Mel I agree with everything Caroline said. You're an absolute rock and Yes make sure you're looking after yourself. Its really important that you consider yourself number one at the moment.
Caroline you're a star. I don't know if I follow you on the dreams idea. But I do think dreams help our minds sort out all the stuff. Last night when I went to bed my gremlin popped back in. I was looking at the bruise where the biopsy was taken and feeling it, then I started to feel like a lump where the needle went in. Is this normal after a biopsy that there's a slight lump under the skin where the biopsy was taken. How can I be worried about a lump after a biopsy, but have no lump before. Give me strength, will someone give me a kick up the rear end. I truly feel I'm going bonkers.
Emma I know exactly how you feel. We are all on various stages of the bloody nightmare here. Luckily you've met wonderful people like Mel and Caroline here, who keep you sane.
Mel I hope you're feeling a brighter today. Go spoil yourself on something. I find retail therapy a great help lol. Estee lauder lipsticks are my little extravagance, not to mention all those bloody anti ageing skin creams lol.
Love to you all.
Dreams are powerful things Mel. I'm not a new-ager (tents? sod that) but I really do think that as we've evolved we've lost the ability to listen to our bodies and dreams are their desperate attempt to get the message across. You know what, Mel, you've been so strong for us (and looking at all the new posts you're adding to the number you're helping every day). I just really wish that there was something we could do for you to help ease your road to recovery, the way you've eased this for all of us. What you're doing for others is incredible but PLEASE make sure you take enough time and space for yourself. Sorry, that sounds presumptious, I barely know you but from the little I've learned I'd lay odds that you always put everyone else's needs ahead of your own. Don't! End of lecture.
So happy to hear about your father in law Laura, what an incredible relief. Of course no diagnosis is a good one but as I understand it prostate progresses very, very slowly and thousands of men live out their natural lives with no adverse impact from the disease at all. I agree absolutely with everything Mel has said this evening and am still feeling incredibly positive about you. I know how gut wrenching yet more waiting will be for you but I really do believe the fact that they are so tiny it was difficult for the radiologist to locate them is a very good sign,
God Emma, directing you here sounded so pompous, sorry: just that I was really pressed last night but desperately didn't want to read and run. I knew that lots of the things that may help you had already been expressed on this thread by other people and I hoped you would find them as reassuring as I had.
Still feeling positive myself, though of course I've dissected everything I was told yesterday in minute detail during the day today and a couple of worries persist. All I heard really was "not a cancer" and walked out feeling elated - I was fine! Of course, what the radiologist actually said was that she was quite confident that what she was looking at on the screen was not a cancer. Not the same thing at all of course and fairly carefully worded. Also this business of blood in one of the cysts. The others were clear liquid and discarded but that one was bright red blood and I've learned from this site today that sometimes indicates cancer cells present. Can't quite understand why she said that "I want you to see the surgeon next week anyway"? No idea why on earth I didn't just ask why. Think I was only really listening to what I wanted to hear! Be gone you nasty little gremlin! Still, I've only 6 more days to find out, she was very bright and breezy, totally professional (and wasn't wearing a sympathetic face!) so on balance I still think I've every reason to be completely optimistic.
None of us want to be here but I'm so glad that I met you all.
I've had a read through of your thread Caroline, that's great news from yesterday - I'll be keeping everything crossed for you for next week!
Hi Laura, Caroline pointed me in the direction of her thread, I'm sorry to hear you're having such an awful time at the moment. I can understand why you're feeling let down by the system. I hope you get your appointment through soon. Fantastic news about your father in law.
Mel, it's lovely to read your positive posts and comments, thank you. I was giggling at your Total Recall post.
Right, I'd better get ready for parents evening, thanks again for the support.
Love Emma x
Caroline you are so funny. No I'm not American, but I've given up reading too much info online. I don't even read the DCIS thread on here as it sends my mind spiralling.
