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I don't want it anymore! :(

11 REPLIES 11
Scooby0871
Member

Re: I don't want it anymore! :(

Hi Rainbowrosie

 

I can't add a lot to what everyone else had said apart from you are not on your own with your feelings.  I loathe my remaining boob and it does help, in some smal way, to know I am not on my own.

 

Here's to us resolving our issues in the near future

 

xx

Cag
Member

Re: I don't want it anymore! :(

Hi Rainbowrosie

 

I also relate to you.  I had a left mastectomy just over a year ago and hated seeing my other breast just dangling there. The remaining breast became the odd side for me.  You're not alone with these thoughts and feelings.

 

I had surgery 16 days ago to remove my second breast.  I had DIEP reconstruction, which I had researched extensively and went into knowing it was gong to be a big operation.  It was a HUGE operation (10 hours).  I have had a few problems with my tummy wound since the main op and had to have 2 further ops but now I hope I am healing and on the right path. 

 

I chose this type of reconstruction as I wanted my new breasts to be part of me.  I feel happier that my dangly breast has gone and although I only have  B cups now (was 34FF) I feel more balanced and no longer odd.

 

Feeling balanced for me was important and it sounds to me as though this is how you feel.  I hope you are able to get the advice and support you need from your breast cancer nurses, plastic surgeon and family.

 

All the best Caroline

 

 

 

 

rainbowrosie
Member

Re: I don't want it anymore! :(

Hello Hamley,

 

Thanks for getting in touch and telling me about your experience. It was reassuring to hear that I am not the only mad cow who has dared to have these thoughts and feelings. I'm still in turmoil and go back to see my surgeon at the start of June so I'll see what he has to say this time. I have given up on my silicone prothesis and have just received my knitted knockers from the wonderful website that poemsgalore posted, they are lovely and so soft.

 

Rainbowrosie x

hamley
Member

Re: I don't want it anymore! :(

Hi, I was in the same situation as you with one boob.  I insisted that the other was removed because I was so distressed and uncomfortable (I was originally bra size 32HH).  When I had the second MX my brother asked me if it was weird having no boobs.  I said 'not as weird as having one'.  I repeated this conversation to the doctor at the breast care clinic and she was really shocked that I would rather have none than one.  I felt that she really wasn't in touch with how people feel, particularly when they have large boobs.  I've had a recon recently but the op was huge, far bigger than I could ever have imagined and I'm not sure I would have done it had I known how difficult it was going to be.

I used softies instead of prostheses, much more comfortable.

poemsgalore
Member

Re: I don't want it anymore! :(

Brilliant, I do hope it solves some of your problems. xx

rainbowrosie
Member

Re: I don't want it anymore! :(

Hello ladies,

 

Thank you for your support. Sorry for the slow response but I've had problems with my internet connection. I am quite a big lady (size 46DD), so the sight of my remaining boob to me is HUGE! I was dx almost a year ago and had my mx at the end of June 2013. I had a rare form of breast cancer (Pagets disease), stage 3 and therefore needed to be removed. I was meant to have reconstruction the same time as my mx, but due to the disease it was postponed as I needed to have chemo and rads after the mx. I finished my rads end of January this year, but had problems with skin peeling 4 weeks later which was very sore and was treated with both antibiotics and cream.

When I saw my surgeon 8 weeks ago he said that as well as having lymphoedema I had an infection within my mx site around the collection of fluid. The thing that really got me though, was that he said I couldn't have a reconstruction until next year. He said that I haven't healed properly yet and told my husband (while I was busy sobbing in the arms of the BCN), that because I'm big breasted my operation was quite major.

After trying to come to terms with everything and the constant loathing of this lump of a thing on my chest, it was the last straw. I've been thinking for quite a while that I'd rather have it removed as I don't know if I can cope with it anymore. I still suffer with severe fatigue and struggle on a day to day basis. Before I was dx I had been off work a year with depression and anxiety. I have suffered with severe depression on and off for 20 years and although I got through surgery and treatment without incident, I have gone right downhill ever since. I'm currently seeing a Macmillian councillor, but feel it's not helping.

Anyway, sorry for going on. I'd just like to say thank you to Poems for the suggestion of knitted knockers, I'm going to order mine today!

