Hi all,
Am new to this so forgive me if I end up sending this in totally the wrong direction!
I am 6 weeks post mastectomy and recon and my 4 year old son knows that mummy has a poorly booby. I am waiting to hear if I need chemo and am anxious about explaining that my hair is likely to fall out for a little while.
I would love some helpful tips or recommendations for stories i can read him in preparation.
Thanks
Hannah x
BCC have a child-friendly book called “Mummy’s Lump” which should be ideal. Have a look in the Publications area of the website and you should be able to order it from there. If not, call the free helpline and I’m sure they can send it out to you.
Hope that helps. Good luck!
Angelfalls xx
Hi Hannah
I told my boys that I was going to be given some medicine to make me better but it was so strong it would make my hair fall out, they were 8 and 10 at the time. We had loads of fun when I got my wig as I used to get them to put it on and I would take photos of them with it on sideways and backwards. That was over 4 years ago and they are totally unaffected by my cancer and are happy boys. I’m sure you will find an explanation that works for you.
Good luck with your chemo if you need it.
Ann xx
Thanks Angelfalls and Anne, I wil look into both. I have already told my son some stuff and he has Sid I can join his pirate gang if I have to wear scarfs…so sweet!
I found out I am starting chemo in 2 weeks time! Gutted! Having my hair cut next Monday and am resourcing the wig and scarf this weekend,
I hope you are both doing ok?
Hannah x
I told my 2 and 11 year oldgirls, mummy’s found a lump and the doctor is going to give me some medicine to make it better. But the medicinemight make my hair fall out.
I had my hair cut short and when it started falling out my hubby shaved it off…well the 2 year old declared “I don’ourselves you hair” and the 11 year old said she didn’t mind it. Im on my 5th chemo next thurs and I still have some fluff on my head and my 2 year old now likes my hair and when I put my wig on often asks where my old hairs gone. She even sits and strokes my head now and the 11 year is fine with it. As a friend said to me there are a lot more things that define you as a person than just your hair.
I have been amazed at how my girls have taken everything in their stride they are resilient and truly amazing and supportive.
I am sure you will find the same with your son, he will still see you as mummy and love you no less.
Also chemo is not as awful as I thought it would be and once you get going it does seem to go quickly. X
Hi Hannah
I told my 4 yr old boy much the same about having to have strong medicine that would make my hair fall out, I wore my wig a couple of times before I really needed to so he got used to it, and it never bothered him one bit. I have been amazed at how accepting children are & how grounded that keeps you! My littlest one has developed a bit of hat obsession though- & is currently sporting a sequinned red top hat!
Take care
Susan x
I agree with Angelfalls, Mummy’s Lump is a great book. My hosptial lent it to me, but you can also download a PDF of it. My daughter was just turned 5 when I was diagnosed and definitley liked the book.
Take care.
Sue
Thank you Susan and Katsteer,
I haven’t said much lately but he did ask when it was going to fall out and that I could join his pirate gang… So innocent and sweet! 
Katsteer - iam so glad to hear that your chemo experience is not as bad as you thought… It gives hope that I too wont suffer too horribly. It’s the not knowing what to expect and the psyching your self up for all the worst SE
's possible that makes me terrified.
Susan - very sweet re the red sequinned hat, good taste obviously! My son loving his Ben10 hat mixed in with a pirate head scarf for good measure. He definately does not not take after me in the fashion department! Lol.
I have my pre ass appointment next week with the view to start chemo the week beginning 25th June… Eeeek!
The sooner it starts the sooner its over!
I hope you two are well
X Hannah
Hi Hannah
It’s really tough knowing what to say, when and how, isn’t it? My children were 6 and 3 when I had treatment in '08/'09 and we used the book Mummy’s Lump which quite a few people recommended, and I know have used since. It uses really simple language, and was useful all through treatment for a primary dx. My son (6) did find my loss of hair tough, but my daughter (3) was ok with that part-she asked for a scarf and to help me draw on eyebrows! I found it tough to read with them myself initially but managed, and it did become a book we just had around that they picked up when they wanted to. I think there is also a BCC publication about talking to children (Hopefully someone can direct), which might be useful.
