I thought I'd catch up with you all! My plans have gone completely haywire - I've now got to have a mastectomy as they didn't get a clear margin. There's not much breast to play with, so the whole thing's coming off.
I've still been following you all as I get alerts each time you reply - you're all doing so well and are nearly at the end of this horrible nightmare. It certainly hasn't been a walk in the park for you all!
I don't know if I will still need radiotherapy - the nurse says yes, the oncologist says no! I might feel better having it though. Am also starting to think of having a double - but that's for another thread!
I think I'm seeing the plastic surgeon on Friday so should have a date for the op.
I hope you've enjoyed your new handbags and champagne, or whatever other treats you have got for yourselves, goodness knows we deserve it!
I will toast you all on Wednesday! Have a lovely bottle of Tattinger that has been waiting for a good reason and I can think of no better reason than having actually beaten this thing!
I am lucky I don't have any issues with my nipple! That is mainly because I don't have one anymore!! I knew one day I would be pleased that had happened 🙂
I am actually losing the other one next week as well - at least I will match.
Have to say I feel quite squeamish thinking about how sore you must be!! Hope it gets better soon.
Oh I knew it was going too well. Machine broke today just when I was taking my top off! Two and half hours to fix it but I was determined to wait because there is NO way I am going past Wednesday. Didn't leave the hospital until after 6 but still managed an hours work out so feeling very virtuous. Just in case you were worrying I did put my top back on for the long wait 🙂
Only 2 more sessions - as you can see I am demob happy. Have decided champagne is in order on Wednesday (had been planning to wait until after my surgery) so on my way to put it in the fridge right now!
Hello again Kipper
Sorry I made you tearful. Well as I said earlier there's not much I can say to erase the sad situations you have had to face but it is surprising what we manage to overcome. I too hate the comments 'oh you look so well' and 'how brave you are' because we do run out of strength and try to hide it from others so to be fair to them they don't really know. But the strength comes from having absolutely no choice and those people who said to you that you could cope because you'd coped before were very insensitive.
I'm glad to hear you are trying the counselling and that your stepson is trying to make a difference with his support for you. And if he feels you're worth that effort how can you possibly be a bad person? Don't beat yourself up for being fragile, try to use it as a starting point to pull away from some very bad times - for no other reason than you are worth it.
Thank you Beatrice, that brought tears to my eyes.
I was completely floored by my husband's actions, he was and still is like a different person to me. I have had some pretty **bleep** things happen to me in my life - I lost my leg following a car accident and my first husband died when I was 33. I had been married to my second husband for 14 years and I honestly thought things were OK. He said some really really bad things during the break up (and of course it later transpired there was another woman) and I carried those things with me for most of last year. At some point recently I realised that I was not a bad person and that he actually had been very cruel and that said more about him than me. I have stopped all contact with him and that is making me feel happier I think. I have no children but am a step mother to a 22 year old who has been a huge help to me and is still devastated by what his father has done.
I hate all the strong stuff - I remember last year being so angry that people kept saying you have dealt with so much you will deal with this. I felt that perhaps I was out of strength and that life was so unfair. But I guess I am strong after all.
Although I am hugely better than I was I know I am still very fragile so I am having weekly counselling to help me deal with all this crap.
Thank you again for your nice words, they meant alot.
Kipper107 and Mand
Not sure I am qualified to comment on your personal circumstances but only wished to post how I feel for you both suffering from your relationships, and especially Kipper being hurt so recently whilst you're going through hell with breast cancer! I too suffered loss - my lovely mum passed away just before my diagnosis but at least I am so lucky with my OH and the rest of the family.
I can't add anything that will make this vileness any better, only to repeat how sad I feel that others are living troubled times in addition to life threatening illness. If nothing else you are both proof that it can be done and need even greater stamina than the majority of us do.
Love hugs and encouragement heading your way
I am pretty pleased! Not sure I had realised how stressed I was 🙂
Heres my facebook status for January - all in all quite a good month all things considering how I felt at the beginning of this when I joined this thread!
My month in numbers:
0 glasses of wine or any other alcohol drunk
1 operation booked
3 different hospitals visited
4 actual trips to the office
nearly 5 belt holes smaller
15 episodes of Nashville scampered through
16 episodes of the Walking Dead trudged through
20 radiotherapy sessions completed (only 3 to go, yay!)
25 or so litres of Kale and fruit smoothie downed
and best of all
over 95 miles walked on the treadmill
February shaping up to be a good month with the end of all my cancer treatment on the 5th and my synchronisation operation on the 10th.
We write alot about things being doable on these threads but actually in some cases they are more than doable and its the fear of the unknown that makes it hard.
In the last 18 months my life has completely imploded with an unexpected marriage breakup after almost 15 years, the loss of my dad to cancer and of course my own cancer diagnosis. Here I am today and I am actually OK, I have made it through, despite not having my husband to help me. All the way through he was the person I thought I needed and actually I did it without him. Somehow I have found the strength to do all of this on my own (I had people staying to help for the worst bits) and even better I have made some real changes in my lifestyle. Still pretty hacked off about the whole marriage thing but my cancer has shown me that I am enough and I will be fine. Maybe not today but one day.
