Hi Maisie - pretty much ditto what everyone else has already said. It is shocking, and was for all of us. I havre secondaries in the spine, I have had an op to support it, and largely with effective pain control, I am ok.
As everyone has said once you know how you will be treated, your HER2 status, you can start to find pockets of reassurance that may help you get through this first phase.
I find when i go for my flu jab with the 80 year old's a feeling of 'I don't belong here', and I certainly felt that when i was diagnosed.
We are all here for you, if you need answers or support, we've been there and we know how bloody dreadful this is.
It is such a shock to be told you have secondaries. I had my original breast cancer diagnosed in October 2006. then secondaries to the sternum and surrounding tissue/lymph nodes in June 2008, then more spread again in bones was found in January of this year.
It does become easier to deal with - well, at the least you will start to think about the cancer a little less. Although still a great deal no doubt. Maybe it depends if you are in pain. At the moment I am in a lot of pain a lot of the time and so the cancer is constantly on my mind. If I have no pain I can feel fine (tired though) and then it is further from my mind.
Everyone here understands what you are going through so come on for support.
And if you are in pain try to get that sorted via drugs or radiotherapy - not sure where your secondaries are. That will help a lot
welcome to the club none of us want to be in! You will get loads of support and a sympathetic ear. If we can help we will.
I have had secondaries diagnosed for 5 years in May and can still remember vividly the shock, anger and fear but I am still around, fingers crossed I will be for a while longer. New treatments are coming through all the time and there is always someone on here that can help comfort us when we have a new treatment plan.
Sorry you've had to join us but believe me, everything the others have already said is true. I was diagnosed with liver secondaries 2 and a half years ago and the shock of my diagnosis was awful, but it's surprising how you gradually learn to live with this situation. Stick with this group, there's some amazing ladies on here and we all help each other.
Sorry you have to join us over here on the secondaries part but you will find us all a very lovely, helpful, intelligent bunch - even if I say so myself!
I was in the same position this time last year and feel the same way as Alison and Anne have said. It is a huge shock that no-one wants to have or to hear. I also found I calmed down a bit once I knew what my treatment plan was - possibly because I felt back in control to some extent.
After chemo last May for 4 months I'm now feeling fine and getting on with my life and enjoying all the small things - again, as Alison has said.
Please feel free to ask any questions on here, this is what really helped me last year, to know I wasn't alone and to get some good answers to all the questions I had (and still have!)
I was diagnosed with bone mets in June last year after 5 years clear. I really thought i'd beaten it. I think I simply refused to believe it, etc for weeks and weeks afterwards, so carried on entirely as normal as if I hadn't had the news at all. This was despite severe hip pain which I'd had for months prior to the eventual correct diagnosis, and having to use crutches for several months once diagnosed!
Then I panicked and started feeling like I'd lost control of TIME and rushed around like a headless chicken starting all sorts of tasks, then forgetting I'd started them and so not completing them, and all the time conscious of this BIG CLOCK ticking away, ticking away, could see my life draining away, but paralysed somehow, like a rabbit transfixed by the glare of a car's headlamps.
Then I got angry and started taking it out on my other half.
Then I calmed down a bit, so that now I'm still really busy (cos that's just how I am), and I still get stressed at times, and of course I still think about it tons of times a day, every day, but it's not on my mind ALL day. So that I can enjoy some of my 'here and now' moments like a blackbird's song, or the sun shining, or achieving something that I'm working on.
I too felt happier once I knew how I was going to be treated and luckily I've responded well to treatment, so have every reason to be optimistic (while realistic) about my future.
Hi Maisy I was in shock for weeks, do allow yourself plenty of time to get your head round all this..be kind to yourself. I just went with the flow, had good days, bad days and eventually the good days outnumbered the bad. I've been living with bone secondaries since 2003. I always feel better once I know my treatment plans. Good Luck.
This is a very supportive place. Love Belinda...x
Sorry to hear your news but I'm sure you'll find plenty of support on here. It does take a while to sink in - it's just been a year since my secondaries were diagnosed but the time has gone surprisingly quickly and I've found this site wonderfully supportive so I hope you do too. I felt more in control once treatment had started and once I knew the treatment plan.
Take care and don't be afraid to ask or rant!
Hi Maisy, sorry you've had to join us here and it must be an awful shock for you. This is a really helpful and supportive forum and I'm sure you will benefit from it. I was diagnosed with bone mets and bc all together just before Christmas and still getting over the shock of it all, I think it takes a while.
Take care, Lesley x
Hi Maisy and welcome to the forums,
I'm sure other users will be along soon with support and their experiences very soon, in addition our helpliners are here for you with additional support and a 'listening ear' if you need one. The line is open weekdays 9-5 and Sat 9-2 on 0808 800 6000. The following link will take you to some further information if you wish to find out more about secondary treatments and support available to you:
Hello - I am new and jsut been diagnosed with secondary bc : ( I thought I had beaten it 4 years ago. I am scared and dont really understand what is happening to me - still in shock i think!