January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

[Dana1]

Had three tats as well. I finished rads 20th Dec and se were mainly discolouration under boob and arm pit pigment changes like lots of moles. Skin a bit sore towards end and weeks after rads finished and the square tide mark that comes down your sternum and across your breast, which is the coverage area. I used aqueous twice a day, sometimes put a tissue down bra to stop rubbing from car bumping along and cabbage leaf! Sanex zero deodorant as it contains no aluminium and just simple soap to wash. You get into the swing of it after a few sessions. Oh and remember to still do arm exercises at the skin will tighten up. My sister suggested it was like what happened to flesh when you sear a bit of meat. Nice image lol. Good luck one and all. Xx

[elma55]

..three tats for you too Nally! No shaving, deodorants, perfumed soaps etc anywhere near surgery sites. Preferably no serious weight loss or gain during RT as this does change position of tattoos xx

[Nally]

I've got one tattoo in the middle and one either side of ribs.

Was told to shower/bathe as normal, just pat skin dry rather than rubbing.  Was given a tube of aqueous cream at the hospital (about a 15cm tube?) and told that would be sufficient for all the treatment and there was no point in slopping tons more on 🙂 

Wasn't told anything about deodorants/shaving etc

Back to work lol.  Anyone any good with declarations of trust/discretionary trusts/subsequent sale of a property and the restriction at the Land Registry?  No?  OK, I'll get on with it then. 

Happy Tuesday

[elma55]

Hi Mands, thanks for your reply on my earlier thread..hadn't seen it at the point I commented here! See my onc tomorrow so will mention it to her too. If I need to have seroma drained or take ab's I'd rather get it over with before planning meeting to avoid any delays with rads. Interesting that you only had 2 tats..most of the ladies on my chemo thread have had one on both sides and one in the middle...thanks again xx

[Boxofrogs]

3 down 22 to go. Today's zapping turned out not to go as smoothly. They couldn't position me properly and said I might have changed shape! Since Friday??? Anyhow I had to go through the measuring process again. With all the waiting it took 3 hours. I started to feel a bit overwhelmed and got quite upset towards the end. They reassured me it can happen quite often in the first week or so. An explanation is hat as we get more used to the process we relax more and that can make lining up the dots more difficult. Ho hum...

[Kipper107]

Had my first session today. It was sort of ok, 45 minutes messing around and a couple of minutes treatment. I was very very calm till I got to the hospital and then it hit me again, I had managed to forget the whole cancer thing for the last few weeks. I am sure its imagination but I already feel sore - hopefully it will all seem less crap tomorrow. I am having private treatment in the same hospital I had my chemo so perhaps it's being back there again that freaked me out.

Only 22 more to go 🙂

[Mand]

Hi Elma here is what I posted in response to your question on the other thread. I hope it helps you ...........

Hi Elma

I had my surgery on 21st November. I start 23 days of radiotherapy on Thursday. I have had a seroma in the breast since surgery and like you they are loathed to drain or interfere with it due to possible infection and as it is so close to the surgery area. I had 5mm lumpectomy so at the same time as surgery I had some reconstruction on the breast too.

I had my CT scan and planning appointment on NYE. The tatoo markings are absolutely minute and you can hardly see them. There are normally two tatoos - one in the middle of your breasts and one at the side of your rib cage, not at all on the breast at all. It depends where your seroma is but if it is in the breast or under the armpit I can't see it interfering with their measuring and realignment.

I hope this helps but perhaps also ask the radiotherapists at your planning meeting.

Good luck - love Mands xxx

[Mand]

Thanks Kate for sharing the first of the treatments with us all. I think we should all treat ourselves to a little luxury at the beginning, middle and end. What do you think? A good idea?! I think I will, any excuse to spoil myself lol.

Did they say anything about what type of soap etc to use. Also deodorant if any. I've read lots of threads on here and I think different hospitals have different policies. Also, it would be useful to know whether to stock up on aqueous cream or aloe Vera - again, lots of opinions on both on here.

Has anyone had any side effects on the tamoxifen yet? I was supposed to pick mine up last week but consultant letter to GP was delayed! I'm picking it up on Wednesday.

Hope all are doing well.

