How to let go of fear?

[Angela76]

Hi Ladies, 

Thanks so much for the reasurrance. I think when I was going through the chemo I was just trying to get through it and now I'm left to think about it properly. It all happened so quickly really. I feel that I should feel happier than I do now that it's all slowed up but I guess it just takes time to come to terms with it. And I just need to be patient with my energy levels and tiredness getting back to normal. It's hard with the kids though! That must have been very hard Rachael losing your son to cancer then having to go through it yourself. 

There is a support group near me called bosom buddies. I think they have monthly get togethers so I should get in touch with them. Yoga will be a good thing to do I reckon as the chemo has left me a bit stiff and not very flexible. A few people have said about antidepressants helping while on tamoxifen so I'll mention that to the doctor. Might perk my mood up a bit and could help with the flushes and anxiety. That would be good.

anyway thanks again. 

Angela x 

[Rachy65]

Hi Angrla..just had a long conversation with my nd nurse. I phone her quite regularly when I'm anxious. She basically said I'v prob got more chance of dying from old age than my diagnosis.. but the fear if it all at the moment is all consuming for me still.
I lost my 20 year old son to cancer 10 years ago, and I know that has clouded my judgment on things.
It's been 4 months since my diagnosis and had a mastectomy and reconstruction, had onco test done.. came back low so have avoided chemo. Am now on hormone blocking pill for ten years.. I know exactly how you feel hun ..i so maun the old me but am greatful for the low onco result.. Rachael xx

[Angela76]

Hi Sue

Good to hear from you. I don't think I even go an hour without thinking about it but it's early days yet, I'm sure it will get easier over time. I was a bit shocked when I was told I'd have a mammogram every 2 years then yearly when I turn 50. Every 6 months would be much better. I'm sure I'll feel more reassured once I've had my next appointment, you do feel like you've just been left to get on with it though. 

Good to know that the tablets add to the anxiety and it's not just all in my head.

Thanks for replying

Angela x 

[Optimissy64]

Hi Angela76

Welcome to this site which has a wealth of information and support. I didn't have chemo but I did have surgery and rads and like you was positive throughout active treatment, but as soon as the rads finished I felt kind of low for a bit, instead of euphoric that it was all over. I felt a bit "lost" when the appointments stopped, and I can really understand you looking forward to your breast clinic appointment next month! I think the fear of a recurrance will always be there for us- sometimes just quietly in the back of the mind, and sometimes a bit more to the fore when we hear about someone we know getting a recurrance. It is still not very long since your diagnosis and treatment and the recovery process both physical and emotional can take much longer than a year I'm told by those who had their treatment much longer ago. As you describe, you will have good days and not so good days, and I'm sure there will be other ladies who reply to your post who can empathise and know exactly how you are feeling, and maybe have some suggestions as to coping strategies. You've got a lot on, too, with two small children - be kind to yourself. XXX

[Ms Merton]

Hi Angela - is there a support group in your area you could join? Breast Cancer Haven run groups for under 45s.  The nurses on this site or Macmillan could tell you what else is available in your area. Personally I think anxiety is a perfectly normal reaction to having cancer - we all have to try to move forward with the Sword of Damocles hanging over our head. It's tough. Hard for people who don't have it to understand. Maybe when you were going through treatment you were too "busy" coping with that to think about the long-term risks but now you have time to focus on them you are feeling more anxious.  Plus both chemo and tamoxifen can cause chemically-induced anxiety for which some people find anti-depressants helpful.  I would also suggest yoga, meditation, complementary therapies such as reflexology, maybe hypnotherapy, counselling - see what feels right for you. The "upside" to cancer is that it makes you appreciate what you have and teaches you to make the most of every moment. Take care. Xx

[Sue C]

Morning Angela and welcome to the forum.

Yes, I know exactly how you feel. I'm one of those people that needs constant reassurance from the professionals! Would be really happy if they did a mammogram every 6 months!

