I've got no thoughts either way for Jade or her life, except that she's doing this cancer thing like the rest of us and there is courage and truth in everyone's story. I hope she gets a good outcome.
We each do this the way that works for us. The unfortunate truth is that people will be people and that comes with the good and the bad to it. My hair will out by end Feb if not before. With hair I'm presentable in a normal kind of way. Without hair, especially once the eyebrows and eyelashes come out, not presentable, not even to me in the mirror, and if my self esteem and morale takes a plummet if I can't look in the mirror and be happy, then I sure as heck am not stepping outside. For me, hats and scarves probably for the most part, 'cos they're easy to pull on. I'll get a wig, false eyebrows, false lashes, and as long as I don't look like a clown, I'll wear 'em. Each to their own, and nobody, man or woman,going through physical changes because of cancer, should be judged by anybody for how they cope with how they look, particularly not other cancer people. But we don't live in a perfect world....
I like Jade and have been following her programme. My son keeps kissing the front cover of new magazine that she is on- it took him a while to kiss me without a scarf or wig on- but he seems more than happy with bald women now- hes taken a bit of a shine to her.
I admire Jade and the way she has let the cameras in to film her struggle with dealing with her cancer. I think the programme is beneficial to us, our families, friends and the outside world by letting them know what we could be going through - although I realise everyone deals with it differently.
I am thinking of you, Jade.
i have finished treatment...ooooh except for the tablets
all i have learned is we deal with this how we can - what suits us best.
Ms G may not be the brightet knife in the box but she is dealing with similar yuck to us.
and - we look cute bald!
smiling - i wish all of you the very best
Annie o...........my father and grandparents used to live in Grangemouth, all originally born in Bo'ness..............lovely part of the country!
Hi all! Just been reading all the posts and amazed at the at the emotion behind some of them! Have just had hair cut VB short today in a pre-emptive strike! Though I am going to do the cold cap on Monday ( I couldn't do without using my hairdryer(makes me sound very vain I know!) I am covering all my options- hats etc.... thought I would feel gutted at losing my usually perfect(?) hair and actually didn't feel a thing!
Live in a very small community where everyone knows everyone else and would be very difficult to hide what was happening to you, so decided to meet it head (literally) on and my first reaction tonight was a hug........! Think honesty is always best............??
I've just seen this thread about Jade Goody, I must be living on another planet because all the media hype and attention have passed me by. I feel for Jade; I have a three year old son and my prognosis isn't that great, so I admire her for trying to secure their future.
As far as the bald/scarf/wig debate goes, I do all three as and when it suits me and the circumstances. When I go out with my head uncovered, I get a bit sick of the way people gawp at me. I'm not an alien or a crazed axe murderer and I regularly ask people why they're staring and what their problem is. I find they usually want to curl up and hide under a stone, especially once I explain to them why I shaved my hair off. One person gawped and stared so much that I told her I was an actress in a play about women in a concentration camp; she believed it and suddenly her admiration for me knew no bounds. She had less admiration when I told her that actually it's because of chemo. I have no time for folks like that.
It's all about personal preference. I prefer to wear a wig when I take my son to preschool because although he has no problem with my lack of hair, I don't want him to feel different if the other kids laugh about it; toddlers can be cruel. I usually wear a scarf around the house because I don't like feeling cold, but I just do whatever makes me feel happy.
I find increasingly that this is a status issue, with some women militant about being bald, with the attitude of why should I cover up just to make you comfortable. I find, however, that this level of militancy (if that's the right word, probably not but hey I have chemo brain) is often about provoking and shocking the people they encounter, it has felt to me that there's a lot of anger around it all. I met a lady at the chemo suite a few weeks back with just such a miliant attitude. I'm fine with her doing what she wants, but she didn't have the right to behave towards me as though I had a pile of dog poo on my head (I like to dress up for each chemo, play a role and have a laugh with silly hair and sillier outfits, it gets me through it and makes people smile).
