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Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

owls4eva
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Hi Debbie

Well I definitely do think there maybe a conncection between the latter ha ha See my thread water vs wine.

You are right about St Pauls Bay did you go to the Acropolis and look down WOW - my partner and middle son went snorkling in the bay.

We stayed at Pefkos which is also beautiful - doesnt it seem a long time ago now!!!!

Love and hugs

Karen

XX

Dahlia
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Hi

Such a good thread but I cannot contribute with anything new except that a cure for BC has been discovered by an old friend of mine in Australia. Apparently all you need is a positive attitude. Gawd, if only I'd been told that at diagnosis then I wouldn't have had to undergo surgery, chemotherapy, radiotherapy and all the other treats I've had over the past 2 years!!!!!

On a serious note, I have borrowed What Can I Do To Help? by Deborah Hutton and it is full of good, sensible advice for so-called victims and their families/friends - everyone should be handed a copy on diagnosis. If the consultant had handed me a copy, when he broke the news, the first thing I'd have done with it would have been to wipe the wide grin off the face of the nursing assistant in his office. She hadn't uttered a word to me over the course of two appointments and had a face that would turn milk sour ... until I was given my diagnosis and then she seemed to cheer up. I should have told her to go back to the charm school and demand a full refund!!!

D

No1Mummy
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Ah, I agree that some people are better than others at feeling empathy and expressing themselves in the right way. But, others should just restrict themselves to "how are you?" and "can I do anything to help?"

After being at Christies all day the other week and feeling v worried about treatment options, my MIL's response was to tell me in minute detail all about her friend's trip to the hospital to get a swelling drained. Her friend recently had the mx done. I've met this lady about twice so barely know her and it really wasn't helpful to relay everything to me that day on top of my own troubles. I think MIL sees these things as something interesting to talk about. She has made the "I wish it was me not you" comment to me which really annoys me as she has done v little to help practically and it so obviously insincere.

Debbie - your wedding plans sounds lovely!

debbie66
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Hi Karen,

We are getting married in St Pauls Bay in Rhodes but we have decided to delay it until 2009 now....other half said when we learnt of my diagnosis...'i have waited 15 years to marry you and if you think that you can get out of it now...'ahhh...me thinks he just wants a stag night really!

You are right St. Pauls Bay is stunning....

Do you think there is a connection with Rhodes and breast lumps???? or maybe alcohol, Rhodes and breast lumps????

Regards Deb xx

candys
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Hello Ladies,

I have been catching up on all the threads on this subject and had to laugh at how some people can be so insensitive or not think before opening their mouth!

The comment that i can't top to date came from a "friend" that i have known for over 20yrs and have experienced alot of things together good and bad, was when she saw me for the first time after i lost my hair and was wearing a headscalf."Oh i thought you would have that moon face people have when they are on chemo and you haven't." So sorry to disapoint her i'm sure!!.

Best wishes to you all Candy.

JaneRA
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

For AnnaBell

Well said! I love reading through these comments and could add many of my own, but I also have freinds (some surprising) who have been stars.

In my experience its not only people with breast cancer who understand how I am feeling (some of them quite honestly don't...having cancer don't make us carbon copies of each other) It can be anyone who has those indefinable strengths of being able to listen, empathise, try, risk making mistakes, risk humour.

Thank you for reminding me to give friends another chance when they get it wrong.

best wishes

Jane

owls4eva
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Hi Debbie

Just read this thread, I too holidayed in Rhodes in October 2007 and found a lump after returning. Are you getting married in St Pauls Bay it is absolutely beautiful isnt it. Love your sense of humour by the way after having a family discussion about whether to go for shaving or masectomy my son wanted to know if he could sell my boob on Ebay bless him.

Love

Karen

AnnaBell
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Hello all,

had a scan through these comments, as I'm always worried about not saying the wrong thing when talking to one of my best friends, who has breast cancer. A lot of them made me giggle - the more light-hearted ones, but not the real snappy ones. I love my friend to bits, but I'm very glad that she still has the tolerance to give me a chance when I make a mistake and try making a joke at the wrong time.
Sometimes people who are suffering need sympathy, sometimes they need a bit of a laugh, and friends/family can't read minds to tell when the right time is - they're only human!
My mum had cancer a few years ago, but she didn't survive long enough for me to even try helping her through the process of treatment, so now I'm trying to do it for my friend instead. Luckily she's normally an upbeat person and hasn't been offended if I've happened to call too much, not enough, saying the wrong thing, or whatever, so i haven't been too scared to have a go at being there, but some people are!