Mammogram all clear thank goodness so all set for surgery on the 10th. I think I will sleep better tonight knowing its all OK. All 3 radiotherapy sessions left - I can hardly believe this is so nearly over. I was diagnosed on 15th March last year so hopefully by the 15th March this year I will be well on my way to getting my life back!
Great news on the spending, enjoy the new bag!
I am planning on treating myself to nice champagne when this is all done, have not been drinking through January but have decided to stay off the alcohol until after my op on the 10th.
The other thing I am looking forward to may seem a bit strange! I have always had huge boobs and had to wear massive bras, I have certainly never really had pretty ones. (I know you can get pretty ones but trust me they don't look that pretty on). After my op he is expecting me to be a D-E cup so for the first time I will be able to have some nice pretty bras, all my clothes will fit better as well. I haven't worn a dress or button up blouse for years as have been so "top heavy". Thinking about this has spurred me on to lose weight too and I am probably fitter and healthier now than I have been in years.
Only one small cloud on the horizon (and perhaps this is an example of how our lives will be going forward). I had to have a mammogram on my good side on Monday in preparation for the surgery. I caught a glimpse of it as I left the room and couldn't believe how worried I felt. I am waiting to hear from my surgeon to say it was clear - I am pretty sure it will be but its clear those days of feeling relaxed about the chances of having cancer are long gone 🙂
Radiotherapy wise today was 19 out of 23 and for the first time I can see a little spot where the skin could break down - its clear the boost ones are causing more damage. They gave me some gel so hopefully I can keep any infection at bay. Only 4 more to go!
Oh Mand you are naughty!
And yes, you have made me blush! I just hope I don't get a hot flush as well otherwise I will self-combust!
All the ladies on this forum and their contributions and kindness to (mostly) strangers proves that there can be positives to a cancer diagnosis. We are all fab! You too Mand 🙂
Right, I'm off to Amazon to spend some more money........
Good for you, I have to say it may not solve problems but retail therapy certainly helps a lot, that's my experience 😉
As far as your split skin is concerned, I don't know what type of dressings you have got but I remembered another thread where someone had a lot of problems and mentions a particular type which worked wonders. Here is the thread
It might be useful?
Thought I'd better post an update as on day nine today. Congrats Britbox on finishing the rads and Mand, sorry to hear you're having problems, hope it eases up soon. Pleased to say that my skin is holding up, was worried as I burn in the sun very easily. Ive been using Sanex 0% shower gel and also their deodorant, putting on aqeous cream morning and night plus applying Aloe Vera gel (kept in the fridge to cool) a couple of times when I get home from the hospital. So far so good, although i have noticed the tiredness creeping in. Roll on next friday.
Best wishes to you all
My radiographer recommends to only use baby soap or simple soap as they do not contain any metals.Apparently it seems this may be likely in perfumed soaps.same as i quess bath products.certainly deodrants but i must say i have steered clear of using any deodrants while going through treatment.also recommended aqueous cream which can be used as a soap substitute.Hope this helps.Jacqui
just another quick question. Has anyone tried Heal Gel? I have read about it and it sounds good but is very expensive. Have managed so far with e45 but a miracle gel would be great!
Ok have seen surgeon and the stopping tamoxifen appears to be a new thing (maybe just in my area) as they had a case of a woman on tamoxifen who had a pulmonary embolism during a hip replacement. They are now saying off tamoxifen for 6 weeks prior and a month (I think) post surgery. That said he has agreed to do my op on the 10th Feb which is around 4 weeks after I have stopped.
I have agreed to sacrifice my nipple to make the op easier, I am actually fine with this as I think it will end up cosmetically better. To give an idea of the size of my breasts he is talking about removing almost a kilo in order to match up with the mammoplasty side. Clearly its a big op but I am so excited about this all coming to an end!
Sorry you are having such a tough time Mand, it sounds really horrible. I have the spots and I am pretty sore but no open sores luckily. I had my first of 8 boosts yesterday and currently on target for finishing next wednesday. The boosts are really odd as they use a device attached to the machine that rests on the skin. Apparently more likely to get sores from these are the radiation is nearer the surface of the skin.
I am seeing my surgeon today to discuss my reduction, I am also trying to balance some work commitments and this is proving difficult. I had a goal to finish my treatment by end March but I may need to wait until April for the op. Work have been great but I get the feeling that this is all getting a bit old now and they want me back! The only other option is I persuade him to do the reduction early Feb and that I am well enough to make a trip to Kuala Lumpur in mid March.
Hope you feel better soon.
Nally try as I might I can't get my tongue around your suggested comment!! haha
Mand I am sorry you are suffering so much and wish I could help. I don't know if you spotted my post about being prescribed Cavilon which is a barrier film spray. Would it be worth mentioning to your RADS team? Not sure how effective it is and could be too late for barrier treatment as it sounds like the damage is done. Sounds as if your skin is particularly sensitive so perhaps a 'break' from treatment wouldn't be such a bad idea?
I know we're 'conditioned' to press on with the chemo or RADS but I was told that it takes around 2-3 weeks for the radiation to leave our body so presumably its still doing the job? I hope they find a way to help you and that you can overcome this low time. Just remember how far you've come already bravely taking it all in your stride. You can do this because its not for ever, try to believe that - I know, easy to say.
Hope you feel loads better soon