head in that awful wait. Your brain is constantly searching for an answer, its not a natural state to be unsure and have no definitive outcome. Soooooo, on your mind goes, back and forth...imagining the best scenario, imagining the worst and other areas inbetween. I can distinctly remember lifting my top and staring at my boob and feeling it, literally as much as every half hour. I'm embarrased to say that now, but I became obsessed with looking, and hoping/imagining. I even started rubbing it, believing it would disappear as it was a fat necrosis, I was SURE at one point.

Michelle, even IF you were to get a diagnosis, and its still a big IF at this point.....this waiting would be the worst part. The toughest bit is the not knowing.

[Michelle2014]

I’ve been scouring the forums trying to find someone, anyone who has written whats going through my head but I haven’t found it !
I actually thought about how would I tell friends and family If I had bc and was living it in my head and what about my kids I’d have to stop work and I’ve just brought a new sofa I’d miss the payments and so on! How bad is that 😞 I then stood in the shower and thought your a bloody idiot of course you havent got bc your lump is hormonal changes and that’s that but then I can’t stop touchung my lump now more than ever in last 8 weeks checking it’s still there trying to work out if it’s bigger what a complete bleep...

[Charys]

Crikey what did my GP say, errmmm, "I'm going to refer you on the 2 week rule as there is a definite lump.", she then explained the two week rule of referral and added "Hopefully it will be nothing but it needs checking". I think that was it. She was very good , looking back, and didn't give anything either positive or negative in my direction. I wanted positive of course, deperately, but she was right not to do so as she of course could have no idea what it was. They are trained to mainly pick up abnormailities, those abnormalities can be benign or cancerous, they can't tell which from feeling.

Of course you are right, this is breast clinic and not a breast cancer clinic, there are any number of conditions which are always statistically more likely. However, the fact that they pick up BC is GOOD, as it means unlike in the past when women did die from it, you can quickly be treated.

This wild swinging of thoughts from positive to negative is usual, you want to not have bc of course. I convinced myself by the time of my appointment that I had a fat necrosis from hitting myself. Infact I was SO certain that I told the consultant there was a mistake and my biopsy results must have been mixed up. I wasn't on this site during that process, and only came on after diagnosis, but I wish I had been as then I might have realised that even IF I had that diagnosis I dreaded all could be ok.

I'm not saying you have bc you understand, I'm just saying this waiting is HARD so damned psychologically hard and it makes you feel allsorts which is very uncomfortable and unsettling. x

[ann-m]

Hi Michelle,
From what I’ve seen here, there’s not really a lot the GP can say & normally, any unexplained breast change will need to be referred to be properly looked at.
I by-passed the GP, as my bc was picked up by screening, so I did not have to go through any of the anxiety of finding a lump & going to the GP in the first place. I was just plugged into the system & came out the other side.
Mine was an early diagnosis, had lumpectomy, radiotherapy & tamoxifen & was back to getting on with life as normal after a few months.
ann x

[Michelle2014]

is It strange that this evening I sit here thinking stop being silly it’ll be alright it’ll be nothing but then a lapse of consentration and I feel very low and a bit oh **bleep** what am I gonna do ?? I’ve gotta calm down I’m sure hundreds of woman are in the same position as me this evening and the NP said there’s more benign conditions diagnosed that C ones 😕
Can I ask what your gp’s told you before referral ?

[Charys]

You are welcome Michelle. Just remember that although you can't see us, we are out here, you needn't be alone with your fears at this time. Look after yourself the next few days - try and eat and try and sleep - because that has a tendency to allude people at this time of waiting. x

[Michelle2014]

Jo thanks for sharing also and although not religious I do belive are loved ones look out for us thank goodness you had a thorough check when you did..
we have no Breast cancer on maternal side that they can think of my my great gran had throat cancer and my great uncle had pancreatic cancer and sadly passed away my fathers side I have no idea..
thank you for being at the end of my messages

[Michelle2014]

Charys thank you for sharing and that’s wonderful news to hear you are clear I very much appreciate you replying to my posts over last few hours
Michelle

[Jobey68]

Oh definitely try and stay away from Dr Google, he will convince you that you are in a coma if you dig deep enough!! 

