I have restricted myself to using this site only once a week and this thread has had me in hysterics. I have sat hear crying with laughter and can't wait to tell my hubby about the 'marmite motorway', never heard that one before lol. Laughter is the best medicine and it was obvious where this thread was going so if people don't like it they should stop reading it. Keep up to funnies, its brilliant that you have this wonderful sense of humour with what you are going through at the moment.
I too have laughed out loud at your postings - please don't stop them! I bet you'd be great up on stage doing a 'Peter Kay' act - I certainly would pay to see you!!!
Clarabel, i have laughed out loud at all your postings, keep up the hard work, we are all grown up (or supposed to be) and if people take offense or think you have been crude they can always stop reading!!!!!!!!!!
anna x x
I think this could get out of hand and can see both points of view.I am not a prude by any stretch but would not post anything I think may offend.We all have our own threshold and that is hard to define without knowing someone personally.We have our own ways of dealing with this trauma but by coming here we still need to respect others points of view and post accordingly.
Humour is a great healer and by god we need that.
Keep strong ladies and take care
I don't post on this forum very often, but I do come here for support and humour. I would like to add my support to dawnhc. I'm always up for a laugh, but I would draw the line at offensive and crude inuendo and langauge.
Sorry didnt read the posts above about this thread.......is a serious thread and fun too we NEED it and DERSERVE IT!
I do mind my p's and q's on here best I can but you cant stiffle character sorry its all some of us have.
Night to all ladies x
OOoooo ive got some annusol left over ...not suffering with itchy bum hole with taxotere like i did with the FEC so maybe i should try it on my crows feet cause this bloody chemo craps making me look 101 not 31!
Im high on me steriods so power to the chemo ladies im going for a kip im knackered but now dreaming of a smooth looking face!
Please dont consider leaving this thread, its far more important that you make us all laugh and cheer us up with your brialliant sense of humour, as you say the clue is in the title if people dont want to read it they are not being forced to. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
I am actually mortified that the worst of my side effects are all lavatorial and if anyone is offended by me discussing them on here then I will save my questions for my oncologist in the future and keep my own experiences to myself irrespective of whether I might make other people realise that they are not alone in what is happening to them, god forbid ONE person has said they took offence to something I wrote whereas countless people have thanked me for giving them a laugh when they were otherwise in the depths of despair. If people do not like discussing their bodily functions or reading about other people's well there is a clue in the title about what the thread might be about. Personally I have always been too busy getting on with my life than to take offence at someone discussing their bodily functions, even more so now I have had a dread disease and am my body is conspiring against me, priorities and all that. OK so I made what I thought was a lighthearted comment about offering my partner something that I would not normally allow and which good girls would not even think of. Fine, I offended someone, sorry. I will leave it here. I wish everybody all the best.
Can I please remind everyone to be careful of the language and tone used when posting and remember that the forums are a place for everyone to come to support each other.
You asked the question "I hope nobody thinks I am lowering the tone of this board into the gutter but my filthy sense of humour is all that gets me through this" so hope you won't mind me saying that personally I don't like reading filthy & obscene comments in the serious forums here. I know we can all block certain forums, and many do with the chit chat & fun one. But the main forums most of us want to read I think without this sort of stuff. Give me humour any time, but good clean stuff preferably.
To come off a thread with a smile on your face is certainly a compliment to the writer, I now look for your name as well as the topic knowing that even on a serious subject you will see the funny side - brill.
Keep it up
sorry, I promise I have no unclean thoughts about the other funny shaped vegetables so you are OK with carrots parsnips and courgettes (and bananas which are of course a fruit not a veg, gosh i am so picky)
I hope nobody thinks I am lowering the tone of this board into the gutter but my filthy sense of humour is all that gets me through this, oh and the wine of course.
Clarabel your threads are just sooooooo funny - I will never ever look at a cucumber again without remembering this thread, and as for the next visit to the supermarket - I can't wait 🙂
oh dear I have just realised what I said earlier about cucumber wipes, BLUSHING FURIOUSLY AND ROF PMSL!!!!!!
I will confess that I did eye up the cucumber before I grated it. I hope my boyfriend does not find this thread if he decides to snoop at what sites I use. Tzatziki is his absolute favourite and it is one of the few things he eats that is good for him (due to laziness rather than fussiness) I cannot afford for him to go off it.
