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Its a Rant - Apologies.

39 REPLIES 39
mangochutney
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

P.S. Does anyone know if Morroccan Oil helps to "relax" it a bit more?

mangochutney
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

Hi. Ive just discovered this thread and been sitting here laughing my head off!!! Especially in your first post, SCACO, when you say you looked like Zippy when you took everything off!!! I used to compare myself to Confused.com!!! But I think Zippy sums it up even better, because of the "beige" colour. Not sure about everyone else, but when I was in bed post Taxotere, with no make up on and no hair and no eyebrows/lashes, in the mirrored wardrobes at the end of my bed (AAAARRRGGGGHHH!!!) I looked almost invisible against the beige bedding!!!

I used to tint my hair and like most women took a lot of pride in styling it every day.

Now, it has come back grey, but completely white at the sides, which I actually quite like. And I think I'll keep it grey as whilst its so short I think the colour looks a bit more forgiving.

However....... the texture and the curl now, 7 months post chemo!!!!!! When its wet it looks like a little old ladies VERY tight home perm!!!! I use Joico Moisturising shampoo and conditioner, from my hairdressers, and then Frizz-Ease serum, then Joilotion to style it! I smooth over it after with Wella SP Satin Polish, just to smooth the finished result!! I can just finger dry it and it looks "ok" apart from a section right in the middle at the front. I never fully lost that little section during chemo, so it must be really strong hair there. Well, that bit is IMPOSSIBLE to do anything with. I have to REALLY stretch it down (all 1 inch of it) when I dry it to try and create a "fringe", and still end up looking like the village idiot, its that short!!! Still too short there to get straighteners through with out burning my forehead!!!!

My 16 year old son said it looks like Ive put my head in a mouse hole, where a mini stick of dynamite has blown up and Ive been left with a mini 'Fro!!!!!

I've had about 2-3mm trimmed off it all over, to give it a more even edge, but I'm hoping as I get more cut off it, it will cut the chemo curl off and it will go back to normal.

Does anyone know if thats the case?

Mandy xx

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Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

Have you tried kerastase oleo relax shampoo? I use it or lee Stafford poker straight shampoo and conditioner and both make my hair more manageable. Saying that, its still woolly and I keep getting it cut off, but with other shampoos its much more sheep-like and out of control. Al x

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Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

I'm going to admit defeat.
Hairdresser calls tomorrow.

DJ007
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

It wasn't until I took the photo that I realised just how curly mine was!

Dx

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Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

- And yes, ScaredofChemo (can I call you SOC?) 'twas my best breast that copped for it as well!!

Rant away as much as you like: 'because we're worth it!'

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Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

Greetings All

Thank you for compliments and advice. This is exactly why I feel faintly ridiculous when whinging because I know lots of people genuinely think it looks nice - it's just that it's been foisted on me rather than me choosing it.

I use the 3 day straight serum and dry it straighter with my fingers and then wack a load of wax in it to make it look like that. If I leave it it is really, really curly. I managed to straighten it completely last week, but this is only fine if there isn't even the tiniest bit of moisture in the air because if there is the curls start making a bid for freedom! I'm in for my 3rd haircut in a couple of weeks so that should improve things!

Annie, have you explained how you feel? I know it sounds obvious but men are simple creatures who don't always pick up on these things. Ridiculous I know, but if he thinks you're strong and getting on with it he might not have appreciated the emotional side. It's difficult to explain to a man what it feels like to lose a breast, there's nothing really comparable on a blokes body. I mean, I know you could say the obvious but it doesn't really compare. Before I had my op I used to occasionally howl and say he wouldn't fancy me when I looked like the Bride of Frankenstein and found that this approach would generally bring the right responses, ie:"of course I will, etc, etc". So maybe it's time to just say what you think and then you know he knows.

