IHR - ball now rolling and I'm scared

Dear all,
I have posted several times about considering IHR and have had wonderful support from other forum members regarding this subject.
I had BC in 2004 (aged 39), few hiccups on way, now LD and fibromyalgia which is causing issues at work. Fatigue, plus exacerbation of trunkal and arm LD from computer work. Have tried many adjustments- shorter hrs, work station adaptions etc, but no bette, especially since I had cellulitis 6 months ago. I’m now 48.
I think that my manager is getting fed up with me having to take time off etc. I have been seen by OH several times over past 18 months who have suggested diuretics, and getting a different type of job, such as counselling. I have already changed jobs (was clinical nurse, developed discomfort/swelling in arm due to note writing and not able to wear sleeve/glove at work).
Well, I have finally contacted HR to discuss IHR and have just heard I have got a meeting with them and manager in 2 weeks time.
I now feel very scared about it all, and really emotional. I have been a nurse for 29 years, committed to my job, hardly ever had time off sick (used annual leave to cover instead of sick leave) and just feel awful. I really love the job I do now, work with some lovely people.
One minute I feel relieved ’ especially when I am feeling really fatigued and LD bad, then when that feels better (usually when not working) i feel really guilty, start questioning whether I am doing the right thing, will I miss it too much etc…
I feel that I am giving up too easily,I will miss work, what on earth am I going to do with myself… but then worry about how I will cope if I stay on.
Has anyone else experienced this when facing IHR? XXXX

bump as not showing in latest posts

Hi i think you have to do what is best for you ,at the end of the day your health comes first. The NHS is not what it was. I am an RMN and have been for 27 years, just been told that our Recovery unit will be shut next year? april time and we are all at risk , brilliant, feel very vulnerable given that i have a recurrance and ? spread to lung will be starting treatment and ops soon hopefully, so ? what the future brings i may be facing the same thing as you in the future.

I know i cannot help at the momment but keep strong and i am sure you will find things to fill your day also enjoy some’you ’ time.

Good luck and take care

Sarah66 x

Dear sarah,
Thank you so much for your reply- I am so sorry to hear about your recurrance and ? spread to lung and am sending sincere best wishes and hugs.
Like yourself, I am at risk as our team are being cut next year (just found out confirmation yesterday) and once that happens, I am out the NHS with minimal chance of getting something else and then little joy of taking IHR once out.
However, my problems are nothing compared to what you are having to deal with at present. Is this not something you may consider for yourself Sarah?
The NHS is changing enormously and the pressures on staff seem to be increasing at an alarming rate. Please think about your situation and putting yourself somewhere that will provide the best possible place for you as you recover from your upcoming treatments.
I am extremley fortunate in that currently, I don’t have to cope with a reoccurrance or secondary diagnosis ( did have a scare last month for brain and spine secondaries, scans clear so far). Because of this, I feel really guilty and dramatic for considering it when this isn’t an issue for me - I only have LD and fatigue to deal with and that’s what’s difficult for meto get my head round - am I really “bad” enough to retire? Like you, I have been a nurse for a long time (29 years) and have always had a very strong work ethic, so find it a real struggle to “give in”.
Gosh, me and my collegues always used to joke about retirement, and " can’t wait for the day we can hang up our stethescopes" - and now faced with it, it’s not so easy!! XXX

HI Happyshopper
After my IHR I can honestly say that I grieved for the loss of my job and my status and suddenly felt like I had gone from being someone very important (the boss), to someone who just popped in for coffee. I cried, but that only lasted 2 weeks!! I now wonder how the hell I fitted work in. It is so nice when your friends get in touch and say ‘can you make next friday for lunch’ and you don’t have to check with anyone, you can just say yes!! I still keep in touch with the girls at work and when I hear them talking about low moral, and someone else is sick, or retiring because they cannot stand it any more I know it was the right thing for me.
I think it sunk in when the NMC sent a letter saying thanks for letting us know you will not be renewing your registration. That was weird because you don’t know what to call yourself. I kept thinking am I a nurse any more? Can I say that I am? The NMC letter says you are always a nurse as they cannot take your qualifications away from you. You just cannot state that you are registered.
You don’t need the stress of working if you don’t have to. I got stuck in the rush hour traffic last night in the wind and rain and thought, thank god I don’t have to do this any more!
Look forward to it. You also suddenly realise that you were just another number on the payroll and easily replaced. (Its sad I know).
Good luck at your meeting.
mandyj.xx

Dear Mandy,
Lovely to hear from you again, and thank you so much for the support you’ve given me.
Your post is very helpful, and I think the loss of identity as a senior nurse to no job is hitting hard - I’m racing ahead, as I don’t even know if I will get it though, and that’s another worry.
I also found out 3 days ago that in the restructuring, my job is going to finish in March 2013 with no renewal or matching into the new structure when the PCT goes, so I will have no job anyway (along with 2 others) and I will therefore be out of the NHS, and I cannot see how I can work elsewhere i.e. clinical.
You are right when you say we are just another number on the payroll , and that’s clearly evident with our team being restructured.
When I’m not at work, my LD settles, and I feel that my fatigue (fibromyalgia and ?Sjogrens) is better too, as I am able to pace myself better at home. When I’m feeling better, I then start to feel guilty about staying off wortk, because I’m better, so go back, and then back to square one, and so the cycle continues!
XXX

If you can retire, you could consider some sort of voluntary work? That would give you back a sense of importance, make you feel useful and at the same time, if your LD flares up, you can just rest without the guilt?