I have told him about my internally itchy bum and said if he secretly fancies the marmite motorway now is his chance. he said nah you're alright.
PS I have just worked out twenty-eighteen I am SOFA KING FIK since I started chemo 😞
Hi lovey, glad my bodily conspiracy has given some comic relief to you and others, I'll keep letting them rip.
I am sorry to hear your news especially at the age of twenty-eighteen (are you going backwards and what's your secret LOL) I was diagnosed less than a month after my 34th birthday and though *I* was too young.... I agree friends and family are brilliant but sometimes they can't do right for doing wrong, they are SO well meaning but there have been times I have wanted to throttle them for being a bit toooo molly-coddling. My boyfriend is the exception he says "don't be a hero, if you don't feel up to doing something then say so and we will do whatever you want, or we will do nothing. If you say everything's groovy I will believe you and assume you don't want a fuss and just treat you as normal" I did not even have to tell him that was EXACTLY what I wanted.
Go sit in a beer garden that is what I would be doing if BF were not at work today, and that is what we did yesterday. Alternatively I need someone to help me apply the weed killer to my garden if you have time, I have lots of pinot grigio AND pink prosecco in the fridge and some home made tzatziki 🙂
having spent yesterday in tears following my appointment at the hospital where i thought I would be told the wide local excision was a success; lump gone, healing nicely etc to be told the lump was malignant and I need a mastectomy ( aged twenty-eighteen) I have logged into this site today and had the best laugh reading this thread. Thank you so much to you all! I have a great bunch of friends who are all rallying round, but no one has / is going through the emotional roller coaster I have been on since 9.15 yesterday morning. This site is SUCH a godsend for me today - and I know I should be outside in the sun... but I cant relax or do anything at the moment!
the usual supermarket dare is a large cucumber and a tube of KY, LOL! It is a bit cheeky of actual employees to do it though, ROFL.
my boyfriend has been here since Thurs so I haven't been using the cream but he's working today so I inserted some this morning after my bath, Thankfully I have not needed to fart since I did, otherwise I don't know what will happen.
I am a manager for Asda and once one of my fellow managers threw a packet of condoms and ky jelly in another managers basket,who was going through a bad time at home,Luckily he spotted it at the checkout--needless to say the air was blue!!!
It's the "cucumber" bit that does my head in most, Clarabel, rather than the "facial" bit. And I love the idea of sneaking a tube into someone's shopping!
Asda do big knickers in their basic brand - 3 for Â£1 or Â£1.50 ish (they do thongs and minis too)... plain white and nothing fancy. Ok for the price and can double as a parachute at a later date once the itchy arse problem has ressolves itself.
Just make sure you use the face wipes on your bottom and not the bottom wipes on your face!!!! and go and treat yourself to a couple of pairs of Bridgets, you to Andrea. Just try not to get hit by a bus when your wearing them.
I have decided next time I go to the supermarket I am gonna sneak a tube of anusol into someone's trolley when they are not looking.
I wouldn't give a bugger at the airport I am beyond embarrassment, in fact I think I might pack some for my next hols even if I don't need it by then (which I hope WILL be the case)
why can't I use face wipes on my bottome? 😄
Oh dear, I'm helpless with laughter again. Clarabel, please tell me you will stop using cucumber facial wipes on your bottom - the image is torturing me. Try baby wipes?
I'm glad if the anusol is helping. Yes, is is a truly dreadful brand name. I have to take it with me on holidays and (very rare) business trips abroad, and you know those see though plastic bags you have to put all creams and liquids in? I swear the security staff snigger every time the anusol goes past. Not to mention what it does to your relationship with any colleagues you may be travelling with.
My Itchyarseitis is caused by my size 12 thongs on a size 14-16 bum. I refuse to buy bigger ones as I want to lose weight. Therefore I will continue to be cut in half and wedgied everyday.
Hey Jackie you never know, you might just enjoy that chemo prickle that I wrote about earlier.
Best wishes to all
love Andrea x
p.s I think one of my neighbours is having a barbie ( smells lovely ) Isnt this weather great !
