Im so sorry you going through this on top of having to worry about your lump. When I lost my partner I realised that people just dont act the way we think they will and can be very unkind. And we can waste so much time wondering "why?". When I went to have my core biopsy very good friends of mine did not bother texting even. I have learnt that people do not always act the way we would. But we need to know that that is their problem. Yes its hurtful but it is a flaw in her character NOT yours. If you can, focus on all the good you have in your life, the people that do love you AND show it. Dont waste your energy on those that are still struggling within themselves. Because it is just a waste of energy. She acted wrong and you will never be able to understand her motives, chances are she doesnt either (but I go along with the possibility jealousy is in there!). Keep your energy for yourself and those around you.
I have all this with my sister in law who says she is concerned but never enquires about me (diagnosed lat May and had op in June ) and a year on I have only seen her a few times. It is her birthday this weekend and have told OH that I will not be going with him to take her card and it ended up in a row with him as he said it would cause an atmosphere if I didn't go. So what !!!!! I have had a couple of cards off her saying although I don't come often I am thinking of you - she lives about 7 miles away !!!!
So Jules - don't worry- it's her loss. You have enough on your plate at the moment.
How is your daughter doing ? and your mum?
As its half term I've been away since Saturday and only got back last night.
How are you doing? when I last heard you had gone in to have the lump removed but whats happened since then?
Thanks girls, I do think there is an amount of jealousy in it. I have blocked her on my phone and am trying to forget about her now as its not worth getting upset over.
I think she needs a kick up the ****.
Perhaps if you weren't so nice to her then she'd buck up a bit ....
She is (in my umble opinion) obviously jealous ...... but you don't need to people please any more so she just has to get over it!
Just change the dynamcis a bit ... or forget her ...
love FB xxx
Im back. How you doing hun.
Ok now to the matter in hand. Do you think that she may be a bit jealous of you. Your relationship with her brother may affect her feelings towards you, especially if he is all shes got. People are funny things I decided long ago that people take me as I am if they dont like me they can get on with it.
Thank you so much ladies for your kind and wise words. I have deleted her and blocked her from my phone tonight!
And dita the fact that I have managed to help you a little bit in your hour of need makes me smile. I have had such great support from this site and knowing I can give some back makes its so worthwhile. One important thing in life is never to just take, you must always be prepared to give much more than you will ever receive. I live by that motto.
Hi Jules,She sounds like a complete b***h to me.If i were you i wouldn't even bother with her.At least you won't have to thank her for anything.You're doing so well in keeping strong and positive so don't let someone like her get you down.We definitely all care about you and you've been such a massive help to me.So thank you and big hugs x
p.s he also said do not maintain unhealthy relationships (wise words)!!!
Big Hugs x
People can be so 'strange'
I have been upset by so called friends since my diagnosis!!
I have a rant and rave now again!!!
I spoke to a counseller about why people can seem so mean and show no support and what he said made me think! Fear!!!
Look after people who care! There are some lovely people out there for us and ignore the others
Hi Jules, sorry to hear about your sister in law. I had similar difficulties with mine too, after my diagnosis, i could not believe her insensitivity you would have thought I was dealing with a common cold, not breast cancer.
Its good you can come on here and vent off, we all need to let off steam. Personally now I dont really bother much with my sister in law, if i have to be in her company fair enough I will be civil, but other than that I dont have much contact. Life is too short to waste on people who bring us down. Perhaps I am abit hard now but after years of letting people say what they want to me and not answering back, there is no way i would take it now. There I am having a bit of a vent now too !!!!!!!!!
How you doing anyway are you feeling any better x
Yes I know Lisa you are so right, as from this moment I am going to move on and not give her another thought. I was getting so wound up earlier about it all and found writing how I felt got it off my chest. I have so many nice caring people in my life, I am silly to worry over someone like her.
thank you hun xxx
She's not worth the words you are typing here... rise above her selfishness.
(Listen to me, I would probably verbally deck her one, next time I saw her!!!!)
But seriously, let it go, and just enjoy the people who are surrounding you now.
Thanks ladies for your input, unfortunately its not do with it being cancer, because she actually sent me mum (who she doesnt know that well) but when she was dx with cancer she sent her the biggest basket of flowers going. I don't care about not getting flowers, I do care that she knows how upset I am about my mum and also the problems with my daughers depression and she can't even send one text to say good luck with everything. I have decided as from today to wash my hands from her as I don't need that kind of person in my life. She has never really had any people skills! Her idea of dealing with something is to throw money at it. Even on my wedding day, she never once said "you look nice", which is what you generally say to the bride, especially when its your brothers wife!
She is being really thoughtless but might not mean to be. People are scared by cancer. If it helps my sister in law is the same. She worked in the same hospital as the one I was having op in and she didn't even come to see me. She is a midwife and has recently had another baby. I can't have more children as I am on Tamoxifen and am devastated over this but threw myself into being a good Aunt. She had had a c section and couldn't drive so I helped out. Whilst I was driving her and her older daughter to Nursery one day, I mentioned my menopausal problems, mainly hot flushes. She said " well can't you just take a herbal pill or something?". I had already told her that I couldn't. I was really upset but just had to put it behind me. She is also really slim and I am struggling with my weight. I try not to be jealous but it is hard.
Anyway, just wanted to know that you are not alone
While not wanting to make excuses, do you think that she is afraid to ask you? If she is so temperamental, maybe she cant face something that she may be fearing herself? It may be a little too close for comfort for her.
Anyway, dont let it bother you... as with a lot of people, you find out who your true friends are. I havent told any of my friends - not sure if I am going to. My family and work colleagues have been great.
Look to those around you who are supporting you, and forget about her.
I have been following your posts, and I have my fingers crossed for you - it certainly does sound positive!!
My Husband has no parents left and only one sister. She is known for her moods, one minute she is nice and the next shes in a strop over nothing. She knew I was going into hospital on Friday to find out if my lump was cancer, but didn't even phone or text before hand to say good luck. She didn't bother to ring my hubby after surgery to find out how I was. I text her but she seems totally disinterested. When my hubby has a routine operation for a hernia she sent a huge boquet of flowers, a teddy and a balloon and he was on in a few hours. But she can't even be bothered to phone up and see if I am ok. I know it sounds silly but I have really taken it to heart and feel so hurt that she is treating me in such away. I have been sitting here all day getting more and more upset about it. Am I being stupid or am I right to feel that she doesn't give a damn and feel hurt.
Sorry to moan but sometimes putting things down on here helps.
By the way on my daughters birthday she gave her a very expensive Tiffany bacelet but gave my son Â£20 stuffed in a card. Thank god my son didnt realise, but in the past she has been known to favour my daughter over my son which to me is very wrong.
Sorry rant over.