Hi 🙂 I just want to say that some people go through all these same awful feelings you talk about even when they are physically healthy. What you are going through is VERY hectic and serious stuff! I'm going through chemo at the moment, cycle 2, and although had Grade 1 DCI, unfortunately and unusually, had one pos node...would have been straight forward otherwise. I've been upbeat and positive the whole way through, even with seroma's, haematoma's, infection etc. Untile my last FEC when they gave me the drug cold from the fridge!!! OW!!!!!
Anyway, please remember you are allowed to feel sad and angry and bloody freaked out about it all, but this is your life too, and you are going through this experience and it's just the way things go. I wish that you can find a moment to sit quietly and think gently about what has happened - you didn't ask for this - it just happened. So, try and deep breath and let go slowly of what has happened so far, you are probably a really strong minded person and have conquered so many hurdles in your life already, big and small, so here's another one. Hug yourself - love your body - smile at yourself when you do it and know you are very special and unique. When it comes to being in public like swimming.....put on that costume, take a deep breath, and stride out - if people look, what the hell - you can walk and breath and are alive! How would they cope??? I bet when you get back to the change room you will feel amazing 🙂 Start patting yourself on the back rather than hiding away. Let people in - you soon find out who you want and need around you. Be happy - I hope you manage to deal with it all and come out on top and smiling. Sending so much love xxxxx
I just wanted to say that I'm on antidepressants too and couldn't cope without them.
In situations like this, no one shoud feel ashamed to ask for them. They can give you so much more inner strength, so long as you find the right dose for you.
Stick wioth them for as long as you need to. I certainly intend to!
Hi Bobbie, Linney and Poemsgalore,
I wonder how you are doing? Hope the antidepressants are beginning to kick in. I liked the link about the deep dark wood. There are 500 pages, so it must be helpful. Everybody seems so nice! It does really help knowing we are not alone in this.
I am continuing being a hermit as I hate this weather, and I don't feel like going out. I watch a lot of T V. I get annoyed watching programmes about beautiful women having plastic surgery (that they don't need). It makes me think of how us with breast cancer have to have surgery for a completely different reason, and that it is not as easy as it looks on TV. I find that a lot of people are ignorant about breast cancer and its effects. I was asked" is it just key surgery you had". I wish it was.
I wonder what remarks you have had made? Are ther things that get on your nerves?
Hope you are ok.
Like you mood changes so I can't say whether it's working or not. Have two weeks to wait before I can 'up' the dose should i need to. Here's hoping you have a much better week
Sending big hugs
It seems a lot of us feel the post cancer treatment blues. Here iare two links to threads for people like us to hang out and have a little cry:
Look forward to seeing you there one day soon.
Thanks for your reply. The reason I am so worried about relapse is because I am what you call "triple negative". This means hormone treatments and herceptin won't work, and it is a fast-growing and aggressive type of cancer. My cancer was 5cm big, with another bit just started. Luckily no nodes, so far. What about you? How big was your tumour and had it spread to any lymph nodes?
I still get aches and pains from the surgery. Do you get this too? I can't remember if you had radiotherapy too? That caused a lot of nerve pain. Sorry to go on. It has all been such an unpleasant experience.
The beauty session does get fully booked, and may have a waiting list. Regarding exercise, there are no free sessions or even a G.P referral scheme in my area. What kind of reconstruction do you think you are having?
I actually worked in mental health, and then lost my job due to depression, which is ironic! It was if staff were not allowed to become ill themselves. I think stress has contributed to me getting cancer. Have you been under stress before your diagnosis?
Hi Bobbie and Linney,
Thank you for your support. It is so good to know others are also going through this. I have found that the so- called treatment has caused me the most distress. (Operation scars, loss of breast and appearance, side-effects of radio and chemotherapy). It is so isolating, as people say I can now put it behind me and be grateful I am well. I am Stage 3, and relapse is quite likely.
I will not be returning to work, as I have already lost my job in the NHS due to having depression. They were very unsupportive employers! What are your employers like?
I would like to go swimming one day, but am worried about communal changing rooms and wearing prosthesis, incase it is obvious.
I can't wait for Spring and Summer. After my op in June, it really helped to sit out in the sun. It felt very healing. Another helpful thing has been free complimentary therapies, and also the "look good, feel better" session. Have you heard about this? You get given a really wonderful bag full of skin care and makeup, which is donated by big brands, like Estee Lauder and Clinique. It felt so good after all the losses, to be given something lovely.
Just wanted to let you know that i am thinking about you.