My story is, went to doctors with a lump in Feb 15 and due to family history - mum had died from breast cancer many years ago - I was reffered as a high priority and seen within 4 days, my lump was quickly dismissed as fat by surgeon who examined me and she was spot on but had mammo and ultrasound anyway to be extra sure and an eagle radiographer picked up something elsewhere in my breast that he was suspicious of so did a biopsy and sure enough it was a small grade 1 tumour , dealt with by removal and radiotherapy then Tamoxifen , all really straight forward but could so easily have been missed and I would most likely still be walking around non the wiser! 

I like to think my mum was giving me a guiding hand that day but will be forever grateful that it was picked up so early 😊 Things can turn out ok no matter what the result of your tests are , a diagnosis isn't an automatic death sentence, try and hang on to that thought Xx Jo 

[Charys]

Hiyer,

No problem happy to tell you. I am 49 and was diagnosed in March 2016 with a grade 3 tumour, size being about errrr let me think....14mm? I had a lumpectomy in the April of 2016, radiotherapy (was borderline for chemo, it was offered as a choice but not recommended as such) and then went onto tamoxifen hormone therapy. I was removed from tamoxifen after 6 weeks, for some medical reasons. I now, like others here, and routine for post-diagnosed people, have a yearly mammogram and a 6 monthly check with the surgeon. My last mammo was clear, which I had in April last year and at my November check there were no concerns.

[Michelle2014]

Thanks Charys, your right though and I keep thinking about other ailments I’ve had over last few weeks and wonder if connected.. I have no intentions of googling luckily I’ve got a lot of work on so will be busy.. can I ask you what your story is ?? Tell me please if I’m nosey and out of line ?

[Charys]

You are not stupid! Why should you know if it's not something that has come up in your life experience so far. Michelle, stay off the google from now on, that's going to be hard in the next few days (I know you needed to to find out about lymph nodes of course), but any search now will come up with everything ranging from benign infections and cysts to a form of bc and all things inbetween. It will honestly drive you nuts reading about what your symptoms could mean, and give you absolutely no answers at all, period, as only your examination and mammo/ultrasound will give you that. ( and then if needed a biopsy). If it helps you to know, I doubt there would have been any answers she could have given you there and then, even if you had been able to answer them. Only the skill and knowledge of the consultant, radiographers (and ultimately if needed the pathologist) will enable the answering of questions.

Hopefully your appointment letter should arrive really soon.

[Michelle2014]

Thanks for your quick replies.
I feel alright I guess ? A little side swiped? is that the right words to use ? I knew I would leave there with a referral so was already prepared but maybe not so prepared for the words- larger, changed shape and swollen lymph nodes !
I’m so stupid I didn’t even know what a lymph node was expect for when I’ve watched tv programmes and hear people say it’s spread to your lymph nodes so obviously I have now googled Lymph nodes and just to say it doesn’t make me feel any better she said she was very sorry and once I get seen maybe we can both sleep better ! I’m thinking why are you not sleeping?? Well I can’t change it now can I I’m most defiantly 6 weeks behind from where I probably should be by now had she referred me at the beginning but we are in the system now as you say and I can’t change it I asked her if she felt like it was still hormonal changes and she said no !
I couldn’t ask an awful lot of questions as my little 6yr old daughter was there ! She wasn’t meant to be there but work ran over and I couldn’t get her to the sitter she was good as gold and there was a student nurse talking to her and I was examined behind the curtain and everything was said in terms I understood but a child defiantly wouldn’t .. I’ve also been here before but this does feel different maybe the outcome will be the same and all clear and i’ll Feel like I’ve wasted there time 😕

[Jobey68]

Good to hear you have a referral Michelle, that's exactly the outcome you needed from today. As charys says you should be seen within 2 weeks and although it's not an easy wait your in the system now and on your way to getting sorted Xx Jo 

[Charys]

Michelle, I've thought carefully about how to reply to this, so I hope I get the tone right. I am going to say 'good' in reply, I am glad to hear you have the referral! Your persistence, given the knock backs you've had is very courageous. Many people would have left it at the 'Im ok stage' that was presented to them.