Love Mands xxx

[elma55]

Hello Ladies, I have my rads planning meeting on 27th January and wont start rads until sometime in February so not really a January Jem 🙂  I had mx with ANC, followed by chemotherapy which I finish tomorrow.  Notice Mand that you still have a seroma..me too!  Were your RT team at all concerned about treating you with seroma still in situe?  Whereabouts is your seroma in relation to your rads treatment zone?  Hope you dont mind me asking..I'm worried that my tattoos will change position during treatment period because seroma keeps changing position as it gradually dissipates. Will obviously raise it at planning meeting but would be good to know what the protocol is elsewhere in advance, thanks! xx

[Nally]

I'm with Mands on the CT and planning.  Mine was very similar when I had it on Christmas Eve. 

Just back from the infirmary from first radiotherapy.  Staff were all absolutely fantastic.  Discussed skin care and diet etc then on to the table.  They offered me the option of a gown, but it doesn't bother me, so I didn't use one.  Less washing lol.

You lie down and then they start to position you.  You have to lie absolutely still whilst they manhandle you (whilst apologising) and get you in position.  They are then talking over you (again the apologised) whilst double checking absolutely every measurement.  Got drawn on a bit more in marker pen, but getting used to being written on.  When they were absolutely ready, they went out of the room and the machine did its stuff.  Very quick, very little noise.  Can't feel a thing.

Nice, helpful chatty staff who I had the utmost confidence in.  Then I've had a little walk back to the office as I work in town.  Sun was nearly out and it was really quite pleasant.  I did pop into Fenwicks as I was walking past and spent £15 on a Radley purse in the sale, so all in all I feel like I've had quite a positive day so far.  As long as I don't go in daily, I'll be fine. 

I must admit I was a tad apprehensive this morning, but I really really shouldn't have been.  It was all absolutely fine.  Obviously no side effects just yet, but it really wasn't a nasty experience.

Kate x

[Mand]

Hi all, for those still to have their CT scan and planning meeting I just wanted to give some tips and insight into what it entails.

Re clothing - I can't really manage wearing a bra at the moment because of the seroma I have. So, for me, and it might help others that don't want to bare all (if you're like me I'm fed up of exposing everything to medical staff), you might just like to wear a camisole top. If you don't have one - primark are best. Little stretchy tops that give a bit of support when not wearing a bra. This way, when you get undressed you can just pull it down when you get on the machine. You can keep your lower clothing and shoes or boots on. Jewellery also unless it is a necklace can be worn.

I've had MRI scans before so it is nothing at all like that. To me it was like being put head first in to a washing machine lol. Some call it a doughnut and that is a true. It takes very little time. They line you up with the laser guides and align you in to a position. I had heard some had said you were prodded and manhandled but I didn't feel that was the case with me.

Once they feel they have you in position they go out of the room. They can see you by a window and can still communicate with you. I was left at the maximum for 10 mins.

Once they have their measuring, they will tatoo you. This is a really insignificant little black dot. As I was lying down I had to imagine what they were doing but they seem to pin prick you and add a bit or black ink. They usually do two marks. One between your breasts and one to the side. These are markers used to line you up on the machines.

Really, the CT scan and planning is absolutely nothing. For me personally it was the mental side of things. Getting my head round through another month and a half of treatment and possibly the unknown - how was I going to deal with any SEs.

I hope this will help any newcomers to the radiotherapy treatment and if I have left anything out and you want to ask questions then please do.

Mands xxx ps - sorry my tips and explanation on the scan was later than I had hoped to post but I did have a few down days after.

[Mand]

Good luck for tomorrow kipper. Good for you re the exercise and no alcohol. I'm afraid I have put on weight since surgery so I am going to try and get fit by walking some of the way to my sessions. Alcohol? I'm afraid I'm not giving that up at the moment. Not going to be that hard on myself but hoping radiotherapy will change my taste for a glass of wine lol. There's got to be some benefits of all this to help us! Let us know how you get on sweetie xxx

[Kipper107]

First session tomorrow.  Have been trying to get fit by going to the gym for an hour a day and no alcohol at all this month 😞

I am hoping the side effects don't kick in for a while!