Have a happy hairday if you've got some, have a gentle SE freeday if not xxxx

21210
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

Hi Scaco,

I recently gave up on whole hair thing, I have tried to grow it "out" & out is what it did, I looked like a cross between Brian May & Thora Hird, no grey for me either but ..... Ginger 🙂 ( as you saw) I have now had hair cut & dyed & it is very short but at least I can cope with it, my hairdresser has much experience with post chemo hair & said it has to learn to grow uninterrupted which takes a good 18 months after chemo, so I for now am back sporting the overweight pixie look 😉 xxx

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Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

Annie,
Not having got as far as hair yet, I want to let you know you're not alone in wanting a comforting lie right now. Through five pregnancies and subsequent saggy bellies, through snotty colds and two bouts of pneumonia , my OH always made me feel like the most beautiful thing in the world. Now I can't even let him look at my bald head and he hasn't looked at my body since my mx. The night I came home from hospital he sat reading in bed while I sat struggling to get out of my clothes. I ended up in tears In the spare room and it took him ten minutes to notice I hadn't come back!
Three months on, I'm a lot stronger than that sad night, but yes I'd give a lot to hear "you're still beautiful" from the person whose words count most.
Is it crazy to add that I'm not sure I' d go back to being that other woman again? There's more to me now than there was before, despite losing bits of me that mattered a lot.
Sorry for all the self-pity - and I'm storing all the hair tips for the joyous day when sometthing more than a faint white fuzz forces it's way through. My hair was always thick and fairly straight, so chemo perm will be the next challenge.
Aren't we lucky to have something better than soft green soap to treat our locks with - and if you get that reference you must be as old as I am and can probably remember the Coronation!
I wish you all glossy locks.
Hugs,
Kathleen

Cackles
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

SACO , I can understand how you hate the "New You Hair", because it isn't the picture you have of yourself . However ------spikes on and on the blocks.......oops hum ( she hesitates) I think you look GOOD.......i am hoping you are slower than me as I duck back into the woods to lose you. Damm, you were the one that showed me the way through them. No where to hide...how about a few in the JM with lemon Drizzel and I will prostate myself at your feet oh my Oracle!!! Sorry sorry sorry!
Wishing me fluffy sproutings were as long
Frightened of your wrath
Cackles

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Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

Hi All, speaking as a habitually frizzy one, the serum is Frizz-ease and it workes, their heavy moisturising mask (not ordinary conditioner) also help to loosen the curl. Both of these work better than Aussie for me. Best of all though, although not cheap is Tigi Curlesque curl collection shampoo and conditioner which you buy from salons. Really does flatten and soften the frizz for me... xx

GIJaneH
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

OK Frizzy Friends... I put something on my "blog-thing" today about hair growing out rather than down (good description - thank you!) and my SIL (who's an experienced hairdresser) texted to say use Aussie conditioner and John Frieda hair serum..... so I've used conditioner for "hair that is a bit fed up" and the serum, and it's softer.. much softer. Still looks the same, but it's softer! I guess as it's still only 2cm long it's not GOING to look significantly different, but it does FEEL better....
I think....
J

Annie22
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

In your 'good' breast. I really know what you mean - same here. I've always liked my right one better than the left one. Better shape, feels better etc...but now I have a dodgy breast in place of it. Not only that, but the cancer came back in the recon, so I now have a strangely scarred and even dodgier breast.

I tried to explain to OH that I was mourning my old self (overweight now too), and he said 'well, I have to mourn the loss of your body too'!!! Probably true, but there are times when a small lie might help.

Anyone else have OHs that have never said 'you'll always be beautiful to me' and nice things like that? If so, what do you do with them?

A

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Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

Don't panic, don't panic. The hair is strange at first but you do eventually get your own back again. I was fortunate that mine grew again very quickly. Weird & curly & lots of grey ( but previously I hid the grey with dyes so can't blame the chemo for the grey) at first. I started using hair wax to give it a trendy texture rather than just be fuzzy/fluffy and soon went running to a friendly hairdresser for some colour when I had a good covering....boy did hiding the grey make you feel better. Highly recommended plus using hair product for texture makes you look a little less obvious as a post chemo weird hair person! Am wondering how I will feel this time around as I face chemo again after a recurrence. Been six years but just found my wig, hats & pre-tied scarves. Here we go again....hey ho

Twinky

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Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

I was expecting an Angela Davies do and ... this is not too bad! Says the woman who is bald at the moment. 😄

I just started in the dark, dark woods, SCACO, and just getting used to the beautifully shaped head comments. You know what gets my goat? That I had cancer in my 'good' breast. I don't have large ones, but jolly! They were magnificent. But now, I look in the mirror and I see one perky, albeit somewhat lopsided one and one that sags and it is twice the size. It upsets me. At the moment it is my last straw. Yes, I know, it could be worst. I know, I know! And it is not my biggest problem at the moment: let's face it: I am bald, overweight and can't stay awake for more than a few hours during the day but can't sleep during the night. And I still have tons of effing fecking treatment ahead of me.