Here's hoping all you lovely people have as much brightness in your lives as possible - be selfish, give a friend another chance to care,

love AnnaBell

DianeD
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Thanks for that Debbie . You really made me laugh and my day!

DianeD

debbie66
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Hi, another one to make you chuckle...

My partner and i have been together for 15 years and actually set a wedding date for 6th Sept, 08 and we had been out to see our wedding coordinator in Rhodes to arrange things in October in October, 07 and when we came back from holiday was when i found my breast lump...

I went to see my GP and was referred urgently and by the end of that day had all my appointments through for tests etc....anyway ....my sister phoned ...and she was not being insensitive...we are both menal health nurses and we both have some strange banter going at times....

She said... well look on the bright side ..you will have a lovely wig for your wedding and won't have to worry about having to get your hair done....and Deb.... i am not being funny but you are 41 and your boobs are starting to sag....so you can have a reconstruction and have new boobs for the wedding....

I explained that my lump was only in one breast so i would only have a reconstruction in one breast and would be left one sided.....that on one side i would look like posh spice and on the other like Dame Edna...

My sister paused...and replied...you will just have to stand on your best side for the photographs then....

Keep chuckling xx Deb xx

aliflunky
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Hello all!
Thought I'd tell you about a friend of mine. whenever my BC or chemo is mentioned without fail,bless her, I'm forgotten, and she starts telling me all about her dog and his recent trips to the vet, which began roughly the same time as my diagnosis in October , and how many biopsies he's had and how (her own diagnosis) it has now progressed from a cyst “with all sorts of bits of tooth and bone in it” to cancer and now worse still the vet has told her to make this Xmas a good one for him, I'm not sure if that goes for me too gulp don't think so luvvie but thanks for the comparison ,NOT.
Another of my long time pals, when told of my BC , sent me a text saying, being her morbid self, oh no why couldn't it have been me me, your not going anywhere without me ! Not quite sure where she thought i was going at that particular time as its now been 3mths and I've been everywhere with out her it would be nice to get the occasional how is everything going text or call from her,AHH!who needs cancer with friends like that ,EH! Still on a lighter note,
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2 U ALL.XX.

TraceyC
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

WOW what a great thread, my own story on how insensitive people are starts last summer with DX and then having to tell people. One "friend" said Oh yes my Mum had that, well I know his Mum so I said I was really sorry and had not kown to be told "no not breast cancer, just a lump" well thats the same then obviously NOT.

The same family then regaled me on a regular basis with stories of people for whom chemo had not worked, people who had just passed away as a result of cancer and other such joyful topics, I mean what stupid and insensitive brain do they have, I thought dinosaurs had died out.

On a funnier note, I now know I look like sh*t because peolpe have stopped telling me how great I look !

I have a similar wig story and an unworn wig as a result but I found a fantastic site online with a phone number where you get to talk to a real person. I bought a wig from them and i only take it off at night, infact I prefer it to my real hair (edited by moderator) I am looking forward to treating myself to a "new style" soon, which i can afford due to savings on shampoo, hairdressers, electricity to power dryers straighteners etc....ah something to look forward to.

Thanks goodness for this site!

No1Mummy
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Good on you for complaining, Deb. I think you're right that most people would feel too vulnerable to complain. I stood across the road from the wig shop and cried before I went in.

It was me who posted about the "when will her breasts grow back" question (said to my husband) - well, I'm sorry to report and hope this isn't a shock to anyone but... they haven't grown back! Although my reconstruction surgeon begs to differ. As he was carrying out an expansion (I had tissue expanders put in, to be exchanged at a later date for implants), I told him about the comment and he said yes he's right, look they're growing back now, right before your eyes!

debbie66
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Hi all,

Never guess what.....re my earlier posting re the insensitive wig woman....i went for my 1st chemo today and got chatting to others and turns out that the owner of the salon i complained too....was only the husband of the wig woman!!!

