I am angry, I am angry at the way the dr’s have treated me, the lack of understanding, appointments, choice. I am angry at my family for not helping out or even offering, i am angry at friends who seem to only contact me when convenient for them. I am angry at work for not having bothered to contact me.
Sorry.
I have all this anger this week. Normally I bite my tongue, smile and get on with it, but I have not been well and could have really done with some help with my 3 kids (6th chemo delayed due to illness). This illness has shown me that I have so very very few people that would actually help it makes me sad.
I used to run to get rid of stress, so not quite sure how to deal with these feelings at the moment.
Just a small rant, please feel free to join in,
Ali
Ali
I know we cant physically help because we are all over the country or even in another country like me…but we are all ‘virtually’ here and dont mind listening to you rant…if you have to be angry…be angry…tell us. And if there is anything practical we could do …let us know…
Sorry to hear you are having a bad time at the moment. I have two practical suggestions, which may or may not be relevant to you:
Firstly, can you ask friends for help? Sometimes friends would be very willing to help, but are hesitant to offer as they don’t know what to do or don’t want to intrude. I think they can become quite nervous of doing the wrong thing, or they don’t realise the enormity of your situation. Perhaps you could ask for something very specific - say someone to pick up your kids from school one day, or to have them for a couple of hours for you.
Secondly, I don’t know how ill you have been, so this may be entirely inappropriate for you, but you could try going out for a short slow run. I ran all through treatment, and it always made me feel better. It is a way of taking control of your life and asserting some normality. And feeling tired from a run is so much better than feeling tired from chemo. You could try a run/walk for a few hundred yards to start with to see how it goes.
I have been very angry this past few days. Been given the run around by oncs.
Road runner has a point if you feel fit enough. I don’t like running but love to walk quickly and briskly so today I pulled on the waterproof trousers etc and set of on a good walk. It really did help,if nothing else it gets you out of the house. Maybe with three little ones to look after it’s not so easy for you to take off but give it a try it helps.
Tina
x
Today was more of a stroll but still did the trick.
I am so sorry you are angry and feel so isolated. I am so independant friends & family backed away from offering help, or did not offer more than once if I turned them down.
This second time of getting breast cancer has proved to me I do need help but I also need to ask for it or acccept it when it is offered. I understand this may not be the same for you, so sorry if that is the case. Have you tried the professionals? Even the ward where you had surgery can be there for you at bad times.
It is OK to be angry and this is exactly what these forums are for I beleive.
Ali, you don’t need to apologise. If you can’t rant on here, then where can you. So you rant away, knowing that we understand.
In answer to your question “How do you deal with your anger?” a healthy response is to first of all acknowledge it.
So many people expect us to be strong, positive, cheerful (mostly for their benefit so THEY don’t feel so uncomfortable!) but that puts even more pressure on us. So it’s OKAY to be angry, furious, upset, sad, tearful, etc etc etc for a while, because this is a crappy disease and IT’S SO FLIPPING UNFAIR!!! That said, it can be a bit worrying if you stay angry and sad and tearful for a longer period of time, and if that happens your GP might be able to help. Sometimes some counselling or medication is useful as well as just venting.
If you have a support centre attached to your hospital or nearby, drop in there and see if you can have a chat with someone. They may be able to help with practical suggestions. And why don’t you contact your friends and see if YOU can ask THEM for something specific, like picking up the kids from school or nursery (don’t know how old yours are) or having them over for a couple of hours to play. Most kids are quite happy to go and play at a friend’s place.
And keep coming on here to let off steam. We know how you feel and nobody on here will judge you.
I’d love to write that I’m perfect and I don’t judge anyone…
However, after 2.5 years since initial dx I am still angry!
Am especially angry with all the ‘friends and family’ who didn’t bother to even enquire after the first round of telling!
Now, I really do recognise that my friends are fairweather chums and it never ceases to hurt…
Can totally understand your anger and your pain.
Sorry for butting in here but your post really resonated with me.
Hope you get the support you need with your family of youngsters.
And that you feel better very soon.
Hi there
Be angry, scream and shout - acknowledgement is the first step towards dealing with your emotions and feelings.
You need to ask for help when needed - friends and family - they don’t want to say the wrong thing, they don’t want to ‘rock the boat’ - you have to take charge i am afraid. If you need help with your little one’s, then let it be known you need help.
I am angry too, 2yrs and 5 mths since diagnosis. I am angry at the loss of my breast, i am angry that i have this lump of muscle, tissue and silicone as a replacement. It is hard, so you rant away, we all hear you and can empathise with you.
me - i dont care a fig about friends getting in touch - if they do grand - if they dont no probs - they have their life and I have mine - as long as me and my hubby are cool then thats grand. I was diagnosed triple negative June 2008. Dont waste your energy - getting angry - you need your energy to keep fighting this blighter. Im doing great just me and my lovely Pete.
Have you asked your family for support and have you a breast care nurse that can help. I asked for support and had complimentary therapies and sessions with a psychologist. These helped me to remain positive and deal with the shock of the diagnosis. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You are worth it!
sorry to hear you are feeling upset. Anger is part of the process and I presume a normal response. Somehow you have to find a way to channel it. As others said its worth asking for help and support as friends and family may well know they are being hopeless but dont know how to change things
Why dont you ring the helpline or your breast care nurse or maybe you are ready to have some counseling where you can express your feelings in an honest way Or maybe it will just pass and you will feel a bit better soon.
Big Hugs and best wishes let us know how you are getting on