My experience has been very similar to xwelcomex's - didn't hide it from anyone but havent made a big fuss either. And it's been surprising to see who has been supportive and who hasn't. Some people who were friends but not close ones have been just fantastic, some close friends have really been rocks, one or two others just don't seem to want to know and that hurts. A couple of people keep asking me when I will get the 'all-clear' which irritates the hell out of me.
Sorry I fell asleep on the magic carpet ride - thanks for waking me up for a glass of fizz. Bring on the tea party!
I agree on the issue of who to tell - it is very personal. A good friend and colleague of mine got BC some years ago and subsequently sadly died. I simply couldn't bear the thought that people would look at me and remember her, so I told only 3 people at work. People I knew I could trust implicitly to keep quiet. I had my op (luckily I didn't have any further treatment)and just went back to work 6 weeks later, as if nothing had happened. It wasn't easy but the alternative was too awful to contemplate. I don't regret that decision because no one treated or treats me any differently to how they used to and while I am at work I can (and do) forget all about it.
Family wise I told only my mum, my sister, my partner and my son. Son was the most difficult to tell as his father (my husband) died of lung cancer some years ago. Again, it was for selfish reasons as I didn't want people looking at me sympathetically or to keep asking me how I am. I was (and still am) so angry about the diagnosis that I am determined to keep my life as normal as I can and I refuse to let it take over in any way. (I too was 'caught' with a routine mammogram, no history, kept healthy, exercised, breastfed, etc etc) My son however, as a result of this, does a lot of stuff now for cancer charities.
Absolutely agree that everyone has their own rules about who/when/what to tell. But, can I just put a thought forward ? (and not a criticism AT ALL). All the major charities spend an absolute fortune of 'raising awareness' of breast cancer; for some, this is all they do. Millions of people walk miles, run races, etc - all to 'raise awareness'. Why do they do this? Two main reasons 1. to make sure people come forward with symptoms and don't keep it to themselves until it is too late 2. so that as much resource as possible is put into research (donations from public and government decisions).
It was the thought that I had a chance to help people to a) not be scared and b) understand that those of us with cancer are everywhere and that this happens in their street, in their family - not to someone else, that helped me to decide to tell as many people as possible about my diagnosis, explain the facts and the prognosis. I really do not judge anyone who decides not to tell people, but I felt that if I was more open about it, this might help other people to come forward if they had symptoms and through their awareness, understand and possibly donate to the fantastic charities, without whom, we wouldn't be here.
It is an extremely difficult thing to actually face people and tell them, if you are not an outgoing person (I'm not). However, I experimented by telling a few people to start with, then built up my confidence about how to do it. I have found so many other women who have opened up and talked about their dx too and who have kept it quiet and one who has actually gone to the doctor about a lump that she thought would 'go away'.
If this disease arms us with anything positive, it is the ability to talk about it and bore for England if necessary, to get raise the awareness and understanding that the millions of pounds of charity money has still not achieved.
But this is just a point of view and each must deal with it in their own way.
Love to all for 2011.
the other way to look at it is that perhaps your mum is just waiting for you to give her info and when you dont she panics - the oldies have a way of making you mad. Maybe she doesnt want you to think she is worrying so leaving it all to you to do.
Since dx my youngest son (27) texts me every morning to see if I am ok (alive) and I am fine now just on tam. If I dont text back he comes to see me.
I think we have to acknowledge that sometimes we frighten the hell out of our family - now I just do what I want to do - its not a luxury its a right - we suffer and we should do it our own way. We deserve to be allowed to feel what we want when we want and leave us to do that. We will always love, cry, shout and be there for everyone else. We are !!
I've stuck my head in the sand over that one, and haven't actually told my dad and sister about the diagnosis. A few years ago there was another major family upset, and when I should have been concentrating on my kids whose father had died, my own dad was being very "needy" and I have to say I felt very cross with him. So for the moment I'm just not going to tell him because _I_ don't feel up to dealing with HIS reaction to it.
Don't feel bad about it, you're not expected to be an angel with wings and a halo, you're just a mere mortal. (And so is she.)
