Firstly I am sorry for the length of this post, I have tried to keep it as short as possible. My breast cancer journey began in late September, it came as a complete and utter shock, I didnt have any classic symptoms, only a sore nipple I had been putting cream on for 6 months. I am 31 years old and stupidly thought ‘I was too young’!
After biopsy after biopsy, which we all know, all the tests showed pre cancerous cells, which had not spread as far as the lymph nodes, although it was widespread within the breast so I had to have a mx and chose to have a LD flap with an expander reconstruction. Having spent 7 days in hospital I was discharged, it was then that my consultant broke the news that they had found a small invasive tumour and I required further treatment. The following day I saw my onc, the day after that we were in a fertility clinic (my husband and I have only been married a year and were just getting round to babies when this all happened).
Two weeks after the mx I was on a pretty massive hormone treatment and underwent egg harvesting 2 weeks after. I suffered from ovarian hypersensative syndrome, which meant I went into over drive, produced a huge number of eggs and ended up quite ill. 3 weeks after the egg harvesting I began 12 weeks of weekly paclitaxel and 3 weekly heceptin for a year. After my first cycle of taxol I was admitted to hospital for a week with an infection on the mx. I had a few weeks break and then started again, other than complete hair loss I have suffered nearly every side effect! This week having seen my onc he has decided to stop the taxol at 8 weeks as the side effects have got so bad.
I feel my treatment has come to an abrupt end and I feel a bit lost really. I know that sounds really pathetic, I have my own business and have a physical job, which I have tried to keep doing whilst I have been ill, but my friends and family have kept it going for me really. I feel so terribly guilty that I am not bouncing around excited that its all over as my friends and family have been so amazing to me. Sorry for my dribbling on! I just didnt know what else to do, I dont want to be the miserable one as everyone round me is just getting on with life, most of my friends have had and are having babies etc but I know that I am so far away from that now. How do I get back to me?
If you have got this far and are still reading, thank you ever so much for your time and sorry for being a whinge bag! xx
Oh love bless your heart, I just felt I had to reply to you although I’m not quite in your shoes, I’m almost 47 and recently diagnosed with early stage Breast cancer,have had it removed and now will be having rads and tamoxifen, I just cannot believe how cruel this disease is to affect women as young as you, I feel sorry enough for myself but at my age with a grown up family I realise how fortunate I am really when I read stories like yours, you have every right to be a whinge bag as you put it, I certainly have been! Life has dealt you an awful blow but you either let it get the better of you or you fight the bugger every step of the way which after weeks of feeling sorry for myself ive now realised I have to do, it’s a lonely road to travel no matter how much support you have and I feel only those who are going through it will really understand, there are so many lovely ladies on here who are all supporting each other and they have helped me no end and I hope we can all try and do the same for you, take care my love and keep in touch, love Jo Xx
Like Kim 68 im in similar postiion and feel fortunate You poor deat giri, its dreadful someone as young as you has to go throught this. and you have every right to whinge, dont EVER feel guilty, i felt guilty reading what you were saying when ive been lucky really.
My friends sister they both have the gene, and my friend had her breasts removed at 27 for prevention, shes had child since. But her sister had a lump they found when doing gene test removed and it was cancerous. She had rads i tbhink and hormone pills, she has had a daughter since. now 13. so hopefully that gives you hope,my dear, This awful dreadful disease is so cruel, Say whatever you feel on here, peiople are so helpful and ready to listen, Have you rung the lovelyu ladies on the breast cancer care helpline, do if you havent they are lovely and will listen for ages and talking to them really helps. June
You do not need to apologise for having a “Whinge” on this forum. The wonderful thing about this site is that we have all been able to unload our deepest fears, lows, highs, worries, problems, advice - you name it- we’ve done it! I’ve found that just putting things down in writing is theraputic in itself and the surge of like minded, understanding responses is a bonus. As Catchpole says - try the helpline as they can “buddy” you up with someone in the same situation as you so you can share your feelings and experiences.
You’ve been through a life changing experience and I hope you’ve been offered councelling and support groups. I’ve been through this sh**y experience twice now. The first time I thought I could cope on my own but the second time I took every bit of help I could get and it really did make a difference. I know one of our “Moxie Maidens” ladies on one of the forums is young like you and she belongs to a very active support group for your age range.
Just keep posting whenever you need to. The end of treatment is when , I think, it all hits you hardest.
Hi Rac83, I am sorry to read you are feeling so low. Unfortunately many women feel the same after treatment is over and BCC can offer you support to help you to get back on your feet through our ‘Moving forward’ services, you can read more via the following link or contact our helpliners to talk through the services which you may be interested in:
I understand exactly how you feel. Last week I was given the best news ever that my last mammogram was normal and I could be discharged from Barts after 5 years. I was informed that I no longer had to take any medication with the exception of Ad-cal for my bones which had probably had some damage done to them because of the Letrozole.
The strange thing is that as soon as they told me to stop taking the medication I was really worried and stupidly asked them if I could continue taking it for a while longer. I have been taking Letrozole for 5 years and have cursed it many times for the aches and pains it caused me so I should have been over the moon not to have to take it any longer. All I could think of was that when I was first diagnosed obviously the cancer was there, but after 5 years of taking the Letrozole it had gone and therefore letrozole was my safety net for keeping me well, and it had just been taken away from me. My mammograms will now be every three years instead of every year, so another bit of security taken away.
My main feelings should be that I have been discharged and I am well. However I still have that insecurity hanging over my head. I feel so ungrateful because I should be jumping for joy but in reality I feel even more stressed than I did before.
I have tried over and over to reason with myself that no consultant would tell me to stop taking the medication if they didn’t think it was the right thing to do, but its all in my mind now and I have to control it because it’s stopping me being really happy about the wonderful news I had.
Today was the first day I didn’t take the Letrozole although I was very tempted to, I am feeling quite anxious about it but I know that I have to start somewhere. I keep telling myself ‘I can do this’.
It’s been a long old journey. I wish you all love and peace of mind.