In shock

[delly]

Hi MgM

My apologies. I typed you a message last night, but when it came to "send", my internet had gone down, so it got lost in the ether.

I'm soooo glad your chest is getting better. You'll have to forgive me, but I got somewhat confused in a past post when you said you had special needs kids. Were you meaning Grandkids? I'm sooo glad to hear your son has stayed with you, that you have some good immediate support. I agree with Ann, you need to make it known to your family, how scared, frightened, worried you are. If you were my Mum. I'd want and need to know, so that I could support you in whatever way I could. I'd WANT to, so please do let them know.

I sooo understand/get you wanting to hang on to as much of your breast as possible. NO, it isn't stupid, at all. With my first, it was hanging onto my nipple, but when I pinched in the amount of flesh to be removed with a lumpectomy, the morning of my op, it was a done deal - mastectomy and no rads. But . . there's always  the option of recon, if not immediate (I would always push for it ), then delayed.

You, my dear woman, have had such a hard a hard time, with your Dystonia, losing your job because of, and what you're going through now. I had to give up my profession of 22 yrs, because of health reasons. Not BC either. I don't blame you for screaming "I've got BC - and I don't want it". You keep screaming on here or elsewhere, because all the time you're SCREAMING - you're FIGHTING, and that's what "we" and your family want, you FIGHTING!!!!

I'm hoping like mad, that you're doing okay on the Letrozole?? sweetheart, are you so far??

Sending you mountain loads of love, far bigger than me, but not bigger than my heart. Delly xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Keep us up with how you're doing, Have loads of rants.   

[mumgonemad]

Thanks Ann m & Delly. (I've edited past posts)

I have had a phone call today from my new breast care nurse Niki.

My blood results came back postmenopausal so I HAVE to start taking the LETROZOLE surgeon prescribed on Friday.

I am very apprehensive as funny enough i actually like breathing (now im not suicidal)

I am down to 30mg steroids daily & havent needed my nebuliser as breathing ok with my 3 pumps.

IF surgeon does book a theatre for 8th Feb the anesthatist wouldn't touch me with barge pole with limited lung capacity BUT surgery may/probably won't happen till March.

DILEMMA 

[ann-m]

Sorry to hear you’re feeling like this at the mo, Mumgonemad, but you will get through it, we all do.
As ever, I think loads of us can identify with being the ‘strong ones’ & protecting the family, but do let your kids know about what you need, especially if they’re nearby.
From what I’ve seen, a few months here or there is unlikely to make any difference, although it’s horrible going through this stage & any delay certainly does not help.
Just to add, to edit the post, ensure you’re signed in & you need to be on the ‘full’ web version, link on the bottom of the page if on mobile, click on ‘options’ box top right of post, select ‘edit reply’ & re-post.
Sending hugs
ann x

[mumgonemad]

Hi Delly, I don't know how to edit post!!
I'm in a small town abt 21 miles further on from Brecon.
My kids are 30, 29, 26 & 24 & none live at home.
My 26yr old son comes stay with me quite often. He stayed xmas/new year & wouldn't leave me when chest was very bad bless him. He here this wkend & he says will stay with me after op. My other kids have children so can offer support during the day time but need be home with their kids. They live round the corner though & could be here in minutes. I'm frightened but can't tell them that. I'm the strong one lol
I no longer work. I loved my job too. I was a professional home carer. I have a neurological disorder called Dystonia which effects my right side. I have a tremor & muscle spasms. Also the medication they gave to help with tremor irritated my lungs & was on 40mg steroids for 4mths. My GP said I would be a danger to myself & service users. I was gutted. Loved my work & was bloody good at it.

I would need to stay in hostel @ singleton hospital Mon - Fri for 3 wks while having the radiotherapy. Don't know what to do with the dogs.
Tearful tonight & want this over & done with. It's been hanging over me way too long now.
If i had a full left sided mastectomy I wouldn't need radiotherapy BUT i dont think i could cope with nothing there.
If surgeon takes half breast & then pathology comes back saying need clearer margins or there more cancer there than originally thought THEN she would take me bck in & remove all but at least then I know everything been done to keep as much of me as possible. Stupid ??
I have breast cancer & i don't want it!!!!!!!!! Nobody wants it.
How much has it progressed/spread since diagnoses almost 14wks ago. How quick does hormone positive cancer grow. Why is it taking them so long. If I can't take any hormone meds because they cause breathing difficulties why can't they remove my ovaries. There the buggers making the oestrogen !!!!!!!!°
Surgeon said if don't take meds there NO POINT doing surgery !!!!!!
Sorry rant over xxxxc

