Hiya
Well done for being so supportive and actually asking people how you can help. I have seen from a variety of my friends and family, that it can be difficult knowing what to do and when to do it, without it seeming like you’re taking over.
Like others have said, doing the main stuff round the house is a start. Washing up, hoovering, ironing, dusting etc This not only takes the physical side of it away, it also will help with your step-mums mental state, as she won’t be stressing about getting things done.
My auntie was great, she went on autopilot and did stuff like this for us (my husband went into a bubble for a bit and didn’t quite know how to deal with day to day stuff) but my dad went the other way and wouldn’t even let me make a brew!! This was quite frustrating as I didn’t want to be treated like an invalid just because I had surgery and was weaker than normal. I found that trying to get back to day to day stuff as soon as possible helped me a lot, so my life wasn’t revolved around the big C all the time. It’s hard enough trying to forget about it for a while when you’ve got all your hospital appointments and scans going on, so although you need to have it in the forefront of your mind a lot of the time, it’s nice when people don’t automatically assume you want to talk about it all the time… if that makes sense?
Was there anything that you and your step-mum did together before her diagnosis? Carry on with this if you can (if you went rock climbing or para-gliding then you’ll have issues) to try and keep some form of normality to it all… the same with your dad.
Your dad and step-mum (depending on their relationship) may need some time away from each other too. My husband and I got quite ratty with each other because we were both trying to come to terms with the diagnosis, whilst not showing too much on the outside, as we didn’t want to upset each other. My auntie took me out shopping for the afternoon (this has now became a regular occurrence and Tuesdays is now Ladies Day for us) to give my husband a break from ‘caring’ for me… It helped a lot to have that space away from each of us, so we could process things calmly.
Little pampering things help too - but do them off your own back and surprise her. Making her favourite dinner, running a hot bubble bath (once her dressings are off and her wound has healed) with candles everywhere and relaxing music, maybe even booking a table in a nice restaurant for your dad and her?
In regards to supporting your dad, that will be a bit harder. Men in general don’t like to talk about their feelings out loud, and he may try and be ‘the rock’ for your family. He also may not want to discuss his wife’s health with his daughter as he wouldn’t want to put extra worry on you… Just let him know that you are there for him as well as your step-mum, although I am sure he will already know this…
There are many partners on here (husbands *and* wives) who would be more than willing to help your dad deal with this, so if he can’t talk to you (or anyone else in your family/friends) then please point him in this direction if you feel it would help him…
Right, I’ve waffled enough - I’m sorry you have had to come onto here for help and support, but just to let you know that there’s tonnes of us on here going through what your step-mum is going through, and we’re more than happy to help where we can! Feel free to message me if you want xx
J xxx