Still, that sagging-twice-as-big-tit gets me....

Alto
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

SCACO, if you think you've got curls, you should take a look at mine! I really do look like a spring lamb. Sadly mine is unlikely to grow out as it was very curly before all this. So many people used to tell me how they'd love to have my curly hair... pah! You can have it then!

I always had short hair as a child because mine just grows out, not down, as you're all finding out. I then spent a hellish couple of years trying to grow it longer and finally got it past that stage. I then had long hair from about the age of 18 up until starting chemo at the age of 45 last January. Like yours Saralousie, mine was waist length. Also like you I felt quite liberated by having it cut short and then didn't even mind being bald very much - life was a lot easier than with long hair!

It doesn't matter how much anyone says your hair looks nice SCACO, it's not YOU and it wasn't your choice. It's no great surprise that you're not terribly fond of it. I know it's no great comfort at the moment but for most people their hair does eventually get back to being pretty much the way it was. It's hardly surprising it takes a long time when you consider what they pumped into us.

All rants are permitted here - no apologies needed and being rational is positively discouraged.

Jane xxx

moser
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

I remember going to answer the door when my hair was just coming back in my jeans and a baggy t-shirt and the man at the door said "hello mate, blah blah". He was selling something I think and when I spoke he twigged I was a woman and he was mortified. So was I - that was a low moment, but funny now. Losing our hair is no joke however much we pretend we don't care.

poppy333
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

I agree. Mines awful, n im sick of people saying how lovely it is.

Fluffy_Chick
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

wow scaco your hair does look fab,seriously...mine grew back very curly and wiry and it took ages to grow out in fact I kept cutting it just to get the curl to go.. i started to use morrocan oil on it and this really helped soften it and helped it to grow...
xxxx

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Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

Hi SCACO,

Rant away, bc is sh*t for leaving us different to how we were when we didn't choose any of this.

That said, my hair was like your post chemo all of the time and I am saddled with it forever... If its any consolation, when shorter my hair is exactly like yours is now and when longer the weight pulls it down. So it looks like two choices, keep it short (loved that short hair do linked above by the way) or let it grow so the weight pulls it down. Alternatively have you considered a reverse perm??

I guess they may be frowned upon on post-chemo hair ?? but hair straightening and hair straighteners have been my best buddies many times over the years.

PS: I escaped chemo so still have my hair but if anyone has seen my missing half a boob could I possibly have it back please? Put on a stripy top the other day which proved to me that it is REALLY obvious that they are wonky... bring on the lipofill

xxx

lisha
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

OMG i can so relate to you .I feel so guilty everytime i moan about my hair .I only wanted it to have my hair back and like you say on the scale of things its one of the least important things .Dont know why but you do get to a stage when it really DOES matter.
Im not sure if i should say cos you might want to slap me lol but i think you look lovely.Everyone tells me that all the time....Oh you should keep your hair short it really suits you .I even went to get a trim yesterday( not much to trim the pic is not far out ) to get the curly bits out .The hairdresser sort of spiked it ,only to my horror i saw someone who was a customer and she patted my head and told me how CUTE i looked .I don't think i look cute i hate it!!
Then the real insult was when i went swimming ,i was just putting my shoes on and this little girl said to her mum.....Mummy why does that man look like a lady!!!!!
So go on you rant I'm right with you .I too was brave all the way through treatment and put a smile on my face but i think the real test is when the treatment has finished .
Take care xxx

sarahlousie
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

Hi SCACO,

You've got a proper head of hair not the brilo pad stick up everywhere and curl but just at the back like mine LOL. I went through the fuzzy peach head look for what seemed like ages, now have about 4cm of hair very dark and got some grey in it at the sides, initially just the side's grew back with no growth on top this made me look like a monk!!! Thankfully the top is now growing although not as much as the sides and its really thick, wavy and wiry. Please don't apologize for the understandable out burst, you rant away girl all you want get it out of your system that's what we are all here for we all understand how you feel and why you feel the way you do, so go ahead and vent!