[delly]

MGM - Hello flower. I forgot to mention not to use your surgeons name. It's been edited out by Anna, the Moderator, in your previous post. It's part of the Forum policy. Suggest you edit it out of your this mornings post lovey.
I've been checking where Brigend is, just for interest. I don't know S. Wales at all. Know the N. and then the Pembrokeshire coast quite well from walking almost all of it. Whereabouts are you? and do you have family/friends nearby who can stay with you? If not and you make it known, they may allow you to stay in longer. But you've got your children to think about too, haven't you. Incidentally, how old are they and do they live at home with you, or in care? Are you still working with all this going on as well? Sorry for all the questions.
Crikey. I hope like mad that you'll be on the 8th.
Sending you a ginormous warm hug, my friend. xxxxxx

[mumgonemad]

Thanks Delly xx all I can do is sit back worry & wait.
Surgeon told me off for not taking Tamoxifen. Told her I was drowning & CAN'T take it. She only new abt it last week when I phoned. Susan didn't pass on info b4 & apparently surgeon didn't get Drs letter 're Tamoxifen.
Anesthatist still happy do me in Neath portalbot so no need go Bridgend. B/S thought she had time to plan wires/magnets & surgery as I was on meds. No point doing ok if don't take hormone meds. Find one that doesn't **bleep** up my chest. Had bloods done to see which meds I need. She may be able to use a colleagues theatre slot on 8th Feb but no promises. Otherwise it will be MARCH.
Cos doing partial removal & all lymph nodes I HAVE to have radiotherapy EVERY DAY for 3 wks & MIGHT need chemo. I need someone stay with me when home & out next day after op

[delly]

Flippin 'eck MGM !!!!
I'm sooo sorry to hear of your chest reaction. Well listen girl, I'm still here after no Tamox for 10 yrs, though prescribed it. Gave me such a dive in my mental state after 2 weeks, to the extent that I took myself off it and decided to take my chances. I don't advise anyone else to, but it was my own personal decision.
Oh darlin, I can't believe your lady bits too ! What's going on? I'm not surprised you're having a good rant. Are you planning on having a more gentle one to the surgeon? Not so gentle, you get your grievance across.
You keep ranting on here girl. You certainly deserve it, in my books, chummy.
Much love to you xxxxxxx

[mumgonemad]

Hi all, happy New year & I hope it all still fighting xx
well after having my op cancelled on 7th Dec the consultant gave me tamoxifen.
My breathing got really bad and was almost admitted to hospital. Bloody stuff irritated my asthma badly. You could here me rattling from 30 paces.
Anyway I have not had tamoxifen since new year & have been on 40mg steroids & nebulizer every 4 hrs . I'm not rattling any more but breathing is still laboured And guess what ~ ~ STILL no operation date. I will be riddled with it by time they get me into theatre.
I have had an abnormal smear test & mild/moderate biopsy. Im having treatment for cervical changes next Thurs 1st Feb. Having the full works.
After lots of phone calls to Miss secretary I am meeting with her this Fri to discuss a treatment plan. THIRTEEN wks yesterday since diagnosis & those 3 cancerous lumps & lymph node are still growing inside me ~ spreading ??

[delly]

Just popped in to wish and hope you all a very Merry Xmas and a Happy, Healthy New Year xxxxxxx

[Mamadeacs]

Thanks mumgonemad...and you lovely. Keep in touch, I hope you enjoy Christmas time xxx

[mumgonemad]

Sorry you are having such a rough time Nikki.
I have heard how awfully rough chemo can be.
I wish you all the best Xmas you can have & hope we go into 2018 healthier xxx

[Mamadeacs]

Thanks Helena and Delly. I went severely neutropenic after 1st chemo so my 2nd one that was due last Friday was postponed to next week all being well with my bloods. I’ve been on antibiotics and today I’m feeling myself again. Although I havent had an easy first cycle I have read some ladies have suffered more still so I am still grateful.
HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE folks...give your loved ones a big squeeze xxx

[delly]

Nikki - So sorry to hear you're having a tough time and strugglin with chemo. I considered myself very very lucky to not need it, knowing something of how nasty it can be. So despite not having experienced it, I feel such sympathy and compassion to those of you who are. I soooo hope you're well enough to enjoy the festive hol, dear girl. Keep us in touch with how you're doing.
Same with you Mumgonemad.
Much love to everyone
DingDongDelly xxxxxx

[ladybowler]

Nikki

Sorry to hear that you are not having a good time at the moment, I am sending you good wishes for things to improve for you going forward.