[Mand]

Hi Nally and welcome. I've not been on for a couple of days so sorry for late response. I start on Thursday so you'll be ahead of a few of us. Good luck for Monday and let us know how it goes. I've been suffering with a seroma since surgery so it has been getting me down a bit. Lets hope the next 5 weeks go quickly for us. Love Mands xxx

[Nally]

Evening girls :). I'm due to start radio next Monday, so although I'm sliding in to the party sideways and late, I'd love to join?

Had wle and snb Oct 24th, then back in on 21 Nov as hadn't got clear margins. CT, planning and tattoos in Christmas Eve.

Am desperately trying to believe that there is at least the possibility of getting through radio with little in the way of side effects, or am I just kidding myself? Anyway, like every other aspect of this, we'll all get through in different ways. Will be good to at least be able to compare notes though?

I'm trying to work on a mainly 'clean eating' diet and juicing etc to help me through? My main mental issue at the moment is that I've promised myself a dry January :(. That's the bit that's making me miserable. Which is mighty sad by any standards .....

[Mand]

Max - how you doing sweetie. Xxx

[Mand]

Sorry Sans, I missed your post. Do still stay with us and let us know how you're doing. Another month of waiting is going to be a killer. I know throughout this journey the waiting is the worst. Hoping that you will heal soon and you are welcome to take and give support here. Sending you a hug sweetie. Mands xxx

[Mand]

Hi boxofrogs, you deserve a feet up and a large glass of wine tonight. Well done you for the cycling. I really must try to get fit myself! I understand that we will need each others support further down the line when SE kick in but I'm glad your first session went ok. It's more in our heads really. Re your hair - your beauty far outshines within than outwardly. Remember that. It was something my boss said to me and it is very very true. Thinking of you and pump those legs girl on you bike! I'm behind you - literally lol xxx

[Boxofrogs]

Well, I'm back home. The worst bit was the cycling. The rads itself was just lots of bleeps, clunks, and whirs. Of course, the SE are accumulative so we should all be ok for the first few sessions. Got some more aqueous cream and my tamoxifen, gulp. I have made a point of not getting too bogged down re SE, and though I have tried to steer clear of discussions on the subject, it is hard to avoid and I pretty much know what to expect. However reading the leaflet is a sobering moment. I'm most upset with reading about the SE re hair. I've a very patchy bit of fluff, but have been getting quite excited seeing some new growth.

[Sans61]

Hi January gems,

I thought I would be joining you all however it looks like I will now be starting in Feb.. Due to infection around Snb wound, large dose of antibiotics seem to be doing the trick.

will still be watching posts throughout hoping for a few tips how to manage any side effects, (here's hoping there is not many) Thinking of you all 

---

@Mand wrote:
Hi all you lovely ladies and welcome to boxofrogs, dancinpip and Britbox. It helps so much to know that we are not alone and that we all have to allow ourselves our wobbly days! I just couldn't stop crying through the whole of NYE. It isn't a particularly a great time for me normally so I felt an immense darkness the last couple of days. What has helped me is that you ladies are honest, can be honest here with the rest of us. The word "positive" - I am fed up of hearing lol. Of course, we are trying to remain positive but some times we JUST don't feel that positive. Our friends and family try to be there for us but we all know how WE feel and that they can't imagine really how we feel. I still don't know why I just wanted to cry and cry but it is probably as magical moon says - it was the sheer realisation of the next stage. Believe me when I say that I know the treatment will be okay and that I'll get through it. It is just my head and emotions. I know I'm not ever going to be the same person before all this. I just know the positive I can take from this journey is that our lives are precious. We are doing everything possible to rid our lives of this disease. It is not an easy journey. I do still count myself lucky. I know I am. This is a place where I can be down if I want to be. Tell you how I feel. It is too much to share with family and friends. I know I can help you ladies and I know you can help me. Lets just get through this together. Boxofrogs - you are our First Lady to start treatment so my thoughts are with you today. Dancinpip - I will be starting tamoxifen. I have GP appointment tomorrow. To everyone here - let's kick this together. Love to you all. Mands xxx

---

 

Sans

[Mand]

