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January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Oh H darling, I'm sorry to hear your latest news. I had a counselling session today and have near enough cried on and off since I left the clinic. Hearing your news has touched me. Please stay in touch and let me know how you get on. Thinking of you as I turn in for the night. You'll be my first thought when I wake. Sending you a HUGE hug sweetheart xxx

Jacqui - pleased to hear you have got on okay with the treatment. Mands xxx

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Hi Ladies


I thought I'd catch up with you all!  My plans have gone completely haywire - I've now got to have a mastectomy as they didn't get a clear margin.  There's not much breast to play with, so the whole thing's coming off.


I've still been following you all as I get alerts each time you reply - you're all doing so well and are nearly at the end of this horrible nightmare.  It certainly hasn't been a walk in the park for you all!


I don't know if I will still need radiotherapy - the nurse says yes, the oncologist says no!  I might feel better having it though.  Am also starting to think of having a double - but that's for another thread!


I think I'm seeing the plastic surgeon on Friday so should have a date for the op.  


I hope you've enjoyed your new handbags and champagne, or whatever other treats you have got for yourselves, goodness knows we deserve it!


Take care


H xx


Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Hi Ladies,Just read all you comments re days left.Feeling a bit quilty as i finished today.now awaiting the red burning boob,Emotional upsets etc over the next 10 days.Was strange when i left my gown behind today and said bye to radiologists..all lovely people who you feel you know.Thinking of you all.Jacqui xx

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

I have 2 left, should have been one but the machine was broken one day last week. I'll be glad because the skin on my neck is very pink and has started to peel. Looking forward to a celebratory meal out on Thursday evening, as it's also my middle son's 10th birthday.

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Just one for me, I am bubbling with excitement 🙂

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Day 19 down and 5 more to go!!!! I'm not counting lol. Mands xxx

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Nally, I get the sore nipple - it catches on everything!

Kipper, 2 more for you and 5 more for me - were nearly there!

Beatrice, how are you doing xxx

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Kipper, we need a 'like' button ? 🙂

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Who'd be a girl eh? 😍x x

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

I will toast you all on Wednesday! Have a lovely bottle of Tattinger that has been waiting for a good reason and I can think of no better reason than having actually beaten this thing!

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

I am lucky I don't have any issues with my nipple! That is mainly because I don't have one anymore!!  I knew one day I would be pleased that had happened 🙂


I am actually losing the other one next week as well - at least I will match.


Have to say I feel quite squeamish thinking about how sore you must be!! Hope it gets better soon.

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Evening everyone.

I'm loving the champagne idea. Excellent way forward!

I shouldn't be grumbling, I'm very nearly through this but boy am I grumpy today!!

Last radiotherapy was last Monday. I escaped side effects very well, but over the last couple of days, my nipple is sooooo sore (would be at a weekend wouldn't it?). Lymph node scar has taken a bit of a beating too and skin broken down a bit. Bought some large dressings from superdrug and have just had a shower and put that on - just so nothing touches this nipple for a bit. How can you accidentally rub it/touch it so much?!

Been out this evening doing some work for a bit. Therefore just undergone transformation from formal dress and coat, heels and lippy being ultra professional and morphed into a clean but tired person sat on the floor, in dressing gown, with a can of cider, cheese and crackers and ipad.

Temporarily I'm feeling mighty indignant that any of us have this absolutely horrible thing to go through.


There. Bit better now ...

ps why is a sore nipple winding me up? still?

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY


I hope you have a couple of glasses ready for me to toast you too?!

There was me thinking that you were catching a chill with your top off for all that time lol.

I am in happy land too as today is a week until I have my last zap. I can't wait.

Saw BC nurse today. I thought that they would give me something after last zap to clear the really bad burn under my boob. It's got larger and looks like it is getting much worse. I couldn't move without the dressing. Apparently, I won't receive any treatment on it until day 14 after treatment as the radiotherapy will still be in my body. That news gave me a bit of a downer but I am still in happy land knowing that I am nearly there.