Any folks out there dealing with aged parents struggling to cope with the whole change in circumstances? Had a good new years eve but poor morning ( day 3 post chemo). Now dealing with mother giving me GBH of the earhole from not ringing her!!!! I get really upset about her selfish attitude, or is she just sticking her head in the sand, feeling guilty about feeling mad at her!!! Arrgh back to the magic carpet for escape route I think
Wow! must've fallen asleep on the carpet on the way back, and it rolled me gently into bed without waking ! Only thing is OH is still asleep - looks like I'm making my own porridge this morning!
Hope you all had a jolly time too,
I can't think of a playlist but I did see The Rolling Stones at Earls Court back in 1976(because best friend was a fan) and the last live gig, MJs The History tour because my youngest was a mad fan at 10yrs. So well I never went for me. Oh just rememberd the last was George Michael, again to offspring. Who would I like to listen to? At 11 had a crush on a boy and had a slow dance with him to DMs Vincent, the boy never knew of my breaking heart, clearly a link with VanGogh and his unrequited love... oh woe is me, hehe. I am game for anything, but can bring earplugs just in case.
Has someone decided on the venue yet? Only a few days to go.
I am not sure what to say I am so new at this. I was looking for info on vain pain when I came across the Inbetweeners and was so glad to find a group in my age group. I hope you will let me join you all. I was diagnosed with BC on Oct/08/10 at 47yrs old and am on my second round of chemo, and have 3 children 15yrs, 18yrs and 25yrs and been married for 28yrs.
Please can we add BON JOVI to the playlist ?!
And yes, I'm good at embarrassing my kids as I always act my shoe size not my age. I went to Meatloaf just b4 Dx and lost my voice and my treat to aim for is Bon Jovi @ Bristol in the Summer. If anyone else is going maybe can we make that a party too??
I'm gonna b the one in snowflake PJ's wishing she wasn't!
I have major issues with the clothing, have super soft cuddly dressing gown, then bam! Absolutely boiling happy if in alone and can strip and open back door a while,then guess what? Come over all cold and have to put the heating on!!! Bloody hot sweats, any good cures out there apart from having two rooms one hot one cold.
Oh and bye the way lovely children know their mummy, 2 litres bombay sapphire three bottles nice red wine and chocolate!!!! On it's own, on biscuits, with filling oh the joy of well brought up offspring ( it's taken me years to train them)
Me too for new years eve, fantasy frolics might be all I can manage!!!
Never mind the dressing gown stuff, my girlies got me a giant babygro for Christmas! Haven't dared wear it at OH's house as he has heating, but it's on the cards - well on the pillow actually - for tonight, being a heating-free house. So never mind the in-betweeners, or even the young women forums, I want the infancy one!
Bruce Springsteen please! Just the thing to get that carpet movin'!!
Got my fluffy slippers on....can we have the Clash ....like Joe Strummer as well as a clash of clothing?
Dee you could almost be Kat Moon with the leopard print...
Nothing I waer indoors matches, head to toe, but by the sound of things we will all look wonderfull as we crash, oops err clash beautifully in the dance floor.
Have you planned the music yet can't be all 70s/80s!
Hope all well with the INBTWNRS XXX
Leopard print PJ's and fluffy socks for me....
A very Warm Welcome Troymaiden and Alice!
Troy, you are so right about the drugs, Oh how I lamented when they took my Morphine friend away after my hysterectomy 2008, unfortunatley I only got Tramadol after my Mx last month!
Alice, Looks like you're well kitted out for enjoying our carpet rides. I'm in a fleece dressing gown with a teddy on a swing dangling from a star on diamonte strings over my remaining boob!
Hands up all those with Duvet/Fluffy slipper boot 'dancing shoes' on ?? (yes, me too)...
Oh I give in at 50 I must be an inbetweener at 50, missed the being a proper young womas as I married a man older than my mum, so never got to enjoy being a proper 20something and the in 30s a frightened 30 something on my 40s a complete workaholic and now I AM AN INBETWEENER.