I don't mind wigs although they are itchy beggers. I had my Birthday party at the weekend and the invite asked everyone to wear a wig. All my friends wore fancy dress and wigs and suddenly they stopped with the talk about how lucky I am to be bald, with all the savings at the hairdresser and not having to buy hair products, and they don't tell me how lucky I am to be able to change my hairdo at a whim. I also photograph my no-hair experience so I have a visual diary of shaving my head, regrowth, wigs, scarves, the lot. Many people find the shots offensive, especially the ones au naturel, but that's their problem, not mine.
At the end of it, it's personal preference. Jade, good luck to her, this is her way of coping, and I wish her the best, as I do each and every person who finds themselves with this vile disease.
Sorry to hijack this thread, noticed your name, was wondering how you are doing.
Im Ann, live near you in Falkirk(just moved from Grangemouth) Youre in Airth? Hope Im right lol
Remembered you were going for tests as they had found something on your kidney?
Stuck in my mind as I had clear cell ca of kidney few years after breast ca.
Anyway, just to say hope you are doing ok
ps I do agree with your comments
I don't see what's wrong with Jade showing her bald head to the world....I don't think for a minute she's doing it for sympathy...she's doing it to secure her 2 boys futures in the event that she might not be around.....she's in a position to command big bucks for doing it...so fair play to her....I've been totally bald now for just over a week and never expected to want anyone to see me bald....but I do and it doesn't bother me....and I certainly don't show mine for sympathy....I feel quite confident about everyone seeing me bald...and I'm no Gail Porter.....I think it's sad that Jade gets such a rough ride for daring to be upfront about having this crappy disease....she really can't win
Fair play to her too - however when I was bald, dunno about other people but my hair never totally went there was always a dark shodow of stubble, never had the total bald look
I was glad to see Jade going bareheaded, mainly because I have felt so embarrassed at being seen without a wig or scarf on and I feel more comfortable being bald, yet some people seem to think it is somehow inappropriate to answer the door bald, as if you had just answered the door naked except for some red nylon lace underwear.
Men don't go around feeling ashamed of being bald.
It is the same as breasttfeeding - you can get 'em out for page 3 but if you show a breast when feeding your child, it's tut tut, cover them up. Some people find it offensive, well, tough.
As for playing the sympathy card, I think everyone going through chemo deserves all the sympathy they can get, fair play to her.
I have to say I watched the newest instalment on Jade this evening, first of them actually.
I think that we all need to see that each one of us deals with our cancer battle in our own way. Some are never seen without a scarf or wig, indeed some never leave the house other than to go to hospital.
Personally I covered my head for 6 days after losing my hair and then went out bald and proud. It never bothered me, until the cold weather moved in.
I think Jade is ised to the media attention and if her fight brings it home to others just how bloody hard this is then good on her.
She is dealing with her cancer in the way she wants to and if she is as string as she tries to make out I hope she beats this thing. She's been given a 40% chance due to the fact her cancer has spread and is so advanced, they say her tumour was the size of a rugby ball. Her boys are beatiful and I hope she is around to see them grow up. This girl has been through the mill as we all have but her programmes appear to be honest portrayals of her, albeit very short bursts. This evening my heart went out to her as she looked in the mirror at her balding head, no makeup on and you could tell all she wanted to do was sob her heart out but she was trying to hold it in, as I am sure so many of us have done.
I honestly wish Jade all the best, she has shown just exactly what chemo does and how hard it is for a woman to lose her identity and her femininity into the bargain. She has allowed the cameras in to her life and shown the worst side of this disease unlike some celebs who have been given a rough time on here before by looking good. I think some of us need to just let be and worry more about ourselves than what goes on around us. We all have learnt the hard way that life's too short and precious to worry about the tedious things.
I find it hard to care about Jade Goody's baldness.I am desperately sorry for her as I am for any one with cancer.When I lost my hair sometimes I wore a wig,sometimes a hat and sometimes nothing.It depended on what I was comfortable with.I noticed no odd looks,had no comments and the state of my head seemed so unimportant to me.Ironically the only place I always wore a wig was when I was going for chemo!
In my humble opinion.................................which it is, i'm not trying to be confrontational, just saying what I feel...
I belive her poor prognosis is due to her having her cancer for 4 years before it was diagnosed?
I feel sorry for Jade as she is young with young children, its her choice to be in the media spotlight for whatever reasons she has, it is possible for big celebrities to keep out of the spotlight if they want (Kylie was one of them), so if she is happy then so be it and good luck to her.