Keep chuckling

Love n hugs Deb xx

buttons500
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

This thread has still made me chuckle. Ive had a few phonecalls lately off the family...along the lines of ...well you are all better now arent you...erm yes and no..what do you mean, has it gone or hasnt it...erm yes and no..do you know anything about your condition....i bloomin well know more than you do obviously as you wouldnt bloomin ask those stupid questions..
Another one from them was amusing, we are in the process of trying to buy a house..after explaining countless times to the mortgage broker you wont get life insurance for me...he still sent quotes through...what part of im not paying over 200 quid a month do you not get...take me off..just have hubby and we'll be fine...he very quickly saw the difference in payments per month. Now my family...being so sensitive and supportive as usual....is that a good idea when you might die...geeee thanks for the vote of confidence in the treatment lol.
I popped into the chemo unit the other day, to say happy new year to the girls, and told them about my new job, they were thoroughly amused...only you could go for infection control lol...but all in all am doing fine, getting my head round the world, as you do...and am thinking of running for prime minister...well why not!

whiskas
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Hello Everyone

This thread has been a wonderful tonic, I have laughed until I have cried at some of the things that have been said, especially the one "about boobies growing back"!!!!

Anyhow wanted to pass on something I recently received from someone whom I have known for 38 years. They had been told that I had bc for the second time by someone we both knew. I received a card a few days after Christmas and in it was written "I am sorry that you are unwell - I would phone you but my days are fully taken up".

What makes this a bit more difficult to swallow are two things 1) She has also had bc and 2) She used to work in a cancer hospital, where I am sure that she would have met other people who were going through this terrible time for more than once in their life.

I did not even bother to respond - don't think I ever will!!
Take care

Love Ruth

Ruby1
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

I've had this from the same friend 2 or 3 times despite having really had a go at her for saying it the first time!!!

"You're so lucky you don't have to get up in the morning to go to work"

Yes I'm so lucky that I've got breast cancer, had 4 months of chemotherapy, an operation and about to have myself blasted with radiation and to top it all have to have herceptin every 3 weeks for a year!!

xx

casbas
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Hi Debs

I did not find your comments at all insensitive. If anything I found myself wishing I had 'CANCER PATIENT' tattooed on my head because I wanted people to understand that I was not going to be at all sensitive to their problems for a while!

I have also found this page a relief to read as it feels like 'is it me' to some of the comments received since diagnosis.

Keep smiling....

Caroline x

debbie66
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Hi all it's me again...

I have just read what i have written (last entry) and i don't know if it has come across that i am being insensitive....when i said i have found this thread a tonic...i was referring to the tales of men asking when boobs will grow back etc...sorry if i have offended anyone....me thinks i should go and get a job in a wig shop and be done with it....

Love n hugs Deb xx

debbie66
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Hi all,

I am new to this site having been newly dx with bc on 26/11/07 and i have found this thread so funny....what a tonic....

I am due to start my chemo tomorrow (7th Jan)and i have asked about the cold cap and i am planning on having this but i have also had for a wig fitting too (3rd Jan) in case it does not work and that was where my introduction to insensitivity started....

My hair is long, thick and dark brown, the wig woman (a nhs supplier it has to be said) did say that that stocks were low after christmas and asked me what length and colour of wig i was thinking of.

I explained that i would like the same length and colour if poss and she replied 'i can't clone you'.

She then put a blonde wig on my head, told me to 'try and ignore the colour and the length' (it was about 8 inches shorter than my hair and about ninety shades lighter ) and asked me what i thought????

The fringe was wispy and i have a full fringe and i was asking if a fringe could be cut in, if you can change the partings etc...i then got some mumblings about the different types of wigs and what the nhs would fund etc....my partner explained to her that as long as it was what i wanted we would pay etc...she then plonked a longer, blonde wig on my head....and stated that it would fit better when i have lost my hair....

I then asked what would happen if i did not lose my hair and if it went thin and mentioned that i was going to try the cold cap... then she started...well i wouldn't bother....i tried it once out of curiousity....and if you are headachy...well the head aches are awful....anyway i have been doing this for 12 years and i only know of 2 people it has worked for...and they were both red heads...in fact one was carrot red....

She then proceeded to get on the phone and order 'my wig' from the supplier. She came back over to me and at that point i asked her what colour she had ordered me...she kinda looked at me strange and picked up the colour swatches and showed me the chocolate brown colour she had ordered...it was my colour but it would have nice to have been involved....but hey....

Her parting words were ' you are going to be one of those that wears your wig until your length grows back aren't you?????'

Any way i ended up going to Liverpool town centre into a lovely boutique and bought my first wig....