Mand xxx

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Oh I knew it was going too well. Machine broke today just when I was taking my top off!  Two and half hours to fix it but I was determined to wait because there is NO way I am going past Wednesday.  Didn't leave the hospital until after 6 but still managed an hours work out so feeling very virtuous.  Just in case you were worrying I did put my top back on for the long wait 🙂


Only 2 more sessions - as you can see I am demob happy.  Have decided champagne is in order on Wednesday (had been planning to wait until after my surgery) so on my way to put it in the fridge right now!



Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Hey Kipper and Beatrice - I feel like a group hug is in order! WE ARE ALL AMAZING ladies. We all have an inner strength that we need to call upon at times in our lives. We certainly have done that in fighting this disease. Kipper - you are a fighter and you will carry on with your life in a different way to you had planned but better to be on your own or with possibly someone else (we don't know what our futures hold for us?!) than to live or be with someone that doesn't have respect for us or love us. Beatrice - I'm sorry for your loss but pleased your OH has been there for you.

Last week (and one day) of radiotherapy treatment. Bring it on - I can't wait to finish!

Sending you lovely ladies lots of hugs xxxx

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Hello again Kipper


Sorry I made you tearful. Well as I said earlier there's not much I can say to erase the sad situations you have had to face but it is surprising what we manage to overcome. I too hate the comments 'oh you look so well' and 'how brave you are' because we do run out of strength and try to hide it from others so to be fair to them they don't really know. But the strength comes from having absolutely no choice and those people who said to you that you could cope because you'd coped before were very insensitive.


I'm glad to hear you are trying the counselling and that your stepson is trying to make a difference with his support for you. And if he feels you're worth that effort how can you possibly be a bad person? Don't beat yourself up for being fragile, try to use it as a starting point to pull away from some very bad times - for no other reason than you are worth it.


Beatrice x

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Thank you Beatrice, that brought tears to my eyes.  


I was completely floored by my husband's actions, he was and still is like a different person to me.  I have had some pretty **bleep** things happen to me in my life - I lost my leg following a car accident and my first husband died when I was 33.  I had been married to my second husband for 14 years and I honestly thought things were OK.   He said some really really bad things during the break up (and of course it later transpired there was another woman) and I carried those things with me for most of last year.  At some point recently I realised that I was not a bad person and that he actually had been very cruel and that said more about him than me.  I have stopped all contact with him and that is making me feel happier I think.  I have no children but am a step mother to a 22 year old who has been a huge help to me and is still devastated by what his father has done.  


I hate all the strong stuff - I remember last year being so angry that people kept saying you have dealt with so much you will deal with this.  I felt that perhaps I was out of strength and that life was so unfair.   But I guess I am strong after all.  


Although I am hugely better than I was I know I am still very fragile so I am having weekly counselling to help me deal with all this crap.  


Thank you again for your nice words, they meant alot.

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Kipper107 and Mand


Not sure I am qualified to comment on your personal circumstances but only wished to post how I feel for you both suffering from your relationships, and especially Kipper being hurt so recently whilst you're going through hell with breast cancer! I too suffered loss - my lovely mum passed away just before my diagnosis but at least I am so lucky with my OH and the rest of the family.


I can't add anything that will make this vileness any better, only to repeat how sad I feel that others are living troubled times in addition to life threatening illness. If nothing else you are both proof that it can be done and need even greater stamina than the majority of us do.


Love hugs and encouragement heading your way

Beatrice x

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Hi kipper,

Again I can relate to what you have written!

18 years ago my husband left me to bring up my boys on my own. They were 2 and 5 at the time and I really didn't think I could get through it. However, 18 years on - my boys are now 20 and 24 and I have raised them totally on my own as a single mother. I had to go back to full time work, pay a mortgage and deal with what I felt was the worst - loneliness.

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer on November 13th last year - again, I thought I can't do this on my own!!!! I have found the strength to do it and it will be over before the end of this year with my surgery that I think will be now in the summer.