Wishing you all the very best
C
For whatever reason I didn’t see any of the previous posts until I just made mine-I can see you’ve had a few recommendations for the book already!
Hi hannabanana
As cupoftea has mentioned Breast Cancer Care do have booklet on talking to children about breast cancer, it contains information on ideas of how to talk to different age groups. If you would like to order a copy or read this on line just follow this link:-
I hope this is helpful.
Best wishes Sam, BCC Facilitator
Thanks Sam, I will look into it
Hannah
Thank you cupoftea,
Everyone’s experiences are helpful. I will definitely look into the book when the hour is all quite!
X
Hello
I was dx in december and I have two children aged 3 and 7. I sat them down and read the book mummys lump to them.
My little girl ,3, didnt want to sit still and my eldest said that the book was babyish but he did take it all in and asked question later.
I orignially thought all my hair would fall out but i used the cold cap and it didnt. So I was pleased about that.
My lo just goes round telling everyone that mummy has a poorly boobie and she is really careful with me.
I rang the helpline here and they sent me the book and anything else I would need to explain things to them.
I’ve been through my op and chemo and they have been amazing and it hasnt fazed them at all. I’m about to start radiotherapy and i finish just as school hols start.
You will find a way to tell her and she will cope children are very resillient, as I keep being told.
Good luck with everything>
Love fran
xx
Hi Hannah
I’m great now thanks. I know it’s a horrible time going through chemo and all of the other treatment but you are never alone on here. I met one of my (now) best frriends on this site as we supported each other all the way through our treatment, she is an amazing lady. One thing I do know is that you realise how precious life and family are and you live your life differently. I love my life now and I strongly believe that cancer was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. Good luck with your chemo.
Love
Ann xx
Hi Hannah
Sorry you are going through this. I too had a mastectomy - 3 months ago and am now going through chemotherapy. I have 3 children aged 11,9 and 5 and they have all benefitted from the book Mummy’s lump, it has really helped them understand what Mummy is going through. Although it is more aimed at the 3-6 year old aged group. I you want I can post you my copy which i no longer have any use for. If you inbox me your address I will gladly post it to you, I am just happy to help. The breast cancer services at my hospital gave me the book.
I shaved my hair all off on Wednesday as it was falling out in clumps and it was such a relief to finally get rid of it after the distress of seeing it go gradually. The kids adapt pretty quickly to the change, although my 5 year old has not yet seen me without a wig/headscarf on - he does not want to yet.
I have found scarves much more comfortable than my wig.
Goodluck and hopefully you want the book I will get it in the post to you asap
Take care
itsmelou xx
Thank you so much to all of you with experiences and advice… I am going to try the cold cap…surely can’t be worse than child birth?,
Am wig hunting out of curiosity tomorrow, but don’t feel as glum as I did thanks to this wonderful forum
Xx
Good luck.
I used the cold cap and it worked for me. Just take a warm jumper with you to the hospital - you know what they say about losing heat through your head. I got a wig, just in case, but it stayed in its shoebox. the cap does feel cold going on. I used to have a bit of gauze on my forehead and the back of my neck (where there wasn’t hair) and after a few minutes it isn’t too bad. I did find chewing tricky with the chinstrap (think trying to eat in a bicycle helmet) so you need to take easy to eat snacks with you.
My daughter (aged 5) is very protective of me and is very happy to tell anyone that mummy has breast counsellor. I am sure your son will take it all in his stride.
Well, I am sorry to hear whats going on. Just remember that your son will love you no matter what. He will love you if you have hair or if you are going to lose your hair. When he gets older he is going to be proud of how brave you are and he will be there every step of the way. I bet when he gets older he will want to do some fundrasing of breast cancer because of his mommy. His mommy will be hes hero and inspiration. If you need anything like support you can count me in. Hope to talk to you soon. Hope you get feeling better cause you are my hero 
Sincerely,
Brittany