Sending you hugs for Christmas and 2018

Helena xxx

[Mamadeacs]

Hi all...sorry I’ve been a bit absent but not been having great time on chemo.
Mumgonemad - I’m glad they have started some treatment for you but lordy lordy they are messing you around. I hope you are feeling as ok as possible and keep well until they see you again in January.
All the other ladies - hope you are all well enough to enjoy the Christmas period.
Festive hugs 🎄🎄🎄🎄
Nikki xx

[delly]

Sorry for your disappointment Mumgonemad. Try and keep your head off it/distracted over the hols.

I'm wishing you all a good Xmas too.

Much love to everyone

DellyWellyDingDong xxxxxx

[mumgonemad]

Thanks Delly & Rosie, hugs back to both.
I am STILL waiting for surgery date. No chance of it being this year as surgeon off work till 2nd week Jan ~ which will be 11 wks from diagnosis.
They have given me Tamoxifen so can now say they have started treatment. No rush for surgery now. Thinking of telling them to keep there bloody surgery & I'll just keep taking Tamoxifen.

Anyway ladies i wish you & yours a very merry Christmas. I hope it's a good one Xxxx

[RosieH]

MGM just read your post....I’m so so so sorry you poor thing. I’m speechless. The problem is even if you waste precious energy screaming,shouting and complaining there is so little you can do.

huge hug on its way to you xxx

[delly]

Mumgonemad - Errrr WHAT !!!! My mouth has dropped open in disbelief, Oh  My  God. What a fffffflippin mess up, to say the least.  And this bloomin BMI business cropped up again???!  And right at the last minute. You must be wondering, if the original anaesthetist had turned up, whether HE would have gone ahead ?!! Because, as you say, they had all your information. Plus, of course, it's a bad time of the year now, with the hols holding up anything.

Awwwww, my darlin girl, I feel sooooo disappointed and frustrated for you. Heck. Think you probably needed a punch bag when you got back home. Jeez.

Me, no, it's not "their" fault that it took me so long to get on the recon horse, just a series of unfortunate happenings that meant I kept putting it off. But just a shame the recon wasn't dealt with at the actual time of mastectomy. Just one of those things.

Well, I hope you're finding some way to calm down from all this, and at the same time muster up some strength to keep battling on. I hope you're getting lots of support from friends and family to help keep you bolstered up.

Sending a warm, hopefully soothing hug back flower,

Dellywellydingbloomindong xxxxxxx 

[mumgonemad]

Aaahhh Delly my god they have fecked things & life up for you haven't they.
I totally understand not having someone else see ME as can't look at myself. I was thinking the same when they said mastectomy.
For you still not too have had reconstruction after 10yrs is a disgrace on part of your healthcare etc.
I'm sending a huge mammoth hug of support. Life sends enough crap our way without added stress, depression & lack of self esteem.

I was awake half the night but up, showered & in Neath portalbot hospital by 7.20am.
Was booked in, told to change into gown & support stockings which I did. Lymphedema nurse came for a chat & talked abt exercises after & took arm measurements for a normal size guide.
I was gagging for a coffee. Consultant came tell me there a slight problem as anesthatist she had booked op with is off sick with flu & another one taken his place who isnt feeling very happy abt putting me under. BMI cut off is 50 & I am right on 50. Anesthatist colleague came to ask some questions & went chat with boss man.
Long and short of it is THEY SENT ME HOME. OPERATION CANCELLED.
Now they new my weight & health status well before giving me date in that hospital. They don't have any drs on premises after 8pm so if I took bad after op there would be no Dr & they don't have a high dependency ward to deal with emergency & I would have to be blue lighted to Bridgend.
FFS they new all this so WHY book me in.
I'm angry, disappointed, anxious, tired & at the point I say **** it the cancer can stay.
Consultant has given me a hormone prescription so cancer doesn't grow while awaiting a date for operation in Bridgend NEXT YEAR. What ever date they give me will be an admittance day for a Tues as that's the days they put wires in (Sec asked consultant b4 if I needed wires & she said NO) & actually operation be the following day.
I JUST WANNA CRY

[ladybowler]

mumgonemad

Catching up on a load of posts as I was out all day yesterday.