I had waist length hair before this and I am secretly enjoying not having to deal with my hair in the same way I used too when it was long, easy to wash, easy to do, just wake up shake up and I'm off LOL. Funny to think that when I was little my grandma used to put my hair in rags to make it curl up, she would love the new curly haired look I am now sporting. Seriously tho you look fine and dandy to me, this is just a miniscule blip in the whole scheme of things, I promise you.

Sending you lots of love and light
sarahlousie xx

DJ007
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

Hello SCACO

I think your hair looks good too

It's certainly got a curl, but I wouldn't describe it as Leo Sayer - not nearly fluffy enough! Mine has also grown back with a mind of its own - very wayward at times.

I always used to have dead straight fine hair and longed to have a bit more body in it, (be careful what you wish for?) so I'm not too upset. I know that it will eventually revert and so I'm going to have some fun and try and enjoy what I've got now - even if it means I do have to keep my hair shorter.

I can remember in the weeks after my last chemo, when I was scared that it wouldn't grow back, being asked what I would do if it grew back bright ginger and curly - I said that as long as it grows back, everything else can be dealt with!

I think what does make it hard for some, is that it's a constant reminder that you've been through a traumatic and life changing experience. I don't need curly hair for that - like you, I've got a Babs.

Having said all that, you are perfectly justified in having a rant - and can I come out from behind the sofa now?

Dx

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Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

Updated piccy.

Note: Fixed Grin.

xxx

GIJaneH
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

I'm with you SCACO!!! I have a grey halo (at the front, not grey at the back), and I also belong to the Jackson 5! I love the photo of the mega short celeb! Not sure I've got the features to carry it off! To compound my "look", my mum used to have curly hair (grey curly hair latterly) and I never have had even a kink in mine. I look in the mirror and my mum looks back at me... I suppose that's an improvement on just face (no hair), when my granny looked back at me!!!! I console myself looking back at the photos I took weekly while it was sprouting (ever so S-L-O-W-L-Y) and think - at least I look like I've got hair now! I actually think it probably looked better shorter.... I'll give it a few more weeks and then probably have it chopped off... I looked for a wash-in-wash-out mousse today - no joy.... BUT, I did by some conditioner! I've been so busy concentrating on thickening shampoo and stuff that I forgot to condition, and that might help the brillo pad!

When we've spent almost a year being "brave" and "inspirational" and having a lovely shaped head and so on, I think there are going to be times when it all comes out, perhaps over something "little" (or not!), and that's a good thing.... we have a grief process to get through I think... and if we keep smiling and deny how we REALLY feel, it'll come and bite us on the bum later...

Love to all, Jane

moser
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

Scaco I PROMISE you that your hair will return to its former glory. Mine is now below shoulder length and the Leo Sayer look has departed. It did take around 3 years from the end of chemo and many cuts along the way, but finally last December the last of the "chemo curls" were cut off. I have grown it now MUCH longer than my pre BC hair just to prove I could and also because if, (touch wood it doesn't happen, but if I have to lose it again) longer wigs are much nicer than short ones I think).

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Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

SCACO, Rant or Voice of Reason, I choose the latter. I continually worry about how other people feel and so put on the brave face and say what I know people want to hear and have a bit of a laugh and joke. If I'm honest I was quite excited when I got a bit of "Owl Fluff" on my head and then the novelty wore off and I realised I look bl@*dy awful. I'm in your gang but I know I'll keep putting on the brave face 'cos I love my friends and family, thank goodness for you ladies on this site, you keep me sane!! Simone xx

Mazzalou
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

Ironic isn't it? A mega-rant from Staycalmandcarryon - I had to laugh when I read it 'cos you are so correct. No matter how positive we try and remain the person in the mirror looks a wreck. Maybe we need to remind ourselves that we are more than just an outer body - we are a person inside who is simply inhabiting this alien being for a while and the real me will emerge from this chrysalis in time.

So until that time, beam me up, Scotty!

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Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

I soooo know how you feel SCACO.

