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Just been diagnosed.....scared!

23 REPLIES 23
mandyj
Member

Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

Hi
I had a mammoplasty, which is a boob reduction. I was lucky enough to be big bresated enough to have the lump removed, plus a bit more tissue so margins should be well clear. Surgeon then just used what tissue was left to create a smaller more pert boob and moved my nipple up a bit My friend had reconstruction not too long ago as she was so unhappy with her implant. She had the flap taken from her back (not sure what it's technical name is) and she is extremely pleased with the result. I am quite impressed with how little pain and discomfort I have had so far, just feeling really light headed. Not sure if this normal after an anaesthetic as I am new to this. Most patient's I have nursed seemed to be ok! I will take on board what you say about the phone line as you do feel better for chatting to someone who has been there.
Thanks again for your reply
mandyj
mulligans
Member

Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

Hey Mandy, That's good all went well with surgery. I didn't go for immediate recon though wish I had now. I was in such a hurry to get the bad one off but getting that sorted when I recover from rads. What type did you for? I saw some of my surgeon pictures and I was pretty amazed at how good they were!
One thing I found helpful was ringing the helpline here. I rang when I got my pathology results to explain a few things and lookfor reassurance I suppose. Felt a bit silly and nervous ringing but got speaking to a woman on the switch who had similar dx with nodes involved and was doing great nearly 8 later. She told me about their one on one service and they matched me with a woman who had similar dX to me. She was same age as us, her boy was 3 too at her dx. He is now 15 and she's 12 years out and living her life. great to chat to someone who has come out the other end. She knew how I felt. She rang me after each chemo and I'm not sure what we even chatted about but I do remember after the first phone call I had the best nights sleep!
This site is driving me mad. It doesn't alert me when there is a reply to post so I have to trawl through all the topics and find the one I've answered.
Anything else u need to know let me know if I can help x

mandyj
Member

Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

Hi all
Just wanted to pop back in to let you know my surgery went well and I am back in the land of the living, albeit a sore and lightheaded land! My new boob now puts my other one to shame. Hope you are all keeping well.

Love Mandyj
Guest user
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Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

all being well 1st august. See the onc tomoz to dicuss rads. I also have a long list of questions. I want her to tell me exactly in her view what she thinks about my diagnosis and also prognosis. I find they dance around and say there are no guarantees etc- I know that, but these people must know to some extent if you are likely to do ok or not. I know there are no guarantees. x
Guest user
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Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

hi flower i am trying to do same i was unwell last week so had a total melt down but feel better this week so i just now wanna start chemo so i can get on and enjoy xmas with my babies so when do u finish hun? x
Guest user
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Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

hi quinny. I have 2 more chemos to go but i am much better than i was at diagnosis. If you have been on the mcmillan site have a look at a thread i started called something like "shock at breast clinic yesterday- reeling aged 37" You will se what a mess i was and my anxiety was through the roof. You will also see all the help i got.
I do have down days- no doubt and worry that this will never really go away. But, mosgt of the time I am ok. Apart from feeliing ill with chemo ( was in hospital for 5 nights with complications and violently sick) i can cope. I am toilet training my wee boy at the moment. It crosses my mind that i might not see him grow up, but i refuse to dwell on this. If it does come back I will deal/ fight it then. i refuse to spend the time i have worrying excessively about this. It would be such a complete waste x
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Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

my children are 20 19 16 13 12 10 5 3 x
Guest user
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Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

flower thats how i feel like i carnt focus on anythink but this horrid thing i no caner has gone and chemo is to mop it up but .i feel like i carnt b in my own house at mo ..will it get better as the chemo gets to the end? im 42 with 8 children xx
Guest user
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Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

Hi mandy

I am 37 with a wee boy who jsut turned 3 in may. I was diagnosed in Jan with lobular. Had to have a mx and they found +ve node. then needed a node clearance- rest of nodes clear. Now jsut about to have 5th cycle of chemo. where you are now is the worst place to be. it is truly awful. awful. The not knowing. I can say that even after twp ops and the chemo ( i've had a horrible time on chemo) nothing has been as bad as where you are now. The ops aren't as bad. It is the waiting. Waiting for scans, results. etc. You will get through this. Yes I have down days but those are usually after chemo, but I can mostly function on a day to day basis. At first I was in such shock and distress I couldn't even look at my boy or make a cup of tea. I'm am now sitting drinking my freshly made coffee and then jsut about to head out to the park with my boy. Good luck x
mandyj
Member

Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

Thanks Mulligans
I am starting to feel a little more anxious today but also strangely looking forward to it! like you, I just want them to say "your cancer is gone now". Having reflexology courtesy of the Nhs this pm to relax me. Then having my hair cut short again tonight in prep for the chemo. Having it dyed (no one told me that your hair went grey in your thirties!) so I feel normal for a bit longer before it disappears. Thanks again for the support ladies. Will be back after wednesday ready for the next phase.
mandyj
mulligans
Member

Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

Sorry you have joined us but reading a lot of the posts here kept sane. It's all very scary at the start but it will feel better when your treatment gets underway.I'm was diagnosed the end of feb with quite a large tumour, grade 2 and some nodes involved. I'm 36 too and have a little boy who was 14 months at dx. Not at all what you expect to be faced with. As others have mentioned the odds are stacked in your favour so focus on the positives. After my surgery my surgeon checked in on me and said that all the cancer was out and i did feel a sense of relief. The chemo will be moping up any stray cells and i was happy to have everything on offer to treat me. Ive just finished my 5th and although not pleasant it's doable. Now I have far more good days that bad. My husband is very supportive and your husband sounds the same and your little boy will keep you busy. Best of luck with your op on Wednesday, take it easy and don't push yourself too much. Take any help on offer and concentrate on getting yourself back to full health again. Anything you need to know you can ask me x

mandyj
Member

Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

Thanks Hannah. I am hoping that it will not make much difference as I am not keen on them chopping up a perfectly healthy boob just to make it look like the other one. I don't suppose I will be able to make any decisions until the treatment is finished.
Mandyj.x
Guest user
Not applicable

Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

Mandy I was also diagnosed within the last week and feel exactly the same as you. Pure terrror is one way of describing it. I am a midwife so like you have some medical knowledge and as they say "a little knowledge is dangerous" Please feel free to pm me I have not yet had chance to to totally work this site out
Mandy
hannabanana
Member

Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

I was always concerned about the fact that my boob would never look the same. Despite being an amazing reconstruction and I have to admit it puts the other healthy one to shame partupicularly after 2 children!.... I am not really bothered by it. My eldest asked me yesterday when I got out of the shower..."'mummy where's the brown bit gone'"... I explained that that was the bad bit and that when everything is over mummy will have a new one built by the clever drs. Before the chemo u was concentrating on healing from the surgery and trying to get my head around nipple recon and a new breast lift.... Funny but that seems almost unnecessary now as opposed to being a big deal a couple of weeks ago!
Itbwill all be fine and you may not even notice it. I don't anymore xxx
mandyj
Member

Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

Thanks ladies your posts cheer me up. I too went along to my appointment alone, as I had paid private for an ultrasound scan and was told it was not cancer but fat necrosis! I still went for biopsies to be certain that was what it was so was expecting good news not the bomb shell that came. I am due to have a Therapeutic Mammoplasty and ANC on wednesday so I will leave with one DD cup and one B/C cup, this should be interesting! I am very grateful and lucky that they can save my breast as I am aware that not all of you lovely ladies got this choice. Thanks a million for your support.
Mandy.xx
hannabanana
Member

Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

Hi Mandyj,
I am too 36yrs old with a soon to be 4 year old and an 18month old. I was diagnosed back in march. I went on my own naively thinking that it was just a blocked milk duck. Boy, I couldn't have been more wrong! I was initially told it was DCIS grade 1 and that a simple mastectomy and recon would 'fix' me. So I had the surgery in may only to find out at an outpatients appt that within the DCIS was about a 30mm spread of IDC. And was now grade 2. Thankfully my nodes were clear, but I am now having chemo. I had my first session on Wednesday and it was tough when got home for a couple of hrs. Thankfully now I am ok.
I am sorry you have joined this site, but you are not alone. I felt alone particularly at my appts as no one seemed to be my age... I could nt be more wrong and have 'met' some wonderful people through this.
Just think, by Christmas it will all be over and 2013 a new start for you and your family. Feel free to pm me
X Hannah
dib
Member

Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

Hi Mandy,ditto libralady`s comments,we all have up and down days,i have planned my own funeral,ive written poems at 2am in the morning when i cant sleep because of the dark thoughts in my head.I am almost 2 yrs post diagnosis now,and have more ups than downs.I have a wonderful hubby as you do too,share this journey with him and you will get through it together.My 28yr old daughter has double mx next thurs so i will be thinking of all you other ladies next week as well as supporting my own,good luck hun,
Di.x