Okay I may be a depressed insomniac hermit but who says I cannot join your next cyber knees up. I need it, soon my 51st B'day 3yr diod of primary bc. So here is to having fun, dancing shoes on that look a tad like duvet slippers and a pinj outfit with stars all over! I am clearly a fashion icon.
Here is to the knees up. Oh who is arranging this? ; )
Am glad you found thread, my mapping skills may be better than i thought.
Can I join too please?
I'm just 50, had 1st mammogram and got told I've got cancer out of it!!
I have 16 & 13 yr old kids and had hormones going rampant everywhere in my home even before my Dx.
Hope the magic carpet is taking off again for New Year's eve and I can book a seat, tho might not need it to get airborne as will be in hospital by looks of things (having had hysterectomy 6 yrs ago I know what the painkillers do to me).
I love the attitude and I must admit I managed to make my GP speechless with mine.
I know not everyone else is as lucky as I've been and my heart goes out to you all, we WILL get through this together
In need of a good bop, pole dancing in thermals will do, alcohol fuelled or otherwise. Oh, and I can't wait for that magic carpet ride. Just looking down at the scenery would be magical. Hope it's heated though.
I know a really good non alcoholic mulled wine, spiced berry cordial from bottle green. Know about this as daughter of mine doesn't drink, smoke, eat dead animals or go to nightclubs ( I think she was swapped at birth)
About the north pole, do you think we could dance round it, maypole or straight pole dancing, either would do for me!
I'm packing Fever-Trees Ginger Beer for non drinkers, keeps you warm. Got some instant Starbucks too... Scar flashing at the elves for me please... Pxxx
Chocciemuffin, Oh Er! doesn't bear thinking about!
I know a bloke who's into cold water swimming - goes into rivers and lakes at silly temperatures down as low as freezing. He's put a whole new interpretation on "walnut whip"... 😉
When I was a young teenager, my friend and I used to play around with her dad's CB radio. Walnut Whip was her handle as she used to buy one nearly every day on the way home from school. Mine was Tabby Tigress, the name of a wildcat as I was very into natural history. How innocent we were then, and lucky that some lorry driver didn't misinterpret it...
I'm sure we'll need loads of mince pies, so no worries!
Now you are talking - plain choc walnut whips.......heaven! Normal walnut whips would be good too.... but the last one I had was about the third the size I remember them or is that just me getting old? Probably!
Sj I was going to volunteer mince pies. I have about thirty I made for work Xmas lunch yesterday but didnt make it cos of the weather!
Missmessy can you still get walnut whips? fantastic, I haven't had one in years. Do they do plain choc ones?......
Oh let's do both - disruption is good for the elves and I would prefer it cold atm, but I'm sure that there are some of us that would appreciate a visit to warmer climes!
I'll do the vat of mulled wine, not much good at the non-alcoholic stuff tbh.
Mince pies are baking as I type, to go with the choc etc.....twiglets, and other savouries available.
Got the right idea with a magic carpet Norberte. It's probably the only way to be able to travel at the mo.
hi havent posted for a while,but can i join i think i qualify,i am 53 diagnosed at 52 had right mx i have all the c. choc,crisp,cider,cheese,crackers,calories,cancer and all the crazy stress that goes with life .i am willing to share i am a good sharer ask anybody i will even throw in a choclate walnut whip merry christmass missmessyx
LoL N! With you and the other ladies all the way. x x
I felt I was the first in my "group" too - but when i "came out" (basically when I was off work having my mx ) others "came out" to me - women I'd known and worked with for some time and I had no ides that they had had bc in their past. At one point me and 2 others were all together in a meeting and there were more of us than of those who "hadn't" Weird. Re sesponsibilities - agree. I lost my mum (she was 90) this year, and I'm due to become a gramny in about a week(even sranger!) One of my fears had been that I wouldn't see my grandchildre ... now I hope I will, although this one will be in Moscow! And then I so want to see her grow up!
hello again 50 is a good age.
Im 56 years young post menopause, but dont feel old, im quite whacky really, so not sure where I fit lol.... Im self employed the kids have left long ago. I have grandchildren that i look after so I understand where your at. Tis quite tiring at times but wouldnt have it any other way.