The BC nurse rang this morning and they definitely want to do another mammo guided biopsy. The radiologist is on holiday till Monday, so I should get an appointment next week. I asked if anyone else could do it and she said they wanted the same radiologist as last time as he knows my breasts and condition best. I thought he didn't know it that well last time, else he would have got it. But I never said anything.
I asked if as I'm waiting on a double masectomy, they could do it early and do the pathologies after. But she said the reconstruction surgeon wants it done before because it may affect my reconstruction. I said they could just take them off and I'd have reconstruction at a later date. But she said that wouldn't be possible due to the different scarring. Goodness knows.
Also I asked if there was any support groups she could suggest. I said that the breast cancer forum had been very helpful. But I wondered if there was any others. She said there was one but it was only available to women having treatment. She went to ask another bc nurse, came back and said have you thought of the breast cancer care forum? Oh dear. I give up. Sorry to sound as if I'm moaning about the bc nurses, but I feel completely let down by the system so far.
Anyway I'm now waiting for another mammo guided biopsy appointment. Better news for my father in law, as the MRI showed his prostate cancer hasn't spread and is treatable with nine weeks of radium. Thank God for that. Hubby is feeling really better about this and has gone to visit him. Great news on that front.
Anyway back to the knitting for an hour. Speak to you both later.
Lots of love
I dreamt (dreamed?, I'm never sure which it is) about you last night Laura! Woke up this morning with absolute certainty that you will get an all clear. Googling can be dangerous but do read up on some of the kosher websites (this one, Cancer Research, NHS etc,) about calcifications because I do think it will help put your mind at rest. Avoid the American ones though: they're all bonkers! (Oh, hope youre not American!). Your husband sounds lovely.
Mel, adding value? You have no idea! Your warmth, wisdom and humour are incredibly comforting and selfless given what you've been through. I'm sure you do have a wonderful family but I hope they realise just how lucky they are.
Feeling really, really positive for us all today. Little one's at home with the lurgy so we're sneaking off back to bed with bacon sandwiches now to indulge in the (guilty for me!) pleasure of watching Top Gear. Hilarious episode where they're adapting a car for elderly drivers: the Satnav has four destinations, "home", "post office", "Betty's House" and "Bingo". We will all need one of those many years from now.
Wonderful news Caroline. My champagne flute is polished and waiting for your celebratory drink next week. Mel I don't know how I would cope without your support.
I've promised my hubby that I will keep myself busy today. He's made me promise to do a bit of baking today. So I'm going to do a few jobs around the house. He said he'd noticed the weight dropping off me and I'm trying to eat more. Last night I had fish and chips from the chip shop, which is always a winner lol.
I will be back a bit later for a chat.
Sometimes it's the only thing that does it. Your husband clearly loves you very much too and I know there will have been/will be times when he needs to lean on you, that's what it's all about.
Yes, went in today. I didn't talk about it earlier because you clearly needed a hug! Very positive. I didn't need a biopsy at all, just a clearer mammogram, the ultrasound and some fine needle aspiration. Unusual area of inflammed glands and multiple cysts, some of which the radiologist was able to drain but some too deep so she's photographed the area and will monitor. Presumably I'll have to go back in a few months for comparison. One was bloody so has been sent off for testing to see if there are any abnormal cells present but I already have my results appointment booked for next Tuesday.
The consultant radiologist was extremely positive, in her opinion what she was looking at on the screen was "not a cancer". Need to wait until next Tuesday to crack open the champagne but what she told me today is good enough for me! She threw me slightly when she said she wasn't going to give me the usual option of having results by phone because she "wants me to see the surgeon anyway" but that I wasn't to worry. For some reason I will never I understand I didn't ask why, der! What happens to our heads/tongues when we walk into a clinic. My stoical husband thinks they will most likely want to remove the problem area if possible anyway just to spare more of this in future. I'm trusting him this time, because he's always been right.
Laura, you're very much in my thoughts. XX
Thanks Caroline & Mel.