Because you've just been through all the treatment, it is extremely unlikely that there is a reoccurrence. Its just that feeling now that you've been left to get on with it, right? Once you get that first check up, you will be fine.

The hormone therapy adds to all the anxiety too.

Some ladies say that they can get through a day without thinking about it, but I haven't got there yet!

Come and chat whenever you like.

Sue xx

[Angela76]

Hi all, I'm new to this site.

I got diagnosed last year, I was only 39 at the time. I had a mastectomy with a reconstruction using my tummy tissue.I then had to have chemo, luckily I didn't need radiotherapy. I'm now on tamoxifen which I've been taking for 2 months. The chemo was tough going as I'm sure you all know and I was so relieved when it was over but since all the appointments have stopped I've been getting so anxious at times. I didn't think I would. I've an appointment at the breast unit next month and I'm actually looking forward to it.

It's a real fear isn't it at the thought of it coming back. I was so positive when I was going through the treatment and still am sometimes but very anxious as well. I'm not sure whether the tamoxifen is adding to it, I'm getting hot flushes a lot with it and feel my mood has changed which is difficult with having 2 young children. 

I'm going to the doctors next week to see if there is anything I can take to help. 

Would be great to here from any of you ladies as you'll know exactly how I feel. 

[Munchkin]

Ps..I had IDC grade 3.xx

[Munchkin]

Hi Rachey, initially at the begining I was told I would have a lumpectomy as the tumor was 2cm, but after the op, there was a bit more than they thought and where it was situated, it was difficult for them to get clear margins, so they then suggested mastectomy, as it turned out thankfully, after surgery there were no more cancer cells to be found, nodes clear, so didn't need rads. I think also hormone tablets can make u feel a little down and tearful I've been told, I've been feeling slightly down all week, on the tablets now nearly 2 weeks, still early days.xxx

[Rachy65]

Hi Munchkin. ..did you have to have a mastectomy due to the size? Mine was lobular.. 6.5 cm ..node neg. Low Lincolnshire, si they said I didn't need chemo..I'm on arimadex now,which I feel have added to my feelings of anxiety etc xx thankyou again. .I'm going to see my gP today xx

[Munchkin]

Hi Rachy, this isn't an easy journey by any means, with cancer, it's not just the surgery or even the awful chemo we have to go through, it's the cancer in your head that's the killer! We've been told it's treatable, my tumor is gone now, so cancer free...at present anyway, but really, no one can be told they are free of this terrible disease, it can hit anyone at any time, no matter how young or healthy you are. I know a few friends a lot younger than me, one in particular only in her thirties! She is so positive and bubbly! If she can cope her way through this I can. We just have to try and move on with this new type of normal life, have you tried yoga? I've just been going recently, seems to help me mentally and helping my body get a bit more flexible again, as the chemo seems to stiffen your whole body and cause tension. Try and get yourself out and keep busy, it does help, we won't be feeling like this for long, it will get easier.xx

[Rachy65]

Hi Munchkin..that is a discroption of how I feel at the moment. ..srugglin to socialise at all..becoming bit of a recluse! ..I was totally opposite before all of this. I know my partner is srugglin how I am. He says the same about been hit by a bus etc..I feel that a bit respectless of what we are going through at times xx

[Jill1998]

Click on my profile and tick box enable private messages .

[Rockstarchic]

Thank you for your help my teenage daughter figured it out they have their uses hehe ?? I am a dimwit just being helpful xx

[Rockstarchic]

All done now and so sorry x

[ann-m]

Just to add, to get to the 'full web' version on your mobile, scroll right down to the bottom of the page & you will see 'full' above terms & conditions. Click on this to get the full web version. It is a bit fiddly though!