Can someone tell me why she has a poor prognosis, I thought they had removed her uterus but does she have stage IV now? Sorry i've not kept up to date with her story.
Katiebelu - imho - means in my honest opinion
I had 2 wigs and some scarves, but didnt wear any. I found the wigs to uncomfortable and itchy. When I went out to town I wore a baseball cap, but in every other instance, I just went out with my 'bald' head. must admit, didnt lose hair completely, had stubble, although sparse, but I just felt that if people didn't like my look, it was their problem and I wasnt going to be uncomfortable to suit them. It was how I (and my family) felt that was more important. I now have about an inch of hair, and go everywhere now with nothing on, even town.
We have nothing to be embarrassed about.
that's a shame, imho..................is it sympathy she's after, or is she just saying 'hey, here i am, this is me, who i am today, live with it..........I am!'...............I say good for her!
For what its worth, only one person saw me without a wig and that was my mum. I even slept with a bandana on. I do think SOME people are looking for sympathy when they go out with a bald head.... hey everyone look at me .... For me, the baldness was just a reminder that I had cancer so when I put the wigs on I felt more normal and more able to cope, daft I know but there is no way on this earth I would let family or friends, never mind strangers, seeing me bald, haha. Everyone's different though and each to their own, however regards Jade, yes I do think she is playing the sympathy card.
I have to say, i do feel sorry for jade, it seems a case of 'damned if you do, and damned if you don't'.Last week, the press was saying how devastated she was to lose her hair and how awful it all was............now she chooses to go bald, and they're out for her again.I personally think it's a brave move and i wish i should have the courage to do the same when my hair goes, but i think my own vanity will prevent it, well, that and the cold weather! I do wish her well with her treatment.
I agree that to wear a wig,or not,is very much a personal choice.Prior to cancer I always had long thick hair and could never have imagined being bald,or even having extremely short hair.No one could have been more surprised than me that I'm comfortable with or without the headgear.I just wear whatever is appropriate for the circumstances( wig for social evenings) and weather.I think we all probably have more to worry about than what other folk think and are entitled to deal with cancer in our own way.
I've never been a"Jade Fan",but as a mother of four sons I do empathise with her in her current situation.She hasn't had the benefit of supportive parents and a good upbringing,so I suppose she's done well to find a way of supporting her own two boys and providing some financial security for them.If she'd resorted to living on benefits and dragging her kids up she would have been berated for that.I do agree with Jane about the media emphasis on "cancer beauty" and "bravery and inspiration" nonsense.W're all just dealing with a horrible illness as best we can.I don't feel particularly brave or inspiring.I didn't choose this therefore I'm not brave.I simply consider myself fortunate that I was diagnosed early,have had the appropriate treatment and have a terrific family,colleagues and friends to help me through it all. As two of my friends have had cancer and another is currently having chemo(none of them breast cancer) I've been able to have some really honest conversations about the nastier side of the whole proccess and also a laugh(we all have a sick sense of humour).Howevver,we've no intention of starting up some sort of comedy show to let the public at large know what fun this is! We don't want everyone thinking cancer is a walk in the park (a la Ms Goddard!) eh?
It's a personal choice whether to go bald, wear scarves or wigs. This is the 3rd time I've been bald. The first time I used scarves, the second hats as it was winter and this time have used my wig as my children want me to. For me that is the important thing - for my children to be happy with how I look regardless of what other people who don't know me think. The other 2 occasions they didn't want me to wear a wig so it's odd how they change their opinions.
Want to keep out of the Jade thing but to say I would hate to live my life in media spotlight and never be sure if the media are printing correctly what you said or not regardless of that is how you make your money. Saying I wish to keep out - i think it is hard for her and I hope she gets the right sort of advice from her media advisors and feel so sorry that her cancer was picked up so late.
To go back to heads - I think you have to be true to yourself so you feel comfortable bald, scarved or wigged
I think what ripley says about 'cancer beauty' is spot on.
Celebrating having a not tired day as I am today I took myself off to my favourite local Starbucks just now for coffee and a read of New magazine and Jade Goody.