Just had a cry at hubby. Feel a bit better for that. I'm worried about him and all the pressure on him. He's only just found out his dads got prostate cancer. Also his dad goes back for his MRI results tomorrow. I love him so much and hate to see what all this is doing to him.
How did you're day go Caroline? Did you have your biopsy today as I thought I read on your previous threads that you were booked in today? If you did I hope you're feeling okay not too sore. To be honest all the tests in themselves don't bother me really. Mammograms, MRI's and biopsies are not too much compared to the bloody waiting. Also thanks for that virtual hug, it was the best one I've ever had. xx
I'm starting to feel like the longest ever member of the awaiting tests and appointments forum lol. I wonder if I'll get a special star icon or maybe my font colour may change from black to orange or something lol.
Also hows things with you Mel? You're such a support and you're also dealing with you own recovery. How do you keep things together so well? You're inspirational.
Big virtual hugs sent out from here in the Midlands lol.
Hey Laura, Hey Mel
I'm so, so sorry Laura, my heart is aching for you and I wish I could wrap you up in a cuddle. Will a virtual one do? Really don't want to read and run and will be back again after bedtime. But in the meantime I wanted to try to bring a little comfort if I could: when I had a biopsy 18 months ago there were many clusters of microcalcifications plainly visible even to my untrained eye, apparently in a suspicious, string pattern and the test revealed them to be completely benign. Try to take hope from what you know as fact already: they are tiny and very difficult to locate. Sorry to bang on about those statistics, you'll want to ram them down my throat, but the enormous majority of calcifications are benign and a normal part of the ageing process (sorry! the consultant at the time told me "think of them if you like as fossils", yeah thanks for that). If they are not, they are at a very, very early stage (he told me that they even used to refer to that stage as "pre-cancerous") and can be treated very successfully. Yes, there is no denying that the treatment can be arduous and gruelling but the prognosis is incredibly good.
As I write that I know that your mind won't stop churning and your heart thumping until you KNOW. You are being proactive, you will be seen quickly now and this awful waiting will come to an end soon.
Mel, you're wonderful, can't put it any better than that.
I just had a call. The biopsy they took was of normal breast tissue. They didn't get the calcifications, so I may have to have it done again or possibly an MRI guided biopsy.
Goodness knows whats going on. When I had the original mammogram they showed me the calcifications and the consultant said it was a tiny area. Thats why they opted for the MRI SCAN. That came back clear. They said at the time a mammogram guided biopsy would be difficult and said they weren't going to do it. So now they've done it and they haven't got the calcifications.
So I'm right back at the start again. The bc nurse said that the consultant is back from his trip tomorrow so they are going to ask him what they do next. I've told them to tell him I want it referred back to the private sector, so as to get the tests done quicker. Its still with him but as a private patient, under my insurance.
My husband explained that I was on valium and sleeping tablets and really needed this sorting out, but she said she knew that anyway. So I don't think she was too bothered about my mental state.
So tomorrow I will find out if I'm having the same mammogram guided biopsy done as last time or an MRI guided biopsy at another hospital.
So there are calcifications that are there but are difficult to get. So the madness continues.
I hope everythings okay your end and sorry to ramble.
Hi Mel and Caroline
Still nothing for me yet. I tried ringing the breast nurses at the hospital yesterday, but I left a message and nobody rung back. I took the dog for her walk this morning and when I checked the phone someone had called but the number was withheld and no message. I've walked round the house with the phone but no calls yet. Part of me wants to know but part doesn't. I'm a bag of nerves, so I had one of my valiums this morning, which took a little of the edge off it. Not doing very well I'm afraid. I hope both of you are having better days.
Just a quickie, thinking of you today. I hope the tests go okay. Big hugs sweetie.
Our youngest is 10 too: yes, they are priceless.
That's the thought that makes the nasty little creature with the evil voice creep up on me when I'm not expecting it. Yep, there it was again but it's okay I've beaten it off with the whoping great stick you've given me!