You will get your clinic appointment within the next 2 weeks, which is quick but obviously won't feel quick enough when you have the fears and worries swirling in your head. How are you feeling now, after the appointment?

[Michelle2014]

Back from docs-
Nurse practioner who I saw back in Nov as lovely as she is I could tell by her face she knows she’s messed this one up.. she re examined my breast and said lump has changed shape and is larger so an immediate referral to Breast clinic is what’s gonna happen next she so now the wait is in..
Michelle

[Michelle2014]

Thank you for being there 🙂

[Charys]

HI Michelle, I'll be here ready, waiting, to listen too. I can't really add more than Jobey already has - but just to say I think you are incredibly proactive and you do need your mind put to rest once and for all on this!

All the best for your appointment

[Michelle2014]

Thank you for replying I think I just wanted to write down all that’s been happening just so it’s documebted somewhere and to get it off my chest.. I thought it strange a NP making such assumptions they do rate themselves at my surgery.. will update later thanks again it’s nice to know someone out there is reading and listening
Thanks Michelle

[Jobey68]

Hi Michelle, 

Blimey what a carry on you've had! I'm certainly not going to nag you about getting it checked as that seems to be all you are trying to do without much help from your GP! 

You need a referral to the breast clinic, an issue like this that has been going on for so long needs re investigating and it's not for your Dr to decide if it's anything to worry about or not , they cannot know by simply examining you. Hopefully that will be the outcome of today's appointment, it's something you should insist on! 

I can't guess as to what it might be, one thing Ive learned is BC comes in all shapes and sizes and sometimes there is nothing to feel at all, just get it checked and take it from there, it's the only way to know for certain, all the best and let us know how you get on today Xx Jo 

[Michelle2014]

Hi all
I’ve been here before! Twice actually 2014 and 2016
First time inverted nipple right breast nothing found nipple still inverted to date with no explanation, 2nd time same Breast lump found, Brest clinic they found the “lump” and did biopsy scariest day of my life as unexpected results inconclusive re scaned nothing found “maybe grit in duct 🙄” but obviously over the moon.. Now i find myself back here....
first week November 17 husband found lump “during fun times” and as my husband usually thinks I’m a hypacondriact when he said **bleep** shell this is big you gotta go docs the next day I took myself to the docs !
We saw a nurse practitioner who said that’s hormonal changes and not to worry but if it’s still there 4 weeks from now come back... so then we have December and I’m running round like a fool working my ass off and organising Xmas (you know how it is) lump still in situ and before you know it it’s january!! Last week I started to feel pain up around my collarbone, it feels swollen and when I asked my husband to look he said it’s yellow like bruising and to be honest to the touch it feels like a bruise to.. I call doc try to see the same NP but she’s fully booked and I’m offered a telephone call from here 3 days later and as the receptionist says your computer notes say there’s nothing to worry about! No change in breasts so I say ok thanks l... I never got my call 😩 I call the Monday after the Friday and was told the NP cancelled the telephone appointment and asked the receptionist to call to schedule appointment ASAP as I needed to be examined !!!! Bloody hell you May say do my appointment is tomorrow..
now my lump.. it’s sausage shaped and feels bloody big!! It feels hard but rubbery ( rubbery probably doesn’t make sense but there you are ) it hasn’t gone away and it’s above my nipple to the right and up.. I recon it feels like a vein that’s enlarged or a duct that’s swollen? But like I say it hasn’t gone away and feel bigger than November..
So there we have it... I’m usually more carful with myself and would never normally leave it this long I feel a fool as not panicked but you shouldn’t tempt fate, this is my life after all.. any ideas even if you want to tell me off or re assure if anyone’s reading I’d be grateful for feedback
Thanks