People say that I am strong and brave. I don't always feel like that. For me it was a case of "you've got to do this" and I have.

When my husband left I was only 31 years of age and I will be celebrating my 50th birthday this year on April 19th. My boys are young adults now (still with me) and are amazing! I am so proud of them and we have a special bond.

I am now ready to meet someone as I believe it is my time now!!! I have always looked after everyone else as I have a very caring and giving nature. Kipper you will be a better person for what you have gone through in your marriage break up, losing a close and dear one and fighting cancer.

Rock kipper - go out there and grab what you want from life with both hands - I'm by your side sweetie doing the same.

Lots of love and a huge HUG gorgeous xxx

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

I am pretty pleased! Not sure I had realised how stressed I was 🙂  


Heres my facebook status for January - all in all quite a good month all things considering how I felt at the beginning of this when I joined this thread!  


My month in numbers:

0 glasses of wine or any other alcohol drunk
1 operation booked
3 different hospitals visited
4 actual trips to the office 
nearly 5 belt holes smaller
15 episodes of Nashville scampered through
16 episodes of the Walking Dead trudged through
20 radiotherapy sessions completed (only 3 to go, yay!)
25 or so litres of Kale and fruit smoothie downed
and best of all
over 95 miles walked on the treadmill

February shaping up to be a good month with the end of all my cancer treatment on the 5th and my synchronisation operation on the 10th.


We write alot about things being doable on these threads but actually in some cases they are more than doable and its the fear of the unknown that makes it hard. 


In the last 18 months my life has completely imploded with an unexpected marriage breakup after almost 15 years, the loss of my dad to cancer and of course my own cancer diagnosis.  Here I am today and I am actually OK, I have made it through, despite not having my husband to help me. All the way through he was the person I thought I needed and actually I did it without him.   Somehow I have found the strength to do all of this on my own (I had people staying to help for the worst bits) and even better I have made some real changes in my lifestyle.   Still pretty hacked off about the whole marriage thing but my cancer has shown me that I am enough and I will be fine.  Maybe not today but one day.

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Good news Kipper! Mand xxx

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Fantastic news Kipper - I'm so pleased for you xxx

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

well done.that is really good news.I can imagine your fears..now relax and think of your next stage.x

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Mammogram all clear thank goodness so all set for surgery on the 10th.  I think I will sleep better tonight knowing its all OK. All 3 radiotherapy sessions left - I can hardly believe this is so nearly over.   I was diagnosed on 15th March last year so hopefully by the 15th March this year I will be well on my way to getting my life back!

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Go for it Nally - we all so deserve a treat. I may even be tempted to buy another bag I liked lol xxx

Kipper - let me know how you get on with the results - thinking of you sweetie xxx

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

I had my last one on Monday and although I'm pinker and itchier, skin is still relatively ok. Have used a one-a-day antihistamine for the last three days which I think has helped. It's mainly ok when I can let it out in the air, but not easy to do in the office 😊

I had planned a little treat for myself once it was all over. After the posts today, I'm going shopping on Saturday! I shall be in Yorks at the weekend so think I will go to Leeds. I have some time on my own so I'm going to use it. I feel something sparkly coming on .....

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY


Not sure when I will hear, had hoped it would be today as he said that's when the radiologist would look at it. I am hoping no news is good news! I would have to be so unlucky for it to be bad news and realistically after 6 months of chemo etc I should be fine.

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY


Cheers to the champagne!

Re mammogram - when do you get the results? I'll never forget seeing my image as the lady left the room saying I've just got to speak to your consultant. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you sweetie - I'm sure it will be clear but I totally understand you worrying.

Re clothes - I get you there. I'm petite and top heavy - not as big as you but I was definitely a 36D and bigger when I put wright on which I have 😞 since the surgery! My right breast that had the cancer is significantly smaller than the left. The surgeon will reduce the left and move the nipple up. Being a bit smaller up top will allow me to wear the right size clothes for the top and bottom I am hoping. We've got to have a bit of a bonus at the end of this cancer journey.

