Hey everyone

[Wheezy]

Anniegirl1 - what an amazing post.

THANK YOU

AllI wanted to say

[Anniegirl1]

Hi 🙂  I just want to say that some people go through all these same awful feelings you talk about even when they are physically healthy. What you are going through is VERY hectic and serious stuff! I'm going through chemo at the moment, cycle 2, and although had Grade 1 DCI, unfortunately and unusually, had one pos node...would have been straight forward otherwise. I've been upbeat and positive the whole way through, even with seroma's, haematoma's, infection etc. Untile my last FEC when they gave me the drug cold from the fridge!!! OW!!!!!

Anyway, please remember you are allowed to feel sad and angry and bloody freaked out about it all, but this is your life too, and you are going through this experience and it's just the way things go. I wish that you can find a moment to sit quietly and think gently about what has happened - you didn't ask for this - it just happened. So, try and deep breath and let go slowly of what has happened so far, you are probably a really strong minded person and have conquered so many hurdles in your life already, big and small, so here's another one. Hug yourself - love your body - smile at yourself when you do it and know you are very special and unique. When it comes to being in public like swimming.....put on that costume, take a deep breath, and stride out - if people look, what the hell - you can walk and breath and are alive! How would they cope??? I bet when you get back to the change room you will feel amazing 🙂 Start patting yourself on the back rather than hiding away. Let people in - you soon find out who you want and need around you. Be happy - I hope you manage to deal with it all and come out on top and smiling. Sending so much love xxxxx

[Guest user]

thanku

[Guest user]

yes i think you are right. it is happening, people think more of what they on tv like you

[Bobsicle]

Hey Louise,
Yes I think my antidepressants have started to work now, as I feel a lot calmer 🙂
I've read some of that thread aswell , it's quite good .
This weather is awful , so I've been staying in as much as I can, it don't help that I'm going through anxiety when I do go out on my own , I do feel better that someone is with me ...bloody cancer has destroyed my confidence , I used to love going shopping now I hate it 😞
I've noticed that everything on tv is to do with cancer now, unless it's cos I take more notice now..wot do you think??

Big hugs

Bobbie xx

[SJB]

I just wanted to say that I'm on antidepressants too and couldn't cope without them.

In situations like this, no one shoud feel ashamed to ask for them. They can give you so much more inner strength, so long as you find the right dose for you.

Stick wioth them for as long as you need to. I certainly intend to!

[Guest user]

Hi Bobbie, Linney and Poemsgalore,

I wonder how you are doing?  Hope the antidepressants are beginning to kick in.  I liked the link about the  deep dark wood.  There are 500 pages, so it must be helpful.  Everybody seems so nice!  It does really help knowing we are not alone in this.

I am continuing being a hermit as I hate this weather, and I don't feel like going out.  I watch a lot of T V.  I get annoyed watching programmes about beautiful women having plastic surgery (that they don't need).  It makes me think of how us with breast cancer have to have surgery for a completely different reason, and that it is not as easy as it looks on TV.  I find that a lot of people are ignorant about breast cancer and its effects.  I was asked" is it just key surgery you had".  I wish it was.

I wonder what remarks you have had made?  Are ther things that get on your nerves?

Hope you are ok.

Love,

Louise xx

[Bobsicle]

Hey,
how is everyone ?? As you are aware my antidepressants have been upped , I must admit I think they might be starting to work 🙂 I havnt cried for 2 days 🙂 ..but I do know that my mood changes from hour to hour so I'm taking 1day at a time ...
I've been reading a lot of the treads and people are so kind with all there support , and I feel that's I'm no longer alone in how I feel ....

Big hugs to you all

Bobbie xx

[Guest user]

Hi Bobbie,

Like you mood changes so I can't say whether it's working or not.  Have two weeks to wait before I can 'up' the dose should i need to.  Here's hoping you have a much better week

Sending big hugs

Linney xxx

[Bobsicle]

Hey, oh no I understand now, must be awful for you.. My tumor was the size of a 2p piece but had spread 4 cm , and was in my central lymph node so I had a clearance....
You are not going on Louise , it's fine, I understand you need to talk things through I'm exactly the same 🙂 .. I get stabbing pains in my left scar where my boob was, but I've read somewhere that it happens a lot...I even get a itchy nipple even though there is no nipple there ... Weird...no I didn't have radiotherapy only mx and chemo , thank god....
I'm hoping to have the tummy tuck reconstruction ,that's the only thing that make this better in my mind, I havnt even seen anyone about it yet 😞 I hate waiting ....

