You sound so down in the dumps, and it's a horrible place to be. You are so right others just don't seem to get it. I too have felt angry by peoples comments, and depending on how I feel I can reason one way or the other; sometimes I'm able to be pragmatic and feel 'they' are trying to boost my ego, othertimes I think 'how can you be so bloody patronising and insensitive'. A close friend suggested going through chemo/op's/radio is no more difficult than having a baby!!!!!!!!!!! To be precise, someone said to me 'I don't know if I'd have the strength to go through what you've had to endure' and my friend replied 'of course you could, you've been through childbirth!'.
We all feel ugly at times. I'm ten months since last chemo and six months since last rads; recently I've felt a mess and make any excuse to not go out socially as although my hair has come back it is much thinner than before treatment. I imagine you lost your brows/lashes/hair/, and chemo stole your brain? These losses and the fear associated with cancer lower our confidence and can make us feel ugly, stupid, and lower our morale.
It is scary when treatment finishes, as your comfort blanket is snatched from you, and you feel so on your own. For you it must be extra difficult - to have no mum to comfort you. I get the impression you don't have a partner either, I totally sympathise as you must feel so alone. I wish I could offer you some active support, as that's what you need. Unfortunately all I can offer is understanding and words of support. Are there any breast cancer groups in your area, or a meet-up group here on BCC? I met up with some ladies I met here on the forums and it was a most positive experience for us all, speaking with others travelling this vile journey is comforting and an opportunity to discuss how you feel, I'm sure you'll find most cancer patients have felt/do feel the same as you.
Please believe me you will have good days ahead, of course you'll still have low days and that's natural, but they WILL lessen. Try not to feel guilty that your children won't receive the Christmas presents they are used to receiving, I'm sure for them the BEST present is their mum's health, and Christmas can be enjoyed without the commercialism attached to it. As a family discuss other ways to enjoy the Christmas season, if everyone has a chance to input ideas you may be surprised by your childrens' imaginative ideas and understanding, it is an opportunity to enjoy a simple Christmas, e.g. playing games and having fun together. Embrace each other and all will be OK. And do remember it's only one of many Christmases.
Please keep communicating here, as I feel sure members will offer better words of wisdom than me. I'm still suffering chemo brain and find it difficult to articulate myself.
Sending you hugs,