My only advice would be to stop trying to grow your hair for the moment (whilst it is still curly and rebellious). Get it cut shorter, like this perhaps http://www.celebrityhairstylesnews.com/veryshorthairstyles/alyssamilano.jpg

Eventually your hair will recover from chemo, and will grow straighter, then you can let it grow longer. But don't put up with the Leo Sayer look until then.

I have done the Jackson 5 look, Leo Sayer and more recently HRH Queen Elizabeth II (god help me). So for now, to avoid the electrified sheep look, I'm keeping mine super short.

EDIT, my avatar piccie was taken sometime before I had it chopped.

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Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

Thanks to All.

Well, how bizarre! I've been moaning about my hair for ages and haven't posted for a while, but today a complete stranger (male) turned to me in a queue and said, "Your hair is lovely!"
No, he didn't have a guide dog.

I guess I need to take a reality check. It's come back thick and virtually black, with very few grey hairs. It's just the bushyness that I can't stand. But there you go, maybe it's not so bad after all!

Xxxx

katytc
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

Rant away staycalmandcarryon, you are allowed to YEAH!!!!!!!!
That's why this forum is so good, hope you feel a little calmer now xx

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Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

lmfao@ Zippy!
All jokes aside, I had a trim in december and my hair looked lovely. It's growing like wildfire again and the devil in me wants to keep it, but i'm also looking like a sheep so really not sure...

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Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

Hi SCACO,

Thank you for giving a voice to us all - still only on fourth FEC and I check every morning for some hair growth. So far I've managed a tiny pure white fuzz and since I've dyed my hair to its original dark brown forever, the world will be fairly shocked by the old lady I will turn into after this.

When my hair first departed I took one look at my granny's face in the mirror, caught sight of my unreconstructed breast and then put on clothes and my wig and went downstairs and ordered my OH to leave because I was a monster.

He's still here, possibly because he has never caught even a glimpse of either disfigurement - nor has he asked to see. I've had my cry about that, but hey-ho you can't have everything. He feeds me and takes care of me.

You are obviously young and you will get your waist back I promise. I have several good friends who have battled with cancer and chemo and they all have the hair they used to have back again.I may never have shoulder length brown hair again but I'm sure going to give it a try!
For now, why not try a trim that will make the curls more wavy and soft(hopefully) and experiment with little narrow scarves or hairbands to keep it under control.

I'm sure that your rant has done you good and it's best to do it here in a safe place.

You may not be your old self but you are beautiful and I hope you have someone who can tell you that every single day.

We're all stronger than we ever knew but meltdowns are allowed when you're here with the people who understand. Smile at the ones who don't - we were all that foolish once.
Hugs from one wise woman to another.
Love,
Kathleen

NAZ
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

Hey, you rant away!
I totally hear you with everything you are saying, it all sucks big time!
This time last year, my hair was exactly the same as what you are describing. I had lost my lovely thick lustrous hair that was my pride and joy. It was replaced with short curly dark/grey stuff, that i HATED - REALLY HATED. Every morning i would cry, i hated it so much, it just wasn't me at all!
Another year later (well in 19 months of hair growth in total, i can just about accept it. It is nothing like it was, muhc thinner,and i am taking every vitamim under the sun to boost its growth and texture)

My breast, which was not amazing to look at, but was real and mine and in proportion with the rest of my body, has been replaced with an implant and muscle. I won't go on anbout that, because my journey to even get it has been so stormy and i don't want to hijack your thread.

What can i say, except do rant away on here, i do all of the time.

Naz xx

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Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

Hi SCACO rant away, I completely understand - there has to be a last straw somewhere, and just when you want to get life back to normal this is such an annoying reminder. I too am avoiding mirrors like the plague at the moment, as losing weight is proving to be much more difficult that I had hoped, and my hair seems to be only growing at the back - my fringe is still only around an inch long!

x

janipi
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

SCACO you rant away!!! No apologies required on here. I thought losing my hair wasn't such a big deal at the time but now 1 year later it is a fine grey frizz that grows vertically. So with that, new thick varifocal glasses, a huge midriff etc I don't recognise myself at all. I get sad about it some days. I am thinking of smashing all the mirrors in the house but I reckon I've had enough bad luck as it is. Hope you feel better after a good rant. I always do. 🙂 x