Yes the weather is awful, cant wait for some sun and bright sky. Sitting in the garden makes everyone feel better.
My doctor told me my cancer could be cured, so I try to believe what they say. Though when i feel lumps and bumps in my breast i'm not sure. I try to tell myself that it is from the surgery and that i'm ok. But it is very hard. I'm trying to get through one day at a time at the moment.
Take care of yourself,
Love Linney xxx
Hi Linney and Bobbie,
Thank you for your replies, it helps knowing others feel the same, and are also going through this hurdle. I am finding it very hard. Unfortunately for me I am overweight already, and have put on more weight. I have been using food (esp.. Chocolate) as a comfort. It helped me get through radiotherapy. I am not eligible for reconstruction due to my BMI. However, it doesn't sound as easy as the media lets on. Angelina Jolie's reconstruction would have been easier as she didn't have cancer already, and she would have had plenty of help.
I have hormone negative cancer and so I can't take tamoxifen as it would be of no benefit. What are the side-effects like? Are they tolerable?
I have to wear a prosthesis (horrible thing, but with clothes on looks OK). Do any of you wear one? I can't wear it or a bra all the time due to pain in the surgery area and radiotherapy area, which is under my breast area. I am worried that there is still cancer there as it feels strange and lumpy. Do you worry about recurrence?
Hope you are feeling a bit better, and that the constant rain is not getting to you!
Good luck with your results. What has your breast care nurse said? What is your gut feeling?
To put your mind at rest, as soon as the physical exam started for me, it was indicated that the lump looked suspicious. So I knew it was cancer before biopsy results. I did have a bad feeling as soon as I felt the lump. Keep us posted...
Hello guys...its still early days for me. Expecting result of biopsy this week. Watch this space. If its not good news....I will be back looking for support. Loving the forum. Good luck with your treatment.
Hey Bobbie, Hello Louise,
Started my new meds today so I felt a little anxious and had to take diazapam to help me cope. Hopefully they will kick in soon. My last meds mixed bad with my tamoxifen and I ended up in hospital! But maybe the new ones will work.
We have to remember that as women we are beautiful and strong and our body image does not define who we are as a person. We are alive and are fighting this dam disease, even though we are all in a bad place at the moment. Scars, burns, medication, anxiety and depression, we will win through and find inner strength to continue with our lives. It may not be the path we have chosen but one day we will smile again...
Hi Linney and Bobbie,
I can really relate to your posts. I am Louise, am 47. I was diagnosed in may last year. I have Grade 3 triple negative cancer, and had a partial mastectomy in June. I refused chemo, as I knew I couldn't cope with it. I finished a month of radiotherapy in October. Like you, I am on anti-depressants.
I am finding it very hard to adjust to losing my breast. I am single, and I would never want to be seen again by a man again. The scars and radiotherapy discolouration look terrible. I can't wear the pretty bras that I used to wear, and I feel really unattractive now. Can you relate to this?
Thanks so much for your reply. For the past few months I've been in a really dark place - I even thought that there was something else wrong with me that the hospital had missed! My G.P. told me that feeling like this was normal but it is not normal for me. I begin some new medication on Tuesday so I hope it will help. I'm glad that you are going to the docs and hope that they can prescribe something that will help you. We cannot live the rest of our lives feeling like we do. We have battled cancer! We shouldn't be plummeted into anxiety or depression too!
Sending big hugs
Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care discussion forums, you've come to the right place for some good, honest support from the many informed users of this site.
While you are waiting for replies, I have put for you below links to some of BCC's publications you might find helpful. Also our helpline team are just a free phone call away, 0808 800 6000 lines open Mon-Fri 9-5 and Sat 10-2, the helpline staff will be only too happy to talk to you about how you are feeling now, they're here to support you.
My name is Linney and I am 52 years old. I was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Cancer, grade two, in April 2013. I had two tumours removed and underwent 6 cycles of E.C. Chemotherapy and 20 sessions of Radiotherapy, which finished in January 2014. Although my treatment has finished, I have been left with a terrible sadness and acute anxiety, to the point that I no longer want to leave my house. My G.P. prescribed "sertraline tablets", but I had a reaction to them and found myself in hospital! My dosage is being reduced and I have been prescribed "Fluoxetine" which I begin in two days time. I feel that I have lost my way and live under a dark cloud that I cannot escape. I cry great sobs and I don't know why? Is this going to be my life from now on? Will I ever get back to work? Is there anyone who can offer advice and support - maybe someone has gone through the same thing?