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How are you supposed to feel

12 REPLIES 12
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: How are you supposed to feel

thank you all for your kind words and support. I guess I have been keeping strong and braving it for my sons, being a single parents brings different worries and concerns and means I have to keep focused on not getting down about it. I will learn on Friday my treatment plan and also have the full tests on my left breast to ensure the calcium deposits are not the early stages of cancer the pat side
Katykookabura
Member

Re: How are you supposed to feel

Like choccomuffin says seeing the shock on people's faces is something, especially when you look outwardly well . It is exhausting telling people as you end up trying to support them as they get so upset for you . One thing I think is helpful is get others to tell others you want to know as it saves you getting worn out giving full explanation of what your cancer, treatment is etc. It is a roller coaster ride and each stage you get more matter of fact about it I think? I only had two days when I cried but that was because I was so angry and momentarily feeling sorry for myself . I keep reminding myself there are some who are worse off than I am as I have Grade 2 Primary and whilst been in hospital twice to get clear margins they have got the tumour out and I have to have radiotherapy in a couple of weeks time and a bone scan as I have been started on Anastrozole . Everyone has a different story as no two cancers are the same. Certainly I am taking more care of myself, keeping away from anyone with a cold( even my hubby was banned to the other room when he had a bad cough!). I sometimes still can't believe it and look well so much so I had four people stare at me who know my diagnosis and say they can't believe how well l look . Just brings home what b----- this disease is! . This forum is good to talk about it though as I think some of those close to you just do not know what to say!.
HJU63
Member

Re: How are you supposed to feel

Dear Lucylou,
it is a year since my diagnosis and yet I can still clearly remember those early days. I remember having to tell my boss and her commenting on how calm I was and I did manage to continue working up until treatment without many people at work knowing.
As many have said before, allow yourself to feel what you feel. There is no right way to deal with this just your way. Try not to compare yourself with others - be kind to yourself and accept that there will be good days and bad days. Try not to take any notice of the people who tell you how you should be feeling/behaving - in my experience they were often those who had no understanding of what it is like to have this diagnosis. You will find the right way for you and your family, all the best, Helen

Guest user
Not applicable

Re: How are you supposed to feel

I've coped pretty much the same as most of you, hardly cried at all, people keep saying how brave I am but I don't see my self as brave, just doing what I have to do - i think a lot of people under estimate how they would react in the same circumstance.

It's been almost easy for me as I feel everything has happened to somebody else, my parents named me Sunny miranda cara (hence the Sumica name) but they decided I would not like sunny so always called me Miranda, hence the Nurses call me Sunny so she gets all the fun stuff and Miranda (me) gets to relax at home 🙂

M
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: How are you supposed to feel

Posted on behalf of new user Al:

I'm just coming to terms with being told I have breast cancer and I can relate to the bubble thing. I was sat next to my husband in the consulting room last Tuesday looking at the Dr who was saying we have found the tissue to be grade 1 cancer, which is slow growing and quite common. At least I think that's what she said. It's true I think this is the worst part, I have been given this general info and a whole book of stuff to read, but of course won't know more details until I see the Oncology team and get the ct scan and bone scan done. I hate this period of wondering

Katebil
Member

Re: How are you supposed to feel

Hi Lucylou
i was diagnosed 3 weeks ago and have only just started telling people outside my close family. The first work colleague I told was shocked that I had been as happy go lucky as i normally am and that they hadn't known anything was wrong! My view is currently I can't change the diagnosis and just need to get on with my treatment.....which I want to happen NOW so I can move on nut I have to wait until 21st for surgery and after that for next steps but I am carrying on as normal til then, including going to watch England beat Wales in the Rugby next weekend, I hope!
Good luck and keep thinking and doing what you want to not what you think others think you should be doing!
Kate
swanie
Member

Re: How are you supposed to feel

Hi Lucylou
Shame you have to be here but this site is really good for info and support. It is also a place you say what you need to say. This can be difficult to do with family and friends.
Do not worry about how you 'are supposed to feel' as others have said we are all different. Like you I have always been very practical and pragmatic about the whole business.
You will have your dips and dives and the lovely ladies here will be there to catch you. Later you may be in a position to do the same for others.
Good luck with the treatment plan
Jacquix

ChoccieMuffin
Member

Re: How are you supposed to feel

Just as we are all different, our reactions to a diagnosis will be different. Sorry you've got this to deal with, but with the support from these forums, where you can let off steam, whinge, moan, wail, worry, fret, laugh, cry, snigger, yell, you'll get through it and deal with it. It's good to have somewhere you can say anything and know there will be someone else who really understands.