Middle age. When one has the responsibility of children, mortgage, career, plus care of more and more needy older relatives. Not the carefree years of the young, nor the free time of retirement (not saying the older and younger ladies don't have reponsibilites, just that in middle years they overlap both ends more often)
So perhaps we should be included in both groups? Younger women to go up to 50 and older women to start at 40!!! Or it has occurred to me that younger women are really the very young group, up to 30 or 35 maybe, with their own issues: more likely to be pre children, considering children or have young families; not in a long term relationship perhaps, or still breaking into their careers.. .not issues I identify with, I feel i have more in common with the over 35's. Teenagers, still got 20 more years to retirement etc.
I reckon BCC has chosen the age split on medical statistics, not maturity or perspective or life-issues.
I wonder if it is a psychological thing. Not young, not old. I know I have had a distinct sense of being "the first" in my circle of friends and acquaintances, especially those I know through my children and their friends, mums of a similar age. This wouldn't have been the case if I had been older, and I reckon if I was much younger it wouldn't have affected my peers in the same way as it is much more unusual..
Spent another post FEC sleepness night and tried to focus on what as inbetweeners we need from the forum (apart from all the chocloate, alcohol, cake etc etc). As we don't fit into the young or post menopause categories there is a definate need for a place for us. It looks as if we have many of the same issues that everyone else has, especially those of you with younger children which links with the younger women group. But there is that maturity and I came up with focusing on being on the cusp of menopause and how that affects our treatment but also our chances of getting BC in the first place and when we don't currently fit into the normal screening program. Don't what you think?
I'm up for the magic carpet ride too, could I have an isle seat please? It's all getting a bit 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds' - on so many levels!
Reeb - what a nightmare, going off the choccie! I was really looking forward to an excuse to eat nothing but when I start my Chemo in Jan! Darn it...
Back to the stress debate: My Mum passed away in April, seems a lot of people get BC soon after loosing someone close. More stress last night as YD went out with boyfriend (on foot, I made her wear snow boots)and has not yet sent the promised text to let me know if she was sleeping over or not - maybe frozen in a ditch somewhere....
Does anyone get used to only having one Tit? Can't say I'm liking it at the moment, but only 3 weeks in...
Ooooh - I just LOVE the idea of the magic carpet - can it make a detour and pick me up in Yangon? I can promise sunshine and warm weather so we can all have a picnic on our way to the party. Or you can have a party in our garden if the moon is too far;) Or both!!
Big hugs to all fellow inbetweeners
Me me me for the party! New years eve looks to be a wash out, FEC the day before, done my sums & 2nd dose day before party I was really looking forward to and have bought the ticket, will stick out lower lip and sulk. More constructively I can cross my fingers and hope SE not too bad.
Another bright spark for today, young workmates & her fella came over this pm and emptied what used to be my sons room I am turning into a lounge, paper off Walls & everything whoop whoop.
Haven't been able to do this because of the snow, yes ladies Newcastle is snow free! Very cold & icy though.
Off to iron up my party frock for Xmas eve.
Viva la difference! Or something! I may have the wrong saying. I have a 24 year old son currently in Russia and about to become a dad - and me a granny - but my colleague who is the same ase as me has a 9 year old. In temrs of the festivities - I've recently re-discovered babycham (last drunk when I was 14 - the first time I got drunk it was on babycham at a village hall disco in 1971!) Anyway, it's made a comeback into my fridge - I drink it with cranberry squash!
I am a fraud. I am 50 but thankfully children grown up. I also cannot join your magic carpet journey as I am a hermit, a cliche cat woman.
I think we are all inbetweeners and outsiders at the same time, we share some things in common and many things we do not.
As for stress who knows.
Norbete - Please can I come to your party?
I'm all for division of labour and my best friend's husband manages our local Thornton's factory - I'm sure he'll be delighted to donate to such a good cause - that just leaves you with Hotel Chocolat - please can you get some of those dunking marshmallows in your stash?
Oooh and I'll confess on here that another of guilty pleasures is Gummy Bears - sure there's something addictive in them - well that's my excuse! xx