Once again to everyone who has taken the time to reply, it is greatly appreciated Smiley Happy

 

Rainbowrosie x

Jenny065
Member

Re: I don't want it anymore! :(

Hello Rainbowrosie,  I hope I can help a little, I was 40E 18 months ago, I had left mx, and felt just like you when I first looked in the mirror, it wasn't the gap on the left side, but the thing on the right it look enormous. I hated it, couldn't wait until I could have it reduced. I chose reconstruction, first they inflated the left side, and last Nov, I had the temp inplant repaced with permanent.  5 weeks ago I had the rightside reduced tomatch the left  Ok I admit that I am still sore and cannot do much yet ...  but partly because I reacted to the dressings and the pain relief-trust me  and I'm impatient...  .but I definitely don't regret having it done,   the end result is very good. a nice C cup. it has been a long journey, but what I see when I look in the mirror is very good. I feel much happier, I too hated the silicone prosthesis, it was so heavy. found the soft commfie much better, so guess a knitted knocker is the answer. It is another big op, but for me it was the right decision.

I do hope your BCnurse and surgeon can help you. You don't say how long ago your op was, but i hope you are on the mend.

Take Care,  sending lots of Huggles

Jenny

poemsgalore
Member

Re: I don't want it anymore! :(

I had the same problem. Hated my surviving breast, hated my prosthesis and never wore it. Spent one year without wearing a bra but having an ugly dangly boob getting in the way. I think I would have gone on feeling like that, but I found Knitted Knockers. You may have heard a few members extolling their virtues. If you're interested, visit:

 

www.knittedknockersuk.com

 

They won't solve all your problems with lymphoedema, but at least they are lighter and softer than other prosthesis. I hope you can find some way around this problem without having more surgery.

 

poemsgalore xx

NAZ
Member

Re: I don't want it anymore! :(

Hi there

I would echo what Dee-Jay has said to you. The journey can be so hard at times, harder than we ever imagined i think.

 

Why not speak to your BCN or consultant about the possibility of having your remaining breast removed (and i don't mean that in a harsh way) just that you might feel better psychologically if it were gone? I have had recon (although i do  wonder why at times!) but there are some ladies who were adament that recon was not for them and then some years later, decided that they would go for it if possible.

 

Sorry not to have the answers, but i do appreciate how hard things must be for you..huge hugs xxxxx

Dee-Jay
Member

Re: I don't want it anymore! :(

Hi Rainbowrosie

first thing first (((huge hugs))).  You like many of us are on a life changing journey.  It's not just a physical but a psycological one as well. I think the emotions you are going through are natural as right now it's how you are feeling.   The fact that you have develpoed lymphoedema has had an impact on you and just seems to be another hurdle to jump over. We are all glad to be alive but that does not take away the emotional impact you feel about the massive change you have gone through.  Speak to your Breast care nurse and let her know how you feel I am sure she can offer you some advice. None of us elected to go on this journey the breast care nurses and doctors can make it easier. Sorry I could not have been more helpful. Thinking of you.

Dee

June_BCC
Member

Re: I don't want it anymore! :(

Hello Rainbowrosie

 

Whilst waiting for support from fellow users please feel free to call our helpliners for some practical and emotional support. Call are free and lines are open 9-5 weekdays and 10-2 Saturdays on 0808 800 6000.

 

With best wishes

June, moderator

rainbowrosie
Member

I don't want it anymore! :(

If you've taken the time to read this, thank you in advance. 

I really hate the breast I'm left with! I knew I had big boobs, but now I have one just hanging in front of me, I really don't want It anymore. 

The prothesis I have is so heavy that it's uncomfortable and the one I bought which is slightly lighter migrates. I have lymphoedema in my arm, armpit and on my trunk. I've had to go up another back size in bras because the ones I had were digging in where the lymphoedema is, causing welts to appear. 

I thought I wanted reconstruction, but I don't think I want another big operation and then alignment with this alien hanging from my body. I would like this offending thing removed, as I'd rather have nothing compared to what I have now.

I know that I should be glad that I'm alive and this is trivial in comparison but that's how it is.

 

Rainbowrosie