Thank goodness for that, now you can start planning, bit of a pain that it is on your birthday but at least it will be done and dusted before Christmas

Sending you loads of hugs.  Let us know if you can how you got on after Thursday.

Helena xxx

[delly]

Mumgonemad -YEH - on your date, next week !! Eek. But at least you can now ORGANISE things/your life around !! Now I know the more of the reason of your name, in your having to face this withOUT a significant and normally supportive partner - I had my feelings. Jeez, that's so not what I wanted to hear for you, darlin girl. What utter s**t some people have to go through.  I'm  so  sorry.

Me/mine - just under a year apart.2006 and 2007. Seperate primaries. Sooo wanted and asked for recon at the same time as masts, but change of surgeon, due to his retirement and new up to date technique surgeon on the block + miscommunication meant it didn't happen. Had to wait till 2014 !! till a good time in my life for me to then "begin" delayed  recon procedures. Still only part way done.Would have been all finished and sorted back at 2007, so bear all that in mind and take/ask for what you can have done NOW. Don't delay ANYthing, unless it's necessary, due to radiotherapy effects on skin. I was a single woman and knew what a drastic effect it would have on me, personally and confidence wise. Massive major influence on me not pursuing a partner for 10 years, wasn't happy looking at myself, never mind someone else looking at me, in the bedroom department. Still not finished, because I keep falling off the recon horse to finally get it finished due to major depression from "that" and other unknown factors in life that have cropped up..

Don't know how old you are MgM, but don't put anything off that you can have done immediately. Get it done and out of the way NOW, because it can be soooo much more difficult later with what else can crop up in your life. You can probably sense how frustrated I have been by all of it.

Sooo - Hope all goes well for you next Thursday. Sounds like you have a couple of kids to have to sort/think about, let alone dogs!!! Please let us know how you are/go on, when you can.

Loadsa love to you and everyone else

Dellywelly xxxxxxxxx

[mumgonemad]

After miss Dilan finally checked my mammograms yesterday morning I HAVE A DATE ~ next Thurs 7th (sons birthday)
Partial mastectomy. Remove top part of left breast to remove cancer & pull up. Do same to other breast to match but lymph nodes be removed from left.
Now reality is hitting home.
Thanks for all your supportive messages

[mumgonemad]

Evening Delly, I phoned Secretary again today & asked her to pass message to miss Dilan ' please just give me a date for me to work too. My children with special needs ask me wots going on & when & I have no answers for them. I know there are ladies with later stages than me & I understand that. They should be before me BUT give me a date even after xmas if it needs to be then but just give me a date to tell my children'
She said she would pass it on. Won't hold my breath though.
No I don't live with anyone. Just little old me. I was married 24yrs & then 2yrs ago found out he had been fiddling with our 6yr old grandaughter so I chucked him out & reported him to the police.
You have been through the ringer Delly. How far apart where your mastectomy's ? Did u have reconstruction or a fabulous tattoo? (I was thinking abt one after)

[delly]

Mamadeacs - Glad to hear you've a good support system of people around you to help get you through and give you some extra strength if ever yours is flailing. Hope all your appointments go well this week, especially Thursdays. I'll be thinking of you. 

MgM - Yeh, difficult not knowing, when you've your son to consider and dogs to organise. Is there a husband or partner in your life?? 

Yeh, ref the L.A. It was with the first mastectomy, so was interesting to have it to compare with the second less than a year later. The strong painkillers they give in hospital tend to seriously bung me up, so won't take unless absolutely necessary and keep to just Para's. Tho' I have to say, in comparison, I didn't find the second mast particularly uncomfortable anyway. Hope you hear soon.

Loadsa Love, Dellywellydingdong xxxxxx

[mumgonemad]

Oh WOW I love the idea of perforated tube injecting L.A.
I need to sit back relax and wait as there are ladies worse of than me with later stages etc but a date somewhere in the future how ever far away would ease mine & especially my autistic sons stress/anxiety.