I see the look of absolute horror on people's faces when I say I've had cancer, but it was something to deal with, so we as a family got on and dealt with it. As will you.

One thing to remember: THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A SILLY QUESTION. Ask anything, however daft you think it might be. It's not daft - if you're wondering about it, then it's a valid question.

Good luck.

CM
x

Lola65
Member

Re: How are you supposed to feel

Poems - your little bubble is the same as mine! I have wrapped myself up in a little bubble and am floating above it all, watching and learning. I have to say though, my bubble has a rainbow in it. It has burst a couple of times, but I have always found another one.

Linda xxx

If life an empty bubble be
How sad for those who cannot see
The rainbow in the bubble.
poemsgalore
Member

Re: How are you supposed to feel

Hi all,
Same here, it's as if I live in a little bubble of nothing, and I wish I could express my feelings. Everyone says 'how brave you are', but they seem to need more reassurance than I do!! Sometimes wish they'd get off my cloud and let me get on with it in peace. All except my lovely chemo sisters of course - I REALLY need them.

Lucy, best way to think, this WON'T beat me. Good luck on your journey.

Poemsgalore xx
Lola65
Member

Re: How are you supposed to feel

Hi Lucy,

We feel what we feel. We are all different and will all react differently to this crap disease. I am similar to you. I have barely cried at all, I have slept well, eaten well, and to the outside world I appear my normal fit and healthy self. I have had some wobbly moments, mainly triggered by something else, when I have lapsed into self pity and had a sob, but these sobs have been brief and usually cured by a bar of chocolate.

I have spent my time researching my own particular diagnosis and treatments, and learning about the whole procedure from diagnosis to treatment. I feel I could now write a PhD thesis on it! LOL. This has kept me in total control, and to be brutally honest, I have enjoyed doing this!! Now that IS bizarre. I think if I lost control I might sink into being a wreck!!

It isn't at all wrong that you are not an emotional wreck - it is a GOOD thing. You are in control of your situation and as long as you stay that way you will stay strong and get through this nightmare. As you say, the war is yours to win, no-one else's.

xxx
Mungos_mum
Member

Re: How are you supposed to feel

Hi LucyLou,
I am sorry you have had to post here, no one wishes to join this camp.
We feel the way we feel. Some people wear their hearts on their sleeve, others prefer to do their weeping in private and put a bold face to the world. I would imagine that most people are inbetween.
What DOESN'T matter is what other people feel or think about your situation. You are the most important person in this story, and you must put yourself first. In my experience, people project how they would feel onto me, but once I have explained to them what I need, true friends do provide that. We spend so much time talking about the dreaded disease with consultants, doctors and nurses that, if you are like me, you are fed up with it when you get home and want some distraction. No one wants to feel pitied, we all had lives before dx and we all want that life to continue as far as it can without the constant reminders.
I cried during the week between biopsies and diagnosis, but had come to terms with it by the consultant meeting, so have barely cried since. It may come across as cold, or being in denial, but I don't care. This feels right to me, just as your feelings are right for you.
However, it does help to have an outlet such as this forum. I have found it much easier to discuss any issues I have with the lovely supportive ladies here, rather than with friends and family. Some one always understands and probably has been through this before, so can offer objective, supportive advice. Feel free to rant where necessary!
Wishing you all the best, offering support any which way you want it,
MM xx
Guest user
Not applicable

How are you supposed to feel

I was diagnosed with breast cancer on Thursday, I found the lump wow weeks before and from what my doctor said, research and the change in my breast I know it was cancer. i didn't give close friends and family the full facts, as I didn't want them to be overly worried. I have had 2 weeks to geposses to the idea and I did my cry at the start of these two weeks. Upon getting my diagnoses and telling people, they all seem to think I should be shocked or really upset. I will not know my treatment plan until next Friday and I also have to have my left breast full checked due to calcium deposits. is it wrong that I am not a emotional wreck, I know I will have my low days but due to suffering from endometriosis for years and taking the decision to have my womb lining removed, then I feel I can see this problem head on and the best way is not to think it will beat me. It might win some of the battles put the war is mine to win x