It’s after midnight here and my first post after reading the Forum for the last week or so. IN a whirlwind, I received a recall letter, went for the follow up and was more or less told there and then it was breast cancer. 2cm lump, don’t know what kind or anything, had biopsy there and then and very quickly had a WLE and sn biopsy done through the same incision. GOing back for the results of all that on Thursday. I am heart broken and cannot believe this is happening to me. MY mind is racing every waking minute with the what ifs etc and then I cannot get to sleep. Only my husband, who has been wonderful, but is very upset too knows what is happening. We have a married daughter and a wee grand daughter and have not told her anything yet. This is where I HAVE a problem which breaks my heart not being able to tell her just yet. I want to wait and tell her when I have something to tell her and I am praying it can be positive or if not to at least have the facts so I can answer her questions. I feel very selfish but both her in laws were diagnosed within a few weeks of each other with cancer early this year, both had big operations and Chema and sadly the Dad died. HOw can I put my beautiful daughters home through any more. I am really struggling. Thanks for listening. Xx
I’m probably not the most informed response you’re going to get, but you need an instant hug, so here’s one.
I’m very new to the forum too. I don’t have breast cancer but my mum was diagnosed with it less than a month ago. She’s still in a complete whirl too, she doesn’t yet have all the information she needs, and feels so lost and confused. She didn’t want to tell me - she didn’t want to worry me. As a daughter I say that I have the right to be worried about her. I’m sure your daughter would say the same. She would hate to think of you going through such a turmoil and not being able to help - even though the only help we can offer is love.
You need her, and she needs to be able to be there for you.
It won’t be easy, you’ll both cry, but you’ll have a wonderful supporter afterwards.
On bless you, I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. It is so difficult knowing what to do for the best re telling those closest to us, and it’s understandable that you want to have as much information as possible. Only my husband knew about my initial appointments, biopsies etc. My Dad had been quite unwell for a while (not cancer) and I didn’t want to give my Mum and sisters any more to worry about. When I then did tell them, they were upset that they hadn’t been there to support me, especially as I had gone to some appointments alone while my husband looked after the children. I echo what Joanne said - it won’t be easy to tell your daughter, but she will want to be there to support you. I can tell that you are close to her, and of course, you want to protect her and your son-in-law, as they’ve had a really difficult time.
I’ll be thinking of you on Thursday. There’s never a good or right time to tell our loved ones difficult news. When you have more information after your appointment, I hope that you will feel able to talk to your daughter.
Sending you a hug and I hope that you managed to get some sleep eventually xxx
Hi I dont believe it,
The waiting for the results part of going through this, is always the worst part, so what you’re feeling is quite normal although horrible.
You are not selfish at all, it’s just one of those things. Fortunately, as bc is picked up a lot earlier, outcomes are excellent. In my case I was back to life as normal within a few months.
Wishing you all the very best for Thursday, as ever, its the uncertainty of not knowing that is the most difficult part on dealing with this, as the mind goes into overdrive in filling in the gaps.
It does feel much better when you know what your dealing with & what is to be done about it.
ann x
I would echo what ann has said, I was the same recall after 3rd routine mammogram, I did not find a lump nothing. Had my op, radiotherapy and am on tamoxifen now, that was all 12 months ago and life is back to normal.
With regard to telling your daughter, I remember many many years ago my mum found a lump and had it removed, she did not tell me until she had her results. I was angry with her for not telling me. Fast forward to this time last year, I had had my op and was waiting for my results, I had not told my mum, she doesnt live close to me and is elderly, I wanted to get my results and treatment plan before I did so that I could give her some positive information rather than that I had had a lumpectomy but didnt know what was happening from there. She was not happy with me but when I explained my reasonings she totally understood.
Hi there I don’t come on the site too much these days but felt I had to respond to your message
I was the same with my Son and Daughter when I was diagnosed my daughter was 28 weeks pregnant at the time with her first baby I had arranged a surprise baby shower for her on the Friday and was told that I needed surgery for BC on the Wednesday my husband and I kept it to ourselves the three weeks of tests and scans I had the surgery was in overnight managed to say I was working away overnight as my daughter lives next door to us I wanted her to enjoy the shower without the worry of me
.We told both our children that weekend it’s the hardest thing to do they were both very upset we had gone through those weeks of worry on our own especially as our daughter is a nurse she was so upset she wasn’t there when I had my surgery .
while I was halfway through the chemotherapy my daughter gave us a beautiful granddaughter our first grandchild and here we are three years later I am very well happy and living life just had my third clear mammogram
it is so hard for you at the moment I wanted you to hear it does get better and you really need the support of your loved ones we felt awful but relieved when we told them ,they were the ones that got us through the darker days
hope this helps and lots and lots of love and hugs to all you ladies going through this xxx
It’s a horrible anxious time ,but when you have more information and know what happens next you will feel better and also when you are able to be honest with your family you will feel happier as it is obviously causing you some unease. Where in the Uk are you ?
Hi I don’t believe it,
I was diagnosed in July and I did find that the most stressful period was waiting for results and a treatment plan. Once I knew the full diagnosis and treatment plan I felt so much better. Oncologists are very good at treating breast cancer, and the long term outlook is usually very good. Wishing you luck for Thursday,
Cath x
Why are these appointments always in the afternoon!! My results appt was at 3.30!!! It was a very long day !!! Hopefully by this evening you will feel a lot better !!!
The pants will help !!! At least it won’t be as obvious if you have an accident anyway !!! Make sure if you don’t understand anything ask them to explain it again and maybe write some of the information down ,it’s very hard to concentrate when you feel anxious .
After all the angst of building up for results and a treatment plan, got there and was told they did not have all the pathology results so could not compile a treatment plan yet.
I am shocked and numb. Cried all the way home and have hardly slept.
Has anyone else been in this position?
I Have been told I have been rebooked for next Thursday .
I am going to have to put on my best acting skills and visit my daughter over the weekend. There is no way I can talk to her yet as I am now more emotional than ever and would be to afraid of not being able to give her any information. I would not want to spoil their wee holiday.
I was so pleased to see your post. What a relief for you and what an emotional rollercoaster this week has been for you. Results wise, I was in a very similar position just a few weeks ago, and have started radiotherapy this week.
Good to hear from you again. Glad to hear you have been taking things easy - you can’t beat a Christmas film, can you! Once you get started with the rads it’ll go really quickly, I’ve only got 4 to go now.
Thank you ladies. Letter has arrived this morning so appointment for Tuesday and a list of dates for treatment starting 27th December. First two weeks will be 3 days each to cover Christmas and New Year, third week will be 5 days and fourth final week will be 4 days. This will certainly take away the strain of the travelling with only having one week with five days in a row. The first two weeks of the 3 sessions my husband will still be on holiday from work so he will do the driving and we can make a bit of a day out about it. It does not bother me at all that it’s over the four weeks and not three.
Big sister has now been told so she is never going to complain again about screening. She admitted that she had a small cancerous growth removed from the skin on her leg last year and told know one so she totally understood my secrecy even more so because of our daughters home situation.
I must say I am feeling absolutely great just now and am so looking forward to Christmas.
You will get your head around it - first few weeks are very hard indeed.Lots of support and advice here from people going through the same and those who are now out the other side .