The next day i was still incensed at the thought of this woman having access to people with cancer and being so insensitive that i phoned the owner of the business up...one to cancel my order and two to complain.....

He apologised 'for the misinterpretation of communication' and went on to say that 'in all fairness we cannot clone you', and when i pointed out that it had taken me two weeks to pluck up the courage to even ring to make the consultation and was appalled and how i had been treated when i arrived he replied ' we cannot offer a counselling service' .

He went on to say that in all the years that he had been doing this he had never had anyone complain and when i pointed out that maybe this is because people have cancer, maybe it is because people are pushed and pulled in so many ways and maybe people are so tired that they just accept the poor service offered...and that under normal circumstances i would have bounced the woman for less....(me also thinks he lies))

He quickly and politely ended the conversation at that point...

This has been my first brush with insensitivity....
hope it makes you chuckle cos i think that it is quite funny now...

Love n hugs to you all Deb xx

suebeth
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

I was hurt over Christmas by some family responses and felt down
couldn't think of how to make them seem funny so wanted to share something really nice that happened yesterday - I was leaving my friends house after an afternoon of tea and chat and coal fire and knowing I might be getting the plane if the weather was too rough for the boat, she asked how I was getting to the airport on monday morning.
I told her the bus passed my house at 6.20AM...
I'll pick you up she said quietly -

I said no - coz there may be times when the bus isn't there and I might need to call on her for help...but I just hugged her so close because she offered and made it no big deal, just a quiet something she would do for me. I would have loved to have said yes... but I'm trying to be independent when I can...

she is also the friend who listened when during a wobbly moment I told her I was scared - she didn't fob me off or tell me to be positive...just listened, then after a pause started talking about something else so I felt heard and stronger.
these are the people who will help us keep strong....precious friends
Suex

misty42
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Had a similar experience to Caroline - was diagnosed in July - and have heard nothing from a cousin of my husband's who I thought we were close to. Then I get a Christmas card saying 'sorry haven't written before - didn't want to bother you'.
Cos it is such a bother opening get well cards isn't it....!??

Tracey xx

missusB
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

hi
I got cards this year from ex bother/sister inlaws who I havent heard from for 2 years.its amazing what can prompt people.
funnily tho this was the first year I didnt send any of them cards sause I couldnt be bothered
T

stagewrite
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Here's mine - a pre-Christmas email message from a 'friend':

"I thought about sending you a card but then decided not to - because you might feel guilty about not being able to reciprocate this year.

Well don't. Chemotherapy's tough and you just have to get through it as best you can."

I didn't send her a card - and I didn't feel guilty!

Take care, everyone.
Caroline xx

suebeth
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

glad this is still on the go..... it is hard when folks you thought would be there so blatently aren't ... and it rankles especially when their lives have been sweet, and any problems they or theirs had - have been quickly if not easily resolved...especially at Christmas when even a little note would show they had actually realised our situation. I have so little family my aunt and godmother who I had supported throughout my uncles successful heart op has never phoned once and her Christmas card was so obviously one of a pile - there wasn't even aunt and uncle on it.... just a factory line moment for a 'ticky box' .. I admit I cried a little...
I prefer the funny comments to these kind of knocks and it is a knock...but we are strong and will get through this and so long as there are people out there who love us and are there for us ... maybe we should just step aside and leave these people behind? It is hard enough trying to be strong and positive at times and a simple smile from someone who does understand can make all the difference. Some folk can just sit quietly beside me and I feel cared for coz they are there with me. And the funny thing is it isn't always the person you thought that it would be that offers that kind of support...
and my other Aunt has been on the phone nearly every day with love and support and good advice - we seldom spoke before as she lives so far away in another country.. this cancer certainly sorts out the diamonds from the rough eh?
wish I had a funny story ..maybe next time...
keep them coming.. Justme - friends are such strange creatures at times...sorry but I did laugh though....I've had similar attempts to 'lighten' the conversation....
Suex

Tracy1961
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

I met a lady in the chemotherapy centre on Friday, I was having my last chemo and she was starting her first - she is on exactly the same regime as I have just been through, neo-adjuvent chemo 4 x AC and 4 x Taxotere. Anyway, her gem was - and in a great loud voice - "If she's still around in 6 months time, I know I'll probably be ok!", I know she probably didn't mean it to sound as it did, but had there been anyone else in there just at the beginning of their chemo journey, it could have been a bit scary for them and anyway, as I told her, I have no intention of going anyway just yet, I've too many people to wind up!!