Hi all you lovely ladies and welcome to boxofrogs, dancinpip and Britbox. It helps so much to know that we are not alone and that we all have to allow ourselves our wobbly days! I just couldn't stop crying through the whole of NYE. It isn't a particularly a great time for me normally so I felt an immense darkness the last couple of days. What has helped me is that you ladies are honest, can be honest here with the rest of us. The word "positive" - I am fed up of hearing lol. Of course, we are trying to remain positive but some times we JUST don't feel that positive. Our friends and family try to be there for us but we all know how WE feel and that they can't imagine really how we feel. I still don't know why I just wanted to cry and cry but it is probably as magical moon says - it was the sheer realisation of the next stage. Believe me when I say that I know the treatment will be okay and that I'll get through it. It is just my head and emotions. I know I'm not ever going to be the same person before all this. I just know the positive I can take from this journey is that our lives are precious. We are doing everything possible to rid our lives of this disease. It is not an easy journey. I do still count myself lucky. I know I am. This is a place where I can be down if I want to be. Tell you how I feel. It is too much to share with family and friends. I know I can help you ladies and I know you can help me. Lets just get through this together. Boxofrogs - you are our First Lady to start treatment so my thoughts are with you today. Dancinpip - I will be starting tamoxifen. I have GP appointment tomorrow. To everyone here - let's kick this together. Love to you all. Mands xxx

[Boxofrogs]

Haven't got round to reading all the posts but want to say to Maz that I have come to realise that luck is so very relative. You have had a life threatening illness and so it is quite normal to go to dark places. No one escapes unscathed. And to try to place yourself in the luck scale can sometimes be useful, but not always. I think the only time we will be able to truly feel the luck is when we meet those all important milestones. I too have been in very dark places recently. I have been struggling with the fear that I will never be able to be totally carefree. That the spectre of cancer is always lurking. However I am assuming others are totally carefree and I don't think this is the reality. If I am truthful to myself I was not totally carefree before dx and one of the positive things cancer has done for me is provide a different perspective on things. I found Xmas and NY quite difficult because I perceive others as being able to immerse themselves in festivities whereas I cannot, but it is just a state of mind and I remind myself I won't always feel like this.

[Boxofrogs]

Hi JJ's, so glad to find this thread, and would love to join. I start my rads today, yay. Just trying to plan my journey. Had a kind of NY plan to start getting fitter and to try to lose all the weight I've put on. I plan to cycle part way and then catch train. After the rads I will have had the lot, mx in June and then ANC 3/11 nodes affected, 3fec3t. I too am her2- hormone receptive. I will report back later on how I got on...

[Britbox]

Hello ladies..
I'm starting my radiotherapy too on 8th January, so would love to join your thread...As is usual for me, I wrote a long and humorous insight into my cancer, and treatment, but unfortunately the post button sent it into cyberspace never to be seen again!..Probably just as well because it's not really the way I'm feeling at the moment. Everyone sees me as the clown, and I admit, no matter how dark my thoughts have been, or how scared I've been since I was diagnosed in September, I've kept up the pretence, and plastered on the smile. Even with the medical staff, I laugh and joke through whatever procedure I've had done, as they were giving me my anaesthetic, I was still cracking jokes.

I feel such a fraud because everyone is saying how wonderful I am in not letting it get to me, how well I've coped and what an inspiration I am. What I am actually, in reality, at the moment behind the false smile and laughter is someone I don't know or like.

I know how damned lucky I am to have had my cancer found at an early and treatable stage. Even though it was invasive ductal carcinoma, it was discovered before it had time to do too much damage, and my SNB proved it hadn't spread to my lymph nodes. It was quite kind, my tumour, in that it, (or Clive as I called it) decided to prove HER2 negative and hormone receptor positive. So all in all, I got off really light..Surgery, the forthcoming rads, and then the standard 5 years of hormone therapy, the only hiccup in all of this has been a stubborn and painful seroma, and slight cording..

You'd think I'd have everything to be happy about having such a positve prognosis. I have been so fortunate in escaping chemotherapy, the one thing I dreaded when I was first diagnosed. Everything to look forward to BUT, for the last two weeks, I've found myself in a pit of black despair. it's vile, and I should be ashamed of myself. I feel really guilty when I find myself sobbing uncontrollably, or wondering what the point of keep on fighting this thing is. how selfish is that when there are millions of women out there who would love to stand in my shoes?

Anyways, I'm sorry to depress you all ladies, it's not my Intention. I applaud everyone on this forum for their braveness, honesty and determination. As I said, I'm not normally all doom and gloom..It's just a temporary fault. I'm going to give myself a good talking to, a kick up the backside, carry on, and hope when I wake up tomorrow, I find that the person I know as me has returned. She's been AWOL too long! LOL

Sending all you fellow ' January Jems' , love, healing vibes and laughter.