[Mamadeacs]

Mumgonemad...I can’t imagine how you must be feeling, it drags for everyone but it really really has for you. I’ll keep my fingers crossed you have news/decisions soon. Xx
Helena/Delly...because of the people around me I have been able to keep my spirits up so far. I’m sure I will probably have a big wobble over the next few weeks and will lean the ladies here. Xx

[delly]

Yeh MgM, your surg sounds a good 'en. Took my very lovely, handsome and delicately skilfull fingered surgeon and the loveliest lady anaesthetist, each a bouquet of flowers in "apres" surgery. My own GP, remarked on how incredibly neat my mastectomy scars were, soon after my ops. Many other forms of medics, I've had to take my top off for, have also remarked on. And I was part of a trial for use of a special post op feed of local anaesthetic through a fine perforated tube, inserted under and near the post op scarring. L.A. was injected every couple of hours - basically to numb and help post mastectomy pain, as oppo painkillers. Was fantastic. A few points of interest, but I'm digressing away, as often do, sorry. Got to butter 'em up before, naa, but not irritate - yes. So you can appreciate after - yehhhh!

Mamadeacs - you're a mischievous tease. Had me on the vicars wife. Ha ha  - naughty. Yey, am likeing your attitude for Thursday! But don't be surprised if you feel emotionally wobbly before, but especially after. Don't expect too much of yourself, and don't feel weak or a wuzz if you do get emotional. It's all part of the healing process really, and the huge shock to your body's system, let alone your head, mind wise.

Nitey nite gals xxxxxxxx   

Ps Light snow here this morning - Macclesfield, Cheshire/Derbyshire borders and approx 20 miles S of Manchester. V nippy (ha, very apt for this Forum!)  x

[mumgonemad]

Thanks ladybowler x
I'm in Wales & isn't a Pals here but will try find the Welsh alternative.
I don't wanna piss the surgeon off as she be in charge of what I look like afterwards.
I will be ringing again first thing Monday.
Thanks Helena x
Lin

[ladybowler]

Nikki

Good luck for Thursday, there is such a feeling of relief once you get started on treatment, as you say it is the first step to being at the end of it all

Dont you just love it when they say things like that, I wonder how they would feel if it was them!!

It has been a lovely crisp morning here, just as long as the snow stays away I will be happy

Have a lovely weekend

Helena xxx

[ladybowler]

mumgonemad

If you do not get a call from any of them by lunchtime on Monday, I would suggest that you contact the hospital PALS team (Patient Liaison and Support) team. Explain to them what has happened and how you have been trying to get some answers,  they will contact your breast team, investigate it for you and come back to let you know what is happening. 

You can contact them through the main hospital number just ask for the PALS team.

Sending you hugs

Helena xxx

[Mamadeacs]

Ha Delly...VS got off scotfree, I let out my annoyance to my dear husband after the phone-call. I remember her saying I couldn’t let myself be a victim or the burglars have won!! They already have love, they had my stuff. I’m sure she wasn’t a vicars wife, she just had a monotone voice and I could hear her washing machine spinning in the background.
Strangely I’m looking forward to Thursday to get this show going, the sooner it’s started the sooner it will be finished. It’s all appointments next week, I shall meet myself coming back.
It’s gloriously sunny and frosty today, hope you all have a lovely weekend xx

[delly]

Ooo-err Nicki, don't be like that about prayers. You'll be struck down by a bolt of lightening. No, I'm not religious, but I do believe the unity of spirit and thought can possibly achieve/create things in the ether or "Universe".

Awwww flower, death and that s++tty  'C' word, or other serious illnesses, do have the habit of bringing up some anger, along with the pain. Good for you to let it out, preferably without upsetting anyone too much, but that ain't always gonna be easy. Those who know and love you will understand, if not, you just have to apologise, explain, and then hope they do. Yeh, I agree with Mgm, with the upset of sorting the personal stuff. 

And Heck, you've got your chemo No 1 on Thursday. Imagine you're getting the eeebiegeebies. Hope that goes better for you than you think it'll be. You're in good hands on the chemo threads - incredibly supportive. Use it. You'll have some laughs too, as I'm sure you will at hospital. Even make some good friends. Hope so.

Mumgonemad - Hope you hear soon. know you have your "scatty" doggies to think about. What are they??  Is there no-one else who could look after them for a few days, if necessary. You'll have to try and get through again next week, if you don't receive anything tomorrow or Monday. Hope you do, so you know what's what then.