Thanks Mel, and to you.
Most people say\think pretty grotty things about teenagers but my daughter's completely natural and level headed response when she saw my letter was the most reassuring thing I've heard in the last couple of weeks. Youngsters haven't grown up with the same fear of these nasty diseases as we have because research has come on so much in the last decades that they just don't hold the same terror for them, which is as it should be. It really helped to put things in perspective for me.
Yay for teenagers (and I mean that most sincerely having come through two years of hell with ours. We get on really well now because she lives somewhere else LOL).
Off for a nice, hot bath and a defuzz of the armpits in readiness for tomorrow. Vanity, vanity all is vanity!
Strangely my clothes are falling off me lol. Its the only time I lose any weight, when I'm stressed. Also the only thing I can stomach is chocolate lol. I am now officially wearing my 'thin' trousers. But the fat ones are carefully put away, ready for when I need them again.
I think I'll do some boring ironing just to keep my mind ticking along. Things must be bad if I'm thinking of doing housework, as I'm not the most houseproud of people.
Oh well have a peaceful day and don't worry about a muffin top lol.
Yes we are.
Our clinic sends letters but last time it all became too much and my husband phoned them in the end - think it was either that or strangle me when I got home! Not sure if that's something you could consider but if it goes beyond the wait they told you to expect (I understand 14 days is the norm?) I'm certain they will understand your agony and be kind if you ring, even if they can't actually tell you anything over the phone. Feeling like you have the littlest bit of control can sometimes help. My tests (not sure which yet, told to expect ultrasound and/or biopsy) are tomorrow and I'll be ticking off the days thereafter. Happy to note that my spirit is well and truly kicking in now (due in large part to you and the other ladies on here so thank you for that): just back from buying slightly bigger trousers for the ocassion. Embarrassing enough putting yourself on display without having to worry about a Christmas muffin top!
Sending happy thoughts and keeping everything possible crossed for you. Funny, but dogs do help don't they.
Thank you for the wonderful, positive reply. Wow I really needed that post today. I still haven't heard anything. Waiting either for a call to attend the clinic for results or a letter. I don't know why I always see the glass half empty. I am generally a negative cow lol.
Went for my lovely dog walk this morning, which is always fab. The weather was really wintery crisp.
I think I'm like this because my mom developed bc at 47 and lost her battle at 49. I'm 45 and all I keep thinking about is my mum. The statistics are on our side and if it is cancer, there are alot of treatments available. So much more now than in 1985, when my mom passed. My husband is also very positive and I can't imagine going through this without him. It sounds like we're both lucky in the husband department.
You are very much in my thoughts. We are in this together. Big hugs matey. Thanks so much for your support.
Thank you so much for your kindness.
Okay, you have spurred me into putting my sensible hat on at last, thank you! I had my first biopsy in July 2012 and remember it so vividly because it was during the summer holidays and I had booked a couple of little trips for me and our son. They had told me that the results should be back within a week or so but in the end it dragged on for 12 days including a weekend, by which time I was driving my poor husband mad, texting him every half hour or so: had they phoned yet? I didn't want them to call me, so convinced was I that it would be the worst possible news and that I wouldn't be able to hold it together a couple of hundred miles from home in front of our son. He finally called me on the last day of our trip, as we sat watching a visitor information film in Edinburgh Castle much to the annoyance no doubt of the other visitors (well our son was watching anyway: I couldn't tell you a word of what they were saying).
I was completely and utterly fine. Benign calcifications. Nothing to worry about, no further investigation required.
My sensible husband had insisted throughout that would be the outcome. My age and statistics were very much on our side. I didn't believe him. He was completely right, I was completely wrong.
Impossible though it feels at 2 o clock in the morning, we must both try to apply his common sense to ourselves now Laura. The statistics are completely on our side and even if that doesn't turn out to be the case this time, so many ladies (and some men of course) are successfully treated and enjoy long and happy lives. Not sure how old you are? I think part of the problem with these nasty diseases is that people of my age (48) hear the word and immediately think OMG that's the end! Which is very wrong.