Jade Goody's job is as a reality B list celeb so of course she will be using the media and I don't blame her for this. Of course the media she uses will trot out the usual well worn lines about bravery and inspiration. In this particular story the focus really is that if you go bald then you must do it in a particular feminine kind of way...ie with beautiful eyebrows, plenty of lipstick and nice earrings.
I think there is a bit of a moral hierarchy among cancer patients about going bald...as though it is superior to 'hiding' under a wig or scarf. (wigs get the fewset bravery points I find...)
Having said all this Jade Goody's story is a sad one...she's ay oung woman and her prognosis is poor and she probably will die of her cancer...how interesting will be the media coverage when that happens. But she's a real woman, scared and sufffering as many of us are. And she is being open about the possibility of her death which makes a refeshing chnage from all those determined people who announce they don't intend to die.
I increasingly think that its impossible to have a normal conversation or discussion about what living with cancer is actually like...so great are the distortions in popular culkture.
I'm three times bald and wear a wig at the moment. When my hair is a centimetre or two long I'll ditch it beacuse I'm a short haired peron anyway. As Jenny says wearing a wig or not should simply be a personal choice and the bald woman is no braver than the bewigged or bescarfed one.
It is a tricky subject but it's great we can all voice our opinions on this knowing that we have all been through hair loss etc. And not digressing from your original post Jen, I think we all concur that you should do whatever you feel comfortable with. When I stopped wearing my wigs (itchy when hair growing back!), and wore a cap I got quite a few stares but the best thing is not to rise to it and just look away.
Elsie, I want to wish you all the luck for Monday, as someone said above, take it one session at a time. I can honestly say it's never as bad as you would think.
Pineapple, we have "spoken" before I think a while ago, and I'm so sorry you are still waiting for hair. Agree with you about Trisha Goddard, I found the woman extremely irritating and dictatorial. She did nothing whatsoever to make anyone going through chemo feel any better at all.
Anyway it's an interesting topic and it's good to chat to you all.
I do actually feel genuinely sorry for Jade, she is a human being like the rest of us, yes I am not in agreement with some of the things she has said and done - but im sure we have all said and done things that are bad too but as she is in the spotlight naturally there are goin to be comments and discussions about her and her life and what she chooses to do is her choice.
I think personallly the wig and bald issue is a very personal experience for us all, and some of us can deal with it and some of us cant. It is not about 'being a cancer patient' its about our own personal thoughts and decisions and comfort with our bodies and how we wish to show ourselves or deal with situations.
I think the Jade Goody reportage is entirely due to the tabloid press and her opinions either way will have very little to do with what we see. If they can get pictures of her with/without hair/wig, they will do so. And of course, she does live her life in the spotlight, for better or for worse. She is used to being portrayed in good and bad light and I think some of the less flattering images show the true story which is so often hidden by the press.
I think the wig question is such a personal one. Some women look all Kylie/Gail Porter without hair, and some (like me couldn't carry off that look in a million years). So I wore a wig for two years.
Sorry Pineapple, that your hair has not come back. I met another lady recently, who was working in a shop going and completely bald so I stopped and explained that I had lost my hair twice and she told me a story similar to yours, that her hair had not come back at all after chemo (2 yrs ago). We had a chat and a laugh and she said thankyou to me - I suspect many people she sees are very 'uncomfortable' with her look and choose to try and ignore it.
Hi Ladies what is undignified is others being nasty about her, she doesnt nor does anyone else need that rubbish. i wonder how these same said people would deal with it. love lainey xx
Taxotere has made me permanatly bald so i look like a cancer patient when i am not.
I wish i had the guts to go out without anything on my head, i really do, but just cant do it. I look ugly bald thats a fact so its not an option for me.
I think Jade looks attractive bald and i am really pleased that she is saying it as it is and not some unreal story like we had from Trish Goddard.
I understand Jade wanting to make every penny from this as she can for her kids - you milk it girl for every penny you can get.
I think she is doing a great job in spreading awareness and not pretending how its changed her life for the better etc and all that crap.
It was an NHS blunder that got her into this situation and i hope she makes a complete recovery even though her prog is not great.