Love to you both and everyone else on here 

xxxxxxx

[Mamadeacs]

Mumgonemad and Delly...thanks...I replied to Delly earlier but gone in the ether somewhere. Everyone has their own personal crisis...that’s for sure. Tonight I was spitting feathers when Victim Support called (end week 5 when told week 3) and told me I needed a good cry. REALLY!!!! I apologise now but.....

Has she lived in the real world!! I lost the plot talking to a vicars wife. I’m happy for someone to pray for me. It asong as they are happy to acknowledge the prayers are not working!!

[mumgonemad]

Hi Delly, still nothing. I've rung consultants secretary & breast nurse & neither have returned my phone calls.
Consultant mentioned end of this month for surgery when saw her on 3rd but not many days left of Nov. I'm actually starting to get angry. Why cant they fix a date & bloody tell me. It cant be that difficult. Bloody nurse is there for support ha fecking ha thats a joke. Anxiety levels up & down & my autistic son wants & needs answers & I can't give him any. BUT im forcing myself up the forestry with my two fabulous scatty dogs & feel relaxed when I'm up there.
Mamadeacs I think you are doing brilliantly after all you have been through & dealing with. Funerals are hard enough but the sorting of personal stuff really hits home. Love & hugs Nicki you are a lovely strong independent woman & you've got this xxxx

[delly]

Mamadeacs and Mumgonemad,

You both have the added benefits on here, of the rather lovely Ladybowler or LadyHelena, as I affectionately call her, because as well as bowling, she sits in her tower doing tapestries as well as giving her attention, advice and love to all of youhoo!! 

Mumgonemad - have you heard anything yet???? Yeh, can understand you going a bit mad with waiting.

Mamadeacs - Nicki. Awwww, my heart really does go out to you. It's the most horrible thing to have to do, organise your Mum/Dads funeral, and home and belongings. It's lovely to hear you say "My Dad would have been proud of my brother and me". I felt the same, ref my Mum, Dads and bruvs funerals. I shouldn't worry too much about Xmas, people will understand. BTW - Your hair looks absobloominlutely fabuously gorrgeous, dahrrrling!! I feel a bit weird asking you - how is your boob today??

Much love to all of yers

xxxxxx

[Mamadeacs]

I felt like it was too xx

[ladybowler]

Nikki

Well that is definitely a result my friend xxx

[Mamadeacs]

Hi Helena...yes I’m sure it will get easier in time. I had my hair cut tonight and no tears was a result! Xx

[ladybowler]

Nikki

Good to hear from you and that the funeral what went.

Honestly you will eventually get round the fear at night, I had it happen many years ago and it does go

Sending you hugs and good luck for next Thursday

Helena xxx

[Mamadeacs]

Thanks Delly...I feel like I’ve gone a bit quite for a week or so. I’m feeling ok in myself but boob is still sore and hot sweats so far off the Richter scale I don’t know what to do with myself, I could easily hibernate for that alone.
Doors have been on just over a week and I feel safe during the day, once it’s dark I struggle unless I have someone here with me.
My dads funeral went really well, he would have been proud of me and my brother. Emptying his house is hard work and doing it with everything else is harder still.
My chemo starts next Thursday so I’m getting Christmas cards/presents sorted so I can look after myself now. Tonight I am getting my long hair cut shorter. Haven’t decided just how much yet but I think just taking a lot of the weight out will be enough for now, maybe shorter still in a couple of weeks time.
Hope the rest of you ladies are keeping well and ok.
Much love Nikki xx

[mumgonemad]

Hi Delly, still haven't heard anything. Don't know when or what surgeon intends to do as when I rang last week Miss Dilan STILL hadn't even looked at my mammograms in order for her to decide best course of action.
Driving me mad waiting for the inevitable
Hope everyone else are coping & doing ok x

[delly]

Good luck to you too Mamadeac. Hope all goes well for you, speedy healing and recovery xxx
Mumgonemad - Hope you've now heard? or maybe have now even had your surgery. Good luck to you too. Keep us in touch with how you are and where you're up to.
Hi to everyone else - Hope you're all all right too xxxx

[mumgonemad]

Dellywelly yes nurse caused a lot of unnecessary distress. Surgeon said end of this month but should find out this coming week. I'm hoping it's sooner rather than later as I've got dogs sorted for this month only as lady having Oscar is full 1st - 18th Dec & then I'm buggered.
I'm meeting up with the girls I used to work with tomorrow for lunch so maybe a few Brandy's will find there way to warming the cockles of my heart.