[ann-m]

Hi Rockstarchic,
You need to be on the full web version not the mobile version. At the top right corner of your post you will see an 'options' drop down box. Select 'edit reply' then re-post.
Alternatively you could click 'notify inappropriate content' on the left side of post, asking to moderators to remove your number.
If you are unable to then contact the moderators by email, moderator@breastcancercare.org.uk
ann x

[Munchkin]

Not sure how to Pm, I've had a look, can't see any boxes to tick!xx

[Rockstarchic]

So sorry didn't think how do I delete it x

[Jill1998]

You may need to tick a box to enable private messaging .

[Rachy65]

Hi Munchkin could you pm me? As I'm having trouble doin it. Thanks xx

[Jill1998]

Hi Rockstarchick -as Optimissy says please delete post with phone number in anyone can access this information - any problems doing this e mail the moderators .

[Rachy65]

Hi hun I'll pm you if that's ok? X

[Munchkin]

Hi Rachy, I know how u feel, I'm finding the whole thing harder now my treatment has all finished. I had a mastectomy first with immediate implant, then chemo after, just started hormone tablets just over a week ago. My husband and I were out with friends last night for drinks, I tried to have a good time, putting on a fake smile and laugh, but I was struggling, like u say, I can be really positive one minute, then really scared the next, the dreaded...what if it comes back! I have though been told this is normal after treatment and it should get easier through time, I'm 54 with 2 grown up kids, 23 and 20, i keep thinking of the future, will I see them get married? Grand kids Etc.. It can be torture at times, but like my husband says, no one knows what the future holds, we could walk out the door tomorrow and not come back, accidents happen every day, I'm sure later I'll have more positive days than negative.xx😊

[Rachy65]

I've got your number now hun thanks. Hope you can delete it if need be xx thankyou xx

[Optimissy64]

Not a good idea Rickstarchic - this is a public forum so anyone can read the posts, and we get a few weird spam-type posts at weekends and Bank Holidays. The last thing you want is lots of dodgy people phoning you trying to sell you stuff, or worse.  Really suggest you delete your post NOW!!!!!! All the best. XXXXXX

[Rockstarchic]

Can I put it on here 

[Rachy65]

Aww thanks Michelle.I'd love your number x

[Rockstarchic]

I did have chemo to.shrink Tumor first which it did I went through so many negatives and I always called my oncologist a bully she gave me full works and glad she did now but not at the time haha my hubby was a gem going through everything we have.been together since 16 so have 3 other grown up children he never makes me feel like a freak that I think I am and new boob doesn't bother him he says it means I'm still here . I think I am wonder woman now now and don't let anything stand in my way if you need to talk I could message my number please let me know
Michelle xx

[Rachy65]

Aww thanks for the reply hun..it must have been so difficult for you with a young daughter. .did you have to have chemo to shrink the tumour first? I was so happy with my guy before all of this and it's put serious strains on us..means so much that you have messaged to support me..thankyou again x love Rachael x

[Rockstarchic]

Hi Rach 65 I have been reading the forum since I was diagnosed April 2014 but never message you sound just like I was back then . I was 51 with a ten yr old little girl who I never thought I would see get to 14 but here I am aged 55 . I had chemotherapy first and mastectomy radiotherapy then reconstruction in June 15 . I used to go from positive to negative all the time when I used to feel scared I would walk look at the trees look at the birds just think I really want to live . My saying is it will get better but not overnite it's a healing process I still wobble from time to time I would never have wanted breast cancer but it has changed my life I fundraise and I have met so many women who have had breast cancer who I now call my best friends it will get easier just takes time

[Rachy65]

Hi...so its me again lol! Had quire a decent.. (but no where back to mormal) night out in Shrewsbury with my partner,last night. Am now back home and fee so low and wobbly again. How do you ladies cope with the uncertain future etc?? I keep telling myself I'm only 51 and always imagined living a fair age wit my family around me. Now..it feels like all that has been taken from me and it's torture at times..waiting for something to happen..sorry be so negative..I'm just srugglin a bit xx Rachael x