Merry Christmas and a fantastic new year to you all.

Tracy xxx

No1Mummy
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Mammabee - when are you up in court on the assault charge?!!!!!! That is shocking - an official complaint would be justified there. Someone working on a hospital ward should know better that to say something like that.

Justme - presumably a misguided attempt at humour. I've made the odd joke about wigs etc as a self-defence mechanism but I certainly don't appreciate any "jokes" about my illness being made back to me. By the way, I now look in the mirror and tell myself I don't look weird, this is just my "hard as nails" look for fighting the cancer, and my 7 yr old son said to me the other day that I'm no different with no hair then gave me a big hug 🙂

Nicola

justme
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

How about this then....A friend called me the day after my radiotherapy planning, and I was feeling really low. (The effects of Taxotere were taking a long time to wear off, I was having problems walking etc. so the lengthy trip to hospital had just about finished me off).

There I was, blubbing away on the phone to her about how demoralised and ugly I felt, having no eyebrows or lashes, barely any hair, finger and toenails destroyed....I said how at least I'd looked reasonably attractive before all this, but that now I looked like a freaky alien.

"THAT", she said, "is a lie"!!!..........
.
.
.
.
.
.
......"you were NEVER reasonably attractive".

xxx

mammabee
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Well I knew I couldn't get through a mastectomy & hospital stay without one...

The annoying cleaner who thinks she knows what it's like just because she works on the ward - you know the type - "well at least the bloody things off now & it doesn't matter what you look like"

Yeah, thanks love, let's just get the scalpel to you & see how you feel about it then!!!!

Good job I'm taking the mastectomy well, could do without her pearls of wisdom...

Merry xmas
xx

casbas
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

An old work colleague of mine sent me a xmas card this year, I haven't spoken to her for about a year, phoned me as word had got around. Asked briefly how I was and then spend the remaining 25 minutes discussing her woes. It was alway in her nature to turn the conversations back to her but I kind of thought my 'news' might have prompted more than 5 minutes!!!

What are they like!

Caroline x

mammabee
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Nicola71

I've had a very similar experience. I just got a card from someone who's not seen me once since my treatment started, not helped or even offered to - said at the bottom "thinking of you". Aaaaarrrrggggghhhh!!!!!!!
Well that's be a first!

Glad the thread's still going

xx

No1Mummy
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

I'm back again! So far, three Xmas cards have gone in the bin this year. Over-sensitive? Maybe but I don't want cards up from people that have upset me and failed completely to support me. Two of the cards were from friends I lived with for two years at university. Since then we've met up every year or so - not loads of contact but I'd expected more support than I actually got. Neither contacted me when they were told (by another friend) back in September. One then sent me a Xmas card that just said "best wishes from..." and didn't even mention or acknowledge it. The other I got today said "sorry to hear your news - hope you've got it beaten". That made me really angry - I'm half-way through chemotherapy, then it's 3 wks of radiotherapy then it's two more operations (oopherectomy and reconstruction) then 5 yrs of hormone therapy. Even after all that, they still won't/can't say that I have "beaten it". What made it worse was that the person who made the comment is a senior hospital pharmacist so presumably dishes out chemo and other drugs on a daily basis and I can't why she would therefore make such a stupid, crass comment. I know I should forget it as I have other very lovely friends who've been great and the odd bad egg should just be dispensed with but the comment really upset me 😞

cally2108
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Hi
think we must be getting used to comments and they just go over our heads ! My daughters friend did ask after school yesterday was I wearing a wig and went to pull it , then she got another classmate over to show her. They're only 6 but did have a little cry afterwards. You do feel like some sort of exhibit . They're too young but did have a chat with my 6 year old about peoples feelings. My daughter had obviously told her which I am fine with as i dont want her to feel like she's keeping a secret.

the girls mother was mortified however !

holidayplanner
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

I have one to add as well. I plucked up courage and popped into work last week. One helpful colleague commented how nice my new wig is in a loud voice and then asked whether I kept it on when I showered in order to wash it. Some people just need to be sent on a "welcome to the real world" course and then they may just start to understand!

No1Mummy
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

No-one's posted on this thread for a little while. Is it too much to hope that other people have stopped being crass and insensitive?

