First off, let me say how I feel bad for not keeping in touch on the forums, and I feel awkward posting here once again without offering anything much in return (can't even remember my original login details).
A bit of background: I was diagnosed with 1.9cm lump, grade III TN with no LN or vascular invasion early in 2012 aged 27. I had a WLE, and six cycles of FEC chemo (had horrible reaction to the TAC, so it was stopped). I was found to be a BRCA1 mutation carrier, so I decided to have a mastectomy. I had tissue expanders put in at the time, and then these got swapped for silicone implants.
I thought i was getting through it, getting on with life, moving on, I'd started dating again, and I was so looking forward to the next few exciting steps in life. Also - my periods came back after the FEC & Zoladex.
Except a few weeks ago I found a lump in my armpit. I knew it was a lymph node. I (apparently) didn't have an axillary clearance done at the time of my MX because the SNB at the time of my WLE was clear. The initial pathology report says that there are cancer cells in that lymph node - and, at the moment, that's all I know.
I had one of those dreadful chats with the breast care nurse, you know - where they see everything in black and white and I'm just utterly bewildered, scared and feeling as though life is totally unfair. I thought I was going to get past this. I'm sitting here with so many questions, and the horrible horrible realisation that i just can't go on like this.
I know this is completely ridiculous because I have so little information at my disposal (I don't know how many nodes are involved). I know I'll have to have a CT and a bone scan for staging. I know the oncologists are going to suggest chemo again - and I just don't think I can do that again. Not because it was so awful - but because of the effect on the rest of me. I still clutch to these hopes of one day having a baby. But the thought of another 6 cycles - presumably it'll be paclitaxel and gemcitabine this time around - is just too much to bear.
I'm going to start a new job next week.
I'm so sorry to rant at you all. i just don't know what to do, and if anyone could tell me that theyve experienced this and come out the other side - I'd love to read your words.