Maz. Xx

[dancingpip]

Have you started on tamoxifen or anastrozole, Mand? The reason I ask is that on day 14 of anastrozole I had a complete meltdown and was uncharacteristically weeping over everything and everyone. A woman at the local supermarket had a parking ticket and I was weeping in sympathy for her because life is so unfair !  Don't worry about the radio-therapy. I found that the simulator and the psychological build up was far more traumatic than the treatment. However I DO REALLY recommend that you take a cabbage leaf in a cool-bag wrapped around an ice pack and as soon as you put your clothes on then whack the cabbage leaf over your breast - it is really soothing. I did that everyday and it was great- I know it sounds stupid but it worked for me! Take the centre rib out iof the leaf because the heat from your body makes the leaf cook and the centre stem starts to smell like school dinners.
Aloe Vera was good too. And when my redness and spots appeared I used 1% hydrocortisone cream from the oncologist. keep positive. Thinking of you . Pip X

[Mand]

Thank you magical moon. I am so emotional. Sorry to you and everyone. It wasn't the appointment, that went okay. It was just realising that I have at least another month or two of all this. I am normally a strong person but it feels like I've been hit by something I have no control over. I know, really know, it will be all okay. I just can't seem to lift this feeling that has overcome me. I know I am lucky because I haven't experienced a mastectomy or chemotherapy - two things that I didn't want but (I am sorry) I just feel really down. I'm sorry I don't want to scare anyone. It really wasn't the appointment. Just as you say, the enormity of it all. I have managed really well up until now! M xxx

[Magical_Moon]

Sending you a cyber hug Mands.
I was emotional too after my simulation planning.
It is another big stepping stone along your BC pathway when you are about to embark on many days of radiotherapy. Your emotions are a reaction to the unknown challenge ahead of you and the reality of your current predicament.
You are going to be fine.
Once your radiotherapy starts and you get the first two sessions completed you get into the daily routine.
Take one day at a time and try not to think too much about the total amount of treatments ahead of you.
M x

[Mand]

Hi all. Sorry all. I'm a tad emotional. I have no idea why. I just keep crying and can't seem to stop. Appointment went okay. I'll post tomorrow what happened for those still to have the pre appointment. Sorry all. I'm really low at the moment. I'll be okay. Just need to get through this wobbly day! Mands xxx ps happy new year to you all xxx

[ashbymeadow]

Hi Mands

Well just back from planning and scan.All went ok.was very stressed re the uknown expereince,But no problem.No dates yet for radiotherapy...about 2-3 weeks expected.Have now got my tattoos(markers) etc.

How did your appt go?

Jacqui

[Mand]

Thank you magical moon. Those tips will definitely help us all - thanks for sharing and I hope you got a better nights sleep xxx

Welcome Kipper - I am sure you will get lots of support from me and the ladies here going through much the same. I am just going for my CT and planning appointment and will share the experience when I return. Hugs to all xxx

[Kipper107]

I am starting 25 sessions of radiotherapy on the 6rh January and have been taking tamoxifen for the last 3 weeks or so.  Was diagnosed in March, had 4 EC and 4 TAC followed by a therapeutic mammoplasty in November.  My surgeon has agreed to do the reduction on my good side as soon as I feel up to it so the end is in sight!

[Magical_Moon]

Thank you very much Mands.
Please don't be anxious about your radiotherapy simulation set up planning appointment tomorrow. It is very straight forward and does not take long.
When the radiologist is positioning your arm above your head make sure you tell her if it feels uncomfortable because she will manoeuvre the arm rests in order to find a position most comfortable for you.
It is important to get the position comfortable in the simulation set up planning because every day you go for your rads treatment they use the scan taken at the set up to replicate the exact position again and again.
You cannot change your position during treatment because the radiation physicist and dosimetrist have designed your treatment based on your set up scan plus other key things.
Also, your arm on the affected BC side does become stiff during treatment due to having to hold a position while being zapped. The stiffness is a normal reaction.
Good luck with you appointment tomorrow Mands. I am sure you will breeze through it.
I will be thinking about you tomorrow.
Peace and Positivity,
M x

[Mand]

Hi magical moon, you've been constantly on my mind over Christmas. So sorry you've had and are still having a rough time of it. I had heard that problems can set in after you stop radiotherapy and for you it certainly has. I hope each day you get better and stronger and that hopefully you are over the worst.