Anyway, I've got yet another one to add. I went to my little boy's nativity play at school today and I had one mum quiz me about what head hair I currently had and another leaned over to inspect my eyebrows/eyelashes at closer range to see how much had been pencilled in. My step-mum had come with me and was horrified. I've mostly felt too tired to do the school runs and after today's comments maybe that's a good thing!!

CrazyDancer
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

What a brat. I'd just take my hat off and ask him if he thought I looked better without. If he's going to try and embarrass you, out-embarrass him....

My latest comment is from my mother. She's been pretty good so far, but blew it at the weekend after visiting, my parents are in mid 70's and live 4 hours away, so not seen them much, although we chat often...
"Why don't you put a bit of make-up on, I'm sure it'll make you feel better"
Well really? Not having cancer would make me feel a WHOLE lot better, finishing chemo would make me feel a WHOLE lot better.... trying to apply mascara to my 6 remaining lashes will NOT make me feel better!!!!! Bless, I didn't take it too much to heart, she's a woman who would never dream of leaving the house without foundation and lippy, neither of which I've ever used daily, only on a night out, we have very different skin type and colour. I would never have left the house without mascara, as I had very blonde lashes, almost invisible without help. I have booked on the "look good feel better" workshop next year though, so hope to have some help then, and may even have lashes back!!

Dahlia
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Next time you see him, and/or his mother, just remark on what a good thing birth control is and what a pity she didn't avail herself of some about 9 or 10 years ago!!!

Off with his head ......

Julie41
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Hi

I'm butting in here too - I can't believe that little brat saying that to you Nicola - and in front of his mother - who didn't reprimand him !! Argggggh - kids (and mothers) like that really p*ss me off. I know for a fact my two girls would NEVER have behaved like that - I know I'm in the majority of parents who bring their kids up properly (hark at me, blowing my own trumpet - lol ).

I absolutely agree with silverlady - I would mention this to the school. Either that or grab the boy by the throat next time you see him (I AM joking of course!).

Love to all

Julie xx

Tracy1961
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Hi Nicola,

What an obnoxious little s**t, but it does sound as if the family are probably rather ignorant.

Can't you stick your foot out if he runs past you?!

All the best to you,

Tracy xx

ForumMember
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

hi

hope you don't mind me joining in. I agree with Silverlady, but I think I must be less tolerant. I think you should name and shame the child, although it probably won't if his mother doesn't stop him.

take care
sue

silverlady
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

What a ghastly child. If his feckless mother won't teach him manners I see no reason why you can't do it! Next time he makes a nasty comment just say "I'd rather be bald than be a nasty, ill-mannered little brat". If his mother doesn't like it she can take a running jump.

Seriously though, it might be worth mentioning to the school. No need to mention the lad's name, but it is a subject they could cover in PSHE lessons. All children should be taught not to mock anyone who is a bit "different" and if the parents can't be bothered, then perhaps the school could tackle it.

No1Mummy
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

What a lovely lad that 8 yr old is - bless him! I've just remembered that the 9 yr old who was so rude to me yesterday is the same one who insulted me a couple of months ago. After my dx, I acquired quite a few more grey hairs than before (I'm 36) but was still mostly brunette. I can't believe it was such a difference or stood out so much that a child would notice so I suspect it had been commented on by the mother. Anyway, this child (again in front of his mother and without any reprimand) said to me that I now looked like a "little old granny". How sad that they think it ok to be rude and mean to someone like that. I'm glad to hear about a nice little boy standing up for your daughter - the boy who's been so rude to me could learn a few lessons from him in manners and empathy for others.

Nicola

buttons500
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

My eldest bless her...had a slight ding-dong in the school yard with some girls in her class....your mums hair is all gone...i know she has to have special medicine that makes her poorly and her hair fall out, but her special medicine will make her better...your mum looks silly in a wig...at this point one of the boys jumped in to my defence...her mum has cool hair she can change hers every day of the week..your mum cant..your mums hair looks like a toilet brush...kind of had to turn round and try not to chuckle lots. My two girls coped really well with all this...and the little lad who jumped in at my defence always says hello..how are you..i like your curls...omg ive got myself an 8 year old toyboy lol.

No1Mummy
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

They just keep on coming. Not funny this one. Waiting in the playground to collect my son, another child (9 yr old) says to me "why are you wearing a hat?" with a smirk on his face. I reply "to keep my head warm". He persists and I don't give him the answer he wants. Eventually, he points out that I have no hair. I was determined not to give him the satisfaction of an annoyed reaction so I agreed but said it didn't matter because it would be growing back soon anyway. He then made a few more comments about cutting off his sister's hair and giving it to me.

