I thought would come on here as I know you are all so fantastic and know what each other are going through.
I was diagnosed with BC 6 months ago. I had a 5.5cm lump, grade 3, no lymph nodes involved (Docs dont think as no signs of node involvement on ultrasound scan, cat or mri scan or physical examination).
I had chemo 1st (3 x EC then 4 Taxotere). Finished chemo nearly 6 weeks ago and had a mastectomy on 4th Sept.
All throughout this cancer Ive not once felt sorry for myself or cried.
I have tried to have a positive attitude through out. All my friends and family keep commenting on how “brave” and “strong” I am even though I tell them its not a case of being brave or strong, its a case of having to get on with it.
Well, I got my histology results on Wednesday. Triple Negative.
I have read posts & articles on here, and stuff on google about triple neg and I have to say it has scared the bejesus out of me.
I just cant get it out of my head.
I feel like I have a death sentence looming over me and its gonna come and grab me at any time.
Today is the 1st time that I have felt that I will die by the hands of this disease.
Hi Julie
I am sure other ladies who are triple negative will respond to your posting and be of more help than me, however I do know two of my friends who are triple neg are doing very well. One had 5 lymph glands involved but is fine and nearly two years on. the other friend is nearly 5 years since DX and fine.
I know triple neg is very scary as you have no drugs which you are on which are keeping hopefully the cancer at bay, but you have done all you can by having that very strong chemo and like all of us you just have to hope and hope it wont come back.
The fact you have coped extremely well and maybe ‘TOO’ well if thats possible is good but i think most people have a time when the huge realisation of this disease and its possible outcome hits us hard and i think maybe this is your time.
Your last 3 lines i think would be true of any of us who have had a Dx with this disease, your perfectely normal.
Keep posting as this site has often been my lifeline.
I am not as brave as you but i no longer beat myself up about it i just tell people i am extremely scared and try and cope with ‘normal’ life and enjoy what i can.
I’m sorry to hear you are feeling so low at the moment. I had a really ‘down’ day yesterday, don’t really know why, I just did. I’m a real weeping willow though and regularly have a good cry! I cried yesterday, for the first time in ages and my lovely boyfriend (bless him) said how I need to cry every now and then, and he was totally right. Thats just me though, I have shed many tears since I was diagnosed in March.
I can not relate to how you are feeling about being triple neg as I am not. However, I know how gutted I was at the time I was first told I am HER2 +. This may sound strange to you and like I’m being really ungrateful, but when I first found out I am HER2 + I was devastated. To me it felt like I had been given a death sentence as I knew it meant I had a very aggressive and rapidly growing tumour. I was very grateful that I am able to have Herceptin but also very scared about the fact that my tumour was aggressive. I’ve totally got my head round it all now and realise that being HER2 + is not the death sentence I thought it was.
I really hope that you can ‘speak’ to loads of other people who are triple neg who may be able to set your mind at rest a little. I had extensive lymph node involvement and this worried me greatly until others got in touch and allayed some of my fears.
I’m triple negative too and hadn’t really thought about what it meant or even realised I was until I read about it on this site and worked it out. I was just very pleased not to have to take any more drugs when I’ve finished chemo (nearly finished 2/4 taxotere to go just had my second one today). My attitude is that you have got no choice in your diagnosis and what will be will be and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it. It is scary the thought of no drugs as a back up but apparently triple negative responds very well to chemo.
I had been handling everything pretty well just like you. I had cried a bit but never loads and everyone kept saying how brave and strong I was and in all honesty it wasn’t too bad and I was just getting everything and then I had my first Taxotere session on 4th Sept and 2 weeks later everything just hit me and all of these emotions came flooding out and I was so scared as thought I was losing the plot. Was thinking I couldn’t go out of the house again, couldn’t get in the car, go shopping or take my son to nursery I was just so anxious. Anyway I was prescribed diazepan and that has sorted me out and am ok again.
What I was going to say was have you thought about seeing a counsellor. Since my meltdown 2 weeks ago I have seen a counsellor and she was fantastic, I am seeing her again on Thursday. Once the emotions came out I just wanted to talk and talk and it has really really helped so I would thoroughly recommend it.
I’m sure the feeling down thing is a reaction to finishing the chemo and is quite a common reaction but I think you should talk to someone as it worked for me as you have probably been bottling everything up without even realising it… Or if it is really bad talk to your doctor because sometimes taking some medication (just for a short time) really helps.
Thanks to you lovely ladies for replying to my post.
Jude, I feel ok now, honest. I think I was just having a couple of off days. Thinking about it I wonder if this should have been my period time as sometimes (pre cancer) I can feel a bit fed up when im due.
I also am having the attitude of what will be will be. We cannot change or control what may or may not happen in the future so I will cross that bridge if I ever come to it.
No point dwelling on it as it will just make me miserable and I dont want to live a misreable life.
We are still here and should be happy and live our lives.