Clarabel --- the chances of me getting pregnant are somewhere between hahaha and immaculate conception... last time I researched the getting pregnant thing it said you need to have sex....
I got a sore bum a few days after my 1st FEC and although I knew I didn't have piles wondered what it was. I looked at my bumhole in the mirror and was alarmed to see a blister like thing.....anyhow my dad gave me some betnovate cream which I duly rubbed in and that did the trick. I also used wet toliet wipes which were cool and didn't hurt as much as andrex.
i am glad to see itchyarseitus is indeed a medical complaint and not just in my head. i use aqueous cream down there on a bad day. stops the itching completely;.
Hi Jackie, you are amongst friends. Just wanted to say, just because my body is conspiring to embarrass me as much as it can and give the lovely girls a good giggle into the bargain, you won't necessarily get the same effects, everyone is different so fingers crossed xx
Let us know how you get on. There is a LOT of waiting associated with chemo, I hope you like reading. My boyfriend lent me all 6 series of Sex and the City on DVD as I had never really watched it in the years it was on telly and that is passing a lot of time too.
Oh ladies you are such a tonic, I await the start of FEC chemo and the joys that go with it. Earlier today it was tears of frustration having been told it could be another week before I hear when it starts but after reading your posts its tears of laughter. Whatever happens I now know that others are out there to laugh and cry with.
Thank you all
at least you dont have to worry you might be preggars
I have decided that whatever does or does not happen to our bodies at this time, is not abnormal, even if it is not "normal"
well I just thought I would let you know that my period arrived ... and so did the itch! That's 3 months in a row and what the hell is the story with me still aving periods ... I've got tamoxifne to stop them AND a mirena coil ... and still they arrive, I think they just do it to annoy me!
Love the comment about where you could stick the anusol clarabel!
i don't own any big knicks 😞
I favour Boots' own brand cucumber cleansing wipes when I have a sore arse from too much chilli but they are not flushable. I will see how the anusol cream works, what a horrid brand name. Did they miss the E off the end of it do you think?
PS my lady area is a bit sore due to frequent weeing as this means more tissue paper down below, any brands that are kinder without causing thrush, I use andrex but it feels like sand paper now.
I got some anusol ointment today. I thought, well if I don't like it i can stick it up my arse. I have now done that and I got the windypops feeling just afterwards and thought oh great, I can't do a bottom burp just yet but then I got sidetracked with something else and the feeling's gone, hooray. I hope the cream will help with the itch even if piles were NOT the problem.
I will NOT be using it on my face if I ever get crows feet LOL.
Conversely, would Oil of Olay have worked on my bum?
That horrible prickly sensation when getting chemo, oooh I remember it well. I used to nearly jump off the seat. I likened it to having a big thistle rubbed back and forth down below for about 5 minutes. I hated it.
One of the nurses said that one old lady loved it and said it was the best feeling she had for years. Each to their own I suppose !!!.
Clarabel , I know i shouldnt laugh at peoples problems but your postings are very funny. Oh and even if you havent got piles, heomoroid creams sometimes help with an itchy botty. Some people use it on their crows feet ( I kid you not ).
Hope it gets better soon
Love Andrea x
I Had the same thing after my 3rd Chemo.I had it from front to back and developed raised lumps which eventually cracked open which was really sore. Tried Lanacane and Anusol which didn't help much.It all went after a few days.I never want that again though.Every time I have my Chemo(now on 5th)I say to myself 'I wonder what lovely side effect I'm going to get this tim?'
I have used a cucumber facial cleansing wipe and that was nice and cooling (I first experimented with them after developing a love of hot chillies LOL)
I love yoghurt so I will give it a go. Any excuse to make tzatziki 🙂
The other one I know of for itchy bum, which is also known as pruritus anus I think is pro biotics, although I'd ask onc if they're OK.
I know that antibiotics almost decimate your good bactria in the gut leaving you with thrush. I had this happen early last year. So I started making my own easiyo yogurt and every time there's a little trouble eat that for a week. I have yogurt but it works so well that I don't hate it that much.
I also use these aloe vera wet wipes made by a company called earth friendly kids. They're brill especially if you're a bit delicate.
Oh and I found baths soothing too.