I go tomorrow for the CT scan and radiotherapy planning appointment in Harley Street, London. I'm anxious understandably but just want to get started so that I can finish this next stage. Jacqui/Ashby, I know you too go tomorrow so I am sending you, magical moon and everyone my love and support.

Keep in touch magical moon - I so hope you feel better soon. You're in my thoughts big time sweetie.

Mands xxx

[Magical_Moon]

Sorry not replied sooner Mands.
I've had a tough time since Christmas Eve with severe radiation dermatitis.
It has affected my sleep, caused intense itchy, inflamed skin and made me feel very fatigued.
In desperation, I rang the oncology triage nurse yesterday for help and advice.
She recommended buying Piriton antihistamine tablets.
The tablets are working and I don't feel half as distressed today. Wish I had rang her much earlier instead of suffering in silence. Oh well, lesson learnt.
I don't want to worry any January Gem ladies about to start their radiotherapy treatment.
Everyone reacts differently to rads depending on your radiation dose, type of skin, susceptibility to allergies etc.
Just be aware that the radiation continues to work within your breast/body for at least 10 days after your last treatment because of its half life properties.
Also, remember the Piriton solution if the aqueous cream and hydrocortisone cream hasn't worked 100% to resolve any skin problems.
Peace and Positivity,
M x

[Mand]

Hi magical moon, how are you doing? I know that you were a bit emotional following the end of your radiotherapy treatment so I wanted to check that you were okay. Would love to hear from you. Sending you a big hug sweetie. Mands xxx

[Mand]

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope you are all having a lovely time and are being spoilt. Love especially to our lovely magical moon. Call me if you want to have a natter oh gorgeous one. Thinking of you very much today and I hope you are treating yourself to a couple of gin and tonics. Bottoms up !! Love Mands xxx

[lizzy22]

I have to see oncologist on the 8th January and I think I start my treatment the following week. I start taking Tamoxifon on the 8thJan.

Kath xx

[Mand]

Hi Kath, welcome to our little club! Do you have any dates yet? Ashby/Jacqui and I have our CT scan and planning meeting on NYE so we can tell you how that goes. You too have a lovely Christmas and NY. Let's hope it is a better one for us all. Mands xxx

[lizzy22]

Hi Mands I will be starting radiotherapy in January and will also be taking tamoxifin for 2 years and then Letrozole for 3 years. I have to have 15 sessions of radiotherapy. It will be good speaking to other ladies having radiotherapy at same time.

Hope everybody has a wonderful christmas

kath xxx

[Mand]

Hi ashby/Jacqui - I do try to stay positive and strong but believe me I don't always feel it! I don't sleep very well and perhaps flag around midday so I take an afternoon sleep. I used to resist this but now I just go with what my body tells me.

I am determined to have a good Christmas. I have my two boys - even if I have to put a front on for them then I will. I can then go away and know I have done my best and feel a bit sorry for myself.

On the whole I think I am doing well. I can't afford to get too down as I know this won't do me any good.

I can't wait until I am sitting down to Christmas dinner with my boys. Only then will I pat myself on my back and know that I have done a great job.

The way I cope is to think how lucky I am. The two things I didn't want to go through at the beginning of this journey was a mastectomy and chemotherapy. I have been so so so lucky to escape both of these and I know I could have gone through so so so much more and worse than I have had to. That's the way I deal with it. I do have bad days but I try not to have too many. Perhaps at the end of treatment and reconstructive surgery I may have a complete meltdown lol. But, I know for now, I just can't afford that.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

Keep smiling gorgeous - we shall get there.

Mands xxx

[ashbymeadow]

I meant 31 Dec .stupid me i put 29th dec

[ashbymeadow]

wish i was feeling as positive as you.I am feeling very tired and it is hard to think of christmas and happiness.
Jacqui

[Mand]

Ashby/Jacqui - you're such a copycat lol. Amazing that we are both going through this journey with same diagnosis, surgery and radiotherapy dates. How strange is that. Having said that I know that you are probably feeling just as anxious as I am to get through this journey. We know it is all doable and we will get to the end. I can already see light at the end of the tunnel. Together on this thread we will support each other and other little gems going through radiotherapy. Mands xxx

[Mand]

Hi magical moon,

I didn't mean to make you cry. In fact you made me cry reading that you were crying - what a pair we make!