Thinking of you sweetie. Mands xxx

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Great news on the spending, enjoy the new bag! 


I am planning on treating myself to nice champagne when this is all done, have not been drinking through January but have decided to stay off the alcohol until after my op on the 10th. 


The other thing I am looking forward to may seem a bit strange!  I have always had huge boobs and had to wear massive bras, I have certainly never really had pretty ones.   (I know you can get pretty ones but trust me they don't look that pretty on).  After my op he is expecting me to be a D-E cup so for the first time I will be able to have some nice pretty bras,  all my clothes will fit better as well.  I haven't worn a dress or button up blouse for years as have been so "top heavy".  Thinking about this has spurred me on to lose weight too and I am probably fitter and healthier now than I have been in years.


Only one small cloud on the horizon (and perhaps this is an example of how our lives will be going forward).  I had to have a mammogram on my good side on Monday in preparation for the surgery.  I caught a glimpse of it as I left the room and couldn't believe how worried I felt.  I am waiting to hear from my surgeon to say it was clear - I am pretty sure it will be but its clear those days of feeling relaxed about the chances of having cancer are long gone 🙂


Radiotherapy wise today was 19 out of 23 and for the first time I can see a little spot where the skin could break down - its clear the boost ones are causing more damage.  They gave me some gel so hopefully I can keep any infection at bay.  Only 4 more to go!

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Oh Mand you are naughty!


And yes, you have made me blush! I just hope I don't get a hot flush as well otherwise I will self-combust!


All the ladies on this forum and their contributions and kindness to (mostly) strangers proves that there can be positives to a cancer diagnosis. We are all fab! You too Mand 🙂


Right, I'm off to Amazon to spend some more money........


Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Hi gorgeous Mary!

Ladies - this lady is fab! I have met her since I started on the cancer journey. Even before meeting me she offered to come and see me the evening of my surgery. We have become good friends! X

I can't get on the link at the mo and not at home but mine begin with M. I'm told by the BC nurse that they are specifically for skin burns.

Mands xxx

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Hi Mand


Good for you, I have to say it may not solve problems but retail therapy certainly helps a lot, that's my experience 😉


As far as your split skin is concerned, I don't know what type of dressings you have got but I remembered another  thread where someone had a lot of problems and mentions a particular type which worked wonders. Here is the  thread




It might be useful?



Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Hi ladies,

I've got through the 15 treatments now and today was the first of 8 booster treatments.

The split of skin doesn't seem to want to heal up with the dressings although they do help my breast from moving and rubbing skin to skin. BC nurse said it will get worse before better but they are keeping an eye on it so it doesn't get infected but I've noticed some puss like substance on the dressing today when I moved it down to be zapped. Fingers crossed it doesn't get infected as they will stop the treatment and I'll be so upset to have got this far without completing.

I have been a bit down so today I decided to buy myself an early 50th birthday present. It isn't until April but I've always wanted a designer handbag. I am in a position to buy myself anything now but I rarely go wild. I did today lol. I bought a DKNY handbag AND a wallet purse - well you can't have one without the other lol. I must say retail therapy is not my thing but I am so happy with my purchase and can't wait to use it and show off. I have never spent nearly £300 on one purchase! I am going to call it my cancer bag which will remind me how much I have got through. I may even consider buying an end of treatment purchase lol - why not I deserve a treat.

Hope you're all doing well.

Mands xxx

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

well done we all getting through this journey.i am now day 12 today i noticed tiredness worsr on day 9 but now nothing to speak of so hope yours too will soon pass.i too lucky with my skin.

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Thought I'd better post an update as on day nine today. Congrats Britbox on finishing the rads and Mand, sorry to hear you're having problems, hope it eases up soon. Pleased to say that my skin is holding up, was worried as I burn in the sun very easily. Ive been using Sanex 0% shower gel and also their deodorant, putting on aqeous cream morning and night plus applying Aloe Vera gel (kept in the fridge to cool) a couple of times when I get home from the hospital. So far so good, although i have noticed the tiredness creeping in. Roll on next friday.