Big hugs

Bobbie xx

[poemsgalore]

Hi Linney,

It seems a lot of us feel the post cancer treatment blues. Here iare two links to  threads for people like us to hang out and have a little cry:

http://forum.breastcancercare.org.uk/t5/Living-with-breast-cancer/Standing-outside-the-dark-dark-woo...

http://forum.breastcancercare.org.uk/t5/Recovering-from-treatment/bd-p/4442

Look forward to seeing you there one day soon. 

Take care

poemsgalore xx

[Guest user]

Thanks for your reply.  The reason I am so worried about relapse is because I am what you call "triple negative".  This means hormone treatments and herceptin won't work, and it is a fast-growing and aggressive type of cancer.  My cancer was 5cm big, with another bit just started.  Luckily no nodes, so far.  What about you?  How big was your tumour and had it spread to any lymph nodes?

I still get aches and pains from the surgery. Do you get this too?  I can't remember if you had radiotherapy too?  That caused a lot of nerve pain.  Sorry to go on.  It has all been such an unpleasant experience.

The beauty session does get fully booked, and may have a waiting list.  Regarding exercise, there are no free sessions or even a G.P referral scheme in my area.  What kind of reconstruction do you think you are having?

I actually worked in mental health, and then lost my job due to depression, which is ironic!  It was if staff were not allowed to become ill themselves.  I think stress has contributed to me getting cancer.  Have you been under stress before your diagnosis?

Best wishes,

Louise xx

[Bobsicle]

Hey Louise,
Do you mean grade 3 cos mine was that grade?? Why do you think you will relapse
My work has been ok , but I'm only part time, so my boss said come back when I'm ready , and I know I'm not ready yet .. That's rather harsh that they havnt stood by you , with depression aswell ..

At the hospital where I go I'm allowed to go swimming free there, but I have not got the confident to go there and not sure if I ever will til I have my reconstruction ...

Have got something like that here, but I'm waiting for the lady to ring back with a place ...

Big hugs
Bobbie xx

[Guest user]

Hi Bobbie and Linney,

Thank you for your support.  It is so good to know others are also going through this.  I have found that the so- called treatment has caused me the most distress.  (Operation scars, loss of breast and appearance, side-effects of radio and chemotherapy).  It is so isolating, as people say I can now put it behind me and be grateful I am well.  I am Stage 3, and relapse is quite likely.

I will not be returning to work, as I have already lost my job in the NHS due to having depression.  They were very unsupportive employers!  What are your employers like?

I would like to go swimming one day, but am worried about communal changing rooms and wearing prosthesis, incase it is obvious.

I can't wait for Spring and Summer.  After my op in June, it really helped to sit out in the sun.  It felt very healing.  Another helpful thing has been free complimentary therapies, and also the "look good, feel better" session.  Have you heard about this?  You get given a really wonderful bag full of skin care and makeup, which is donated by big brands, like Estee Lauder and Clinique.  It felt so good after all the losses, to be given something lovely.

Best wishes,

Louise xx

[Bobsicle]

Hey linney, how's it going ?? Is ur medication kicking in yet ?? Last week was horrendous for me , my mood changed from hour to hour, I'm hoping for a better week this week 🙂 can't wait for the weather to get better myself as I hate the winter as it is without feeling low aswell .....I'm doing like you one day at a time...did you have a mx aswell ??