Nikki I'm so glad the doors are on & ur feeling safer at home. What a lovely hubby you have to take you away to such a peaceful place. The journal sounds a fantastic idea.
I will be thinking of you tomorrow & Tues, my arms are giving you virtual support

[ladybowler]

Nikki

Hello, I am so glad to hear that the house has been sorted and what a lovely thing for your hubby to do to take you away for a few days.  Sounds a beautifully restful place and it does sound like you have found a bit of inner peace with what has happened

I will be thinking of you over the next week and sending you lots of hugs.  We are all allowed wallow days it helps us to appreciate the good days much more.

Helena xxx

[Mamadeacs]

Morning everyone....thanks for your comments. Hope you are having as good a weekend as you can, I know even between worry and sadness there are brighter moments and normal life chugs on. Mumgonemad especially thinking of you xx
Friday morning saw our new doors go on after the burglary. Now I feel the house is safe I felt ok about coming away for a few days. My husband booked us a lodge on a lake Fri-Mon and it has been so peaceful I feel more grounded and focussed. It’s only 10 minutes from where we live but feels a world away.
Yesterday we did some family birthday/christmas shopping and a snuggly dressing gown for me for the times I feel rubbish over the next few months. I bought myself a ‘I got this’ journal so I can write down my thoughts. The idea is that when I have bad days I can look back and see I have got through worse ones and been strong. Late afternoon I went to the Chapel of Rest to say goodbye to my dad. I was worried it would put me back to square one emotionally but although upsetting I realised I needed to do it more than I thought. I gave him some instructions of who to say what to when he gets upstairs! Today will be a lazy affair!
Tomorrow is dads funeral and Tuesday Onc appointment. I will be silently chanting ‘I am strong’ over and over. By Tuesday teatime I should know what the plans are for me for the next year. I think Wednesday I will let myself have another wallow day if I need it to reflect on the last month. But then I can give getting well again by undivided attention. Love to you all...I’m going to introduce myself in the chemo pages now so might see you over there. Good luck xx

[delly]

Morning Lovely Ladies

Mumgonemad - Well, what a difference a visit and chat with the surgeon makes. So all that talk of BMI from the nurse was totally unfounded. Would have saved you a loada worry and upset. Anyway, you've passed through all that now. Guess you're waiting on the surgeons check of your mammo then before your given a date? Did she mention or give any idea how long you'd have to wait?

Mamadeacs/Nikki - sorry your on here too, but a very warm welcome. Glad you're pleased with your results. Sooo sorry to hear about your Dad - my sympathy to you and a double whammy for you. Horrible things are often never considerate in their timing, are they. Hope all goes well with your appointment on Tuesday.

Love to everyone on here

Dellywelly xxxxxxxx  

[ann-m]

So good to hear from you, Mumgonemad & that you feel so much more positive after seeing this surgeon, you will be well looked after. 

Although they have nothing to do with each other, it’s just appalling bad luck that you have had 2 traumas together & it can sometimes be hard to separate the two when dealing with all of it. 

Sending hugs

ann x

[Mamadeacs]

Thank you...it is difficult and although I haven’t had the same sort of trauma you have had but it’s still knocked me for six so I know where you are coming from. We WILL get this sorted, medicine is so much more advanced these days. I was given a load of leaflets at my results day last Thursday and although i have scanned them I don’t think I have taken it in. Xx

[Mamadeacs]

Good girl...I can sense your acceptance changing already. Big hug for that...if those tears come go with them, they are more than used to them. It is an absolute bitch that we were probably all feeling very well before they start poking us around and chopping bits off or out. It makes us feel resentful especially if you have a less than sympathetic member of staff. I’m a few weeks ahead of you, I had two WLE and my lady surgeon moved fatty tissue from elsewhere is my breast to fill the gap so to speak and it definitely is a very good breast shape but much smaller. I know...but guess what...no one else does and my husband brushes it off, he says it simply doesn’t matter. What matters is getting this out and being well again...the alternative isn’t an option. I have my first oncologist appointment this coming Tuesday...the day after my dads funeral...so I am expecting many tears. In my head I’m equating cancer to labour...no one likes it but you’ve got to get it out. Hope you have a good day today...I always add ‘today’ because one day at a time is good practice through this journey. Love Nikki xx