Best wishes to you all


Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Thanks Britbox glad it's all gone well hope mine goes as well as your has! Xxx Tracy

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

LOL..Hi The,
The predictive text annoys me too..I write things, and then see that I've been sabotaged! 😉

The stuff I used is in a green tube,with 'Certified Aloe Vera Gel Bio Active skin treatment', then under that it has a green stripe with 99.9% underneath. Also says 'its suitable for vegans and vegetrarians like me..Not that I'd recommend eating the stuff! Also says, 'soothing hand filleted organic aloe Vera gel. I think up until the end of the month they have the penny sale on, where you buy one, and get another for a penny, so worth stocking up methinks.

I'm the day after my last treatment now, all the pinkness has gone, no blistering no soreness, nothing not even an itch today..Even my surgical scars are hardly noticeable. I'm just using my Bio oil now, and hope I don't get any later side effects. do remember though, even if you escape lightly like me, to look after the areas they radiate when you go in the sun. Wear factor 50, or better still, a total block, really protect the skin because it will be ultra sensitive for ages afterwards, and if you've had an SNB or removal of all your lymph nodes, look after your arm on the affected side too.. I'm off to Mexico again in July and my Oncologist told me to keep covered up, even when I'm swimming because I'll only be 6 months post rads, and the skin will really complain..How fabulous am I gonna look amongst everyone wearing next to nothing, and me in a rubber frogman's suit! LOL!

Keep on punching at the enemy, you are nearly at the end now, and soon like me, you will be planting a flag at the top of that mountain saying 'I won, I did it!'!!

Good luck, and see you at the top! 😉 xx

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Sorry britbox predicted text!

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Thanks Britain congratulations on completing rads with no bad sectors well done! I have seen the aloe vera gel in Holland and Barrett but there are a couple of them what was the name of yours? Xxx Tracy

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Hi The
I found the Aloe Vera Gel really good. It has to be the 99.9 pure stuff from Holland and Barratt. the cosmetic kind that you find in some gels and creams don't have such a high concentration of aloe in, and contain other ingredients that could irritate your skin. My oncologist was so pleased with how mine and my friends skin held up throughout our course of radiotherapy, he is now recommending all his patients to try it.

As for washing, bathing and showering, my oncology centre recommended Dove and Simple soap, I have been using Dove with no problems, and Simple roll on deodorant.

I've been very surprised at how well my skin has reacted to 15 sessions of radiotherapy, as I have a skin condition called Polymorphic Light Eruption, meaning my skin literally screams in the sun and I break out in big painful lumps and itchy blisters that last for days. I can break out with all sorts of irritants, so Initially we, (my oncologist and I) were expecting me to have some reaction quite early on. I believe the Aloe Gel has helped a great deal in that my skin didn't start to show any side effect until day 12, and although it's quite pink and itchy at times, it hasn't broken down or blistered yet. I'm also using Bio Oil before bed at night and it's been really soothing. For the itching, my Onc has told me to use 1% hydrocortisone cream.

The main thing is to remember that the Radiotherapy is really doable, some ladies do get bad reactions, but others like me thankfully escape with less severe side effects.
Just remember to drink plenty of fluids, eat well, wear comfortable clothing, and take as much time as you need to rest if the fatigue sets in towards the end of treatment. You'll soon get used to the regime, and before you know it, it will all be over. You'll be standing at the top of that mountain!....I've finished climbing mine today..YAY! 🙂

Thinking of you, and wishing you a problem free time with your rads. Xxx

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

My radiographer recommends to only use baby soap or simple soap as they do not contain any metals.Apparently it seems this may be likely in perfumed soaps.same as i quess bath products.certainly deodrants but i must say i have steered clear of using any deodrants while going through treatment.also recommended aqueous cream which can be used as a soap substitute.Hope this helps.Jacqui

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Hi Kipper, thanks for updating re tamoxifen. I'm pleased for you that you can see light at the end of the tunnel. Clearly, you still have a way to go sweetie. I wish I didn't have to wait until May to discuss my surgery as, like you, I want this all to be over.