Big hugs

Bobbie xx

[Bobsicle]

Hey Louise,
Thinking of you, this a awful disease we have , it plays so many mind games..I eat lots aswell and have put on at least a stone .i am able to have a reconstruction but I am worried about it and I have to wait at least a year 😞 ...I wear a prosthesis aswell it's so got damn heavy and I find at the mo I get very itchy when I wear it , Im starting to get some feeling bk on my chest and under my arms where the lymp nodes were taken out , when I'm in the house I don't wear it it's just to god damn uncomfortable , so yes I know how u feel .... As for tamoxifen I get hot sweats and achey joints especially my ankles, but I think I'm lucky as, have read other people are seem to be getting lots more than me ...
Have you gone back to work yet?? I havnt and I feel really quillty about. It...I feel quillty about a lots of stuff 😞

Bigs hugs

Bobbie xxx

[Guest user]

Hey Louise,

Just wanted to let you know that i am thinking about you. 

Yes the weather is awful, cant wait for some sun and bright sky. Sitting in the garden makes everyone feel better.

My doctor told me my cancer could be cured, so I try to believe what they say. Though when i feel lumps and bumps in my breast i'm not sure. I try to tell myself that it is from the surgery and that i'm ok. But it is very hard. I'm trying to get through one day at a time at the moment.

Take care of yourself,

Love Linney xxx

[Guest user]

Hi Linney and Bobbie,

Thank you for your replies, it helps knowing others feel the same, and are also going through this hurdle.  I am finding it very hard.  Unfortunately for me I am overweight already, and have put on more weight.  I have been using food (esp.. Chocolate) as a comfort.  It helped me get through radiotherapy.  I am not eligible for reconstruction due to my BMI.  However, it doesn't sound as easy as the media lets on.  Angelina Jolie's reconstruction would have been easier as she didn't have cancer already, and she would have had plenty of help.

I have hormone negative cancer and so I can't take tamoxifen as it would be of no benefit.  What are the side-effects like?  Are they tolerable?

I have to wear a prosthesis (horrible thing, but with clothes on looks OK).  Do any of you wear one?  I can't wear it or a bra all the time due to pain in the surgery area and radiotherapy area, which is under my breast area.  I am worried that there is still cancer there as it feels strange and lumpy.  Do you worry about recurrence?

Hope you are feeling a bit better, and that the constant rain is not getting to you!

Love,

Louise xx

[Guest user]

Hi Hotlips50,

Good luck with your results.  What has your breast care nurse said?  What is your gut feeling?

To put your mind at rest, as soon as the physical exam started for me, it was indicated that the lump looked suspicious.  So I knew it was cancer before biopsy results.  I did have a bad feeling as soon as I felt the lump. Keep us posted...

Love,

Louise x

[Hotlips50]

Hello guys...its still early days for me. Expecting result of biopsy this week. Watch this space. If its not good news....I will be back looking for support.  Loving the forum. Good luck with your treatment.

Hotlips50 xx

[Bobsicle]

Hey linney,
Hopefully we will both start feeling the benefit of our medication soon,I hope yours agree with u this time ..
I feel a lot calmer today than I have for a long time and I think that's cos I have realised I'm not the only one who is having these feelings... It's a horrible disease and it effects so many of us, but we are strong ladies and we can fight this one day at a time 🙂 and it will take time and we will get there...

Take care and I'm here when u want a chat

Bobbie xx

[Guest user]

Hey Bobbie, Hello Louise,

Started my new meds today so I felt a little anxious and had to take diazapam to help me cope. Hopefully they will kick in soon. My last meds mixed bad with my tamoxifen and I ended up in hospital! But maybe the new ones will work.

We have to remember that as women we are beautiful and strong and our body image does not define who we are as a person.  We are alive and are fighting this dam disease, even though we are all in a bad place at the moment. Scars, burns, medication, anxiety and depression, we will win through and find inner strength to continue with our lives.  It may not be the path we have chosen but one day we will smile again...

Take care

Linney xxx

[Bobsicle]

Hi Linney

Been to see the doc this morning and she has put my medication up, so hopefully it won't b long until it kicks in 🙂 how r u feeling 2day?? Xx

Hi Louise ,

Yes I can relate to how ur feeling about losing ur breast, I was fine up until Xmas since then I don't know wot happened ..I'm married and find it hard to let my husband she me with only one breast 😞 I don't feel complete anymore, my reconstruction won't b for another year so I'm disappointed with that. 😞
Been to docs today and she has increased my meds, which will hopefully kick in soon 🙂 and I mite start feeling better about myself.....this is so unfair for this bloody disease to happen to us, I want the clock to turn back time, but know it can't...
Louise u r very brave lady to refuse chemo , do you have to take tamoxifen at all??