I have mixed feelings about Jade Goody and her bald head/reality tv show. On the one hand I think it's admirable of her to to bare it all and she looks perfectly fine. She's been through the physical demands of surgery, rads and chemo and is now having to confront her hair loss and issues of body image and sexuality quite a while into her chemo treatment. Of course, this is Jade and so it's to be expected that she's not going to be able to articulate these thoughts in the most intelligent or tactful way, which is a shame.
I've been trying to work out why I feel uncomfortable about this "unveiling" and I think it's that not everybody has a make-up artist on hand to enhance your best features or a professional photographer to capture you in flattering lighting and angles, so once again the media portrays an unrealistic image of a woman living with cancer. I know that this is Jade Goody's experience, not mine, but as a result of her baring all I don't want to hear people tell me "Oh don't worry about your hair (or the fact that you look like Orville) - Jade Goody's showing her bald head and she looks allright" as if it's suddenly permissible for me to "liberate" myself in public regardless of how I feel about it. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I'm worried about the media using this to perpetuate notions of "cancer beauty" that they know Jack Schittt about, in the same way that they place pressure on women to to lose pregnancy fat in one month and look fantastic. I think it's positive that Jade bared all, although I get the impression that she felt pressure to stop "hiding under scarves" and show her head for once and for all as if there was some expectation from the public to see her bald (or from the tv producers, perhaps?). She's only just lost her hair, so why the rush? It's freezing out there! Nobody should feel pressurised to bare all, or to hide our heads - it's our own personal preference and sometimes we might even want to do both!
I know this celebrity topic has been addressed on other threads and I don't want to digress from Jen's original post, but I just wanted to say that I think it's really tricky when celebrities face serious illnesses under the media spotlight. At the end of the day it's a money making machine that wants a story and I think it's safe to say that it propagates a lot of misinformation in the process, whether it's due to sheer ignorance or for sensationalist purposes. Personally, I don't like it when the media lauds celebrities as paragons of cancer patient virtue and uses them as examples of good cancer etiquette - what do they know about cancer? As far as I'm aware Kylie did not have Stage IV breast cancer, which I do, so her experience bears absolutely no relevance to me. The same goes for Trisha.
Jade is not a person whose life/opinions I have ever had any interest in, but as she has had secondary spread and a poor prognosis I find that I am more tolerant of her plight (although she still irritates me). My fear is that despite this woman revealing very private and intimate moments of her treatment, we shall still hear the same old generalisations and ignorant comments about cancer. Furthermore, Jade's work commitments and wealth means that she will be portrayed doing certain activities which are not an accurate representation of the majority of people who live with cancer. So, whether her reality tv exposure will enlighten the public at large remains to be seen - we all know first-hand that cancer is such a complex disease and each case is unique. However, if Jade's experience does manage to help challenge perceptions and de-mystify this vile disease (and stop people staring at us) then I shall eat one of my hats and applaud the woman whom I previously dismissed as a pointless product of this tedious reality tv phenomenon.
Elsie, good move to cover all options. Good luck with the treatment.
And good luck with your chemo Elsie....while it's not fun, it's often not as bad as you imagine........just take it a day at a time and before you know it it will be over.
Ha ha ha ha! Deirdre I think the tatoo would have been fab! My husband often gets the urge to ask people 'Would you like to take a picture?' when they cant seem to take their eyes off my offending baldness. 🙂
Cecelia I think you are totally right about Jade. She is exposing everything about herself and I often wish she would just go away and deal with it in private. I wouldnt mind if she made intellegent comments to the press but often she says things that are factually incorrect. Oh well, I guess it's how she makes her money.
I will give you an example of one of the comments made:
"Why does Jade feel the need to go out without a wig or hat? I've been bald from chemotherapy for the past three months and not once have I gone out without either a wig or a hat on. It's too cold for one thing!
I'm quite happy to be bare headed around my house and in front of family and friends but I feel that some people having chemo want to be seen hairless in order to get sympathy which is a bit sad really. "
Nice! I know some people love their wigs but I personally feel like a bit of a fraud in mine. I am so used to being bald now that I look really odd with hair. Having said that I can't wait until I have some of the real stuff back!
Keep hanging in there all you beautiful bald women!