My OH retired early from teaching and he finds loads to fill his time, having registered with the local volunteer bureau. I did the same when I was a ‘stay at home mum’, when the kids started school. It meant I could still be there for them if they were ill, or there was something on at their school. (It also gave me invaluable work experience - but that’s not an issue for you! :))

Dear Happyshopper and all,

Here are a few thoughts about cancer and workplace.
I believe most of us experience issues at workplace. I don’t think they are related to our capability and efficiency to perform the job, but to the misconceptions and attitudes that society has about disability, sickness and cancer, which are deeply rooted on employers and, unfortunately on us. Obviously, the treatment, the medication and the dx have a huge impact, both physical and mental. Probably most of us, to a certain degree become disable after cancer but I don’t believe that that it, I think that most of big employer, and NHS for sure it is can make adjustments, but of course, it’s easier to bully cancer patients out of work place, because it’s very easy to believe that now, of course we can’t deliverer as before and somehow, after cancer we are useless, when I fact what is useless are the regulations, policies and employment law which don’t reflect at all human condition: sickness, accidents, death and so on. They are address as, if it was an audacity to get sick or to have and accident, and of course, it seemed as an individual problem. Are they really an individual problem? Are they really such an exceptional circumstances, that it should be expected for the individuals who suffered them to be outraised and taken the burden of their situation themselves, or are these circumstances just a part of life?

Well, cancer has been the most horrible think that has happened to me, but I don’t feel a victim of it. I got cancer because I am human and, unfortunately, I am vulnerable to illnesses and accidents and so on. What I am really a victim of is of the social attitudes towards disability, which made my employers, for instance, to have an easy ride when they are trying to get ride of me.

I understand, because I am suffering this situation myself, how difficult is to get through it and getting our voice heard and fight for our rights, I understand the fear of a recurrence because of the stress, the fatigue and all, because I experience that myself. But I think my dignity is very important and, if we really want a change on this, we need to start to organize ourselves instead to accept others people prejudices.

Happyshopper why should you feel guilty of your employer pestering you and not wanting to make adjustments for you? Are there many people at your workplace needing adjustments so, it is really difficult for your employer to support and maintain yours?

For my own situation, I have use ACAS, CAB, Mary Ward legal centre and Disability Law Canter for advice. I have even written to my MP. If you are a member of a Union maybe, they can support you.

I wish you the best and as I said, I really believe we need to organize ourselves because we experience very similar problems. As individuals is very little what we can do but, if we get together on a pressure group or a union, I think we have a better chance to make our voices heard and become meaningful.

Xx Happynipple

Hi all,
Many thanks fore your helpful comments.
JCJ - I’m glad to hear that your husband is adjusting well to his early retirement and yes, I was considering doing some sort of voluntary work. as you rightly say, if my LD kicks off, I can stop and not continue.
Happynipple - I have already had many changes and adaptions in my workplace - my manager has allowed me to change my working hours, days off, using annual leave when needed, new workstation equipment. Unfortunately the repetativeness of typing /mousework doesn’t seem to agree with my LD.
I thought I was beginning to get my head round it all, but wobbling yet again and think I should just plough on back at work and go back. I don’t feel that I have the right to be retiring when I am currently fortunate not to have secondaries.
I had to se GP last night to get sick cert - I mentioned that I had decided to go ahead with IHR and he simply said that when he gets a letter he will write a report based on the factual information in my notes. he then said that IHR isn’t easy to get, especially now the pot of money is small. I think it is this comment that has wobbled me - does that mean I am unlikely to get it, so why bother trying? Oohh, scary! Positive vibes please!
XXX

an update:
This weekend, I recieved a letter from HR to inform me that I am now at risk of redundancy too. I now have to make a decision on what to do:-

  • Leave and collect redundancy pay (2 year’s pay)- Iwill then have the worry about getting another job as the same issues of computer and clinical work will arise, or also apply for IHR after I have left the NHS (this will be harder)
  • Procced with IHR (and forfeit redundancy pay) and if unsuccessful, appeal.
    With regards to LD, I do not know what other treatments etc that I can do and feel that I have tried all options to remain at work.
    I have got to phone OH and ask them whether they will support an application for IHR. My head feels like a washing machine at the moment …xx

Dear all,
I thought that I would just update you - I have just recieved a letter from NHS Pensions stating that my application has been successful and I have met the criteria for Tier 1 and Tier 2 (does that mean I will get Tier 2?).
I am so relieved that it is all over - my Union support has been amazing and I would just like to thank all of you on here who have offered support, comments and advice - thank you so much XXXX