The shocking bit is that all this was said in front of his mother and she made no real effort to stop it! I shouldn't have been surprised as she is the one who referred to people with no eyebrows/eyelashes as "weird looking".

Thinking back, I should have reacted differently. I should have just pointed out his rudeness and told him to stop, i.e. what his mother should have done. Something like "you know perfectly well why I'm wearing a hat and it's rude and mean to quiz me about it so stop it". That would have left his mother open-mouthed!!

I was left with the impression that it was something that had been talked about (and laughed about) at home. They are one weird family and I pity them. Thank God my children aren't like that.

Nicola

ForumMember
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

It was my daughter's 21st birthday party last night and my sister in law was there. She has some alopecia and she said to me "at least yours will grow back" and not for the first time she has said this. So I had to reply this time saying " given the choice of yours and my breast cancer I would chose yours" She said "mm"

Love to you all

Liz xx

wendys
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Have been reading this thread over a few few weeks, my hubby is undergoing treatment for BC, and we think its great- sad but great. It's helped me avoid losing several friends by biting their heads off.
His Macmillan nurse recommended the pink card- it gets rid of persistant mortgage sales people a treat.
All the best, Wendy.

Marilynleah
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Hi All

Yes I have a nice shaped head - pity everyone knows what shape it is, i would have preferred it covered in hair so no-one knew.

Yes i'm positive and brave except at 3am when I can't sleep for worrying or am in tears.

I love my 86 year old mother who worries about me, but she'd no need to put an advert in the local paper saying I was home and well. 2 inches deep and 2 columns wide. Everyone rang her and wanted to know what was up.

My GP said I looked well. Till I burst into tears. Should have worn waterproof mascara. But my eyelashes had returned.

My wig did look good - but was it uncomfy!

If breast cancer is the best one to get, why don't they all want it? They can have mine.

You'd never tell which one it was - (TRAM recon). I know - it doesn't feel the same.

Hubby - It dosn't matter to me - WELL IT DOES TO ME!

The best thing anyone said was in the chemo waiting room and by one of the other patients - Have you not lost your hair. It was the wig, so perhaps wigs do look good and perhaps I do look well. I got through chemo, with bad veins - so I am brave. I'm blowed if the little b....r is going to get me so I am positive.

Today is a good day

Take care all

Marilyn x

magz175
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

Hi all

I have spent all morning reading this thread - my hubby is casting curious glances my way as I chuckle my way through them.

Like Sue above I have also had the 'Well you do have the right personality for it - you'll cope' ?????????

Also, my niece rang me a coupe of nights ago. She doesn't live close but we do keep in touch. She hadn't rung since my dx because she just didn't know what to say but my brother had told her that I was coping wel and that she should ring. So she did. After the initial pleasantries - the conversation went like this:

HER - oh well aunty margaret I guess you were lucky
ME - silence
HER - I mean that it was in your breast
ME - silence then - how's that then?
HER - well, because that's better isn't it, than if it had been in your body
ME - stunned silence - then 'where are your breasts then cos mine are (or were) attached to my body
HER - oh I'm not getting this across very well am I? What I meant was that, ermm, welll, errrm
ME - you mean because my boobs stick out and they could just chop them off???
HER - yea sort of, you know....................

ME - well actually I don't feel as lucky as you think I should - but I'm sure I'll get there...........................

HER - oh I know you will Aunty Margaret, you have just the right sort of personaity

ARGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!

Keep them coming tho - I love them !

mammabee
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

On hearing about my dx a "friend" who is going through a divorce said to me "At least YOU'VE still got your husband"

Talk about "ME ME ME"

xx

Phardy
Member

Re: Insensitive or WHAT!!!???

I met a friend just as I was starting to lose my hair and she asked "if I was thinking of shaving my head as it was looking like I had mange*!!!!

Is it honesty we really want???

Another classic was when I met up with a friend this week and picked her up - the first thing she said was how rough she felt because she might have cystitis and had had tummy ache.... and she should know better as she had just had her 5 yr with no recurrence. Not only that, but it was only the second time I have seen her (lives 10 mins away) since dx in dec last year.

I have decided to that she is the sort of friend I do not need anymore!