Would like to come in on this one as am about to start chemo om Monday and very aware that I will probs lose my hair though going to try the cold cap? Was in a well known supermarket today buying one or two useful bits and pieces picked up from other threads when I spotted this lady with a number 1 or 2-obviously just growing back in. Being hyper-sensitive at the moment I felt quite emotional, but OH being the diplomatic soul that he is just came right out with it.......and I could have killed him!!
At the moment I really don't know what I want to do or what I will feel comfortable with, but am covering all options-getting fitted for a wig, bought various hats and going to buy scarves......since I hate wearing anything on my head au naturale could be the best bet.....whatever... it is my decision and I have to live with this disease so to hell with anyone else!!
Love to all you wonderful people out there who post on here and allow us to say what we couldn't say to others! xx
My two penn'orth is that it's not undignified to go out with your bald head and there was a genuinely candid photo I saw of Jade today laughing and exposing her head with her personal trainer which was really nice to see. I chose not to show anyone but the couple of people most close to me, but it's totally a personal decision.
I think the problem people are finding with Jade is that she seems to be cashing in on her disease, selling her very personal experiences to TV and papers. There was a photo on the front of one of the papers today of her, half hair out, sobbing..... as we all did as it was coming out I'm sure. I completely understand that she has a bad prognosis and that she is considering her little boys and the future, this is the way she makes her living after all. But there's something a bit "look at me and how I'm suffering" about her approach. It's great of course to bring awareness to the fore but you can do this by retaining some dignity (I'm not talking about exposing your head), like Kylie for example. She was very open about her illness but released statements and the odd photo and a lovely one of her hair growing back. Sorry if this sounds harsh on Jade, I really genuinely wish her all the luck in the world, but it's how I feel about it all.
I didn't bother with a wig when I was first diagnosed and treated, went through it all with baseball caps, sometimes a pretty scarf of an evening in a turban stylie but a lot of the time just in all my baldy glory. I have to admit though, this time (it came back and is now incurable, so lack of hair is a permanent feature) I have already gotten 2 wigs with another one probably planned, and I love em for the fun factor.
I will day to day probably not bother with them, but when dressing up for an evening, or for an important business meeting I will likely pick one. They are all different lengths, 1 funky short, 1 sleek bob, the planned third long, although approx still my redheaded colour, albiet different shades. It's blatent to anyone who sees me day to day I am wearing a wig, but still, I am enjoying it 🙂
However, each to their own is my opinion, we all have to do what we feel comfortable with.
Jen, I agree with you. I had a bagful of wigs and scarves when I started chemo. I got rid of the wigs first. They were just too uncomfortable. Then one day my scarf blew off in the wind and I just thought, sod it, I am bald. If others don't like it, it is their problem.
I was actually having a chavvy weekend with a friend at Butlins at the time, and so got a temporary tatoo on my bald head which my two daughters loved. I did consider tatooing on a message ("what the f+ck are you looking at?" was the top suggestion). But in the end, I had a sort of sun type thing.
I started going out with my bald head more and more after that and was surprised that I got quite a few funny looks - even at the Marsden when you would expect to find bald people. I say if more women went bald, then more would have the courage to go bald. It's quite liberating, really.
Now my hair is growing back. And actually I think I preferred being bald to the mad professor look. My hair just won't lie down and is sticking out in all directions. I have even considered clippering it really short again.
I was reading an article about Jade Goody going out flaunting her new bald head. People had commented on the article and I was surprised by the number of women who have suffered cancer who suggested that she should cover it up and that it was undignified.
I don't like my wig and I am sick of scarves so unless I am going to work or somewhere fancy I tend to have my noggin on show. Even now that I have fluff and I look like a new born canary!
A lot of the time people actually think I look less like a cancer patient (many don't even realise) without the scarves. I may not feel particularly attractive a lot of the time and I do get some funny looks, but I am an ex-pat living in Sydney and it's bloody hot! So hats scarves and wigs are nowhere near as comfortable.
I just think that no-one should be judged for being a baldy and letting it all hang out sometimes, especially by other cancer patients who should understand the many things that the person is having to deal with besides being bald. If people want to wear wigs and try to look normal I respect that too but we are all entitled to make our own choices and handle our situation in our own way.
There is nothing undignified about a bald head!
Anyway, rant over. What do others think?