Libralady
Member

Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

Hi Mandy

We can all say we know exactly how you feel, its a very dark place to be, but there is light at the end, I know you cant see it now, but its there - you just gotta go through the tunnel.
I was Dx'ed back last September, my whole world ripped to shreds in a instant, my mind took me to places I didnt ever hope to visit before my golden years, but I had to deal with it, and I came through, just like you will.
Every horrid thought you have, I had. Every tear you cry, I cried, every bit of anger you feel, I felt, every bit of fear you endure, I endured. Each day, as you go through your treatments, you start to feel the mist of fear leave you, yes it hovers overhead but you find ways of pushing it to one side and get on with you life becuase you have to recognise having cancer IS NOT a death sentence. Its a illness, yes a disease, but there are more people alive who have had it than there have been people who didnt make it - always remember that. The odds are on your side. Yes there are no guarantees, but life never came with a guarantee and like Janice very clearly put it above, the chances of being killed in your car are higher - but we still get in them..becuase we have to move in a forward direction.
I remember the days i cried so very hard, devastatingly crying, I can never ever remember crying the way I did when I was dx'ed, I planned my funeral (in my head), i cryed tears of anguish and pain when I thought I would never see my boys get married, I was p*****d off that I wouldnt grow old with my darling husband and do the things we'd planned to do in our golden years......this went on for weeks, but slowly and surely as treatment got underway the fog and hurt and anguish just started to lift to the point today I only rarely have down days when I start over thinking.
Im through chemo.....totally doable even though there will be shit days, Ive had an Mx - i accepted that from day one even before they told me Id have to have my breast removed, they took it and im over it (sort of), im just getting over cellulitis and then ive got rads to go.
Im here, im fighting and I aint got no intention of leaving my family just yet.....and I know you havent either.
Everyone of the women on BCC will help you through this, we owe it to each other to be a force not to be messed with, our knowledge is amazing - you need to know somethng, someone here will have the answer - just have to ask and no question is stupid - every question is valid.
Im still on the rollacoaster too Mandy, havent got off it yet, but I will soon, and you will be right behind me. Your future is just ahead of you....keep chasing it.
Chin up - its gonna be OK.


Lisa

mandyj
Member

Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

Thanks both so much for your advice. I suppose I must be starting to deal with it a bit better as I am no longer crying! I think I cryed so much that I still feel dehydrated! I just want next Wednesday to come and go. My BCN was great and said that what I need to remember is that from midnigth on 4th July I won't have cancer any more. The medical team seem to be really positive, my BCN also said she wanted my permission to say 'I told you so' when I get discharged at my 5 year clearance. I am a tough cookie, I have kept my Multiple Sclerosis at bay for some 18 years so this is just another thing to knock into touch. I will keep you informed.
Love Mandyj
Guest user
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Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

Mandy

It is scary, you will fear the worst, I did, we probably all did, and at times stil do. I was diagnosed April, had two lots of surgery awaiting scan results and oncology appointment next Fri for the dates for chemo!!! Not what I had planned for the summer BUT we had cancer before we were told and nothing was being done, NOW we are having the best treatment available.

Time to dig deep, remember the ladies who came through, talk to others on here who did, are and will do. Hold hands we are on this together.

Donna xx
lottie63
Member

Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

Hi Mandy,
I remember being where you are in march of this year, Its the scariest place to be and like you to begin with I could look no further than the diagnosis, I know its hard but try to focus on the here and now please try not to think about what may happen in years to come all it will do is drive you crazy, once you are into your treatment things will get easier and you have more to focus on, I was dx with grade 3 invasive ductal BC with 3/.20 nodes affected and I was terrified as soon as grade 3 was mentioned I thought I was going to die, yes I have a greater chance of it returning, but I cant live in fear I have a chance of an accident everytime I get into my car or leave the house but I still go out... Good luck with all your treatment and llet us know how you are getting on

Love Janice xx

Kittyqueen
Member

Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

Hi Mandyj,
I remember reading your lovely husband's posts . It's natural to be scared we all were and are but chemo is doable, not pleasant but doable. Just concentrate on you for a while and take each day as it comes. Sending you a big virtual hug andwishing you all the best.

Love
KQ

Janet_BCC
Member

Re: Just been diagnosed.....scared!

Dear mandyj

Welcome to the forum. You have come to the right place for support and I'm sure other members will be along soon with more replies.

Very best wishes

Janet BCC Moderator

mandyj
Member

Just been diagnosed.....scared!

Hi all
I was diagnosed at the end of May with a grade 2 invasive ductal carcinoma. I also had lymph node biopsies done which show cancer cells too. I am due for surgery on 4th July which will be followed by chemo and then radiotherapy. I am 36 years old and have a loving husband and a beautiful 3 year old boy. I am sooooo scared. I am a nurse by background and was retired on ill health grounds last year due to fatigue as I also have Multiple Sclerosis. My last job was as a district nurse and a large part of that job involved palliative care, providing nursing care and support to people whose wish was to die at home. I have been struggling to take my nurses head off and think of all the survivors. I just remenber those that did not. Am I going mad? Is this normal? My husband did add a topic to this site a short while ago and his responses were very heart warming - thanks. He felt that I should discuss my feelings on here too. I hope that I will be able to support newly diagnosed people in the future but right now I am terrified of what the future holds.
Mandyj