I mean it about speaking to you over the holidays. I really would like to be there for you if you need someone that can relate to you. We could just be silent and listen to each other sobbing if that helps lol.

I would be alone if it wasn't for my two sons. They have found it so so difficult and in fact just buried their heads in the sand through this journey as they do not know what to say or do but I know I am very lucky to have them with me.

I know what being lonely feels like and not having anyone close to to share your dark time with and I know this forum has brought us both a lot of comfort, support and information.

I really hope your last session of radiotherapy today was not too bad and hey listen - you are allowed to feel emotional. We all are gorgeous. I am going to PM you my mobile number and please do contact me at any time before, during or after the Christmas period. You can just call or text me and I'll call you back if you wish. I'm hoping you're in the UK!!!!???? Lol. Even if you were far away I would still talk to you and let you know I am thinking about you sweetie xxx

Lots of love. Mands xxx

[ashbymeadow]

Hi mands

Well we both on the same track.I too have CT scan for 29Dec and radiotherapy to follow in January.Operation was 28th Nov.same as you.Yes we must all share our days in treatment.I have 3 weeks of days a week.

Jacqui

[Magical_Moon]

Thank you Jo and Mands.
You've made me cry with your kindness.
I've been excessively emotional since my radiotherapy.
It is the reality of living with BC even though I am grateful for being 'cancer free'.
Peace and Positivity everyone.
M xxx
PS Now I have puffy eyes as well as dark circles under them. Ha, ha. Time to get some makeup on before I go for my last zapping at the hospital.
Think I might take a box of tissues with me!!!
Deep breaths.
Sniff.
Wipes away tears.
Repeats mantra....... "I CAN DO IT.......IT'S OK"

[Jo_BCC]

Hi Magical Moon

Over the Christmas period our moderation team will be 'dipping in and out' of the forums checking that everyone is okay, so if you need to have a chat feel free, there may be a time delay in you getting a reply but I am sure one of my colleagues will be only too happy to reply and chat to you, or anyone else that needs to.

Take care,

Jo, Moderator

[Mand]

You're welcome to come and spend Christmas with me sweetie?

I hope tomorrow is not too emotional for you.

A gin and tonic - I toast you!

Let me know how you get on and if you want someone to talk to on Christmas Day or any other time over the Christmas holidays, I will call you - anytime and I mean that. Let me know and I'll PM you my number.

Thinking of you very much. "Tits up"? Let it be bottoms up over a couple of G&Ts!!!! I'll certainly be toasting you at the Christmas table lovely.

Stay strong and never feel you're only when you have me and all the other ladies here.

Sending you lots of love. Mands xxx

[Magical_Moon]

Hello Mand,
Thank you for wishing me good luck for my last treatment tomorrow. I know I am going to be emotional saying goodbye to the radiographers at Clatterbridge Cancer Centre. They have been lovely and work so hard. Goodbyes always bring a lump to my throat at the best of times.
No partying for me Christmas Eve but I will have a large gin and tonic to celebrate finishing my radiotherapy treatment.
I do not have any family so I'll be having a very quiet Christmas on my lonesome. I should have been spending the whole of December on a beach soaking up the tropical sunshine. But I had to cancel my holiday escape when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. As the saying goes, "Everything went tits up!!!"
When I spend Christmas alone it does not feel half as bad on a beach sunbathing and swimming in the sea. I can mingle with all the other sun worshipers. Whereas the UK is always full on promoting 'family' Christmases which magnifies my situation at this time of year.
On a positive note, I can watch whatever Christmas TV programmes I like, I only have to cook for one, and the chocolate treats last for much longer!!!
Merry Christmas everyone.
M xxx

[Mand]

Magical moon - good luck for your last session tomorrow. I doubt that you'll feel like partying on Christmas Eve but at least you can put your radiotherapy visits behind you! Enjoy Christmas. Are you with family? I hope so! Lots of love sweetie xxx