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Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

Hi aww u rant it will do u good we all know how u feel my hair as grown back really curly with grey in it a lot thicker than before I'm having it cut sat I wld also like to say when I had prim bc then had chemo it grew back the same but after each cut it did grow straight again just takes a bit of time unf I'm on chemo again so we don't know if mine will grow but at least I've got sum at moe so better than a wig what bugs me is I've always bleach my hair and now not allowed my hair is so dark dyes don't really work I hate it it makes look so dif never been dark hate it so I know how you feel but I spose in sum ways we got to be lucky it's grown at all some plp don't gd luck be strong it will change just kp trimming it Laura

3network3
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

You know what? I think it's maybe only the tip of the iceberg and a very important one for that too! In your post it comes across how you tried to cope with everything (so much like myself, I keep telling me it's OK to loose a breats in April, it's OK to loose hair and eyebrows and lashes just now, It's OK to go through horrible SE's although I'm scared of my 5th chemo next week etc etc) this rotten diagnosis throws at us a real saga, so much to cope with and on top of all this is the fear of surviving and secondaries. And than you kind of tell yourself hair is trivial, but it's not, it's another symptom we don't want anymore, another reminder all the time of not being back to pre diagnosis, if we ever get there.

So your rant turned a bit into my rant LOL

Nothing more I can say or do but sending a truly sympathetic HUG,

Christine xxxx

RevCat
Member

Re: Its a Rant - Apologies.

SCACO you are absolutely permitted a rant... I wish I could make it right for you, and return you to gorgeous locks instantaneously but I can't. You have been (outwardly) so strong and positive (swan impressions?!) and now you are permitted a little meltdown/rant/wobble (or wibble as I typed first). I think it's quite natural/normal... the rest of the world thinks it's all done and dusted now and that pesky what-if fairy/gremlin is still firmly perched on your shoulder.

You are still you, and you are still beautiful, but you are also permanently changed... I think we have to try to find a way of holding those things together that is life-affirming, and it flippin' well ain't easy.

Big cyber HUG

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Its a Rant - Apologies.

Firstly, before i indulge myself with my rant, can i apologise to all those who are completely hairless at the mo'. You may read this and think i should just get a grip, which is quite possibly true.

Last year my femininity came under attack: my hair fell out, as did eyelashes and eyebrows, meaning that once the war paint and wig came off i was left looking like Zippy off Rainbow. "So what!" thought I, "I can cope with this."

My traitorous breast was lopped off and replaced with the magnificent Babs. "So what!" thought I, "good riddance to it."

My lovely waist that i'd worked on for months miraculously disappeared due to imposed inactivity, "So what!" thoughht I, "it will start to re-emerge once normal service is resumed."

Due to the op there was a period of time when i couldnt get some of my clothes on. "Ok, a bit annoyed now, but i shall simply replace them, even if they're not quite to my taste."

All this I do with determination to cling on to 'Me', to still portray 'Me'. But now dear ladies, i think i am beat because my bl@@dy, b@$tard hair has grown back as The Jackson Five - ALL of the Jackson 5! There's a good 3" of it but as a diameter! I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT! but the biggest problem is the fact that being a good, positive, inspirational cancer survivor everyone expects me to not be bothered. Why? Why should i suddenly, after 43 years, suddenly not give a monkey's about my hair? Why? ive had breast cancer not a flippin brain transplant!!! One friend said how lovely it was and how she'd love to have hair like it. "You can! Go and get it cut short and have a tight perm!...No?"

I know iin the big picture it doesnt matter and that compared to everything elsi ive been thru its nothing - i know this because everyone keeps telling me, but to me it matters! Your hair is a massive way of expressing your personality and everyone does it, even my balding OH shaves what little he has because he thinks it looks silly longer, so why am i suddenly expected to not be bothered?? All ladies know how horrible it is to have a 'bad hair day' - I feel like that everyday and that's on top of everything else thats happened!!

Apologies again if I sound ridiculous but i needed to rant somewhere (believe me - i could go on!) and you lot copped for it. right, I'd better polish that halo and gett back to being chipper. (Although you cant see said halo because of the Leo Sayer).

As you were.

xxxxxxxxxxxx