Beatrice thank you too for your kind words. I'm doing okay just! It is very sore and tender but I've come so far I know I'm nearly at the end. Roll on February 10th. I've got another appointment to see my oncologist next Tuesday so I am hoping my skin will hold out until the end.

Love and hugs to all.

PS we should have a party at the end ladies lol xxx

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

just another quick question.  Has anyone tried Heal Gel?  I have read about it and it sounds good but is very expensive.  Have managed so far with e45 but a miracle gel would be great!

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Ok have seen surgeon and the stopping tamoxifen appears to be a new thing (maybe just in my area) as they had a case of a woman on tamoxifen who had a pulmonary embolism  during a hip replacement.  They are now saying off tamoxifen for 6 weeks prior and a month (I think) post surgery.  That said he has agreed to do my op on the 10th Feb which is around 4 weeks after I have stopped.


I have agreed to sacrifice my nipple to make the op easier, I am actually fine with this as I think it will end up cosmetically better.  To give an idea of the size of my breasts he is talking about removing almost a kilo in order to match up with the mammoplasty side.   Clearly its a big op but I am so excited about this all coming to an end!

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Sorry predictive text meant Britbox

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Brut box how is the aloe Vera gel working? I'm to start rads next month and am interested to see which creams ect are working best any tips at this stage would be welcome eg things to do and not do thank you xxx tracy

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Sorry you are having such a tough time Mand, it sounds really horrible.  I have the spots and I am pretty sore but no open sores luckily. I had my first of 8 boosts yesterday and currently on target for finishing next wednesday.  The boosts are really odd as they use a device attached to the machine that rests on the skin.  Apparently more likely to get sores from these are the radiation is nearer the surface of the skin. 


I am seeing my surgeon today to discuss my reduction, I am also trying to balance some work commitments and this is proving difficult.  I had a goal to finish my treatment by end March but I may need to wait until April for the op.  Work have been great but I get the feeling that this is all getting a bit old now and they want me back!  The only other option is I persuade him to do the reduction early Feb and that I am well enough to make a trip to Kuala Lumpur in mid March.


Hope you feel better soon.

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Nally try as I might I can't get my tongue around your suggested comment!! haha


Mand I am sorry you are suffering so much and wish I could help. I don't know if you spotted my post about being prescribed Cavilon which is a barrier film spray. Would it be worth mentioning to your RADS team? Not sure how effective it is and could be too late for barrier treatment as it sounds like the damage is done. Sounds as if your skin is particularly sensitive so perhaps a 'break' from treatment wouldn't be such a bad idea?


I know we're 'conditioned' to press on with the chemo or RADS but I was told that it takes around 2-3 weeks for the radiation to leave our body so presumably its still doing the job? I hope they find a way to help you and that you can overcome this low time. Just remember how far you've come already bravely taking it all in your stride. You can do this because its not for ever, try to believe that - I know, easy to say.


Hope you feel loads better soon

Beatrice x

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

Hi everyone - sorry to hear you are being messed around Beatrice.

I have to admit I am so down and fed up. I saw my oncologist this evening. She inspected the sores and split skin under my breast. Despite the daily dressings and extra care I have taken she said it is only going to get worse. I have another 10 sessions to go. Today was day 13. She wants to see me again next week. They may decide to stop treatment. This is because the area of skin that is being impacted may get infected. She saw how low I was feeling. I have kind of cold sores on my face which I get when I am run down or low. Really really trying to keep on top of this but it is hard xxx

Re: January Jems starting radiotherapy in NY

As they would say in my family, Ar**holesar**holespiddlebu**erdamn. It's all one word, has to be said with some force and venom. Also has to be repeated often. I think it should be some sort of 'verbal therapy'?

Big hugs