Rather she hadn't and it was fluke because she doesn't live with us but my daughter came over and saw my recall letter on Friday and asked what it was about: I couldn't lie. She is nearly 19 and her response was spontaneous, natural and incredibly reassuring. She said that it would almost certainly turn out to be the same as last time and if it didn't, well if I had cancer the treatments are so good now that I really shouldn't be worrying! She's right. We have to be positive because there is an awful lot to be positive about.
I'm thinking of you, sending love and warm wishes and urging you to lavish great care on yourself right now. You deserve it.
I know exactly how you are feeling as I am going through a similar thing. I had a biopsy last Monday and I'm waiting results. I go from utter terror to calm and back again. This all feels so surreal, sort of like an out of body experience lol. The waiting is awful. I tried my old jeans on today and they were just hanging off me. I had to hold them up with a belt. I'm wondering how much more of this I can deal with emotionally. I have also been crying, but I think once all the results are back, one way or another its got to be better than this.
My prayers go out to you and keep posting on here. You are not alone.
Thank you so much Mel. I'm very good at being practical and talking common sense to other people, just need to try to apply it to myself now!
Love to you.
Thank you Jo. Feeling pretty positive again this morning and reading back what I wrote last night, feel like an idiot. Spoke to one of your lovely people before the mammogram and had been feeling remarkably calm and collected since thanks to her. It's the recall letter that has thrown me again. I had prepared myself to expect one and (almost!) convinced myself that it would probably be something benign again so it's the srength of my reaction to the recall that has taken me so much by surprise. Angry with myself, feeling ashamed as there are so many people in awful situations and common sense (and a statistic obsessed husband!) tell me I'm probably not. I'm old enough to know better! Wouldn't be half as worried if it wasn't for my youngest. What all the fear boils down to is he's 10, still very much a little boy really and he needs his mum for a good while yet. Dad's health isn't great so that doesn't help when gloomy thoughts of his future possibly without both of us creep in. Well just another couple of days for appointment then in two weeks we'll know where we are.
Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care discussion forums, you've come to the right place for some good, honest support from the many informed users of this site who I am sure will be along soon to offer you that support.
Also our helpline team are just a free phone call away, 0808 800 6000, who I am sure you will benefit from talking to. The lines open again tomorrow, Monday being open Mon-Fri 9-5 and Sat 10-2
Hello everyone. New to posting so apologies if I ramble. First lump at 30 after having our daughter, which thankfully turned out to be (multiple) cysts. Drained and happily sent on my way. Now 48 and four further mammograms later (3 resulting in cysts again - which unfortunately our new health authority doesn't drain - and last resulting in core biopsy which was, hurrah, benign calcifications) I'm back again playing the waiting game after another mammogram 2 weeks ago. Received the letter yesterday saying I need to go back for further assessment next Tuesday and to expect ultrasound and\or biopsy.
Sure I don't need to tell anyone here how I'm feeling, you all know only too well. You'd think it would get easier after so many visits but it doesn't. Trying to hold it together, don't want to upset the kids (youngest now 10) or my dear, sweet husband who is very level headed and sensible (so much so that I'm hating myself for wanting to scream at him "but what if?"). But that nasty, spiteful little voice at the back of my head is nagging away when I drop my guard: telling me they got it wrong last time and an ugly little creature has been quietly growing away ever since and is now big and strong, thank you very much, and branching out. Imagining the worst. Half the time feeling calm and practical and planning to buy new pyjamas and cook for the freezer on Monday just in case, the other half going to pieces. Just burst into tears because I couldn't open the gate when I got back with the dog.
Reading beautiful positive stories on here and that helps enormously but I just can't quieten that nasty little voice. Has anyone else cracked how to make it shut up? Thanks for reading.