If either of you fancy a chat on here or by private message send me a message

Big hugs to you both

Bobbie xx

[Guest user]

Hi Linney and Bobbie,

I can really relate to your posts. I am Louise,  am 47.  I was diagnosed in may last year.  I have Grade 3 triple negative cancer, and had a partial mastectomy in June.  I refused chemo, as I knew I couldn't cope with it.  I finished a month of radiotherapy in October.  Like you, I am on anti-depressants.

I am finding it very hard to adjust to losing my breast.  I am single, and I would never want to be seen again by a man again.  The scars and radiotherapy discolouration look terrible.  I can't wear the pretty bras that I used to wear, and I feel really unattractive now.  Can you relate to this?

Best wishes,

Louise

[Bobsicle]

Hi linney, thanks for replying , it's nice to have someone to talk to about this, I thought it was just me that felt this way.. I'm hoping to that the doctor can give me something to help me, I think she will ..
Like u say it's not a nice place to b and we shouldn't have to go through this after wot we have been through....I will keep my fingers crossed for u that ur medication kicks in quick.. I will let u know how I get on ..

Big hugs
Bobbie xx

[Guest user]

Hi Bobbie,

Thanks so much for your reply. For the past few months I've been in a really dark place - I even thought that there was something else wrong with me that the hospital had missed! My G.P. told me that feeling like this was normal but it is not normal for me. I begin some new medication on Tuesday so I hope it will help.  I'm glad that you are going to the docs and hope that they can prescribe something that will help you. We cannot live the rest of our lives feeling like we do. We have battled cancer! We shouldn't be plummeted into anxiety or depression too! 

Sending big hugs

Linney xxx

[Bobsicle]

Hi linney, my name is Bobbie. I'm 42 and like you I was diagnosed in April last year, mine was grade 3 , I had a mastectomy in May and had 6 cycles of FEC , all my treatment finished in October last year, although I have to take tamoxifen for the next 10years..I am also going through what you are, I spend days crying for no reason, I feel as thou I should b getting on with my life as I've beaten the cancer, but I feel very low and like you for some reason I panic when I have to leave the house, I haven't gone back to work either yet and I feel there is a black cloud hanging over me..... I'm off to the docs on Tuesday to see if I can get anything to help...... If u fancy a chat either on here or by private message I'm here to listen

Take care Bobbie

[Jo_BCC]

Hi Linney,

Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care discussion forums, you've come to the right place for some good, honest support from the many informed users of this site.

While you are waiting for replies, I have put for you below links to some of BCC's publications you might find helpful. Also our helpline team are just a free phone call away, 0808 800 6000 lines open Mon-Fri 9-5 and Sat 10-2, the helpline staff will be only too happy to talk to you about how you are feeling now, they're here to support you.

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/about-breast-cancer-care/moving-forward-resource-pa...

http://www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/publications/moving-forward/moving-forward-support-you-after-tre...

Take care,

Jo, Moderator

[Guest user]

Hey everyone,

My name is Linney and I am 52 years old. I was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Cancer, grade two, in April 2013. I had two tumours removed and underwent 6 cycles of E.C. Chemotherapy and 20 sessions of Radiotherapy, which finished in January 2014. Although my treatment has finished, I have been left with a terrible sadness and acute anxiety, to the point that I no longer want to leave my house. My G.P. prescribed "sertraline tablets", but I had a reaction to them and found myself in hospital! My dosage is being reduced and I have been prescribed "Fluoxetine" which I begin in two days time. I feel that I have lost my way and live under a dark cloud that I cannot escape. I cry great sobs and I don't know why? Is this going to be my life from now on?  Will I ever get back to work? Is there anyone who can offer advice and support - maybe someone has gone through the same thing?

Thank you,

Linney.